to be in the thr of a narcissist is like living in your own personal hell but let's take a look inside the mind of the devil The Picture of Dorian Gray is Oscar Wild's great philosophical novel it explores the life of one Dorian Gray who is the result of a wish made in his youth does not age and instead all of the scars of his life and his sins are borne by a portrait that he keeps locked away in his attic I love this novel for many reasons but today I want to talk about how
it perfectly illustrates the inner world of a narcissist the character of Dorian Gray cares only for himself he manipulates the people around him and overpowers them with the sheer force of his personality he does this all while feeling little guilt for most of the novel at each case finding some flimsy justification for his actions and the novel explores both this aspect of his character and its dire consequences but first a quick disclaimer I'm not using the word narcissist in the same way that a psychiatrist would I'm not trying to diagnose a fictional character with a
personality disorder instead I want to look at Dorian Gray's narcissistic traits and see what we can learn from them about the inner world of a narcissist ultimately I want to show how narcissism does not just corrupt the people around the narcissist but eventually comes back to destroy the narcissist themselves but first let's set the scene three High Society men are languishing in a garden the first man is basil hwood who is a painter obsessed with Dorian Gray's Beauty he Paints the portrait that will eventually age in dorian's place hwood Prides himself on being a good
man and is the angel on dorian's shoulder next we have Lord Henry Waton an avowed he who wants nothing more than to eat drink and be merry he is the devil to Hood's Angel he cares little for the consequences of his actions or the effect that they have on others he simply wants to enjoy all of life's Sensations to the fullest finally there is Dorian Gray himself a beautiful young man who radiates Charisma the novel follows these three characters for around 20 years and it charts Dorian Gray's descent into narcissism and his eventual self-destruction so
with our main cast introduced let's get started one vanity the first element of Dorian Gray's narcissism is his vanity he becomes obsessed with his looks and his own Charisma early on in the book he is told by Lord Henry that he is so handsome and has such a force of Personality that people will find it very easy to become obsessed with him people will fall in love with Him worship Him do anything he says and gray is immediately seized by this idea he becomes furious at the beautiful portrait of him that hallwood has painted as
he knows it will serve as a constant reminder of what he used to look like as his Beauty Fades over the years he casually wishes that his portrait would Age while he would remain young and unscarred forever a number notes to him at this point his wish was granted and we see over the course of the novel how much his looks and raw personality serve him everyone trusts gray upon first meeting him and they almost seem captured in an aura when he's there the endless self-confidence granted to him by this effect he has on others
means he seldom questions whether he's doing the right thing after all he faces very little push back for it he slowly begins to take on Lord Henry's idea that to be beautiful is far better than to be good thus his Beauty and Charisma become justifications for his increasing manipulation of the people around him his feeling of superiority assures him that he cannot do anything wrong one turning point in the novel comes in his romance with the actress syil vain gray sees her performances and immediately falls in love with her proposing to marry her forth with
but when he brings along his friends to see her act she is so Lovestruck that all her acting ability leaves her embarrassed in front of his friends gray goes backstage after the play and loses his temper completely at civil he says that he once loved her because she was an artist but clearly she is an artist no longer she has become ugly in his eyes and is no longer worth loving and certainly not worth marrying in response cibil takes her own life and back at Dorian Gray's house a cruel smirk develops on his portraits lips
and it is interesting to see just how gray justifies his cruelty here he soothes his conscience by saying that the whole tragic romance is incredibly aesthetic comparing it to The Shakespearean romance as Cil used to staren in other words aesthetic considerations have overtaken moral considerations in Gra mind this is the depth of his vanity and the first true Mark of his narcissism anything can be justified as long as it's beautiful and since he's the most beautiful man in London well he can do anything if you want more on philosophy and the art of learning then
subscribe to my email list the link is in the description two nihilism and Hedonism it is immediately after the tragic death of Cil vain that the first cracks begin to show in Gay's worldview having read a book given to him by Lord Henry about the triumphs of Hedonism he becomes obsessed with the idea of exper experiencing all sensations of throwing away any sort of moral compunction and instead embracing simple short-term hedonistic Desires in his own words I've never searched for happiness who wants happiness I have searched for pleasure here we see gray fully dismissing any
hope for long-term fulfillment sacrificing it at the altar of momentary pleasure and this Hedonism necessarily comes with a certain form of nihilism gray values nothing apart from his pleasure he Embraces a form of crude individualism where nothing really matters apart from himself this is where we see his narcissistic Tendencies come into full force he sets about indulging himself in every sort of debauchery without any care of what the effects might be on other people he envelops those he meets in his nihilistic influence using his Beauty and charismatic presence to either get them to do his
bidding or corrupt their very Souls into something completely unrecognizable everyone who Associates with him seems to come out the other side in complete ruins one of the men's up addicted to Opium another has his entire reputation destroyed another takes his own life the women he Associates with are all scandalized because it is highly implied that gray sleeps with them and then makes no secret of it his friendship takes the force of a black hole the gravitational force of his Charisma sucks people in and then his corrupting influence crushes them into nothing they reemerge into the
world as shells of their former selves with the mark of nihilism branded on their foreheads but this Hedonism not only corrupts others it begins to erode Gray's own mind he is stalked by the shadow of onwe that General sense of meaninglessness in life I'm always struck by how remarkably bored gray seems to be during most of the book despite ostensibly living a life of pleasure he seems to know that the pleasure is only surface deep in his pursuit of his own immediate Joy he has forsaken any genuine connection with other people and this has ultimately
left him feeling empty inside the person he spends the most time with is Lord Henry and gray remarks that he doesn't even feel close to him gray gets used to discarding friends without a second thought once he has finished with them and this means he never gets to feel the genuine life affirming effects of a true companion and this is the beginning of the tragedy of narcissism the narcissists May fool themselves that they are happy for a short while using everyone as means to an end but this situation cannot continue Wild's book reminds us that
the momentary pleasures of life will not grant us happiness or fulfillment without a higher meaning Hedonism is a great Philosophy for one evening but a terrible Philosophy for life it is only by forging genuine connections with others and seeing them as equal to ourselves with their own thoughts feelings goals values and Ambitions that we can actually begin to find some meaning and comfort in this life and there are even worse side effects of Gray's narcissism to come and that is what we shall explore next three guilt and shame in his wish for his portrait to
Bear all his sins and all the weariness of age gray has attempted to split his soul in two he wants the picture in his attic to contain his conscience his guilt his shame while he remains Carefree despite his evil Deeds unfortunately for gray even this bizarre Supernatural intervention is unable to help him here during the novel Gray's mind wanders between feeling No Remorse for his actions to suddenly being plunged into guilt fear and shame at a pivotal moment in the novel basil hallwood meets with gray and begins to explain to him the consequences of his
complete disregard for other people he tells gray of how all his former friends and lovers have had their lives ruined by his influence he explains how people have begun to see him as a scheming figure cloaked in a superficial charm but with deep evil lurking just below the surface he implores gray to change his ways to use his good good looks and endless charm to influence people for the better and to be mindful of his effects in this world in other words he forces gray to come face to face with his conscience in response gray
flies into a fearful rage he simply cannot bear the weight of his own conscience crushing his Spirit gray invites basil up to see the portrait Basel painted of him all those years ago basil is horrified to discover that the portrait bears not only the signs of Gray's aging but all the outward signals of his sin the portraits's face is Twisted into a wicked smile and it begins to resemble a rotting corpse it shows exactly how Wicked the soul of Dorian Gray has become gray is horrified at the sight of the portrait and begins to sob
in a corner when all of a sudden his anger arrives fresh and violent he blames basil for the stains on his conscience and for the guilt he feels at his own deeds and then he murders basil furiously stabbing him to death it is this evil act which is the true breaking point for Dorian Gray's mind he falls into total Despair and runs off to an opium den to drug himself into a stupid but even there he can't escape the legacy of his Wicked Deeds there he meets the brother of cibil that young actress he wronged
so grievously in his youth the brother seizes gray and threatens to kill him and while gray does manage to escape from that moment on he is gripped with Terror he begins to suspect the brother is everywhere just out of sight just waiting to kill gray even when the brother is killed gray cannot Escape his conscience and can't bear to be left alone I think this perfectly illustrates just how futile it is to try to run away from our conscience the n great blessing is that they find it easy to disregard their conscience for a short
time but their ultimate curse is that they cannot ignore it forever eventually in the dark corners of the nights where there is nothing stirring but our minds our better Natures will whisper in our ear and chastise us for all our evil Deeds all our crimes all our sins it will show us the faces of everyone we've ever wronged and demand that we answer to them narcissism may seem like a great approach to life what better way to live a pleasant existence than to believe you are the best person in it and and everyone is there
to serve you but this delusion of grandeur cannot be maintained eventually reality will come back to bite us when we realize that we are not demigods but flawed beings who have ignored their own values for too long and for Dorian Gray it truly has been too long four the habit of narcissism ultimately the most destructive thing about Gray's narcissism is that it becomes such an ingrained habit that he just can't shake it even when he tries to be better he just cannot bring himself to genuinely care about others in the final two chapters of the
book Dorian Gray goes to Lord Henry and proclaims that he has changed he now cares for other people he confesses he met a young girl in a village he was staying in and he could have taken advantage of her like he had done with all the others he could have used her and left her in the dust her reputation destroyed and her prospects ruined but he did not he restrained himself and left her unmerged by his Wicked influence he tells Lord Henry this is the beginning of his new life the beginning of his existence as
a good man but Lord Henry just laughs he says that gray has not actually done any good at all at all the girl from the village will now Pine after him for the rest of her life and she will be completely unable to love another and either way he really suspects Gray's motives gray has not truly done this out of the kindness of his heart but for some new aesthetic flavor he wants to play at being a good man but he doesn't actually have it in him to be a good man at least not according
to Lord Henry Gray's ultimate concerns still lie firmly with himself gray runs back home to unveil his portrait and he discovers that alongside all of the signs of age and cruelty it now has the distinct look of hypocrisy and insincerity it was true gray only had his own interests at heart and could not care for others in a rage gray stabs the portrait ending his own life this last Point shows both the misery and the tragedy of the narcissist perfectly eventually not caring for others becomes a habit and just like any other habit it grows
stronger over time just as if you had painted portraits for 10 hours per day for two decades you would become a great painter if you thought only of yourself for 10 hours a day you would become a f fantastic narcissist even if you wanted to change your ways it would become incredibly difficult here wild even seems to think that it would be impossible but perhaps I more of an optimist than wild or at least my interpretation of wild here it is always difficult to change the habit of a lifetime but that does not mean that
it can't be done I wonder what would have happened if gray had not stabbed at the painting but instead slowly begun to reintroduce care for other people in his life he could start small at first something as simple as letting others ahead of him when he walks into rooms or summoning up genuine Goodwill for the people he called his friends but over time he could gradually build up his habit of caring for others until he was a great influence for good in the world with his looks his Charisma and his learning nothing would be impossible
for him he could have become a great leader a brilliant philanthropist he could have left the world a better place than how he found it instead the first sign that it would be difficult to change his Wicked Ways he gave up entirely I suppose we will never know how things might have turned out differently but we can use gray as a sort of anti example here this is how not to become a better person such things take time and we must be patient with ourselves or else we won't stand a chance and finally a word
of warning five the temptation of Dorian Gray one of the most powerful things about The Picture of Dorian Gray is just how well Gray's life works out for him until suddenly it doesn't he is enjoying his hedonistic life until he suddenly isn't and is filled to the brim with despair he is content being evil until his conscience bursts through and he is completely overwhelmed his inflated ego works greatly to his Advantage until the bubble suddenly pops and he is left lying dead on his attic floor and this is what makes a hedonistic narcissistic approach to
life just so tempting if you look around you you will see that people who prioritize themselves and their egos above all else do very very well in the short term they may seem successful in love because their confidence does not falter even for a moment and they deliberately Target vulnerable individuals they may make more money because they are untroubled with Petty things like impostor syndrome or self-doubt they may exude Charisma and charm their self assurance seeming almost intoxicating to the people around them but Wild's great novel reminds us that such a state of narcissistic Bliss
can only last for a short time you can only sit staring at your reflection in the lake for so long before you fall in and drown and we all have narcissistic Tendencies to a greater or to a lesser extent we all sometimes indulge in a slight feeling of superiority to our fellow man we are all guilty of ignoring the needs of others to satisfy ourselves from time to time and there's nothing inherently wrong with this in small doses we're all human but I think that the character of Dorian Gray is a great illustration of what
happens when we lean on the crutch of egoism too heavily it will seem to Bear our weight for a time but then it will suddenly snap and we will be left alone on the floor surrounded by the shattered remains of our selfish lives gaze at the inner mind of the narcissist for too long and you might just see pieces of yourself in there I hope you enjoyed the video and subscribe to my channel and my email list for more on thinking to improve your life
