you're telling me that humans avoid war that can't be right zix snack clicked its mandibles in disbelief anteni twitching with skepticism Professor gloops gelatinous form rippled with what passed for amusement in bonian culture oh my dear student you've stumbled upon one of the greatest paradoxes in the Galaxy humans avoid war precisely because they're so damn good at it the classroom of alien change students buzzed with confusion literal buzzing in the case of the insectoids but Professor a trembling voice piped up from the back belonging to a nervion I thought humans were primitive they don't even
have telekinesis gloops eye stalks swiveled dramatically ah but that's where you're wrong twitch humans don't need telekinesis they have something far more terrifying creativity Collective gasp rippled through the room even the stoin looked mildly perturbed you see gloop continued oozing towards a holographic display humans have this annoying habit of turning anything into a weapon observe the display flickered to life showing a human wielding was that a writing Implement is that some kind of mini laser zixen ax inquired nope gloop replied popping the pee with a bubble that my dear students is what humans call a
pen primarily used for transferring information onto flattened tree carcasses except when it's stabbing someone in the jugular the nirosan fainted nobody noticed but surely a logican interjected if humans are so Adept at Warfare they would engage in it frequently it's only logical gloops form jiggled with laughter Oh you sweet summer child humans avoid war for the same reason you don't challenge a black hole to a game of who can suck harder it's just not a fair fight the classroom fell silent processing this information well mostly silent the neosan was coming too mumbling something about transferring
to underwater basket weaving 101 so zix KNX ventured humans are merciful Bingo gloop exclaimed spraying a bit of slime in excitement give the arthropod a cookie humans avoid war out of a twisted sense of fairness they know that if they really let loose it wouldn't be a war it' be a galactic bug squashing party and guess who'd be the bugs the insectoids chittered nervously but fear not gloop continued his tone brightening humans much prefer making friends to making War they have this quaint saying Make Love Not War though fair warning their definition of love can
be just as terrifying as their Warfare as the bell rang an ancient human tradition the university insisted on keeping the students filed out each lost in their own thoughts zix Knack lingered behind approaching Professor gloops desk Professor it asked hesitantly do you think do you think humans would want to be friends with me gloops form softened quite literally oh my dear zix snacks humans would befriend a sensient black hole if given half a chance just maybe don't challenge them to any drinking contests or eating contests or any contests really trust me on this one as
zicknacks scuttled away mandibles clicked in a smile Professor gloop couldn't help but chuckle humans avoiding War out of Mercy who would have thought then again in a universe full of surprises humans were the biggest surprise of all and that perhaps was the most terrifying thing about them a few weeks later zix Knack found itself in the University's bustling cafeteria Trey Laden with a variety of multicolored nutrient cubes it was scanning the room for a place to sit when a booming voice cut through the den hey bug eyes over here zix nax's antenna twitched in surpr
surprise there waving enthusiastically from a corner table was a human an actual real life human mandibles clicking nervously zix snacks approached the table you you want me to sit with you the human grinned revealing a row of alarmingly sharp teeth course I do name's Dave I'm the new exchange student from Earth and you look like you could use a friend or six six snacks glanced around realizing that the table was occupied by a mly crew of aliens from across the Galaxy there was even a nirosan though it seemed to be hiding behind a potted plant
I'm znack it managed settling into an empty seat how how are you finding our universe Dave's eyes lit up with an enthusiasm that was equal parts endearing and terrifying oh man it's awesome did you know you guys have planets made entirely of diamond we've got to figure out how to turn that into jewelry think of the engagement rings a logican at the table raised an eyebrow Ridge engagement rings yeah Dave exclaimed it's this weird human tradition where we give shiny rocks to the people we want to mate with for Life works like a charm let
me tell you the nasan whimpered from behind its plant zix snacks feeling bold decided to ask the question that had been bugging it pun intended since Professor glo's class Dave is it true that humans avoid war out of Mercy the table fell silent even the cafeteria everpresent hum seemed to quiet down Dave's expression softened ah you've been talking to Old gloopy haven't you look it's not so much Mercy as it is perspective we've been to Hell and back usually of our own making these days we'd rather make friends than corpses it's more fun and the
cleanup is way easier a collective sigh of relief rippled through the table besides Dave continued a mischievous glint in his eye why wage war when we can wage peace you should see the kind of chaos we can cause with a well-timed hug or a strategically deployed compliment it's way more entertaining as if to demonstrate Dave suddenly stood up and shouted across the cafeteria hey blowbacks your tentacles are looking particularly slimy today the Kraken likee creature on the other side of the room blushed all shades of purple nearly knocking over three tables with its flustered writhing
znx couldn't help but click its mandibles in laughter maybe Professor gloop was right humans were terrifying but in the most delightful way possible so Dave said turning back to the table with a grin that could outshine a supernova who's up for a game of who can eat the most basaran Fire Peppers without crying winner gets bragging rights and possibly a new stomach lining as the table erupted into a mix of eager agreements and horrified refusals zix Knack realized something profound the universe wasn't ready for humans but maybe just maybe that was exactly what the universe
needed after all in a cosmos full of Wonders sometimes the most wonderful thing of all is a friend who's crazy enough to try anything once especially if it involves potentially lethal Cuisine the great bazarian fire pepper challenge went down in University history as both a Triumph of interspecies bonding and a cautionary tale about the dangers of human inspired Shenanigans the infirmary was packed for days and the janitorial staff threatened to go on strike if they had to clean up one more puddle of multicolored spice induced alien vomit but for zix and ax it was the
beginning of a beautiful friendship weeks passed and the unlikely group became Inseparable Dave ever the Catalyst for chaos seemed to have a knack for finding the most outlandish activities for them to try gravity defying yoga on the ceiling check zerog G water balloon fight double check translating human memes into 17 different alien languages you bet your exoskeleton we did that zix knack recounted to a wide-eyed group of freshmen at the Student Union one of the freshmen a bioluminescent blob pulsed curiously but aren't humans dangerous I heard they can survive things that would kill most species
zix snacks mandibles clicked in what passed for a chuckle oh they're dangerous all right dangerously addictive as friends did you know Dave once ate a sandwich that was technically illegal in 14 star systems just because someone dared him to the freshman gasped in unison even the stoin looked mildly perturbed but here's the real kicker zixen ax continued leaning in conspiratorially last week we had an incident a warmongering warlord from the aggression nebula showed up all tentacles and Terror threatening to conquer our little corner of the universe the bioluminescent blob dimmed in fear what happened zix
nax's compound eyes glinted with mirth Dave happened he marched right up to that overgrown squid looked at dead in its 17 eyes and said hey buddy you look like you could use a hug in a hot cocoa want to talk about it silence fell over the group broken only by the sound of a nervos fainting in the background the warlord was so confused it forgot to be angry next thing you know Dave's teaching this Intergalactic Tyrant how to make friendship bracelets and sing Kumbaya the aggression nebula is now the mild inconvenience nebula and they're hosting
an Interstellar of bake sale next month as the Freshman buzzed with excitement some literally zix snacks couldn't help but reflect on Professor gloops words from that fateful class humans didn't avoid war out of Mercy they avoided it because they had so many more interesting ways to change the universe just then Dave burst into the Student Union a whirlwind of enthusiasm and questionable ideas guys I just had the best idea who wants to start an Intergalactic boy band six snacks chittered in Amusement the universe might not be ready for humans but it sure was more fun
with them around as the group filed out already arguing over band names and who got to be the mysterious one a thought occurred to zix knacks maybe the real reason humans avoided war wasn't Mercy or even creativity maybe it was because they were too busy turning the entire galaxy into one giant chaotic wonderful party and honestly snacks wouldn't have it any other way after all in a universe full of countless wonders sometimes the most astonishing thing is finding out that your best friend is the very species you once feared and realizing that the only thing
truly worth conquering is your own preconceptions as Dave would say that's one small step for man one giant leap for Intergalactic Shenanigans and with that thought zix Knack hurried to catch up with its friends they had a boy band to form a universe to befriend and probably a few more laws of physics to casually break along the way just another day in the life of a human's alien bestie as it turned out forming an Intergalactic boy band was easier said than done especially when half your members communicated via pheromones and the other half had a
tendency to spontaneously combust when hitting high notes okay maybe and sink or swim wasn't the best band name Dave admitted helping zix Knack towel off after their fourth aquatic rehearsal but you've got to admit our harmonies are getting better zix knacks clicked its mandibles skeptically Dave the melodious meeps from gamma 9 filed a noise complaint they communicate entirely through subsonic vibrations exactly Dave beamed we're breaking barriers zix we're not just crossing genres we're crossing entire sensory spectrums before zix in ax could formulate a suitably sarcastic response an alarm blared across the campus the kind of
alarm that usually preceded either a surprise Pop Quiz or an alien invasion alert unidentified spacecraft entering orbit this is not a drill repeat this is not a drill students of all species scrambled in a panic the nervous seans true to form had already fainted on mass forming a quivering carpet in the quad Dave however looked positively thrilled six but do you know what this means that we're all doomed and I should have listened to my third maternal unit about pursuing a career in spor farming no it means we've got our first gig before zix KNX
could process the sheer Insanity of that statement Dave had already grabbed a makeshift microphone which looked suspiciously like a repurposed tentacle scrubber and was rallying their ragtag band all right in sink or swim This is Our Moment operation serenade the Invaders is a go as the mysterious spacecraft descended looking every bit as menacing as a cosmic dentist's drill Dave and his motly crew set up on the landing pad zix snacks against every Instinct of self-preservation found itself taking up position behind a set of drums fashioned from empty nutrient Cube containers the ship's doors hissed open
revealing well revealing something it was hard to tell under all that armor and weaponry Dave undeterred flashed his signature grin Welcome To Earth University where our grades are high and our dance moves are higher where NS sink or swim and this one's for you big guy what followed was either the greatest or most catastrophic musical performance in Galactic history opinions varied largely depending on how many functional ears The Listener possessed afterward Dave belted Out lyrics that somehow rhymed xenomorphic with terrific The Blob bonian on keyboard oozed over several octaves simultaneously znack caught up in the
moment delivered a drum solo that would have made Neil Pier proud and slightly confused the armored figure stood motionless weapons still raised as the cacophony washed over it for a tense moment after the final note faded and the last echo of Z snack's enthusiastic symbol crash died away silence rain then to everyone's shock the figure began to dance oh my stars the voice from within the armor was decidedly more high- pitched and excited than anyone expected are you guys a real band that was amazing I've never heard anything like it the armor retracted revealing not
a fearsome conqueror but a starry-eyed fan with too many Limbs and a t-shirt that read I heart Earth culture I'm blixer the alien gushed all six of its eyes wide with excitement I've been monitoring your transmissions for years I came here hoping to experience Human music firsthand but this this is beyond my wildest dreams Dave ever the opportunist saw his chance well Bor my new best fan how' you like to be our manager and just like that and sync or Swim went from campus joke to Interstellar sensation their first album invade my heart topped charts
across 17 star systems their ballad love is like a quantum entanglement you can't explain it became the unofficial anthem for peace talks throughout the Galaxy as zixx watched their music video premiere on the galactic broadcasting network a realization struck humans didn't just avoid war out of Mercy or creativity they avoided it because they were too busy turning potential enemies into adoring fans one terrible pun and catchy Chorus at a time you know Dave mused passing Zig snacks A celebratory nutrient Cube I think we've stumbled onto something big here music The Ultimate peacekeeping Force zix Knack
chittered in agreement just wait until they hear our new track Photon Torpedoes of love as the two friends clinked their cubes in a toast zicknacks couldn't help but think that maybe just maybe the universe had been waiting for humans all along not as conquerors or saviors but as the Galaxy's Ultimate Party starters after all it's hard to wage war when you're too busy dancing to the beat of a Different Drum especially when that drum is being enthusiastically founded by a six-limbed arthropod with a newfound passion for Intergalactic rock and roll Fame as it turned out
was a double-edged sonic screwdriver six standard galactic months after their impromptu debut NSYNC or Swim found themselves headlining the biggest concert venue in the Andromeda galaxy the cosmic Coliseum a repurposed black hole that had been stabilized and turned into an acoustic Marvel by some very Bor Quantum physicists I can't believe we're really here zix knacks chittered nervously peeking out from behind the neutronium curtains at the swirling mass of eager fans there must be beings from at least a thousand different species out there Dave busy applying what appeared to be glitter sunscreen SPF 5000 grinned I
know right and to think 6 months ago our biggest crowd was a bunch of hung over floian at the campus cafeteria blixer their sixy manager scuttled over all of their limbs occupied with various communication devices slight change of plan Stars the opening act the melodious meeps of Gama 9 are stuck in a temporal traffic jam you're on in five micro quarks as the band scrambled to get ready a commotion erupted near the stage entrance a group of stern looking beings in official looking uniforms push their way through hold it right there the lead official boomed
their voice echoing with the gravitas of a thousand bureaucratic stamps I'm agent zorp of the galactic cultural preservation Society this concert is cancelled a collective gasp rippled through the backstage area even the black hole seemed to hiccup Dave ever the Diplomat stepped forward whoa there bigie what seems to be the problem did someone forget to file a form in triplicate agent zor's eye stalks quivered with indignation this is no laughing matter human your so-called music is causing unprecedented levels of cultural cross-pollination species that have been at War for eons are suddenly fraternizing the vbls and
the schlorp mortal enemies for Generations were seen sharing a milkshake and discussing cord progressions zixen axis and anteni twitched in confusion but isn't that a good thing good zorp sputtered it's chaos how are we supposed to maintain the delicate balance of Galactic Society if everyone's too busy harmonizing to remember their ancient blood feuds Dave's eyes lit up with that dangerous gleam that zix snacks had come to both love and fear you know what this calls for don't you the rest of the band groaned in unison they knew that look an impromptu musical number Dave declared
already reaching for his microphone tentacle scrubber What followed was a performance that would go down in Galactic history as either a masterpiece of diplomacy or a war crime against eardrums depending on who you asked Dave with the Charisma of a supernova and the vocal range of a malfunctioning garbage compactor launched into a power ballad about the beauty of cultural exchange six next provided a Rhythm Section that somehow Incorporated both drum beats and interpretive mandible clicks the bonian keyboardist liquefied into a sentient synthesizer producing sounds that defied both physics and good taste as the final notes
faded and several nearby nebuli reconfigured themselves agent zorp and his team stood slack jawed their clipboards forgotten that was zorp began his voice thick with emotion the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced I think I need to rethink my entire existence and just like that nyn or Swim had done it again the concert went ahead as planned broadcasting across the Galaxy in a wave of Harmony and questionable dance moves in the aftermath as various species mingled in unprecedented displays of Intergalactic Goodwill zix Knack found Dave sitting quietly backstage looking unusually contemplative credit for your thoughts
zixx offered settling down beside his human friend Dave smiled a gentler version of his usual grin you know when I first came to this University I thought I was going to learn about the cosmos instead I think we might be teaching the cosmos a thing or two about being human zix Knack chittered softly and what's the most important lesson that the best way to unite the universe isn't through war or even peace treaties Dave replied his eyes twinkling it's through terrible puns worst dance moves and the kind of music that makes you want to tap
all your appendages no matter how many you have as if on Q the opening chords of their hit single Supernova of Love began playing in the distance accompanied by the joyous sounds of a thousand different species attempting to sing along snacks realized that that perhaps this was the true power of humanity not their capacity for war which they avoided out of Mercy but their ability to turn the entire galaxy into one giant ridiculous wonderful party and as Dave pulled out a small Earth instrument he called a kazoo declaring it was time to compose their next
hit zix knacks knew one thing for certain the universe would never be the same again but maybe just maybe that was exactly what it needed after all in a cosmos full of infinite possibilities sometimes the most revolutionary Act is simply to strike up the band and see who joins in the dance
