are you ready yes yes oh my gosh what happened why what happened no for real what happened something definitely you weren't Born This Way what happened why are you so reserved I'm just naturally shy well not naturally you weren't shy as a baby crying for your mama's milk what happened since then I see it you're just afraid to say it why why what happened I think I'm naturally just just been there yeah just oh loud well it's not just not loud it's where's the life where's the passion I said yeah are you excited yeah kinda
I'm just just naturally like this why when did you shift to being a loud baby like milk come on my milk give me the teach doctor yeah do you want it son I guess so what happened when did it shift there's definitely a time it can be hard to remember to be clear but there's a time when there was a shift all of you by the way weren't born like humans the people I see here for the most part aren't the people you were when you were born I see a bunch of fake masks however
most of you have confused these fake masks with the real you why because you've been being this fake mask for so long it's as if I were born with these sunglasses on for real imagine I'm a baby I'm like and my mom's like putty's on you put these sunglasses on like okay and then I go through life and I try to take him off at school and express myself and what do the classmates say put it back on okay okay I'll put him back on then maybe I grow a little older I'm like you know
what I can work on my confidence I saw a post saying I'm good enough I don't need the sunglasses put them on okay okay I guess it's just me I was born with these sunglasses on the sunglasses of shyness and stifledness and shame then I come to an event like this I'm sitting down with everyone are you excited yeah these are my eyes no you realize when did you put them on I Was Born This Way I was born with sunglasses on well no there's some point in your life where you started hiding and putting
them on and the first step to True change is awareness now as I mentioned it can be very hard to identify why because we suppress and repress it's not comfortable to remember the first moment someone was like put them on usually it's due to trauma something traumatic now when I say trauma it doesn't necessarily mean at a surface level Something extreme like someone just beating you although yes that is traumatic but as a child you have a very limited perspective maybe in class someone's laughed like and you're like oh my gosh I'm gonna be ostracized
from the classroom and from my limited perception as a kid the classroom's the world better fit in and you've gotten so used to wearing these sunglasses so used to being fake you've forgotten what it's like to be you now from there what do people do they look for tips and tricks hey how can I uh you have any tips and tricks to make it seem like I have eyes even though I'm wearing sunglasses anyone any tips and tricks to be confident and loud and that is the majority of self-help for real go online go on
YouTube how to be confident how to be expressive and it's like hey just do this do that hey it's all about your morning routine huh so that means my morning routine will make it seem like I'm not wearing sunglasses it doesn't work because it's compensating it's in reaction it's the whole what now philosophy I have a problem what now what now how do I fix it what now as opposed to and this is what you must all realize a lot of it is self-imposed instead of what now the approach is why and when wait a
minute why do I need tips and tricks to make it seem like I have eyes when did I start hiding my eyes it's the whole fake it till you make it hey you gotta act confident too you feel confident yeah well wait a minute why do I have to act confident fake it till you make it even that whole saying is assuming that you are being real right now how do you know you're being real what if you're being fake What If instead of fake it till you make it it's act real until you remember
until you remember what it's like to be you recently my daughter really got into the Lion King the Disney movie and um by the way that movie is intense and emotional as you all know and out of all the Disney movies that one's one level up I had to buckle her seatbelt when she's like hey I want that one I'm like are you sure she's like yeah and I'm like well it's a little scary you want me to fast forward she's like no just the scary parts for real for real so we're watching this movie
and there's the classic scene where Simba runs off grows up and tries to hide from his problems right he's hanging out with Timon and Pumbaa eating bugs and there's this scene where he looks up first into the water then into the clouds and sees his father his father appears in the voice of Darth Vader Simba remember who you are stop eating the bugs you are a lion remember who you are and he's like oh you're right that's a lot of this work here I'm looking at you bug eaters not Bill Gates bug eaters but authenticity
bug eaters you've been hanging out with Timon and Pumbaa too long you're like being real no no no remember who you are that's a lot of this work now to remember who you are it's not as simple as just realizing it oh yeah just remember no it's identifying everything that is keeping the bug eater alive all the experiences all the references all the beliefs that have been programmed into you you are not enough shut your mouth don't be so loud stay quiet if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all okay okay
it's releasing all of that and it's not about becoming confident it's about realizing confidence it's not about I'm a bug eater how do I become a lion tips and tricks to be a lion and so realize you're not a [ __ ] bug eater you've always been a lion so back to you spit those bugs out when did you start eating the books when did you start putting these on what happened I think it started when I got disproportionately punished in childhood for being loud now pause notice just a huge shift just now in the
way you talked before versus now huge before what's wrong I don't want to say it just give me a bug please and now respect to you it dropped a bit I see a bit more of the Lion in you acknowledging it now it's not comfortable to acknowledge it as you can see you're like oh this hurts yeah it hurts anyone who sold you on this lie the transformation is Peachy hey just follow the feel good you want to know how you're changing you feel better and better and better no people tend to think true transformation
not that I've done it is like a Molly trip it's not and not that I've done it either but I like the analogy it's like an Ayahuasca trip I have tried acid when I was 21 to be clear but that's the only one I've done but it was pretty traumatic too but no true change is you're facing your inner demons you're not running from them the same with meditation true meditation that changes you isn't focusing on a mantra or the now and just being like be present be present be present and for most people although
this is beneficial by the way to some extent it turns into this Escape where they're trying to be present to avoid their problems to avoid the negativity that's not fun to realize no true meditation is instead of focusing on that focus on your problems and release the charge behind them because that's what's running you focus on all the stuff you've been running away from your entire life it's like your entire life I'm running away from this oh no the monster is behind me money success friends relationships food drugs alcohol it's still there self-help self-help no
no stop running away turn around and face it and what you'll realize is that there was never a monster to begin with it's the same as a child who is scared of monsters I talked about my daughter before she's in that phase now she needs a monster check before going to bed there is a child A Younger You an inner child that still fears things that you know now as an adult that aren't scary you know there's no monster in the closet but a part of you still believes there are you know there are certain
situations for example in life if I were to say bring some of you up and say Hey sing a song in front of everyone you ready who am I going to pick to sing you ready probably you're feeling it what are you feeling the younger you saying I might die now logically as an adult if you look at this situation are you gonna die if you sing yes no no I was like well maybe no no but it still feels that way when your response is disproportionate to reality that's when something inside of you is
being triggered meaning there's a part of you not consciously but a part of you that still thinks if I do this most likely due to a past experience if I do this and I embody this aspect singing expressive my survival is at risk is it no but it believes it and it's no different than adult you conscious with child you subconscious saying hey it's time to open that closet now every step of the way it's going to feel like a monster is going to LEAP out until you do you're like and that's what you must
do with every single thing that runs you every single thing that gets triggered inside of you it's opening the closet and ultimately facing fears Bluff because it is a bluff all those situations in your life audit them consciously how do I feel about this audit your emotional reaction then logically analyze it is it proportionate and anytime it isn't you're fearing a monster in the closet now it's not about then trying to progressively desensitize yourself because that's the traditional approach right hey I'm scared of public speaking what am I going to do speak a ton and
get used to it but that's not the way because then you're trying to numb yourself to what you're feeling it's like that movie Fight Club it's go to your happy place in the snow with the Penguins it's like and people do this socially right I'm scared to say hi to this person I'm scared let's do it happy place happy place hi how's it going but then you never address the actual fear you never address what's getting triggered this means not escaping to your happy place sink into it let it take over go into the discomfort
go into the triggered Sensations and feel them and by being with them the charge gets released that's how you open the closet and realize there was no monster and the more monsters you realize weren't there the more free you become for real that's the work you can try to compensate as much as you want it never gets to the cause it's the same with say social skills I call this the difference between a social scammer and a social master meaning that in human interactions communication skills there's a lot to be aware of there's different channels
of communication there's different things you can say ways you can express yourself Charisma so on and so forth one person is going to use all that advice to distract people from who they authentically are I'm not good enough but if I act this way and say this thing people are going to think I'm up here terrible toxic that is scamming you're scamming people into thinking you're someone that you're not that's a social scammer a social Master is someone who might use the exact same understanding technique so on and so forth but it's not to distract
people from who they are it's to highlight who they are the same with self-help spirituality inner work you can use this to try to compensate and escape from that inner Darkness or you can use it to dive into it release it and ultimately just like Simba spit out the bug and realize you're a lion okay now one last thing back to you what's the fear around tapping in it or ultimately reclaiming that inner lion what happens if you are that I'll get abandoned oh damn rejected okay follow-up question and this will be the last one
don't worry how do you feel right now on a daily basis do you feel fulfilled and whole and happy or do you feel somewhat abandoned and rejected I don't say I feel shame reclusive hiding yeah so great honesty and by the way give them a hand because that takes a lot for real there's the last point with this reclaiming your inner Simba your inner lion is it possible that just as you said you do get abandoned and rejected yes or no yes no yes yes yeah is being authentic although people praise it hey just be
authentic be yourself is it peachy no not necessarily especially if you've been acting like a bug eater your entire life suddenly you're like hey by the way everyone I'm a lion ah they run off literally even your closest relationships your closest friendships it might stir things up and they might leave you they might not be okay with you being a lion but here's the thing even though externally they might abandon you leave you reject you here's the most important part internally you stop doing that to you because right now by not claiming your inner lion
back to Lion King um you're ultimately disowning and abandoning yourself a part of yourself you're pretending to be someone you're not and although yes externally things might seem fine and peachy it's never worth it this is when you create what I call a golden prison where at the surface everything seems fine and you know how many clients I get where everything seems fine at the surface so many especially entrepreneurs by the way people who work a ton and at the surface you'd look at them you're like they have it all look they are friends they
have money they even have a family they're doing something they love ugh I wish I was dumb yet you talk to the behind the scenes they're being eaten up inside they're like everything seems great at the surface but I feel terrible within what's wrong with me and I tell them you're not honoring you it's not worth sacrificing what's in here for what's out there and even in terms of feeling safe and secure in life by the way it's not about designing an external situation or a safe space where you're like okay if I just control
everything I have my friends I have this everything's safe right I just need to control things to go my way that'll never lead you to True Safety and Security true Safety and Security true confidence even is knowing that no matter what happens out there I'm okay I can honor me be me and if everyone leaves that's okay because I got me and then it gives you the platform to build real friendships real relationships not who resonate with the front the person you've been pretending to be the bug eater but who resonate truly with you and
this is a harsh truth where hey if you're really willing to change it's confronting your inner demons but also confronting what we call the destruction phase of transformation meaning you change great but now everything out here is going to change too anyone who resonated with the old you gone they're not going to like it they're not going to accept you even close friends close relationships that might fade away too and you have to be willing to sacrifice that there's a price to pay for everything there's a price to pay for authenticity the price to pay
for authenticity is you have to let go of anything and everything in your life that is inauthentic and it's scary it's harsh especially if that's all that you have because then you're left you're alone I'm starting from scratch yeah you are but I'd rather start from scratch now than years down the road or never and you know when most people start from scratch on their deathbed when they realize it's too late like what have I done it's like you're gonna die now where they find out they have some illness um it's like hey you have
you have stage four cancer you're like everything I lived was a lie and that's why everyone on their deathbed always has these regrets they're like let the younger Generations know and it's always the same thing it's I wish I would have allowed myself to be happier I wish I would have been more real I wish I would have spent time with the people who truly matter but for them it's too late and we don't take the warning we're like oh that's inspirational back to my phone scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll no take the warning that's
that whole die before you die saying you must all realize these things before you get to that point because there's no warning in life your warning is you're born you're gonna die there's your your warning you're gonna die and it's never worth sacrificing what's in here ever and it's a choice it's a commitment you must all make and usually it comes after a lot of pain you reach a point where you're like enough is enough and there's also value and pain all of you here you are here because you've experienced some kind of pain or
you won't have this openness to actually work on yourself and confront what's going on the things you hate about your life the most is what led you here on this journey of self-improvement so there's value there but you can't do it halfway you got to commit and trust me although it's scary it's like I might lose everyone there's that famous saying once more although you might get rejected and people might leave you who only resonated with the fake front and that might hurt but you know what hurts a lot more only being accepted when you're
being someone that you're not you forever feel like an imposter and what does it keep saying hey like say you're being fake I'm like you're so awesome you're so awesome you're so awesome you know you're being fake what does he keep communicating the fake me's so awesome meaning the real me sucks anytime someone compliments the fake you it tells the real you you suck you're worthless you're nothing and it does more harm to your self-esteem than anything else and the loneliness too we think lonely is just having no friends no one no many people are
extremely lonely surrounded by so many people and even people who care who are there for them hey what's wrong I'm here for you but it always feels like you're just one step back disconnected like there's this invisible wall between you and others and although they're there it just doesn't click because you are not fully there for you until there's the click within there won't be a click out there so that's the work I know it seems fun at the surface same as on social media it sounds so great be authentic be yourself attract your tribe
it feels so good when you're authentic everyone follow the feel good now the truth of it is as always don't fall for social media the real work starts by diving into that inner Darkness the real work is not comfortable the real work is facing your inner demons right into it it's opening every closet where you think a part of you thinks there's a monster in it and reowning it and when you do you are free and trust me the loneliness you might feel doesn't come from something missing out there it's in here someone who's there
for themselves loves themselves it doesn't matter who they're with because they got them and that's the thing all of you have you you're in a relationship with you and audit your time alone away from people away from distractions can you hang out with you when's the last time you went on a date with you when's the last time you went out to dinner with you how was that you'll see too restaurants even couples someone goes to the bathroom immediately I need my distraction can't be with me you come home after work TV drink food something
I gotta be doing something with me I can't just be with me no be with you that's a lot of this work funny enough it's the same with parenting a lot of parents they must always do things with their children I got to spend time with my kids what's some cool activity my kid would like let's do this let's do this and it might be the most fun crazy things but when's the last time they actually were just being with their kids even doing something boring just sitting there just playing or listening to them just
being and offering your full attention and presence that's what the kid wants and that's what you want from you view yourself parent and kid are you just doing things with yourself I'm bored oh let's do the movie thing let's do the work thing let's do the drinking thing let's do the eating thing let's do the TV thing when were you just being with you just spending time and honoring you can you even remember when's the last time you played with you now when I say player it's like no but when's the last time you you
played and just use your imagination funny enough that's also a lot of business and stuff it's it's creating right now what am I doing I'm playing with myself not in the way you think but I'm playing with me I'm I'm creating this thing in this moment we lose touch with that we're always used to external things doing to us movie Do It To Me video game entertain me restaurants oh feed me right it's doo doo doo when were you at the cause of your own fulfillment and joy and you'll see this for myself like it
was a great reminder with kids it's like you see this in kids they'll take two little toys they're like here's the bottle toy and making up stories and creating and playing do you do that with you and the best way to try this is get bored more often create Windows of boredom where you don't just jump to the next distraction you can schedule it in like work hey for one hour today no distractions nothing I'm either gonna sit still or entertain myself and see what comes up for real same with going on a date with
you go to a restaurant by yourself now you have the option you're either gonna sit there like me I wish someone was sitting across from me what are people thinking of me and no phone by the way you're just there with yourself waiting you order you're waiting for your food and now there's a great opportunity to entertain yourself there is massive value in boredom we don't allow ourselves to get bored that often we're just rushing with all these distractions there's an infinite amount of them with social media all the streaming services you could binge shows
until you die for real it's endless and people have gone so used to it too that the quality and standards have dropped down to the point where people just pump out the worst things here's like it's better than just me better than hanging out with me like that's why people also watch these mindless reality shows and like all these things like oh like dating stuff and there's like watching it they're like I know this is trash but it beats being with me right so it really comes down to once more that relationship with you what's
it like can you be excited being with you what does it feel like to be you I'm bored well then there's work to be done well I don't really love me well then there's work to be done a lot of this too is like you could say marriage counseling for you and yourself imagine you and yourself were sitting there on the couch like you're there with yourself and I'm like okay why do you hate her you're like ah she's lazy in this what do you have to say oh well she does this and like listen
to it that too it's the uncomfortable work it's listening to that inner dialogue we all have it that little voice in your head what's it saying stop trying to ignore it or drown it out listen to it and take notes what it's saying although not comfortable although usually really mean and terrible is the most valuable information you might procrastinate on something you worthless piece of [ __ ] you're like oh did that where did that write it down why why do you think I'm worthless because of this why else because of this take all the
notes now you know what you're working with that's ultimately what gives you the game plan for what to work on no one out here is going to give it to you I can't give it to you because I don't know you only you know you so you got to discover and introspect what is running you what's going on if I'm in an abusive dysfunctional relationship with me how can I fix this and then it's not just with you and present you it's with you and younger versions of you you've all heard the term inner child
I was joke my events are rehab for abusive parents all of you are the most abusive parents you abusers now not to real children to your inner child shut up get in the corner it's like Harry Potter sleep under the stairs in the closet shut up I'm like no rate own reown forgive but their shame that younger version of he got rejected in school pre-owned that's this work and what you'll notice to conclude this first part is with time you will feel more at home within yourself more at home within your body no longer the
need to hide compensate create this mask be cool no longer living in this very competitive State me versus and that's how I used to feel by the way early on in my journey I've been working on myself since 2006 so for a while now coaching since 2010 but the first year or two coaching it was a lot of Me versus the audience even where I came up here and internally I felt insecure I'm like oh I know I know I have some good things to say but I'm afraid that people see through me what if
they see that I'm still a little shy within oh no what if they see the anxious me that I've been all these years oh no they're all against me they're all looking for weakness and that's what I felt I'd walk up here in front and instead of seeing all of you here like oh hey how's it going I would view you all as enemies just like ready to take notes show us the weakness we're here to see through the front and I was like okay me versus and it wasn't me versus like gotta dominate or
hurt you or whatnot but it was like just gotta be cool do you like me look how cool I am and I'd compensate as opposed to hey no what you see is what you get here's me and notice how ridiculous that inner dialogue is too I'm here and there the enemy yet if we actually logically look at the situation no one's the enemy all of us are here because we believe in working on ourselves none of you showed up here be like screw this guy you're here he's like hey I like this guy's content please
deliver value here in the in person that's why I'm here I put in the effort to show up here in person which by the way isn't nothing and thank you for showing up in person old me would have been way too scared to show up I'm like just behind the screen on YouTube never in person so you had the balls encouraged to show up here I said balls but I said you know the whatever and courage to be here respect you want this event to go well you're rooting for me you're like come on give
us the value you got this yet it's funny how in my head in the day I was like no they're against me how many situations in your lives is that happening people want you to succeed it's crazy friends might want you to succeed maybe not all family members might want you to succeed maybe not all so many people want you to succeed and we're like no they're all against me because those deep rooted beliefs programmed into you during your childhood are more powerful than whatever conscious ones you try to make yourself think now and they
will hijack your focus and they will block out anything that goes against them and that's why this work is so important
