Los ÓRDENES del AMOR en las parejas / Constelaciones familiares 🧘‍♂️ Berth Hellinger

[Music] Hello, good morning, afternoon, everyone, how are you? I hope you are very well, well, a few weeks ago I think two or three weeks ago I shared with you a little about the book Orders of Love by Bert Hellinger. There we were talking a little about family constellations because It was important to take our parents because it was important to understand the orders of love within each family system.

Today we are going to talk about the orders of love in the couple and you will wonder why this is important. This is good regardless of whether you are single or married. or they are divorced or widowed the decision they have whatever they are going through right now in terms of a couple that is very important to understand Why Because on many occasions we find ourselves telling ourselves that my relationships are not working It is that all the The people I know are the same It's just that not even flies come close to me So what will happen to me Well, from the family constellations there is a job to do I am going to share with you today the part that I am going to share is from a book I highly recommend that you read it.

It is a book. The truth is that it will help you understand a little better this whole issue of constellations in the couple. The book is called Family Constellations for Love and Couples.

It is by Ingala Roble. This book tells us It explains a little how the dynamics of couple relationships work. I am also going to share a part of Bergelinger's love orders that Hellinger tells us to see about couple relationships about couples and with this I am also going to invite you On the channel at this moment in the month of June I am analyzing a book called transform your childhood wounds at the end of the analysis of this book I am going to share with you for the month of July I think that for the second Friday a workshop on family constellations then I invite you to tell me in the comments if you want to participate and to be attentive to the videos and all the content that I am going to be sharing on the channel so that you know how to participate if you want to be part of this constellation workshop relatives will not only talk about not only we are going to constellate couples but we are also going to constellate our family system so starting with this How is the couple according to the orders of love of berth hellinger couples and family constellations from the theory From Berth Hellinger's family constellations, the family system constitutes a spiritual field guided by a common force that obeys certain laws and to which not only all our ancestors belong, but also those people who were somehow important to the system, our couples enter there.

the boyfriends the girlfriends the lovers the wives the ex-wives when someone belonging to the field has been excluded rejected or forgotten a disorder occurs since the first right that the people who make up the system have is the right to life and the second is the right to belonging, all parties must be included and receive their recognition, since as these excluded and forgotten people are connected with us and manifest themselves in the present, everything that does not unite and is intended to be excluded will lead to disunity and pathology to Through a phenomenon of resonance in the present, another member will be destined to unconsciously represent the excluded person and will behave strangely in order to force us to include the rejected person and thus restore the systemic order. For example, a child must have the right to want. to his two parents, if we exclude one of them, that son may replace him, presenting many difficulties, behaving with the same defects that we reject from the other and even becoming a rival, which would be something like poisoning himself with the blood of the family without fulfilling his own destiny these ancestors need someone to see them with love and respect and compensate for their failures instead of imitating them that family network directed by a superior instance that links all its members and that acts as a common conscience is comparable to a flock of birds in which suddenly everyone turns in another direction as if guided by a superior force that acts on everyone and that this force remains unconscious one repeats a fate that is not even known through the family conscience if someone in the family suffered an injustice in the group the irresistible need arises to In compensation, there is a group conscience that can exclude any of the members that it considers different, avenging the infractions, and at the same time, a systemic conscience that watches over the rights of every member that is part of the family system, even though we are under the control of that conscience that it affects our freedom of action we are responsible for the consequences of our actions on our relational system and we have the possibility of influencing the course of things we need to have the courage to look honestly at what we do since the consequences last regardless of whether we feel guilty or No, the responsibility falls on us and if we refuse to accept it, something breaks in the soul.

Family constellations recognize that there is a transmission of conflicts, family concerns, and behaviors through generations that will determine current psychological problems. Family constellations are a method for Delimit conflicts of family and social origin that affect daily life, restoring order and harmony not only to the individual who consults, but also to the family group to which he belongs. This has an effect both in the past and present, as well as in future generations, since they could avoid making the same mistakes as their ancestors according to bert hellinger it is a reconciliation therapy whose purpose is to restore order to something that fell into disarray the possibility of getting out of a systemic implication is to visualize an image of solution implication means that someone in the family unconsciously assumes the fate of another family member before it when, for example, a child was given for adoption in the family, it could also have been in the previous generation, later someone will behave as if it had also been given and cannot be freed before knowing that it is in a systemic implication the solution takes the same path in reverse the person who was given for adoption comes back into play like this, for example, they are suddenly included in the family constellation that person excluded becomes a protective force for those who were identified with it when the excluded are integrated and recognized again they are friendly with the descendants bert hellinger the family system is made up of parents grandparents great-grandparents siblings of parents children born or aborted spouses and previous boyfriends of the parents and everyone who has established significant ties there is a fundamental order in every family system that is governed by different laws everyone must be included the only ones who lose their right to belong are the murderers whoever is responsible and guilty of a death has lost the right to belong and has to leave the system if someone who has lost belonging does not leave a son will do it in his place we all have a part in destiny and the guilt of our family we share the consequences of what that others in the system do by assuming a debt that we did not contract in the same way that what we do affects them the injustice that occurred in previous generations I have suffered and subsequently represented by another member so that at last, however, that compulsion to repetition by itself does not solve anything the consequence of the group does not know justice for the descendants but only for the ancestors since those who are innocent must unfairly assume the fate of their ancestor freeing themselves from identification often helps to resolve conflicts and improve health Since the disease may be a need to atone for what happened, for example, cancer could be an unrealized bow, you cannot give what you do not have and you cannot receive what has not been previously taken from your parents who reveres and honors their parents feel deep hormone who reveres and honors their parents feel deep harmony With its origins becoming a symbol to fulfill its destiny, Hellinger's systemic therapy is a group psychotherapy that differs from psychoanalytic groups or group dynamics since the coordinator does not allow mutual interpretations between participants, working with each one in the same way.

group separately while the others are observers unless they participate as representatives in a family constellation in many comments many people have told me Well how is it done that is done with visualization that is done where actors come in and come in to interpret what the person felt family there are many exercises to carry out constellations there are some group therapies where several people who are also assisting to make their constellation come to help one in a constellation exercise representing the family system the person who is going to constellate so then I resolve them as one of the many doubts that have left me in the comments, the procedure is simple, the interior image of the family of a participant is configured according to the theme that they want to work on while the representatives for the members of the system are chosen from the rest of the participants. The representatives communicate what they feel to the facilitator, since they are all affected by what happens in that field of information. It starts with the staging of the internalized image of the system of which the person is a part, that is, the metaphorical concentrate of our family past.

We are going towards another image of a solution, an internal one that liberates, would be the future of the system that corresponds to the order of love, where each member occupies the place that corresponds to it . Over time, this internalized image develops its curative influence both in the individual and in all his system the work revolves around peace, love and reconciliation now let's talk about the couple as such the couple is a community of destiny a necessary relationship for both family systems each one belongs from now on to a new systemic community created by the fusion of their systems of origin when a couple relationship occurs when the couple relationship arises the looks the footsteps the desire to be close with an impulse a force and an indelible bond is created with the sexual relationship even if it was a moment there are caresses positive or negative there is a known vulnerability from those moments the greater the exchange the greater the bond and the greater the pain in the separation the couple relationship arises a couple relationship can be a bond we form with a person a person we are attracted to a person with that we begin to share feelings and there is something that is very important to keep in mind let's believe it or not believe it the people with whom we have intimate relationships these people part of their energy remains in us as well as part of our energy remains in those people there is an exercise What I am going to share with you, I think that next week is related to this issue of the constellations in couple relationships and it is an exercise that will help us to loosen those ties that we suddenly have with relationships with people who were our partner . In the past, you will say to yourself, it is not that I am the boyfriend I had 20 years ago or the girlfriend, not because that person does not exist for me, nor do I remember that this person in my life has some role, but if an adequate separation was made, for example this Separation is where we end up hating the other person and we say that they don't exist.

Don't talk to me about him, don't talk to me about her . that end very badly There are people who do a lot of damage but it is important to know if an adequate separation was made for that bond, if not only the process of separation and mourning was carried out, but whatever that person has left in us, we no longer feel belong and be with the other because when that doesn't happen when we are still United in quotes So to speak with an ex with an ex What happens our relationships are conflictive We can't find a stable person we can't find what we want in the people we get involved with So we go through life finding Prince Charming but not after a month he turns into a monster and we say come on but what happens and the same as men we go around looking for I don't know we find the ideal woman but things don't happen when that happens when there are certain, let's not say failures but we don't have much luck so to speak in love or we come out of a super stormy marriage and we say I'm going to stay alone I'm I am going to be left alone, we also have to make a cut in that link, that link must be cut and there we must return to the other what belongs to him and reclaim what we left in that person in asymmetric unions an imbalance is produced that leads to one of spouses to raise the divorce a place of conflict where all identities are at risk there are many causes that kill love and lead to the separation between them Wanting or wanting the other to change That is lack of love and respect is lack of acceptance the rivalry of power in the couple is the seed of the separation that blinds us since we enter into a game of manipulation in which we cannot see the other person because we project an old destructive pattern we are living a grudge or revenge of the past from our childhood or from our ancestors How many times have you recognized yourself saying for example It is that my husband is the same as my father It is that my wife behaves the same as my mother my aunt my grandmother is that she adopted the same behavior that will be well there is the answer What is it that has not healed from your family bond with your mother with your grandmother with your father with your grandfather with your siblings that is showing itself in your partner the origin of a love disorder can be sooner or later When the origin is prior to the transgenerational birth, it means that there is a family message of impossible or difficult love that acts as an unconscious program and that does not belong to us. In general, unresolved conflicts appear as ghosts in later relationships that become visible to others.

Through incomprehensible acts and emotions, divorce as a symptom represents a wound in the family unconscious between the masculine and the feminine and the way of relating to each other to start a new relationship and for it to work, first it is necessary to reconcile with the past The more we fight and let us despise the above, the more tied and trapped we will be going through pain implies living it, deciphering it and once it has fulfilled its function, releasing it and letting it go, the objective is to give a place in the heart to whoever our partner was, to recognize him and respect his dignity as a person as a father or mother carrying it out internally Since it cannot always be done explicitly, let's remember that what we do not overcome we leave as an emotional inheritance to our children If we do not give the recognition that is due, our children will show it to us in some way by behaving As such, giving a place in the heart to each of the previous couples that we have had or to those who have been the mothers of our own children, alive or aborted, frees us and allows us to move forward in a better way, granting them the place that corresponds to them in our soul let go and leave Thanking the other for the valuable life lesson that has been received frees both to start something new with strength and hope some considerations on the orders of love in the couple extracted from the texts and conferences of bert hellinger the man is becomes a man through a woman a woman becomes a man when she ASSUMEs that she needs a man a woman can only fully develop by sharing life with a man a man is only significant as a man having a woman both must admit that they need each other this, these texts, these parts that I am going to share here about the orders of love I know that they can be a little controversial I know that many will say many and many will say I do not need a man to be happy and although it is true that we do not see it from a point of view of the need that we need a person so that it complements us if there is a job to do there in terms of Our feminine and masculine energies when we reject that other part to that feminine part or that masculine part there is something that is important to review in us Why the figure of the yin and the yang does not explain it perfectly, we need delicacy but we also need strength. So I do not mean by this, obviously, the interpretations are personal, I share mine, I always leave the invitation open for you to read the books and draw your own conclusions, the interpretation is more like good It is important to know that if I am in a relationship I do not have to take care of everything that the other needs or the other does not come here to solve my life for example when we want a partner whether we are men or women so that he comes to solve all the financial matters, come to pay me for the degree, come to give me everything I need and I only give him my company, tell me the figure of who is adopting that couple who has to take care of my needs who has to take care of of my studies and I only limit myself to fulfilling my duties, dad and mom, be very careful with that Because those disorders are what cause those harmonies in families and in our family system another consideration of the orders of love to see you hellinger man and woman are incomplete and are completed in the couple, which in turn is realized in a third party, a new child unit or project of the couple, the strength of the couple comes from the fusion of the Opposites, the fusion of the masculine feminine, each one is the result of the fusion of his father with his mother by taking them unconditionally And equally this inner fusion gains strength and the contribution to the couple will be greater when we have not taken we have not healed the relationship with one of our parents this is visualized this is reflected Rather in our relationships as a couple How do we realize this This is not a someone told me Where are the coins in the story that I shared with you about Joan garriga someone told me that it will be a Gift to see what my parents gave me No it is not a Gift you do not have to have no Gift for that no superpower just sit down and think for a moment that you received from them you received love you received care that you received the same you received Sorry the same happens when we have not healed and we see it in our parents if for example I don't know my dad was a drunk was a super drunk type who came to the house to wake us all up and scared us because he came to hit mom and it turns out that I found prince charming and in a And how long did it take for him to become a drinker who reaches the house would scream to try to hit us or hit us all so that is where I identify which of my parents I project and look for in my partners and one does not always look for the good, that is something that must also be taken into account, it is not that one is very unfortunate, very bad, as we say in Colombia, is that what is not healed is projected onto other people to remind me that I have it pending, each one brings to the couple what is missing, although after a while together the feminine and the The masculine blurs and there is less contribution and attraction, which is why it is necessary for each one to reinforce their identity by being from time to time only with those of their own sex. The man renews the masculine being with men and the woman renews the feminine by being with women.

and thus they return to contribute more to the union that part is a very easy way of saying that in all couples relationships spaces are needed we do not have to blend in with the couple our partner cannot be the center of our world if you are in a couple And for that And that couple demands that you give up your friends or your girlfriends something is wrong and it is very important to take this into account the couple's relationship is based on the previous condition of equality any attempt to behave as a parent or child of the other provokes a crisis in the couple if a woman behaves like a mother in front of her husband knowing that it is good for him or wanting to educate him the man takes a lover this is difficult to assume but it is important to understand it many times we become in our husband's mother and we say it in a very nice way and in a very colloquial way It's that I'm the one who scolds him It's that since the mother didn't teach him to collect his reflux I'm the one who collects it I'm the one who I tell him what to do and what not to do Ah ok ready then let's look at how the family system is, it turns out that I left my place I was alluding to this when we talked about order my place is with my partner I am his wife or his girlfriend and I I was moving to become the mom So what happened when I was moving to become the mom what happened to my place as a couple Well it was left empty So someone is going to come to occupy it and That's where the lover comes in when the members of the couple are not together At the same level the man does not only look for the mother in an older woman also the one who looks for a younger woman is looking for the mother this moves away from equality he seems superior but in reality it is the younger woman who it is for him and not the other way around what a mother and son relationship results for women is similar to the reverse when we look for dad in our couples the woman must follow the man and the man has to serve the woman and her children If the A man follows his wife and the children follow the mother, that leads to failure because the man cannot develop in a situation like this. All relationships make agreements And that is something that I obviously always tell them I don't get involved in these matters of each couple it is very important to look at how the roles of power are distributed within the family who asks whose permission the children who ask permission to go out or to do something there is something that needs to be reviewed and that we will discuss and you like further on the importance of working our two energies, the feminine and the masculine, and how when this becomes disordered it happens in a lot of things that help us understand the disagreements in our lives, the consummation of love creates an indissoluble bond regardless of any external Rite The security of knowing that we are United for life, that the other is committed despite the conflicts, allows the elaboration and overcoming of these conflicts, promoting the growth of both and facilitating greater harmony in coexistence, the resolution of conflicts of The couple is the greatest tool for human growth, each conflict by opening old wounds becomes an opportunity for growth, a chance to let go and get rid of mandates, fidelity to the past and childish expectations. Look, I am working with a teacher who says that there are people who hate relationships.

arguments between couples who hate them and are afraid of them and he says that he loves arguments because arguments allow him to know what his partner thinks, they allow him to know what needs to be fixed in the relationship that suddenly isn't it is working well then one of the tasks that we also have in our relationships is to learn to solve and read conflicts if we always argue with our partner for the same thing as if we are always telling them do this do this do that we know that sooner or later the relationship ends up faltering there and one of the two ends up leaving So it is very important When we are having discussions when we are having disagreements to read what the discussion and disagreement means many times it bothers us that our partner is uncomfortable with something but that is where it is It is important to say and ask ourselves if it bothers me that the other person thinks differently from me, so why do I have a better partner? I stay alone. Acceptance means wanting without preconceived images of how the other person should be.

Each one is a perfect work of art. Yes as acceptance. it is the basis of the relationship as a couple each look each gesture has to convey our pleasure If I do not accept my partner if I do not like how he talks how he dresses how he walks how he behaves I simply do not want that person I will be there for other reasons but the love is not the main cause the real cause of a separation is a compensation movement that we generally do not know often the past a dead man a mandate or destiny interferes causing one of the two ceases to be available then the separation becomes the destiny of both the person who separates lightly from a couple to whom they were united by the consummation of love as a general rule will not be able to keep another couple in a The second relationship is about a transition that helps to complete the separation with the first partner when that separation has been difficult, that second couple still perceives the bond with the first partner .

Establishing a new link and for the first one to work must be resolved positively who rejects and despises the previous link prevents the next link this is very easy to exemplify when we get involved in a relationship we leave a relationship and come to tell our new partner everything that the ex made us suffer how we hate him how we hate his smell and his voice there the cycle has not yet been closed So what this new relationship is going to do is continue the one I ended So I didn't like it I don't know what my husband went out a lot he also started to go out and do the same to me until I solve it and don't break up, it's better that I don't get involved in a new relationship, you have to cleanse yourself of the grudge first, close all those things, leave behind, forgive, thank you for there yes to be able to enter clean and renewed to establish a new bond If that is what we want to do if in a serious relationship one separates lightly claiming now I do something for my self-realization and what you do is your business a separation This is how it is experienced a crime that one has to atone for often a child falls ill dies or commits suicide the depth of a bond can be deduced from its consequences Although the bond does not equate to love love can be scant and the bond deep and vice versa the bond is created Through the sexual relationship, that is why it also develops in incest and rape. This is something very delicate and something very important that we have to deal with later that when we expand a little more on this topic of the constellations, couple relationships charge priority over relationships with the respective families of origin and a second marriage takes precedence over the first relationships suffer if this principle is not respected if the parents are more important than the spouse and children or if a first couple is considered more important than the new one This is something that must be understood and that I know can be difficult. Relationships as a couple take priority over relationships with their respective families of origin if, for example, you get married and it turns out that your husband's mother begins to speak badly to him.

of you to your husband to tell them that you do not do this well that you do not do the other and he begins to conflict with you because of that because of those opinions of hers sooner or later that relationship is going to fail because when we get married when we we form a separate home our parents are no longer the priority there the priority is already our couple call yourself husband call yourself wife and from there on down our children we are not going to stop loving our parents we are not going to stop being aware of them but they already they are not a priority and if we do not understand this and if this causes us conflict and we say like this my mom mom or woman any man husband any first my dad do not get involved in a relationship because you are blurring you do not have a clear idea of ​​what a relationship and a family system if you prioritize your mother or father over your wife and over your children over your husband over your children late early that relationship is going to fail that relationship is going to be a torment for you and even if the bond continues Living under the same roof, the bond of love is going to be lost and their children are going to face that and their children are going to have those wounds and their children are going to, so to speak, continue dragging that disconnection that at some point was generated. in our family tree and the same thing happens with previous couples if in a couple relationship let's say I don't know there was a previous marriage and the person with whom you were or were married the person before continues to have an influence on the decisions of that person and affects the current relationship that is also destined to fail and creates a disorder in the family in the family system our partner when we get involved in a relationship enters to be the priority the family system that we formed a new one with our wife husband and our children there is no longer the opinion of the ex who comes to tell us what to do neither that of mom nor that of dad and a photo on Facebook that they shared with us in a workshop Constellations attended recently, I think many have seen that it is a couple that just got married so the girl's mother is standing next to her and the groom's mother is holding her hand in the wedding photo of the Sir, you believe that this is fine, coexistence and affective exchange allow intimacy to develop the most evolved state of relations between two adults, so that it can occur, it is necessary that both have separated from their parents and are affectively independent of them to be able to need In this way, it will be possible to create a more important bond with another person than the one you had with your parents. The man gives up his mother.

The woman gives up her father in order to be able to need their partner. Each one has to be able to tell their parents my partner for me . now it is more important than you and we already discussed this in Healing the maternal wound this is not going to turn us into bad children no one is going to come down from heaven to punish us for that obviously I respect your beliefs no And if you think that's the way it's fine If you don't resonate with this, that's it, but if I leave you the invitation to analyze it, the man who stays in the mother's area of ​​influence has no respect for women.

The woman who stays in the father's area of ​​influence has no respect for men remain adolescents with their feelings of omnipotence and contempt for everyone else the man has professional and economic success when his wife respects him for the couple to go well and his economy the woman and her economy must thank and honor the woman husband's economy, even when it is more modest than her economy, the man should manage the family economy. Even if he contributes less than his wife, both continue equally if the woman directs the family economy, she feels superior to the man and the harmony of the couple disappears between the spouses money can balance an imbalance that occurs between giving and receiving, for example, the one who earns more is unknowingly compensating for the fact of bringing children from previous couples passionate and turbulent love affairs tend to revive conflicts and childish blockages that have been totally repressed, being the manipulation games learned from childhood sexuality is the Sacred force par excellence the couple is fulfilled in sexuality that instinctive force is the sign of its greatness Beyond the human sexuality fulfilled it is a process of the soul when the soul is in tune sensuality flows alone On the other hand when sexuality withers sometimes the soul also withers the spouse who systematically refuses to have sex due to trauma punishment or any other unconscious reason hurts dignity of the person asking for sex, the relationship between the two deteriorates. the one who asks feels small and guilty because of his need.

The one who rejects feels great and with a good conscience, this usually causes the separation . another person with more life thus recovers their dignity the victim of an infidelity is someone Trapped by a dead member of the family who rejects life, sex and the joy of living infidelities show pressure from the system to solve something, most often they show to an excluded one of the spouses represents a previous partner of one of their parents and reproduces the failed relationship of this excluded person the consequence of a voluntary abortion is that as a general rule the couple ends a child is expelled by the parents and with the child the spouse is also rejected, expelled and aborted This is the process, therefore the relationship ends only if both feel the pain and they honor that son, they have the possibility of continuing, but from a different plane, whoever decides to separate will suffer a lot beforehand in order to unconsciously be able to be justified and have a clear conscience when deciding to stop if one of the members of the couple breaks off the relationship Often unscrupulous, a child in this relationship behaves as if he had to atone for an injustice. The one who decides to separate compensates the other by leaving the house and the children exceed the limits when one cheats on the other and then takes away all that disrespect for the other.

another in Divorce Cases who continues to reside in the married property and receives alimony Creates a dependency that prevents their genuine autonomy to be an Autonomous person and rebuild their life and make it work for them, they must cut all dependency by taking care of themselves his own house and his economy if one takes advantage of a situation while the other in the same context suffers a loss, these facts are related in the soul, thus developing the need to reach compensation because the first exists at the expense of the second in In a case like this, very serious things happen. A second relationship can only be achieved if the link with the previous spouses is recognized, valued and closed without outstanding debts . couple and they will end up separating as a price they have to pay for the need for balance and compensation after the divorce the children should go with the one of the parents who in the children respects the other party more to the father or mother if the parents return to getting married should not consult with the children it is done and the children should accept it even if they do not want their partner so the hierarchy is respected the new system created is the system that takes precedence over the previous systems but the relationship can only be achieved if it is recognized and values ​​the first relationship when this order is not respected the consequences are implacable every human relationship is also a process of death something in us is dying for example an illusory idea when one chooses something leaves something else in exchange every being is surrounded by a non-being that is attached to it and that consists of all the unrealized possibilities is the Apparently unfounded need to emphasize the right over the other when the former was not well resolved the new one still does not feel entitled is in unconscious Solidarity with the previous partner of the other for not being recognized to finish the levels of Love according to hellinger first stage of falling in love you move me a lot but I see you a little second you move me less but I see you more third stage of commitment I love you and I see what you Move your parents, your roots, your past, your future, your destiny and I see it with love.

I stay by your side with everything that moves me to fulfill my destiny with you . I follow my destiny, I love you and what moves you, even if that takes you away from me, well, my dears . that the principles that I shared with you, all of this, is part of the orders of love of bert hellinger.

So, if you suddenly know the book, if you have studied it, tell me in the comments if you want me to continue expanding this topic of constellations, tell me in the comments how I told them not only that I want to hold a workshop with you, but that we continue talking about this topic of family constellations that we learn to hold meetings together, sorry, there is a lot that we still need to understand, there is a lot that we still need to analyze on the subject of constellations, so tell me.