Practice Skills Recording 1

Okay, Sean. Hi. >> Start a little timer, too.

>> You again. >> Hi there. >> Hi.

Nice seeing you again. >> Yeah. >> What brings you, how are you?

>> Good. Yeah. Um I'm I'm doing good.

Um yeah, looking to like revisit um where we left off, which was um we had just been kind of like talking a little bit about how um I'm like wanting to kind of embrace growing up a little bit. Um and I felt like it's been a little difficult to do so. Um, but I think that I might be making it harder for myself than it needs to be.

>> Why do you Why do you believe you're making it harder for yourself, Sean? >> Yeah. Well, like we had previously talked about, I think that um some of the ways that I was criticized by my dad um or maybe I'm playing a little bit of a role uh in or maybe a bigger role than I'm I'm fully aware of in kind of my inner life.

>> When you say inner life, what do you mean by that? >> Yeah. I think that I'm like um interacting with people that um I know are um like for me and admire my walk with God and um would celebrate like growing.

Um, I still feel like I create this uh narrative in my head that they're like bothered by like they want me to be who I always am. um and like would feel that I was like fake or um like not as fun. Like I don't know.

I just like I feel like I start thinking those things even though no one's really like saying it. I hear you saying that you start to think about, you know, people are supposed to start having like a nar they're thinking a narrative in your head about about you that is like not not in a positive way. >> Um what what is what kind of behavior are you like having around your these co your close ones when when you start thinking this?

Um you you had asked what >> like when >> types of things I was thinking is that sorry >> well what kind of behaviors are you like you you said that you you start to think like the people around you are have this narrative in your head about you that is and so you start like feeling >> so what are what are you doing when you start thinking like oh they're thinking this about me? >> Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Um, honestly, just like I feel like some of the things that we're learning about in the class, like um trying to like trust that silence is not a bad thing. Um, I think um I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to joke a lot less.

Um, but some of that is just like starting to realize that um, usually I'm joking cuz I'm like trying to make the moment about me. And I I just feel like I'm kind of um or like I'm thinking about what I want to say instead of just saying it. Um, and so I'm like behaving differently, but they're all things that I feel like are good things that even scripture would like hold up and go like, "Hey, the this is a good way to like love people.

" Um, but then the world that I like exist in is very like high energy. High school is very impulsive. uh there's that like line of like you don't want to cross it, but they like want to find out how inappropriate they can be before they cross that line.

So, I don't know. It's just like the world I'm in. And so, when I'm not matching that, it feels like I'm potentially bumming them out or like running the risk that they're like not going to like me anymore.

and maybe not listen to what I have to say. I don't these are like no one's saying these things >> but I am I feel like inside um which it makes it hard to want to like keep doing it. >> So So how long have you been dealing with it?

Is this recent or >> um I don't know. Maybe like I think I'm learning how to like have language for it recently, but I think I've been feeling the call to grow for at least a couple years now. Um yeah, I used to go to a it was an online school.

Um but um the school I was going to, I really liked like a lot of their people um felt further in their maturity than me um spiritually and I just really liked that. I liked the environment. >> I liked um that I felt immature around them.

like I don't know. It just felt like I had uh people to become like and then I would like go to my normal space and I would just feel like um everyone younger than me and um less mature than me. And so it feels like hard to lead them and like selfm motivate myself to be who I feel like God's like prompting me to grow up into.

Um yeah, so probably a couple years that I've felt that, but I feel like just recently I'm starting to like understand how to talk about what I'm feeling. I hear you say that that um you are just recently understanding how to talk about talk about how how you're feeling and since you've been since you've been able to be begin doing this has it been helpful for you and if so why? Um, you mean like talking about it here?

>> Just period because you you me you said that you've recently been able to like start understand talking how you're feeling. So, do you do you talk about your wife? >> Yeah, I think what >> and like your family or >> um Yeah, a little bit.

Um, yeah. Yeah, it's been it's been helpful to kind of like have some people know about it. Um, at the end of the day, it just feels like when I show up to the space that has the most resistance, I'm the leader in the room.

Um, everyone's like, "What's he going to do in this like funfilled high school ministry that um to some degree has to have that fun. Um, and I don't really want to be the one pushing it any if I'm being honest. " like >> um so then I get there and it's like I have to go up on stage and be kind of fun and talk to high schoolers who are looking for like approval and attention through these jokes and Yeah.

It just gets like feels like overwhelming. >> Yeah. and um sometimes even uncomfortable and I'm just like trying to like think about what I want to say and they're like waiting for me to talk.

Um and then yeah, there's like a part of the job that's like, well, I got to go up and be fun, but it's hard to turn that off once you're done. And I don't know, it just gets like Yeah, I know how I feel and where I want to be, but I feel like I get to my job and I'm like, this is not helping. >> Yeah.

Have you thought about >> Yeah. >> Does it run through your mind like have you thought about changing roles or are you going to stay there for a while or I mean continue on with it or >> Yeah, def definitely. Yeah, that's that's why I'm doing this.

>> Yeah. >> Um I think >> I know the parts of my job that I love. I love when I do get a chance to like sit with someone, a leader or a student, and we get to like slow down a little bit and embrace um not seriousness, but like just what's going on in their actual life.

And I love that moment. Like that's it's the best part of my job. Um, and then yeah, so I think the more I've learned, like I like that, um, had some people speak into my life to consider counseling.

And, um, so yeah, the goal would be for this to kind of be the reason I could get out of having to be a high school pastor. Um, I think I would always like to volunteer with them, but I don't know how much longer I want to like work in it. Um, and yeah, some of that is like I just I don't want to be like 35 and still doing youth ministry.

I just like >> just don't want to. But >> yeah, >> I love it. like it, don't get me wrong, but I don't I don't know how much longer I want to do it, which is weird because I love it >> and I what I I hear you saying like not in a in a negative sense, but you kind of >> sound like you're ready and you're you're like kind of growing out of it like you're ready for the your next stage of life and to step out into more what what you know the counseling you know >> um and ready to step fully into that.

So, I think that if you're if you're able to like find a way to transition in a healthy way, that'd be good for you. >> Yeah. Yeah.

Which is uh challenging because we can't just be counselors. >> There's like, you know, school and Yeah. getting credits and things like that.

So, it is a little like >> I mean, at least two two and a half years before school is done. that that will probably be the job that I'm I'm maintaining. Like it's it's a great job.

I love it. >> I love my team. I love my leaders and students.

Like it's a it's a great space. I just Yeah, I'm starting to get to the point where um I've been I've been at the same church working for this ministry for 10 years. Started when I was 19.

And I got hired cuz I was fun. Like I I could hang out with high schoolers and >> I also happen to like the Bible. Um and so >> but like I'm not 19 anymore and I still kind of feel like the job wants me to be.

And when you job, are you saying like the the other leaders or the or the high school students theirel or >> um a little bit of both? I think in general like it's just part of high school ministry. Like we probably comparatively don't have the funnest ministry in the world, but um like we do our games and you know we mess around and we always make make room for it.

Um but yeah, I just think I've like um but I'm not like a like I like being in that space. I know I've helped our leaders like we have a lot of young leaders and students like envision what their life could look like down the road. I don't think I'm acting 19 all the time.

Um I just feel like this next hurdle of growth has been hard in that space. >> I understand. I understand that.

>> Yeah. >> Yes. What I what I may I may I offer not advice, but like just um what I think would be amazing for you is as you're growing and and you're no longer feeling like your 19-year-old funny joking self.

Um >> yeah, >> is to be able to >> you first feel comfortable with the growth like because you are definitely growing >> and but you need to be able to feel comfortable in it like even even if you are for the time being a high the high school pastor the youth pastor still but allow them to see allow your leaders and allow the the kids to be able to see like okay this is I'm not maybe funny um Joki Sean anymore. I'm now matured and and and I'm sure you have already mentored them in in amazing ways already. But >> be able to like step into that maturity and allow it to sit as part of your character and reflect out with them.

And I think that that's not >> I think that because children, high school kids, they they want someone to be able to come and talk to. Yeah. the jokes and the fun is awesome, but also people like to have like connection with people in other ways in a deeper and meaningful way.

and if they're able to see you and you you I know we have have a few years before our counseling, you know, before we get licensed and everything, but I think the awesome thing about it is just connecting with these people daytoday. Like if it's our co-workers or other pastors or or these high school kids, you're able to like exercise your counseling skills with them to grow it. So just like be able to step into your new role >> and just kind of like transition it if you have to, but just like feel comfortable in it.

feel comfortable in it, accept yourself. >> Yeah. >> And um that this is what God has for you.

So this transition that's >> Yeah. Thank you. I I appreciate that encouragement.

>> You're welcome. You're welcome. >> Yeah.

Yeah. Um I did like that you I don't know if something that grabbed my attention is like sharing that season with them. I feel like um I don't know.

I don't know if I've been like transparent about wanting to step into that uh new season. And so they probably don't even know. No, >> they're just like sometimes Sean's really quiet and thoughtful and then other times he's like the funnest person in the world.

Um, and that's probably like confusing for them. But yeah, I guess if I like shared, hey, this is where I feel like God is calling me, then they would be probably a bit more inclined to be accepting of that and um less confused by it. Um if they are and there might be even more freedom to like just grow.

>> Yeah. And and the cool thing about kids is it's so good to be transparent with them. >> Like they they they they may just be like less thinking like so if you were to open up and share like um we could learn from kids also and being and being transparent with them and just showing like you know what this is what I'm doing.

This is I'm growing in this. It could it it's a good leaving actually leaving a good example for them like because I'm sure they have dreams too. And what do they want to be when they grow up?

what is God calling them to be? And for you showing like, okay, you know, God's calling me to be this and this is what I'm, you know, >> growing into. And >> so that would be kind of cool to share that with them.

>> Yeah, it could be kind of cool. >> Yeah, >> definitely. Yeah.

>> So, let's review what we've discussed so far. Um, >> cool. You came today and we're come we're touching b touching base from last week's session about um you being you feeling you being critical to yourself more often you know more re recently more um and that you know stems back possibly from your dad being very critical with you and about your walk with God um >> also with you like um being a youth pastor um when you're getting you know getting a little bit mature in age that you're you like to joke and you like to have fun with the kids and everything, but at a certain point, you know, you're like ready to just like, you know, just >> Yeah.

Yeah. grow up a little bit. >> Yeah.

And so, um, I I did hear you like, um, feel encouraged when I when I, um, encouraged you to, um, just, you know, work your hard earners. So, be transparent with the children, with the kids, with the high school kids, and just let them know, you know, what you're what's going on, you know, with you also. that I think that would be helpful for you.

So you don't have to feel so stressed and be able to like stay in like oh I have to be this certain way or oh I have to be you know just just allow yourself to grow and allow it to show out to the world. >> Mhm. So I'm just writing that down.

>> Um yeah. Yeah. I feel like um like it's been helpful to think um out loud about some of this stuff.

Um which I don't know why I felt like I just needed to like grow and then they'll see what God did in my life as opposed to just being like I'm growing like I'm not there yet. >> Yeah. Um, I felt like, yeah, I don't know why I needed that to be like not private, but seen but not discussed, maybe.

>> Um, which just doesn't feel like a beneficial way to do anything. >> Yeah. Um, and so yeah, maybe that's like a cool opportunity with our team on our weekly meeting just like, hey, here's an update, like here's where I'm at in life.

And um, yeah, maybe finding ways to like include that in messages or life groups with students. Um, yeah. Cuz it would be weird to just see someone like start changing.

>> Um, like I've even been thinking about telling some of my leaders that I hang out with regularly like, "Hey, I'm learning about like all these skills. " Like if I'm just being quiet, they'll be weirded out. I don't know.

So, I guess maybe Yeah, there's even more I could let them in on. It could be like cool for them. when and when you say you just stay quiet about it.

Why is that even? >> Well, I don't I think I'm just learning like it's like silence is a good tool in conversation listening to people like um you know sometimes we interrupt on accident just not giving them enough time to talk or I'm thinking about like what I want to say now just things like that you know I think what we're learning about requires sometimes an overhaul of behavior and um it's all for the right reasons But I would say that yeah, not not a ton of these skills are things I regularly do. Um, >> so to just start like summarizing out of nowhere.

>> Yeah. >> Sounds like it might freak some people out. I don't know.

But >> maybe we'll we'll we'll tackle that one in the next session. >> Yes. >> How are How are we on time, by the way?

I think we're close, right? >> I think so. I think so.

25. >> Did you happen to look at the time when we started? I think we're >> I have a timer going.

>> Okay. What is it? >> Yeah, you've been at like 24 minutes.

>> Okay. So, >> I I don't Yeah, >> go ahead. >> I would say I I feel like Yeah, we can start like wrapping up.

I think that's >> Thank you for coming today and sharing so much with me. Um, I would um I just um encourage you this week moving forward just to um work on a little bit of what I like what I um I guess gave you advice to do and um >> a little more self-reflection and just feel comfortable in where God has you. >> Um >> as you know God has plans for us and they're not to prosper us.

They're to prosper us and not to harm us and their plans to give us a hope in a future. So I know sometimes, you know, with doors opening and other ones shutting and everything sometimes, you know, as we grow and age and sometimes it could feel almost like scary like what's next? What's going on?

Why am I changing? What's, you know, am I good enough for this? You know, >> but um just believe in yourself and just trust that God has you.

>> Thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you.

>> All right. >> Do I stop that one? >> Hey, you did a great job.

>> Yeah.