How to Have a Blessed and Successful Marriage

Tonight we are going to talk about marriage so let’s begin by asking the question how many of you people are married? Raise up your hand. Ok. That is a great many of you. How many of you are happily married? Raise up your hand. Very good. How many of you are unhappily married? You better not. Ok. All in the back interestingly. That probably says something about you. Unhappily married sit in the back. The happy people, the happily married, they were all towards the front. Did you notice that? Ok. How many single people do we have out

there? Well that’s good. I am glad to see you here because what I am going to talk about relates to you as well. Our text is Ephesians chapter 5 and the title of the messages is, “How to Have a Blessed and Successful Marriage.” Ephesians 5. Let’s begin with a word of prayer. Father marriage is a gift from you. And when the Right man or the right woman comes together led by Your Spirit and they obey what the Bible teaches it can be glorious. But when they disregard what Your Word teaches it can be disastrous. Lord

we have seen so many struggling marriages. So many failing marriages. Way too many divorces. But we have seen some good ones too. And we pray we will see more. I pray that we will have the kind of marriage You want us to have. For those of us that are married and for those of us that are single that we will find that right man, that right woman, and even more to the point that we will be that right man or right woman and that we will honor Your Word. So we commit this time of Bible

study to you now. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. I heard about a husband and wife. They were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. So the husband announced to his wife, “Dear for our 25 years of marital bliss together I am taking you to China.” Oh she was amazed. “China. I have never been to China. I am So excited you are taking me to China. If you are going to do something as extravagant as that for my 25th wedding anniversary what are you going to do for our 50th?” “That is when I will pick you up”

he says. Not so good. By the way I have never told that joke before. Ok. That is not a recycled joke. But this one is. I heard about a couple that was celebrating 50 years of marriage together. And that is such an unusual occurrence that at their party a newspaper reporter was sent to interview them to try to find out the secret to the longevity of their marriage. You know how this one goes. And so the reporter sat down with the husband and said, “Sir, tell us how it is you have been married for 50

years to the same woman.” The man said, “Well let me tell you. My wife she is from Texas and she is a plainspoken woman but it probably goes back to our honeymoon.” And the reporter says, “Well what happened?” He says, “Well my wife and I decided to honeymoon at the Grand Canyon. And we were riding those you Know pack mules together and we went along a very narrow little path and I noticed that my wife’s pack mule stumbled a little bit and she leaned forward and said to that mule, ‘That’s once.’” And he thought that

was kind of weird. He didn’t know her that well. What does that mean? That’s once. And they went a little bit further and the mule stumbled again and she leaned forward said into the mule’s ear, “That’s twice.” He says, “Then we went a few feet further. Again the mule stumbled. She pulled a 357 pistol out of her purse and shot the mule in the head. Killed him dead right there on the spot.” I said, “That’s outrageous. You shouldn’t do that to an animal. That is horrible. I can’t believe it. She said, she looked at me

and said, ‘That’s once.’” So they were married ever since then. So we are going to talk about how to have a marriage God’s way. You really don’t want to have it the world’s way. The world doesn’t know anything about it. The world Largely, and when I say the world, I mean our culture today, is largely hostile toward the family and everything that it stands for. I have never known a time when the family is under attack like it is today from those who want to redefine what it is to those that just simply want to

undermine it. So we don’t want to look to our secular culture for advice on how to have a successful marriage. We want to look to the Word of God. I mean we look at all of these Hollywood celebrities that hook up and are married for like eight minutes and then they get divorced. Now let’s find some credible source here. And of course we have that in the pages of Scripture. The Bible speaks directly to men and women and tells us how to have a successful marriage. Now I know a little bit about marriage and a

little bit about divorce. I have never been divorced. Thank God for that. My wife has never considered divorce. Murder yes. Never divorce. But my mom was married and divorced seven times. And she went through a lot of What you might describe as relationships though I don’t really think they were. And so I saw how not to do it for many years of my childhood. And then when I was at the point of getting married I knew that I was going to make a lifelong commitment that I planned by the grace of God to honor and

keep. And I meant those vows when I said them. You know sometimes people come up to me and ask me to redo their vows. And I don’t have a problem with that. But I have never felt a great desire to redo my vows. I haven’t broken them yet. Don’t plan on breaking them. I think once is good enough. And I meant that when I said that to my wife. And I know she meant it when she said it to me as well. So what we want to do is find out how God tells us to

do it. You know there are people that talk about infatuation or love at first sight and it has been said, “Love at first sight is nothing special. It is when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle.” Well I have been looking at the same woman for 35 years. And she looks better all the time. You know our love has only grown stronger. Our love has only grown stronger. The Bible says, “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.” I remember the day we got married as

though it were yesterday. My wife was a vision of beauty walking down the aisle. And I looked like something the cat drug in. I had this gnarly long hair and this big bushy red beard. And I had the ugliest tuxedo ever made. I didn’t want to get the traditional one so I got one that I thought was ultra cool and now as I look at those old photos I just think, “What was I thinking? Oh no.” But my wife could see that underneath all of that hair was a bald man. And so we have just

been thankful to how faithful the Lord has been to both of us. And we sought to build our marriage on some of the principles I am going to share with you tonight. This is not an exhaustive message on the topic. There is much much more that Can be said. There will be principles that I will touch on and you will be thinking, “I need to know more about that” and I am sorry I can’t cover it all in one fell swoop but we will touch on a number of important areas. Things that Ephesians 5 specifically

teaches about marriage. Before I did in I would like to read you a letter that came into me this week because I announced I was speaking on marriage and so a couple named Jim and Liz wrote me this letter. “Let me take you back to April of 1989.” This is Jim writing. “Liz and I had been married for almost five years but since neither of us knew the Lord at that time our marriage relationship was not founded on the Word of God. Our relationship was contentious, verbally abusive, and at times even physically abusive as well.

We were certainly headed for divorce court when the Lord brought a coworker into our lives. He invited us to come to Harvest On Sunday morning in April of 1989. We were reluctant to come and I even remember the thought of wanting to turn around and go home several times as we drove to church. As we sat in the pews off to the right side center I still remember where we sat and waited for the morning’s message. It felt like I shouldn’t be there. But that was to change very soon. For when Pastor Greg began his

teachings he had the congregation turn in their Bibles to Ephesians chapter five where he began to teach about the marriage covenant and the roles of the husband and wife. At that moment Liz and I both felt that we were the only people in the sanctuary and Pastor Greg was speaking directly to us. He even looked directly at us several times during the sermon.” People always think I am looking at them. I am not. Well actually I am looking at you right now sir. And I am going to be looking at you through. I mean literally

looking. Ok. So I am not. Really I don’t but people think I do. That is just because they have A guilty conscience. No. I am kidding. “But anyway you gave the invitation to accept Christ. I remember my heart pounding. I knew that very moment God was calling us to his family. The rest is, as they say, history. Our marriage was healed. It is stronger now than ever before. And I pray as you teach on this subject of marriage and the family others will have that same experience.” So you know the Word of God works. That

is all I want to tell you. I know it works. I know it is true. I have seen it work. But sometimes people don’t like what it says. Sometimes people don’t like what the Bible teaches about the role of the husband and the wife. But this is the Word of God. And one thing that I often do with couples when they come to me for counseling. By the way if the couple ends up with me for counseling that probably means they have tried everything else. It is one of those, “Well we will talk to Pastor

Greg only.” And they are hanging on a thread. So usually by the time I get to them it is pretty far down the track. But one of the first things I will ask couples when they come in and sit down for marital counseling is I will ask them if they are both Christians. They will usually say yes. Then I will ask them do they both believe the Bible is the Word of God. They will usually say yes immediately. Then I ask them, “Are you willing to do what the Bible says even if you find it

difficult?” And then they realize I am kind of setting a trap for them. Because I have never found a couple divorcing yet that were doing what the Bible says. Never. And you know what? I don’t think I ever will. I think if we do what God says we will not be headed to divorce court. But if we don’t then we are going to have trouble. So we are going to dig into what the Scripture has to say as we look here at Ephesians chapter 5. For those of you that are single I would like to

just point out that even if you are single Today chances are that you will be married eventually. Studies show that 9 out of 10 Americans are married at least some point in their lives. Next to accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord the most important decision you are going to make is who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It is something you want to enter into very carefully and very prayerfully. You don’t want to rush this. Because I will tell you when life comes to an end there is only

a handful of things that are really going to matter. It is going to really come down to faith, family, and to a lesser extent your friends. The thing you are going to think about is your faith. Your relationship or lack thereof with God. And often when I speak with people who are death’s door their thoughts and their concerns are about God and their relationship with Him. And that is entire appropriate. And then it goes to family. And often a recognition that there may have been failures there and shortcomings. Or you want your family around you.

I tell You all those other things that were important prior to that don’t mean anything at that point. So these are things that we want to get right. We want to see what God’s Word has to say. Because, as I already touched on for a moment, divorce is so commonplace. Now it is one thing when break apart out there in our world. But when we start seeing it happen in the church that really causes me great distress. When you see it happening among people that profess to be followers of Jesus who simply disregard what the

Word of God says. Most divorces that I see could be averted. They could be avoided. But they just don’t want to stick with it. And I will tell you most divorces that I have seen are not biblical. And by the way there are biblical grounds for divorce. But for most of the divorces I see those are not the grounds that are being drawn from. It is rather other reasons. They don’t get along anymore or they are unhappy in the relationship or other things that they will cite. So wedlock should be a padlock. Ok. So for

you singles out there let me just say to you. Take your time. Don’t rush it. And if you don’t plan on spending the rest of your life with that person please don’t get married. Just stay single. But if you are willing to do it God’s way you are in for a great adventure and great blessings beyond your wildest dreams. All right. Let’s dig in. Ephesians chapter 5. We are going to read verses 1 to 12. Now before we actually get to the topic of marriage Paul lays some very important groundwork. Ephesians 5:1. “Now therefore be

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor. But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, Has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one

deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” Now Paul gets

down to the nitty-gritty in this section of Ephesians. He deals with issues and temptations we face even as Christians. And he starts by telling them that they are to be imitators of God in verse 1. And I love this phrase. He says, “Be imitators of God as dear children.” Listen. You are not just a child of God. You are a dear child of God. Do you know how much God loves you? Are you aware of the depth of His affection toward you? We remember when the Lord was baptized. When Jesus was baptized by John that

the Father said, “This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.” You know God was very pleased with His Son. God loved and loves His Son the Lord Jesus Christ. You say, “That’s great. That’s Jesus. That’s not me.” But listen to this. Jesus said in John 17:22–23, “I have given them the glory You gave Me.” He is speaking to the Father in the true Lord’s prayer here.” So they may be one as we are, I in them and You in Me, as they are perfected in the one, that the world may know that

You sent Me and will understand.” Listen to this. “That You them as much as You love Me.” What? Jesus just said to the Father that God loves me as much as He loves Jesus Christ. That God loves you as much as He loves the Son of God. If the Lord Himself had not said it I would never suggest such a thing. But this is what the Bible teaches. You are a dear child of God. And we need to start living like that. We don’t behave as children of God so often. But we are. We are

adopted into His family with full rights and privileges. The Bible says that when we become believers in Jesus we are accepted in the beloved. And that simply means that now God sees you in Christ. He doesn’t see you for what you were. He sees you for what you are and what He will make you into. So let that sink in for a moment. You are a deal child. Now as I contemplate that that should affect me in the way that I live in this world. How should it affect me? Number one. It should cause me

to want to stay away from immorality. Again. It should cause me to want to stay away from immorality. Verse 3. “Fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints.” Now why would Paul bring up such unsavory things like this? Well understand these believers Were living in Ephesus. Ephesus was the capital of the Roman province of Asia. It was a busy commercial port. A wealthy and affluent area. But it was also the headquarters of the cult of the goddess Diana. Immorality was rampant throughout Ephesus. Thousands of

prostitutes working for the temple would comb the streets of the city looking for potential recruits. Men that they would drag off to the temple and engage these sexual rites as they offered worship to this false deity. So these Ephesians believers were godly people living in a godless place. So Paul is just getting down to brass tacks and saying, “I am going to just spell it out for you guys. As followers of Jesus you can’t live this way anymore. No more of this. And man if you think they had it bad then imagine what they would

think of our culture today. Need I say that we are a sex obsessed culture? So Paul tells them what to do and what not to do. Here is an interesting thing. I want you to notice he says there should Not be fornication. And just to break it down fornication is sex before marriage. There is never any justification for that. Never any rational for that. Never any special allowance for that. That is always a sin before God. Fornication. But Paul doesn’t just mention that. He mentions uncleanness and covetousness and there should not even be a hint

of it. That’s very important. Not just that you should not do it but there should not even be a hint of it. You see we may not technically do the things that wicked people do but we may watch them do with some pleasure. In our voyeuristic and twisted world that we are living in today we can follow the latest antics of the godless. Well they might post it on YouTube. They might even tweet about it. And we can see a picture of what they are up to. We can see it in real time. And I

have never seen so much interest in the lifestyles of these people like we see today. And here is what Paul is saying. You are an imitator of God. Not only should you not do those things. There shouldn’t Even be a hint of it in your life. Now he takes it a step further. Number two. Godly people should not only avoid immorality but they should also avoid obscene talk. Look at verse four. “Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.” This word filthiness has to do with general

obscenity. Talk that is degrading and disgraceful. Paul also mentions coarse jesting. You know what that is. Coarse jesting is the double entendre. The sexual innuendo. You know how some people can turn everything into a weird joke. And you are like, “You are so sick, what is wrong with you?” Everything is, “Hey ha ha ha.” I mean I don’t even want to put words to that, but you understand what I am saying. It is like everything is. You are sick. You see everything that way. But that is sort of how they see the world you know.

Through beer goggles you know. And through sex obsession because they feed their Mind and their heart with that sort of thing so it comes out in the way that they live and the way that they speak. No. It should not be that way among Christians. It certainly should not be this way among pastors. But yet a popular trend in some churches today is for pastors to cuss from the pulpit. “Hey how cool is that. Our pastor cusses. Well he just said this word and that word the other day and everybody laughed.” That is not cool

at all. That is irreverent. And it is wrong. We used to be that way. We are not that way anymore. If that is what I have to do to be relevant, then I will be irrelevant. Ok. I don’t think I have to cross that line and speak that way. And you know some will say, “Well it’s authentic.” Yeah. It’s authentically wrong. That’s what it is. You can be authentic without crossing the line. And then there is this trend in some churches today where they have such an emphasis on sex to attract crowds. So pastors will

get up and say, “We are having this sex challenge And we want you to have.” Now in fairness they will say, “Have sex every night with your wife for 30 days.” Wow. Ok. And you know, “I am going to teach on this.” And they will teach through the book of the Song of Solomon, which is fine, it is a book in the Bible. It is inspired by God. But they teach it as though it were some kind of a sex manual instead of teaching it in the way it is presented in Scripture. With respect. With

delicacy. With honor. No. It is sort of playing to the epicurean interest of a twisted culture. And this is all done in the name of re-envisioning church and re-imagining church. Friends we don’t need re-envision or re-imagine church. We need to rediscover it the way God gave it to us in the Bible. The church is fine just as it is. Man I just see this bar getting lowered more and more and when I think I have seen and heard it all I hear something else. This is not should be among God’s people. The church needs to

be the church. I don’t apologize for the fact that we come here to Worship God. We come to hear the Word of God. I am not a standup comic though I try to be at times. I am not an emcee. I am not an entertainer. I am not a motivational speaker. I am not a cultural architect. I am not a pop psychologist. I am a preacher of the Word of God and I am happy to be one. And that is what I am here to do. And you are a child of God. You are a

dear child of God. And we have serious rain coming down here. Look at this. How about that. Raindrops keep falling on my head. They keep. Sometimes I am a standup comic. All right. But not a very good one. Number three. Godly people must not covet. Verse 5. “Know this, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” Now what is coveting? Interesting thing. You can translate the word covet to pant after. Sort of like an animal you know. Just tongue hanging out. The

thirsty. They want something. Maybe it is a prey. Whatever it is this is the concept that is given. Coveting is to eagerly desire something that belongs to another. To set the heart on something. Often your neighbor’s wife or husband or something that is theirs. And we are clearly told in Scripture to not covet. Number four. Godly people are to walk in a new way. Verse 8—10. “You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding

out what is acceptable to the Lord.” Now what does this mean? He uses three words. Goodness, righteousness, and truth. This is how we are to walk. How? In goodness. Better translation of the word would be generosity. Godly people should be generous people. Not stingy. Secondly we should be righteous and in its context it speaks of integrity in your dealings with others. Integrity in your dealings with others. Christians should be godly in their business dealings. You can’t just Say, “Well business is business.” Well that is sometimes a way of saying, “I will do whatever it takes

to get ahead in my particular line of work.” Well fine. You have your line of work but do it with integrity. Do your work well. Do it with precision. Do it with honesty. That is how we are to live. And in truth. And that means the absence of falsehood and deception. Godly people should be honest people. Now he takes it a step further. Number five. Godly people are supposed to confront sin. Godly people are supposed to confront sin. Verse 11. Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.” Woe. This gets

tricky now. Because the watchwords of our day are tolerance, acceptance, understanding. Sometimes even when I am dealing with a subject in the course of teaching the Bible I will say this particular teaching is wrong or this idea is incorrect. “Oh you know that is not loving.” Well yeah it is. It is loving. Because I am Looking out for the sheep you see. I am trying to protect God’s people from getting into something that can hurt them. How is that not loving? That would be like someone saying you know if your little toddler is in the

backyard and you see a wolf climb over the fence and you get a stick to drive it away. “Well that is not loving.” Oh it is loving. For the child. I am going kill the wolf. Without any pang of conscience. I protect the child. And in the same way we have to confront sin when we see it. In fact as you look around at our culture today if you just speak out for what is true you are branded as intolerant, puritanical, bigoted, and so forth. But the Bible says, “Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works

of darkness, but expose them.” To expose carries the idea of reproof, correction, punishment, or discipline. It is to confront sin. So if you have a friend that you know that maybe is a follower of Jesus and you see them compromising you need to confront them. Now having said that, let me add, do it with love and wisdom. You know there are Some people that are just a little bit too quick to condemn everything. But then there are some people that never deal with anything. A great model is Nathan the prophet. You know David had fallen

into sin. In fact he had been living in sin for a full year and had not repented of it. He committed adultery with Bathsheba. And so Nathan waited for the right time to go to the king. He told him a little story. An illustration that he used. David took the bait. And Nathan then boldly said, “You are the man.” He could have lost his life to say that to the king. But the idea is he did speak up. We are to go with humility. We are to go in love. And we are to speak the

truth to people that need to hear it. So this is how we are to live. This is what God’s Word is telling us. Now listen to verse 13. “All things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, For whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: ‘Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’ See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not

be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Verse 21. Underline that. We are going to come back to it. “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.” Now as we are closing in on Paul’s teachings to husbands and wives let’s consider the words that precede them. First he tells us we are

to turn on the light. Verse 13. “All things are made manifest by the light; whatever makes manifest is light.” When you can’t Find something you need to turn on the light. You ever lose something in the dark. Sometimes in the morning when I am getting ready I will dress in the dark. And then when I get in the dark, “Oh this doesn’t exactly match now does it.” Light helps. Light exposes things. Light shows things for what they really are. So shine the light of God’s Word on your life and the way that you live and

shine it on your marriage. Or your singleness. And wake up for your sleep. Number two. Verse 14. “Awake that sleep.” You can’t sleepwalk through light. Wake up. Take action. Wake up to the reality of a culture that is hostile to your faith and hostile to the family. And then walk carefully. Number three. Verse 15. “Walk circumspectly.” This word is the basic idea of something that is accurate and exact. It conveys the idea of looking, examining, investigating something with great care. Sort of like a contract that you are About to sign. Read the fine print before

you affix your signature to it. It is attention to detail. In the same way if you want to have a successful marriage read the fine print of what the Word of God says. Don’t say your vows until you are ready to live by them. A successful marriage is the result of attention to detail. Good marriages don’t just happen randomly or by accident. They happen because people apply what the Word of God says. For all practical purposes to be the husband, the wife, the father, and the mother God wants us to be requires us to acknowledge

that we need His help. So redeem the time he says because the days are evil. Verse 16 means to redeem or make the most of your time. Get these things sorted out. Get your house in order. As the prophet said to King Hezekiah, “Get your house in order for you shall die and not live.” Is your house in order? Is it what God wants it to be? You say, “Well Greg it is hard to be a husband. It is hard to be a wife. It is hard to be a parent.” I know. God doesn’t ask

you to do anything He doesn’t give you the power to do. That brings us to point number five. “Be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Now this applies to all sorts of things. Not purely to marriage. Obviously. But it certainly applies to marriage as well. If you want to be the husband God wants you to be you need the power of the Holy Spirit.” If you want to be the wife God wants you to be you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Verse 18. “Don’t be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit.”

You need this power in your life. And of course you know that from the original language there are some interesting shades here found that help us to understand this. For instance the verb in the Greek for be filled is in the imperative mode meaning that is not a suggesting but it is a command. It is a command. To fail to do so is to effectively Cut off your power supply and render you unable to be the husband or wife or parent God wants you to be. So God is commanding you to be filled with the

Spirit. Not only for marriage but for everything in life. To live as a Christian you need to be filled with the Spirit. It is not an option. Number two. The verb in the Greek speaks of a continuous action. It could better be translated, “Be continuously filled with the Holy Spirit.” Let me add this may have nothing to do with your emotions. We attach way too much emotional baggage to the filling of the Spirit. You will even see preachers you know getting ready to pray for someone. “You are just going to receive that power. Get ready.

Get ready. Be healed.” And they are shaking their head and all that. It doesn’t have to be that way. Because that is not what it means to be filled. Another way you could translate the word be filled is be controlled by the Spirit. Be controlled by the Spirit. The idea is of wind filling a sail. The idea is also Of salt permeating meat. Those are ways the word would be used in common language. And so here is what God is saying. Let the Holy Spirit fill your sails. Let the Holy Spirit permeate every area of

your life. Let the Holy Spirit control you in all that you say and do. And this is a command. And this is something you should do over and over again. All right. Now having said all that, let’s start digging into the roles of the husband and wife. And let’s start with a word that very few people like to hear. A very unpopular word. The word submission. “Oh submission. I don’t like to submit.” We don’t do we? But this is a word that is used in the pages of the Bible. Why are we afraid to submit?

“Well I don’t want anyone taking advantage of me. I have my rights. You know I have a say so here as well.” And so we hear the verse quoted, and we will come to it in a moment, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” “Oh I disagree with that you know.” Well hold on now. First of all let’s make sure we understand what it means. And let’s read The verse that precedes it. Before we are told that wives should submit to husbands we read verse 21, “Submitting one to another in the fear of God.” Verse 22. “Wives,

submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Not only are wives to submit to husbands. But listen. Husbands are to submit to their wives as well. You say, “Now what? What does that mean” That is what it says. Verse 21. “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.” Well what does that

mean? To submit means to get in order under something. It is actually sometimes used in a military sense and it means to rank beneath. To rank beneath. For instance in the military you have different ranks. There are many of them. For instance you have the first lieutenant. And then you have the colonel. And you have the general and so forth. You have a chain of command In the military. And you have a chain of command in life as well. So here is what it is saying. A husband’s submission to his wife does not mean that

he abdicates his responsibility of leadership in the home. But it does mean that it helps her to bear her burdens. Another way you could translate this verse is, “Supporting one another in the fear of God.” He gets underneath her to help carry her cares. He is already ready to meet her needs and sacrifice his own desires. And she is willing to do the same for him. Here is the idea. You put the needs of your mate above your own. “Well what about?” Shut up. You do this. Don’t think about that. Don’t read each other’s mail.

Here is your mail. Men, women, do your part. Because immediately, “Well they have to do and you know.” Yeah. Yeah. They do. Ok. But you. Put the needs of your mate above your own. If you just went into your marriage saying, “I want to make this the happiest woman that ever lived or the happiest man that ever lived, and I am going to make it about them Not about me.” Do you know how much that would change your marriage? But we don’t like that. But listen. We have been told in the beginning that we are

to imitate God and we are to walk in love. And far too often we make everything about us. How can she/he fulfill me? How can they make me a happier person? What can you do for me? A successful marriage is not so much about finding the right person as much as it is about being the right person. There is no perfect person out there. It is about you changing. Philippians 2:4-6 says, “Don’t think about your own affairs. Be interested in others too about what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that Jesus had.

Though He was God He did not demand and cling to His rights as God.” Another Scripture that undergirds the idea of mutual submission is 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 and talks about sex. Ok. So I am going to talk about sex. Are you ready? “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman. Nor Should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to the husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” You see the husband no more possesses his wife than

she possesses him. He is not superior. She is not inferior. She is not superior. He is not inferior. They belong one to another. So Paul is saying, “Look. Her body belongs to you. Your body belongs to her. So don’t deprive each other sexually unless you have agreed to this kind of a thing.” The idea is you belong to each other. You are supporting one another. You are submitting to one another. You are helping one another. The two have become one. In no way does the Bible teach that man is better than woman. Or even that

man is above woman. As we stand before God we stand on equal ground. Galatians 3:28 says, “In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female.” We are one in Jesus. But listen now. Though there is no difference between man and woman in the nature of their Salvation or standing with God, there is a principle of authority in the family. And those who struggle with the concept of the husband being the head of the home might be helped by considering Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 11:3. Listen to this. “I want you

to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of woman is man.” “Oh I don’t like that.” Hold on. It continues on and says, “And the head of Christ is God.” What? What does that mean that the head of Christ is God? The Bible speaks of a Trinity. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. One is not better than the other. They are the same in nature and essence. And so what we discover in Scripture is that the Son submits to the Father. It is not because the Son is less than the

Father. But even in the Trinity there is the idea of the Son submitting to the will of the Father. We see this played out beautifully in the Lord’s life on the earth where He constantly submitted to the Father and called on the father and prayed to the Father. Yet Jesus Christ Himself was God incarnate. And the Holy Spirit is God as well. So the relationship structure of Jesus Christ to God the Father is the same as the marriage relationship. Though the husband and the wife are equal in their standing before God in order for the

family to function in harmony the woman with no loss of dignity takes a place of submission to the leadership of her husband. Gods’ divine design intends that her respect, help, and obedience will be matched by his servant leadership as they submit together to the Lord Jesus Christ and to each other. Now look. Any guy with half a brain knows that it is a partnership and he doesn’t try to run the home like he is a dictator. That is not what it means to lead. It is servant leadership. It is to lead as Jesus led. And

we will get into that in just a moment. So you girls don’t think I am picking on you because the guy’s moment is coming big time. Ok. We just want to understand these roles here. If a man is having to yell, “I am The head of this home and you do what I tell you to do” something is wrong. Because if he has true authority he won’t have to resort to screaming and yelling and pounding walls and things of that nature. They will have her respect. How is it to be done? How is a woman

to submit to her husband? Here is the motive of submission girls. Verse 22. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” As to the Lord. The manner or the attitude of submission is to be to the Lord. Wives submit to their husband as an act of submission to Christ Himself. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart because you are working for the Lord not for men.” Whatever you do, do it for the Lord. I remember years ago we were in Ruth Graham’s home. And she was such

a wonderful woman of God. And so much fun to be with. One of the most fun-loving people I have ever met. Quick to laugh with a twinkle in her eye. And a true Bible scholar. A woman that knew the Word of God so well. But she had a sign over her sink that said, “Divine service done here three times a day.” And I remember when we went over to Ruth’s house and she made us lunch after we spoke at the Cove. The Billy Graham Training Center at the Cove. And you know what? Ruth Graham made

the food and Ruth Graham washed the dishes. And I was just so impressed by that. She was just there doing it herself. Doing it as unto the Lord. And you can do anything as unto the Lord. You know if you are a gardener you mow that lawn as unto the law. If you work at In-N-Out Burger you flip those burgers, you make those burgers animal style. Oh I am getting hungry. Why did I say In-N-Out Burger? Anyway you flip those burgers as unto the Lord. You make that burger as though Christ Himself was going to

eat it. He would get a double-double for sure. Don’t you think? Yeah. As if Jesus Himself was going to pick that order up. You write that song as unto the Lord. You do that work as unto the Lord. Whatever work you are in. It is all to be done as unto the Lord. So wives as you submit don’t just do it for your husband. Do it as unto the Lord as though Jesus Himself asked that of you. Number two. The model of submission. Verses 22 to 23. “He Himself being the Savior of the body. As

the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” The ultimate model of submission is Jesus Christ in the fact that He gave His life for us. He laid it down. Jesus laid aside His privileges and rights. Jesus took off His outer garment and got down on His hands and knees and washed the feet of the disciples. He is your model. He is our model. Now the question sometimes arises well are there limits to submission. In other words does a Christian wife have to do everything a Christian husband

says no matter what? Some guys would say, “Yeah.” No. No. The Bible does not teach that. The husbands and wife’s Submission should first be to God. But there can be limits to submission. For instance we are told in Scripture to submit to the civil authorities. Right. Because we are told in 1 Peter 2:13–14, “Submit yourself for the Lord’s sake to every authority, whether to the king, or the governors, who are sent by men to punish those that do wrong and command those to do right.” Now that means that I should obey the laws of the

land. That means that as a Christian I have to pay taxes. If I think my taxes are too high I need to vote for somebody else next time around. But for now you have got to pay those taxes. You have to obey those laws. That is the way our country works. Authority has been instituted by God and we have to respect authority. But let’s just say that the government passes a law tomorrow that no one can pray to God anymore. Well we have to obey the civil government. Right. No. Daniel was presented with this exact

quandary when a law was signed into practice that no one could pray to any god. And he prayed as he always had. There comes A point where the law of God supersedes the law of man. What if the government passes a law that we can’t preach the gospel anymore? Do we shut everything down? No. We have to do this. And the apostles were told to no longer preach by the Roman authorities but they said in Romans 5:29, “We ought to obey God rather than man.” Ok. So let’s apply this to marriage. Let’s say that the

husband is a nonbeliever. You are the sweet godly Christian wife. And he is kind of enjoying this thing you know. “Oh so the Bible says submit to me. Well why don’t you submit to me while we go out drinking tonight. And then submit to me while I ask you to do this immoral thing right now.” “Oh Ok honey.” No. No. No. You don’t have to do that. Ok. There is a higher law than your husband at this point. And if your husband would ask you to do something that is against God’s law then you are

not to submit. But unless it is not against God’s law to the best of your ability submit. Peter tells us that you can win your husband to the Lord without a word by your godly living. You know sometimes less is more. With men you are never going to nag them into the kingdom of God. Ok. Can I just tell you this? Nagging doesn’t work. That is why King Solomon who had a thousand wives said, “Like this drip of water right here, the drip of a water on a roof are the words of a contentious woman.”

You want to drive your husband crazy, nag him all the time. Here is the secret. Tell them what you need him to do, but then live it. And live in such a way that he will see something in you that will cause him to want to change. Live a godly life. And far too often women feel they have to put the pressure on the husband or try to manipulate the husband. Or I am going to hold this away to the husband. Then he will convert fast. Or I will do it this way. No. Listen. Love

your husband. Be a godly wife. Show him what it means to be a follower of Jesus. That is how to do it according to 1 Peter. You say, “Man Greg you have been making it really tough for girls tonight.” Ok. Guy’s turn. Ready. This is no cakewalk for anyone. All right. Verse 25. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or

wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.” Here now for men are four words that can change your marriage. Are you ready men? Write these down. Four words that can change your marriage. Curse God and die. Those are from

Job’s wife. No. Those are not the words. I am just kidding. I just want to see if you are listening. That is bad counsel. Here are the four words that can change your marriage. Here we go. “Husbands love your wives.” I am telling you right here if men would do this it would change so many things. If men would man up and do what God calls them to do what a difference it would make. In our world. In the church. In our culture. You see here is the problem with men is at their best they

are often passive. And at their worst they are dragging everyone down. There are far too many situations where the man is against the things of the Lord and he is opposing it and he is a hindrance to the family and it is a tragic thing. But then when you find a guy who is a Christian a lot of times the best they can be is passive. “Oh all right you know. I guess we could go to church today, but I would rather watch the game.” Come on man. Get up and be a man. And lead

your wife. And lead your children. And show them what a man of God looks like. This is the challenge. This is the gauntlet that Paul is throwing down for men today. Did you know that 90% of the books sold on the topic of marriage and family are purchased by women? Why? “Well men just intuitively know these things.” Not. The women are out there buying the books trying to find out how to be better wives. How to do it God’s way. Guys are flipping the channels here. Something might come up. I don’t know. Hey how about

you being the spiritual leader? 75 to 80% of Christian books in general are bought by women. What is with that? We don’t need to learn more as men? We don’t need to grow as men? Husbands love your wives. You say, “Well that is not so hard is it?” Well it is because the word Paul uses for love. He uses agape. As you know there are different words in the Greek used for love. There is phileo that speaks of brother love. There is storge that speaks of family love. There is eros that speaks of physical love.

And then there is agape that speaks of sacrificial all-consuming radical love. It is the word that is used more often than any other in The gospels describing the love that God shows toward us. “For God so agaped the world He gave His only begotten Son.” Now if you want to read the best definition of love, go to 1 Corinthians 13. Not now. Read it and everywhere you read the word charity it is the word agape if you are reading from King James love. Husbands, love your wives. Not just a benign attitude but affection. It means

involvement. Not detachment. It means loving the unlovable. Even if your wife does things that are unlovable you love her as Christ loves the church. “I can’t love her.” Well then love your enemies. You are not getting out of this. Ok. There is just no way out. You need to love your wife as Christ loves the church. “Well she drives me crazy.” Yeah. Maybe she does. “Well it is so hard. I don’t find her attractive anymore. I did think she was attractive once but she isn’t anymore.” Well consider the words of this poem. Very serious. Follow

me. If you wanna be happy For the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife, So from my personal point of view, Get an ugly girl to marry you. A pretty woman makes her husband look small And very often causes his downfall. As soon as he marries her Then she starts to do The things that will break his heart. But if you make an ugly woman your wife, You'll be happy for the rest of your life. So this is good news if your wife is unattractive. This is a joke. Lighten up. Everyone

is like, “Is he really saying that?” It is a joke. If you wanna be happy For the rest of your life. Remember. That’s a song. It is that song. That is what I am quoting. No. But here is the thing. I don’t care if you find her lovable. I don’t even care if you don’t find her attractive anymore. You need to love her as Christ loves the church. And you need to let her know you love her. You need to tell her you love her. I heard about a couple that was struggling so they went

into a marriage counselor. After listening to the wife and the husband for awhile the counselor got up from his chair, came around to the front of his desk, and asked the wife to stand up. And she stood up and he put her arms around her and he gave her a good hug. And he said to the husband, “This is what your wife needs every single day from now on.” So the husband said, “What time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?” When is the last time you hugged your wife guys? Without wanting anything

else? When is the last time you just told your wife she is beautiful. You think it. But you don’t say it. “She is beautiful.” Say it. “She can read my mind.” Actually she can’t. Tell her. Tell her that was a great meal. Sometimes my wife will make me a great meal. She never makes me a bad meal honestly. That is why. Yeah. So you know she will make a great meal. “How is it?” I say, “Cathe my silence is the highest compliment I can pay.” Because I am so consumed in eating it I can’t stop

to even say how good it is. She doesn’t totally buy that, but it works sometimes. Try it. No. But seriously. You need to verbally communicate to your wife that you love her, that you appreciate her. And do the things that you need to do. You say, “Well the romance is gone in our marriage.” Then get back and do what you did in the beginning. Don’t wait for the surge of emotion. Do it. Here is the problem. “Oh the romance is gone in the marriage.” And now you are doing those things with what? Some other cute

girl you just met. Or some other cute guy you just met. Maybe you need to get back with your spouse and do the things you used to do when You first came together. How about going on a date together? How about doing those simple things like pulling out the chair. And putting it back in so she can sit in it. No. But seriously though. Don’t wait for the feeling of romance. Do romantic things. Just do it. If you will do it the romance will come back. The feelings will come back. But for now you are

going to have just tough it out. And if you don’t feel like it, if you don’t want to do it, if you don’t think she deserves it, none of that matters. Her are your marching orders from God. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” We are all commanded to do that. See girls. I told you I had your back. Did I tell you I was coming back for you? You thought you were lost for a moment. No. Because we are listening to the Bible. The Bible is very balanced. It nails everybody.

It is a sacrificial life. Verse 25. “Love her as Christ loved the church.” This is the way we are to love. This is the way we are to Do it. You need to, husbands, enter her world. Know your wife. The Bible says, “Dwell with your wife according to knowledge.” That means know your wife. And it actually goes on to say, “And if you don’t do this your prayers will be hindered.” Did you know that? Men your prayers can be hindered because you are out of alignment with your wife. You have forgotten that she is supposed

to be number one your best friend. Ok. My wife is my best friend. I am not embarrassed to say that. She is my best friend. She is my closest confidant. She is my most valuable counselor. A very good cook. But that is who she is to me. And sometimes we forget to spend time with them. You know she enters your world. You can enter hers. You know my wife and I are very different people. I don’t like a lot of the things she likes naturally. For instance my wife she likes to watch cooking shows. Right

before we go to sleep. Now this is a problem. Because I get hungry you see. She is getting ideas. I am getting hungry. I wasn’t hungry until the show started. My wife when we go out to a restaurant she likes to order soup as an entrée. That is like a joke to me. Soup is practice. As is salad. I am just warming up. What’s up? Where is the real food? But you know I enter her world. She enters my world. It is a partnership walking this road together. Listen husbands. Let me ask you a question.

Let’s say you were walking down the street with your wife and kids. A couple of guys came toward you with a very threatening look on their face obviously intending to do harm to your family. What would you do? You would defend them. You would take care of those guys. You would do what you had to do to save the lives of your wife and children. How about this. Let’s say that your wife and your baby girl were starving. They had no food whatsoever. Would you try to find them some food somewhere? “Well of course I

would. I am a man.” Ok. How about this? There are husbands today that have surrendered their roles of spiritual leadership. Their wives and children are being attacked by Satan while the men stand by idly and do nothing and the families are starving spiritually and the men do nothing to help them. Ok. You would defend your wife physically and you take care of her physical needs and feed her. How about doing it spiritually? How about being a man of God and a leader in the home and realizing that is what God has called you to do.

“Well she is not submitting.” Listen to this. If we would love our wives as Christ loves the church they would respond as the church responds to Christ. Why do I follow Jesus tonight? Because I am such a wonderful person and Jesus is so fortunate to get someone like me? No. I follow Jesus because He won me over. He won me over with His love and with His patience and with His persistence. And finally I responded to Him. I love Him because He first loved me. You want your wife to blossom. You want her to bloom.

You want her to be the woman of God that she can be. You love her. You value her. You treasure her. And you watch what happens. Don’t worry about her part. You concern yourself with this part. Girls. You are still supposed to submit. Ok. You are not off the hook here. You are still in play. Ok. We both have our parts. Listen. If we would just stop, as I said earlier, reading each other’s mail. We should be quoting the verses given to us rather than worrying about the other verses and do what God has called

us to do. You would be amazed at how your marriage could turn around. In closing. Those are the two best words you have heard me say tonight. It is time to wrap it Greg. Wrap it up. In closing every marriage is going to come under attack. Every marriage Is going to have to weather storms. There are no exceptions. Jesus concluding His teaching on the Sermon on the Mount talked about two men that build homes. One built his home on a rock. One built his home on shifting sand. He says, “Then the storms came and beat

upon both homes. The man that was built upon the sand his home crumbled. The man that was built upon the rock it stood the test.” He says, “He that hears these sayings of mine and does them, he is like the man who builds his house on the rock. He that hears these sayings of mind and does not do them, he is like the man who built his house on the sand.” So here is my question. Are you build on the rock? Or are you on the rocks? If you are on the rock right now you

will stand the test that will come your way. Our marriage of 35 years, going in to 36 has weathered the worst storm ever last year with our son going to heaven. It breaks my heart to look at my wife. She loved him and they had a very close relationship. And it is very hard for me not only for my own pain but to See the pain that my wife experiences as well. But I have seen qualities in my wife. I always knew she was a woman of God. But I have seen qualities that just blow

my mind. I mean she would never say this about herself. But I mean when you talk about a virtuous woman I am telling you she is a virtuous woman. She is Proverbs 31 right down the line. And I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. And that is just. She has been a tremendous example to me. But oh I think if we didn’t have the Lord. If we didn’t have the Lord how could we deal with this? If we didn’t have hope of reunion. It is hard still. But our marriage is built on the

rock. And you know what? Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been before. God has given us the strength. Every marriage will be tested. And it is not because we are great people. No. No. Because we just built it on the rock and we have sought to live by these principles. Not perfectly. Oh I would be the first to admit that. It is always a lot of adjusting you know with This. Oh I am not doing this as well as I was doing that. You are always working at this. If you let it go

it will begin to unravel. But you have to keep at this. Reading the fine print. Applying yourself. And if you will do that God will bless your marriage. And you will stand whatever test comes your way. All right. All you married people stand up right now. Just married people. I want to pray for you. All right. Take the hand of your wife. I hope you are with your spouse tonight. If you aren’t Pastor Jeff and Pastor Brad don’t have wives. You can come hold their hands up here. All right. Take the hand of your spouse.

Now look at her. Look at him. Say I love you. Give them a kiss. Ok. That’s it. It’s church. Let’s pray. Lord I pray for every marriage represented here now. I pray You will bless them. I pray Lord that every man in this room will take to heart what we have read and want to love his wife as You love the church Lord. He can’t do it on his own. None of us can. He needs the Power of the Spirit. So fill him with that power Lord and help him to love her. Sacrificially. Help him

to put her needs above his own. Help him to be a spiritual leader Lord. A man of God. Lord I pray for every women here. Help her to appreciate her husband. Value her husband. Not take him for granted. Help her Lord to submit to his authority. Not undermine it. Help her Lord to undergird and support him in the calling you have given with all the pressure that he carries Lord. Help her to be a woman of virtue. And finally I don’t wan tot forget the singles that are sitting. Would You help every one of them

to find the right person? Help them Lord to be patient. I know it gets hard. I know they feel lonely at times. And sometimes they want to rush it. But Lord help them to walk in the center of Your will and find that perfect man or woman You have chosen for them. And then that You would bless them in that special marriage relationship. Help us all to walk in Your Spirit and live lives that honor You. As imitators of God. As dear children. We ask all of this Now in Jesus’ name. Amen.