I believe there are two types of people in the world those that sing in the shower and those that perform in the shower and I am a performer I don't know what it is about that small space with the water running my shampoo bottle is my microphone and my loofah singing backup all I know is when I'm done I want to start touring instead of toweling now after the shower is out of the way comes the really important part choosing what to wear I stand in front of my closet bursting at the seams and I
still have the thought I have nothing to wear now usually this decision is made a little bit easier for me because I work as a registered nurse and we wear scrubs to work with the big bold blocks of colors that scrubs are sometimes the decision feels more like what giant Crayola crayon do I want to be today the closet is just one of the areas in which our stuff overwhelms us we wear 20% of our clothing 80% of the time we live in a time where with the click of a button you can order something
online and have it arrive at your doorstep without even leaving the couch abundance is the name and spending is the game we have no problem with gathering stuff but we have a problem with using it and that's why I'm here today at this point you get to join me I'm gonna invite everybody to raise one hand I won't make you do anything crazy like those guys I'm gonna ask a series of questions if you answer yes to any of the questions I'm going to invite you to lower your hand do you have clothes in your
closet with tags on do you have clothes in your closet you haven't worn in a year - you have a candle in your house that has never been lit do you have special alcohol that you're saving for a special occasion do you drive a luxury vehicle that spends more time in the garage than out on the open road finally do you have dinnerware or China that you save for a special location or guests if you find your hands back in your lap you've earned yourself ten more minutes of listening to me I returned from a
family vacation in Mexico and I bought myself a beautiful blue ornate candle I was so excited to light it I returned home and I thought today is not the day I'm gonna save it for the right occasion so I tucked it in my closet and I forgot about it two years passed and I remembered my candle and I thought today is the day I'm gonna light it so I pulled out my candle and I opened the box and my beautiful blue candle had turned into a big puddle of wax my candle had melted now what
struck me is really strange about this was that my candle had done exactly what it's designed to do it's designed to melt but it had done it without me that's the day that I learned don't let your candle melt in the closet after telling one man this story he came up to me after and he said my wife and I have had candles in our house for 10 years and they've never melted perhaps it's your location not your loss that you should be focusing on and I said I think you might have missed my point
there all of the things that we gather have one thing in common we decide that they're special we have no problem with cutting the tags off the sweatpants or putting the IKEA cutlery and dinnerware out it's the good China the expensive Scotch the good suit that's stay locked in the cupboard I learned this on a new level one day when I was out shopping and I overheard a man complement the other man on his watch and the man responded if you like this one you should see the ones I don't wear this sounded really strange
to me until the other man responded absolutely the best ones never leave the box now these watches tick instead of melts but I could see their batteries running low as their owners wore their second-best watch saving the best watch for another occasion I want you to reflect on that item that made you lower your hand when you think about using it or when you go to use it what is the feeling it evokes in you is it a feeling of special of importance of poise I learned recently when I don't wear something it's because I
decided it's too nice I was recently given a necklace it was a bit nicer than the kind of necklace I normally wear so I put it on and I showed it to my sister and I said this is too nice to wear everyday she looked at me and she said it is really nice but isn't your thing don't let the candle melt in the closet she was using my quote against me I get simple yes or no would have done it struck me as soon as I had elevated this necklace to be too nice to
wear every day it got moved into my jewelry box and forgotten about waiting for that special day this made me really curious so instead of gathering stuff I decided to gather information and I learned that our tendency as humans to stockpile stuff is based on two mindsets I am not enough and I don't have enough I'm gonna begin with I don't have enough this is a mindset that was ushered in by the Great Depression and sold us the lie that by gathering things around us we can protect ourselves against hard times I believe it's best
summarized with a quote by author Lynn twist she states for me and for many of us our first waking thought of the day is I didn't get enough sleep this is quickly followed by the thought I don't have enough time whether true or not these thoughts occur to us automatically before we even think to pause or examine them end quote this mindset of I don't have enough means that we live in houses three times bigger than 50 years ago and yet our garages are so filled with stuff we can't park our cars in them the
second mindset is I am not enough I already said we're excellent gathering stuff we as a society love to shop and when we're shopping we're looking for those things that are missing in our lives you don't have enough time buy another power tool for that deck project you don't have enough time for you haven't lost the weight buy a pair of pants that will look so much better when you've lost that last 10 pounds and you don't feel special or important buy a pair of stilettos that make you feel so good in front of the
mirror but they never leave the house when we're shopping we're looking to fill our lives with the things that are missing we stand in the store and we convince ourselves I can become enough for these items but something happens between the cash register and our closets whatever convinced us in the store that we could become enough for these items disappears we make room in the closet and we make room in the garage and we forget about them what if I told you these items aren't just items they write promises promises of someday when these items
dictate the milestones in our lives we think to ourselves I'll wear it when I'll light the candle when I'll use it when you fill in the blank when you make a partner when you lose the weight when your life finally matches your life on Pinterest the mindset of I am not enough keeps our clothes in our closets and the champagne going flat in the bottle what if I told you that someday when wasn't coming as I told you I work as a registered nurse in the emergency department in emerge we see it all let me
tell you when people know he plans to come to emerge you don't put it on your schedule and think three o'clock coffee four o'clock emerge five o'clock dinner you'll never get out in an hour when people come to emerge they don't bring their special scotch they don't wear their finest suit you come as you are and everybody gets the same blue cotton gown that looks terrible on everybody I have to admit I use that gown is a bit of a test with my patients it's usually my first interaction and I give everybody the same instructions
put on this gown take everything off the gown opens to the back I pull back the curtain after they've completed the task and sometimes they've thrown it on like a housecoat open to their front open to the front with all of their clothes still on sometimes they throw it on the housecoat but without the clothes underneath open to the front and a bit of a surprise behind the curtain and sometimes they put it on properly in emergency change is our currency we see it all the time sometimes it's good change Bowens get put back into
place pain disappears with a powerful drug called morphine answers are given to questions those are the good days on the hard days I'm reminded that life can change in an instant heart attack stroke car crash from the vantage point beside a hospital bed what's important becomes very clear those excuses for why you didn't light the candle didn't drink the Scotch become very small you didn't drive that car to the hospital and you may never drive it again now people ask me so your takeaway from working with life and death is to use your stuff no
my takeaway from working with life and death his life is what you make it so make it one you enjoy I want to be really clear on what this idea is it's a mindset shift of viewing yourself as enough to have and use your things it's also a reminder you're in control of your life so why not make it one that counts I want to be really clear on what this idea is not the four most annoying letters of my generation Yolo you only live once this is not an excuse to blow the bank account
go to Europe on credit or buy that convertible you've been eyeing you should be able to go home today without stopping by the store and look around your house and use your things that candle that melted triggered something in me I thought this might be a candle but it represents so much more I started to tell that story of my candle to my friends and my family and I didn't realize that it could make an impact in other people's lives as well I told the story to one friend and the next time I was over
at her house she took me on a candle tour lit lit lit lit Gillian I had waited a year to light that candle you told me the story and I let them all the next day another friend pointed up at a beautiful pair of stilettos on her shelf and she said those beautiful buggers are from when I booked my first speaking event she texted me later that week and she said I'm wearing the shoes no more melting I started to see candles in my friend's closet but they weren't in the shape of a candle they
were in the shape of dresses that never seem to make it out of the closet and so I decided to throw a party and the rule for this party was you have to wear the dress you have nowhere else to wear the women are nodding we all have a dress like this it's a dress that whenever you go to get dressed up it never makes the cut it's too tight it's too bright it's too long it's too short whatever the excuse the excuses are up and you have to wear this dress to this event I
think my favorite part of this event we went to a restaurant and you could tell that the patrons once we were all gathered we're trying to figure out what the theme of this party was is this a terribly coordinated wedding party this is Halloween come early what is up with this group of girls I think the thing that stood out the most was how much fun we were having you see when you put excuses on hold the other side of that is joy confidence freedom all of these characteristics that we had kept hidden in our
closet came out when you said no more excuses today's the day recently a man was talking to me about when you're given a present that's beautifully wrapped you know the kind that they clearly went that extra mile to wrap it beautifully do you put it on your shelf without unwrapping it and saying look how beautiful it is how could I possibly unwrap it no because you know the present on the inside is even better than the wrapping I think life gives us a present and it's called today and we hold back from unwrapping it and
we give ourselves excuses and make it feel okay but really what's on the inside is what matters you might be sitting there thinking I think it takes more than wearing the clothes in my closet or popping the champagne or pulling out the good China but I would say those small action send a big message you're no longer letting life slip or rather melt by my challenge to you is whatever made you lower your hand earlier in my talk I ask that you use it within the next week pull out that China for a random Tuesday
night open that Scotch take the car out cut the tags off your clothes and don't let your candle melt in the closet thank you [Applause]
