And allahel says about marriage beautiful words of Quran. You will find these words applicable in all of your married lives. Those of you that are married, Allah says he put between you between the husband and wife love and it's passionate love.
Allah says and mercy because in the beginning of marriage is very passionate. You're obsessed with your wife. You can't think about anything else.
Your friends call you, they go straight to voicemail, right? Because you just got married for, you know, for 6 months. You're out of, you know, out of sight.
Nobody sees you. But then as marriage goes further, what keeps marriage alive? Isn't that anymore?
Cuz other obligations come in. There's kids, there's work. How do you keep the marriage sustained?
Mercy towards your wife. Mercy towards the husband. Courtesy between you.
You know this man comes to he says, "I want to divorce my wife. " And he says, "Why do you want to divorce your wife? " I don't love her anymore.
I don't find her attractive anymore. And so asked him, "What about courtesy? What about the courtesy you owe to your wife?
She doesn't take care of your kids. She hasn't put up with you all this time, you know, and you know, we have we're difficult creatures to put up with, men, right? We're we're very difficult creatures to put up with.
And our wives put up with us. Even if they share, you know, say a couple of words here and there, in the end, they still put up with us, right? So they do quite a bit for us.
So we can't just say oh well she doesn't look like what I was imagining the you know back in the day when I didn't used to lower my gaze. I saw some things on TV and I was expecting that. You know this is you know really it's it's not the healthy attitude.
You have to if the believer watches their gaze and they control their temptations and then they do the best with their wives they will be the most satisfied and they won't have any temptations outside. But at the same time and I'm I'm ranting on the brothers but at the same time the sisters have to understand this. Allah subhana wa ta'ala created men and women very differently.
Men their biggest weakness is women. They could be richer. They could be poor.
They could be you know healthy and not very healthy. You know skinny and fat or tall. Doesn't matter what culture, what language, all of them have the same weakness women.
And women allahel many in majority cases he made them oblivious to this weakness of men. They don't realize how bad it is. So when the ayah comes and a woman reads it, lower their gaze.
Oh yeah, I could do that. And they're like, "What's the big deal? Why can't men just lower their gaze?
" And you, you don't understand. What don't I understand? You have eyes.
I have eyes. They have retina. You know, it processes the same information.
So, what's the problem? You see, they don't understand the power of this desire that Allah subhana wa ta'ala put inside of us and mentioned as number one. Number one of the desires that were beautified for men were desires for women.
Right? The number one fitna the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam fears for the men of this ummah is what women because it's a serious problem. So the if the wives understand that then instead of condemning their husband are you so weak how come you can't control your eyes instead of knowing that they would accept this is the creation of Allah subhana wa ta'ala you have to the wife has a role of supporting her husband and becoming strong and she can do that by warding temptations off from him not by lecturing him you know and and this is the other thing that's very important for wives to understand the husband he goes to the office or he goes to the train and there are women horribly dressed.
They're sitting there smiling at everybody trying to, you know, basically this is all these women have in terms of their dignity. They're not respected for their intellect. They're not respected for their opinions.
So all they think is we're going to be respected if men see more of our, you know, our shame. So they they dress in indecent fashion because when men look at them, they feel kind of, you know, selfrespect, like I'm worth something. People are looking at me.
That's basically what it is. It's really horrible. It's sad.
But then they go to the office and the secretary is smiling at you and saying, "How are you? How was your day, you know, what are you getting for lunch? Oh, you're fasting.
Oh, that's nice. " You know, and they're they're smiling at you. And then you go, you know, and every ad women are smiling at you.
And then you get home. And you open the door and I say, "Where were you? " The the the train was late.
Oh, every day the train is late. Oh, I understand. You know, and there's a frown every day.
And the first day it's okay, the second day it's okay. 10 years of this, 12 years of this, what's going to happen? The husband has resentment towards the wife.
Even if he doesn't say anything, he's building resentment inside. And the simple simple solution of the messenger sallallahu alaihi wasallam, a smile of the wife when the husband comes home. You know how big a deal this is?
This is not a small thing. It stabs the husband when the husband comes home and the wife doesn't care. And you know, he's very disturbed by that.
He may not say something, but it really, really hurts husbands and it hurts the relationship and it comes out in weird ways. Now that they're hurt, they're kind of upset as they're having dinner. Oh, there's not enough salt in here.
You know, there's something wrong. And they're extra angry at the kids. They're frustrated.
But the same scenario, the the wife opens the door and she greets the husband with a smile. Just a smile. It's not expensive.
But what happens? The rest of the night goes smoothly. The husband's in a good mood.
He's talking to her. when he's talking I I don't want to talk right now. I have a headache.
It's not going to happen. All started from where? Just one little act of the wife.
These are simple solutions, but they're powerful solutions. And you don't take care of these solutions and things, this baggage just keeps adding up and adding up and adding up. And that's where you get those statistics cuz the husband doesn't even want to look at the wife.
She's just annoying. You know, she just does this or that, right? So both sides have to understand they have to take care of the other side.
Instead of expecting from the other side just make a goal for yourself to take care of the other side. This is the only time they don't guard their privates is with their spouses. And this relationship is very strong.
I don't even want to quote the hadith even though you know quoting a hadith is a good thing but I know the repercussions it can have in our community. Unfortunately, I don't personally, Allah, I don't personally feel that Muslim families are mature enough to take a hadith and take it in a mature way. Usually, they end up using Islamic texts as a weapon.
You know what the prophet said about the wife who doesn't take care of her husband's need at night? He said this, this, this. You should be ashamed of yourself.
You know, oh, she's really going to be nice to you now. You know, it's not it's not a contest. you know, you should be more like the Sahabi.
And she'll be like, you're no sahabi yourself. You know, that's how it's going to be. So, if you want to make it a competition, you will never defeat women.
Not not your mother, not your sister, not your wife. You will never defeat them in argument cuz what they can come up with, you didn't even think of from the back of your head, right? Allah put this in them.
You know, they have they have the power of of speech, psychological speech, psychologically effective speech. So, you have to learn to deal with that. The other thing, another piece of advice just in terms of harmony between husband and wife is that you know argumentation.
Men seem to think everything can be solved by reasoning and logical evidences, right? And they they forget that Allah subhana wa ta didn't create women in this simple black and white fashion. Women are complicated creatures.
When you get married, many of you will testify your wife is crying one day and you ask her why are you crying? She'll say I don't know. I I I'll talk to you later about it.
And you say, "No, really, is this something I did? " "No, leave me alone. I don't know.
" And they really don't know sometimes. And if they do, it's too complicated for you to understand. So they say, "You're not going to get it.
" Right? So they're complex creatures. And so you will learn this when you're not married.
You'll learn this with your mother and you will learn this with your sister. You try to reason with them. You give them reasons for why you did something that disappointed them.
They'll say, "Oh, so you know so much better. " Fine. Next time I shouldn't argue with you cuz you're so smart, right?
And their feelings will be hurt. Who just lost that argument? You did.
Cuz you tried to reason. The way you argue or you want to make your point with women, what's the best way to make your point with women? It's not by argument.
The best way to make a point with your wife, to make a point with your mother is actually the sunnah of the messenger sallallahu alaihi wasallam. One, mercy. Second, silence.
Silence. You know how effective silence is for good believing wives. If the husband is silent, then she will say, "What's the matter?
Is there something I did? " But if the husband talks back, man, she will talk back way better than you can, right? She will come back with a better rebound than you ever thought it possible.
But if you're silent and if there's an ounce of good in her, goodness in her, she will come and say, "Maybe even if I don't think it was my fault, it was my fault. I'm sorry. " But the husband has to learn this technique of silence and not silence with a frown and pushing her away.
Just a little extra sad puppy face here and there. You know, try it with your mom, see if it works. And it will work with your wives also inshallah.
Right? But this is important. These are the etiquette of marriage.
The messengeratam he could yell at his spouses. He could say harsh things to them. He doesn't because you know the the relationship is so fragile.
This relationship and shaitan wants every opportunity to destroy it. And as soon as he destroys it, what's going to happen? Corruption in the Muslim community is going to happen.
That's what's going to happen. Men are going to be not guarding their eyes anymore. And other things are going to happen.
Scandals are going to spread. This is how they spread from bad marriages. All the great tragedies that happen in the Muslim community that people don't even want to talk about because they sound so disgusting.
Where do they start? They start from a husband not take taking care of the wife and a wife not taking care of the husband. So this is this is at the heart of being a believer and sustaining our iman.
Taking care of the wife and taking taking care of the husband. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala make us the best husbands and grant us the best wives.
