The Day Aliens Learned There Was a Reason Humans Were The Only Species Still Using Outdated Weapons

for the last time Commander Vex bright scale explain to me why we should be concerned about a species that still uses what did you call them bullets High Admiral Zara nexus's crystalline appendages flickered with barely contained Amusement as she addressed the war council Commander Vex bright scale stood before the galactic defense Council his iridescent scales shifting from their usual calm blue to an agitated purple the massive chamber with its floating hover seats arranged in concentric circles housed the most powerful military Minds in the known universe and right now they were all laughing at him with

all due respect High Admiral F's voice resonated through the chamber the human continued use of kinetic weapons isn't a sign of technological stagnation it's peculiar he paused searching for the right words in the past Century they've developed Quantum Computing mastered fusion power and even achieved limited teleportation yet they persist with these archaic weapons General cric's Star Weaver of being composed entirely of living plasma pulsed with mocking brightness perhaps they simply enjoy the what do they call it the Bang Bang the chamber erupted in chittering laughter vex's scales darkened further that's exactly my point they've had

countless opportunities to advance their weapons technology ology the mercurian offered them plasma rifles the centurians practically begged them to trade for Quantum disruptors but they declined every single time Commander Admiral Nexus leaned forward her crystalline form catching the light of the chamber's artificial sun you're suggesting that a species which still straps controlled explosions to their spacecraft to achieve space flight has outsmarted us I'm suggesting Vex projected his latest intelligence reports into the center of the chamber that any species that rejects Superior technology without a compelling reason is either impossibly stupid or know something we don't

the holographic display showed humans testing their weapons tanks artillery rail guns all seemingly primitive compared to the energy weapons that the rest of the Galaxy had adopted centuries ago fleet commander pyra Blaze heart known for her strategic Brilliance spoke up for the first time you know what our young Commander might have a point have we ever actually tested our Shield technology against these kinetic weapons the chamber fell silent no need Admiral Nexus waved a crystalline appendage dismissively our energy Shields can deflect plasma bolts capable of melting moons what damage could a piece of shaped metal

possibly do then you won't object to a live fire test before we we proceed with the invasion Vex pressed his scales finally returning to their normal blue hue he could sense the shift in the rooms atmosphere fine Admiral Nexus side you have one solar cycle to conduct your tests but after that we proceed with the invasion as planned the humans resources are too valuable to ignore and their position in the Orion arm is too strategic to leave [Music] unclaimed as the council members filed out General Star weav pulsed next to Vex you really believe these

Primitives could pose a threat Vex watched the holographic display of human weapons testing his inner eyelids narrowing no General I believe they already do we just don't know it yet the galactic armada's first wave descended through Earth's atmosphere like a meteor shower made of pure arrogance their ships Sleek crystalline constructs that would make any sci-fi director weep With Envy filled the skies above New Washington with an impressive light show of energy Shields and plasma engines Commander Vex bright scale watched from his command ship the celestial hubris as The Invasion Fleet took position status report on

human defensive capabilities sir his second in command Lieutenant Nova Shimmer weave projected the Tactical display they're rolling out tanks and something they call the A10 Thunderbolt 2 it appears to be powered by combustion engines she couldn't keep the incredulity from her voice commence the standard Invasion protocol Vex ordered though his scales had already begun shifting to that worried purple Hue but maintain full sensor recordings down on the ground major Alexandre ghost Reeves watched the alien ships through her binoculars a smile playing across her face that would have sent shivers down anyone's spine if they could

ever spot her that is she hadn't earned her call sign by being visible this is Ghost to all units she spoke into her radio her voice carrying a hint of anticipation that made her subordinates grin remember your training wait for my mark let's show these high-tech Hot Shots while humans still appreciate the classics the alien ships opened fire first because of course they did streams of plasma energy lanced down from the sky splashing harmlessly against the ground around as the human forces had already evacuated the targeted areas military bases that appeared occupied on alien sensors

turned out to be elaborate decoys where are they leftenant Shimmer weave's fins fluttered in frustration their primitive sensors shouldn't be able to detect our targeting systems sir a junior officer scales turned practically white multiple projectiles approaching from hidden ground positions vex's eyes widened as he watched the Tactical display impossible they're using ballistic trajectories to energy Shields to maximum the first Salvo of artillery shells passed through the alien Shields as if they weren't there the rounds specifically designed to penetrate and fragment tore through the crystalline hulls of three support ships the vessels didn't explode dramatically they

simply fell from the sky in pieces their crew discovering that advanced inertial dampeners meant little when your ship suddenly became several smaller ships how Lieutenant Shimmer weave's voice cracked our Shields can deflect plasma bolts they can stop antimatter streams but when was the last time they needed to stop something so simple Vex watched as more ships discovered the Fatal floor in their defenses All Ships evasive maneuvers adjust Shield frequencies too late for that Sugar major Reeves whispered to herself as she gave the signal across the battlefield concealed A10 warthogs Rose from camouflaged positions their G8

Avenger rotary cannons spinning up with their distinctive sound the aliens learned several important lessons in the next few minutes first that their Advanced sensors calibrated to detect energy weapons and plasma signatures had serious blind spots when it came to good old-fashioned brass and lead second that while their Shields could easily deflect energy weapons they had never been designed to stop thousands of depleted uranium rounds traveling at supersonic speeds this is impossible Lieutenant shim weave watched in horror as their ships Pride of the galactic Armada were being Swiss cheesed by what amounted to very fast rocks

from her position major Reeves keyed her radio again ghost to command operation retro surprise is proceeding as planned the enemy Shields are about as useful as an umbrella in a meteor shower vex's Command Ship shuddered as something punch through its lower decks fall back All Ships immediate tactical Retreat to high orbit as the alien Fleet scrambled to escape major Reeves allowed herself a small chuckle ghost to all units operation retro surprise is a success Phase 2 begins in 30 minutes let's remind these folks why Humanity never got rid of the the good old bullet Sometimes

the best solution is The Simple Solution above Commander Vex bright scale stared at the Tactical display showing their losses his scales now a deep worried purple contact the defense Council he ordered tell them tell them we may have significantly underestimated the human strategic capabilities and Commander leftenant shim asked still trying to process what she just witnessed yes should I inform them that their primitive weapons just handed us our first major defeat in three centuries no Vex replied watching another ship spiral out of control riddled with holes let me do that I want to see the

Admiral's crystalline face when I say I told you so commander Vex bright scale stood in the galactic defense council's primary research facility watching Chief scientist Luna spark Weaver examine a captured human assault rifle with the kind of course usually reserved for antimatter bombs the weapon sat on a containment field looking absurdly simple compared to the advanced technology surrounding it fascinating Luna muttered her bioluminescent patches pulsing with excitement simply fascinating do you know what this device uses for targeting Commander metal sights Vex replied his scales Rippling with embarrassment they align them with their eyes exactly Luna

practically bounced no Quantum targeting no AI assistance no neural links just metal and eyeballs and it works the human accuracy rates are remarkable High Admiral Nexus materialized in the lab her crystaline form casting rainbow patterns across the walls please tell me you figured out why our Shields failed her voice carried an edge sharper than monomolecular blades Luna projected her findings into the air it's actually quite simple which is ironically the problem our Shields are designed to detect and deflect energy signatures plasma lasers particle beams they create counter frequencies to disrupt incoming energy attacks but these

human weapons Admiral Nexus prompted they have no energy signature to detect Luna explained picking up a bullet it's just a piece of metal propelled by a controlled chemical explosion our Shields are looking for complex energy patterns to counter but there's nothing to find it's like trying to use an antivirus program to stop a rock from breaking your window security footage from the battle played above them showing human tanks engaging their ground forces the aliens watched in horror as their Advanced combat mechs each worth more than a small moon were disabled by what amounted to very

fast pieces of metal what about our armor General star weer pulsed anxiously surely our Advanced Alloys are designed to dissipate energy weapons Luna completed the humans use kinetic penetrators depleted uranium rounds tungsten cores they don't try to melt through our armor they just punch straight through it it's like we've spent centuries preparing for a laser light show and they brought hammers to the party Vex watched another clip of an A10 shredding through their ships the humans have an old old saying keep it simple stupid we thought we were seeing technological stagnation and but they were

deliberately maintaining a parallel weapons program that bypassed all our defenses Admiral Nexus finished her crystalline form clouding with worry A Primitive solution that renders our most advanced defenses irrelevant Luna held up another bullet this one from a sniper rifle it gets worse look at these metallurgical scans the these aren't just simple bullets they're masterfully engineered the humans have taken this basic concept and refined it to near Perfection while we were developing more powerful energy weapons they were making better hammers my predecessor once asked why humans still taught their children to throw rocks when they had

fusion power General Star weav pulsed thoughtfully I believe we just found out options Admiral Nexus demanded we could modify our Shields Luna offered add physical barrier components but that would require a complete redesign of our entire defense Doctrine centuries of technological development rendered obsolete by explosively propelled metal Commander vex's scales shifted to a deep blue of resignation we're not just fighting against primitive weapons Admiral we're fighting against a species that deliberately maintain those weapons knowing they might face enemies like us the humans didn't stagnate they sandbagged the room fell silent as the implications sank in

above them footage showed major Alexandra Reeves's unit taking down a hovering tank with nothing more sophisticated than a well-placed tank round recommendations Admiral Nexus asked her voice unusually quiet we could try diplomatic Vex began but was interrupted by a massive explosion that rocked the facility over the intercom a voice screamed human Strike Force detected they're inside the base they brought something called a shotgun Luna looked at her readings and laughed nervously would now be a bad time to mention they have thousands of weapon variants we haven't studied yet the sound of another explosion answered her

question the galactic defense council's emergency bunker buzzed with barely contained Panic as Colonel marus tank Thompson stro into the room flanked by Major Alexandra Reeves the human delegation had been granted emergency access after their forces had demonstrated just how easily they could take it anyway tank Thompson earned his nickname not from operating armored vehicles but because he was built like one standing at 6'4 with shoulders that looked like they could support a small spacecraft he made even the most imposing alien delegates shift uncomfortably Commander Vex bright scale scales cycled through several colors before settling on

a diplomatic blue Colonel Thompson I must admit your arrival was unexpected like finding out a toddler's water gun can short circuit your billion credit power armor Thompson grinned placing a simple wooden box on the conference table we've got a lot to discuss Commander High Admiral nexus's crystalline form shimmered with barely contained ation you knew all this time you knew our weaknesses Admiral Thompson opened the box revealing a collection of bullets ranging from small pistol rounds to massive anti-tank shells we didn't just know your weaknesses we helped create them the room erupted in confused chatter Lieutenant

Shimmer weave's fins flared impossible our Shield technology predates your species discovery of electricity exactly major Reeves stepped forward picking up a 50 caliber round did none of you ever wonder why every Advanced civilization in the Galaxy eventually abandoned kinetic weapons why everyone switched to energy based systems Luna spark Weaver's bioluminescence pulsed rapidly as realization dawned the precursor archives the weapons development guidelines Bingo Thompson nodded when Humanity first accessed the precursor archives 50 years ago we noticed something odd every technological development path every weapons advancement guide they all led to energy based systems almost like almost

like someone wanted us to develop in a specific Direction Vex finished his scales turning white with shock but why did you continue developing kinetic weapons because major Reeves placed the bullet back in the Box humans have a wonderful trait called paranoia when we found out every advanced civiliz ation followed the exact same weapons development path our first thought wasn't great a shortcut it was this is a trap Thompson pulled out an old Earth history book see we've got this funny habit of reading about ancient civilizations that got conquered because they all used the same tactics

fought the same way so when we saw every species in the Galaxy using identical defense systems you deliberately maintained alternative weapon systems that could bypass those defenses Admiral Nexus vibration at with a mixture of anger and admiration the precursor archives weren't guidelines they were a funnel Thompson confirmed get every species dependent on the same defensive technology and suddenly you've got a Galaxy full of civilizations with the same tactical weakness we just refuse to play along Commander Vex approached the Box examining the various rounds but surely the cost of maintaining two parallel weapons programs was worth

every penny Reeves interrup rupted while everyone else was laughing at our primitive weapons we were perfecting them do you know how much research went into making that simple looking Bullet in Your Hand the Metallurgy the ballistics the Precision Engineering we've got rounds that can changeed Direction mid-flight Thompson added casually enjoying the way the alien delegates Expressions shifted bullets that can penetrate 20 ft of reinforced steel artillery shells that can split into thous thousands of specialized submunitions all while looking so simple that advanced sensors dismissed them as background noise Luna spark Weaver lifted a shotgun shell

with her energy manipulators the variety is overwhelming each one designed for a specific purpose you folks built better and better energy Shields Thompson smiled we built better and better ways to punch through things simple physics applied with extreme prejudice and now major Reeves added we'd like to discuss terms specifically how to handle the fact that Humanity just proved we can walk through your best defenses like they're not even there the room fell silent as the implications sank in humanity hadn't just discovered a weakness in Galactic standard defenses they'd spent decades preparing to exploited Commander Vex

looked at the simple wooden box containing centuries of care defy maintained military advancement you said you wanted to discuss terms yes tomson's expression turned serious starting with why someone wanted the entire galaxy standardized on the same defensive technology because that's the real question isn't it who set this trap and who were they setting it for Admiral nexus's crystalline form clouded you think there's another player in this game Admiral Thompson closed the box with a decisive click Somebody went to an awful lot of trouble to make sure everyone in the Galaxy would be vulnerable to the

same type of attack we'd like to suggest an alliance to figure out why major Reeves smiled and in return we might be willing to share some of our primitive weapons technology because something tells me you'll want more than energy Shields when whatever's coming finally shows up the aliens looked at each other then at the simple wooden box that had just upended their understanding of Galactic military Doctrine Commander vex's scales settled into a determined green Colonel Thompson he said I believe we have much to discuss about the future of Galactic defense and perhaps he added looking

at the Box about the virtues of keeping things simple well this is embarrassing Commander Vex bright scale muttered as he watched another Squadron of his most advanced Fighters get picked off by what humans called Flack cannons his Command Center aboard the celestial hubris had turned into a gallery of humiliation with each tactical display showing another example of superior alien technology being defeated by surprisingly innovative ways of throwing bits of metal really really fast sir Lieutenant Shimmer weave reported her fins drooping the human have launched something they call operation retrograde they're using are you ready for

this balloons balloons Vex repeated flatly his scales turning a confused shade of green the species that cracked Quantum tunneling is attacking us with balloons high altitude balloons carrying clouds of metal chaff sir our sensors can't distinguish real targets anymore and oh no what now they're playing something through our communication channels they call it Fortunate Son before Vex could respond the Tactical display lit up with new warnings major Alexandre Reeves's Voice crackled through their supposedly secured channels this is Ghost to all units the weather forecast calls for heavy metal rain bring the Thunder across Earth's atmosphere

thousands of seemingly primitive human artillery pieces opened fire simultaneously The Barrage wasn't random each shell was precisely calculated to arrive at the same time creating a wall of metal that no alien ship could fully evade how are they coordinating this leftenant Shimmer weave asked in awe they using mechanical weapons they might be simple weapons Colonel Thompson's voice broke in on their command frequency but they're Guided by some very sophisticated computers did you think we spent all our time making just better bullets in orbit the proud Galactic Armada found itself in the embarrassing position of being

herded like cattle every attempt to move to a new position was met with carefully placed artillery barges the humans weren't trying to destroy them they were playing chess with shells sir a tactical officer reported human ground forces are advancing they're using something called tanks Vex watched as Columns of human armored vehicles rolled forward their main guns might have seemed primitive but each shot was Finding its Mark with devastating Precision launch the Sonic disruptors the aliens deployed their latest anti-armor weapon designed to vibrate enemy Vehicles apart at the molecular level the humans responded by blasting acdc's

thunder struck through their tank speakers at even higher decb did they just counter our Sonic weapon with rock music Vex asked nobody in particular the humans have a saying major Reeves cut in again Fight Fire with Fire or in this case fight sound with sound also your Sonic weapon frequency we found it in your database last week nice try though in desperation Vex ordered his forces to switch to their most advanced energy weapons the humans responded by launching what looked like mirrors attached to weather balloons reflecting the energy beams back at their sources this is

tactically impossible liutenant Shimmer weave complained their weapons are from their fossil fuel era no Vex realized watching another carefully choreographed dance of artillery Firebox in his forces their weapons are from their fossil fuel era their targeting systems battle coordination and tactical planning are completely modern they kept The Best of Both Worlds Colonel Thompson's voice returned finally figured it out huh why change a perfect delivery system just because you got better computers sometimes the old ways work just fine they just need a little modern Guidance the battle if it could still be called that continued for

another hour human forces systematically dismantled alien defenses using weapons that on paper should have been hopelessly outmatched but there was nothing on paper about the Precision with which they wielded them Commander Lieutenant Shimmer weave reported her voice heavy with resignation we're receiving surrender signals from 80% of our Fleet the humans have promised to stop playing Earth music over our channels If We Stand Down Vex watched as his mighty Armada was coralled into neat formations by the threat of hypersonic metal rods his scales had settled into a permanent purple of embarrassment Commander Major Reeves called One

Last Time Colonel Thompson is offering terms he says to remind you about that discussion regarding the Trap someone set for the Galaxy still interested looking at his tactical display showing the most advanced Fleet in known space being expertly manhandled by weapons that predated space flight Vex made his decision tell Colonel Thompson he sighed that the galactic Armada would be very interested in learning about the virtues of keeping things simple and perhaps he added watching another flight of human a10s do a victory rooll past his Command Ship about why ancient weapons might still will have a

place in Modern Warfare good choice Reeves replied now about that music one month after what humans had started calling the great backfire Commander Vex bright scale found himself in possibly the most surreal situation of his military career he stood on a firing range at Fort Brag watching High Admiral Nexus attempt to operate something called a pump action shotgun no no Admiral major Reeves corrected trying not to laugh as the crystalline being struggled with the weapon you're overthinking it it's pump aim squeeze not calculate Quantum trajectories and analyze particle dispersement patterns but how can something so

simple be so effective the Admiral demanded finally managing to cycle the action correctly the clay pigeon she hit exploded satisfyingly that's the beauty of it colonel Thompson grinned watching various alien officials familiarize themselves with human weapons Sometimes the best solution is just putting piece of metal exactly where you wanted to go really fast nearby Lieutenant Shimmer weave had developed an almost disturbing enthusiasm for the M2 browning 50 caliber machine gun her fins quivered with excitement every time she pulled the trigger sending rounds down range with devastating accuracy Commander she called out between bursts can we

please requisition some of these for our ships please Vex watched as general star weav a being made of living plasma somehow managed to load and fire an RPG the resulting explosion sent the general pulsing with joy I suppose this means the technology exchange treaty is going well better than expected Thompson nodded helping Luna spark Weaver understand the concept of iron sights your energy weapons combined with our ballistic Delivery Systems we're creating some interesting hybrid weapons though I have to admit watching your engineers get excited about gunpowder was not something I expected speaking of unexpected major

Reeves added how's the investigation going into those precursor archives vex's scales shifted to a thoughtful blue your suspicions were right we found evidence of tampering someone wanted to make sure the Galaxy developed standardized defenses we're still trying to figure out who but he was interrupted by the sound of high Admiral Nexus cackling with Glee as she discovered the joys of automatic weapons these primitive I mean these elegant weapons are remarkable the satisfaction of impact the Simplicity of operation the sheer kinetic poetry of it all did she just call a belt-fed machine gun kinetic poetry Thompson

whispered to Reeves better than last week when she wrote an actual poem about rail guns Reeves whispered back the training session was interrupted by Luna Spark quer rushing onto the range her bioluminescence pulsing rapidly Commander Colonel we've detected something at the edge of the solar system something big everyone gathered around the holographic display she projected a massive object unlike anything in their records was approaching energy readings are off the charts Luna reported and its defensive systems they're Pure Energy based exactly the kind of Technology the precursor archive pushed everyone toward Colonel Thompson and Commander Vex

shared a look well Thompson said pulling out what looked like engineering schematics it's a good thing we just finished developing these hybrid weapons isn't it the schematics showed human ballistic weapons merged with alien energy technology rail guns enhanced with plasma cores kinetic penetrators wrapped in Quantum disruption Fields traditional bullets designed to carry payload of exotic alien materials you know Vex said his scale showing anticipation there's another human saying I've grown fond of some problems require an elegant solution others just need enough dacker did did you just use the word dacker correctly major Reeves asked impressed

I've been studying your internet culture Vex admitted it's surprisingly informative hi Admiral Nexus joined them still holding her newly beloved shotgun well then shall we go introduce whatever this is to the combined might of human Simplicity and alien technology one moment Lieutenant Shimmer weave called out finishing her last belt of ammunition can I keep this I've named her Betty as they prepared to face this new threat Colonel Thompson looked around at the unlikely seen aliens and humans United by their appreciation for putting metal down range at high velocities you know what the real irony is

he asked what's that Vex inquired whoever set this trap probably thought standardizing everyone on energy weapons was really clever instead they just gave us a bunch of new ways to make our bullets more interesting in orbit the mysterious object approached its energy Shields glowing with seemingly Invincible power it had no way of knowing it was about to encounter a Galaxy that had rediscovered the joy of Simple Solutions to complex problems and somewhere in the void of space whatever entity had planted those archives was about to learn a valuable lesson never underestimate a species that looks

at faster than light technology and thinks yes but what if we also kept our really big guns