hello I'm darag and today's topic comes from some questions asking about the accusatory nature of narcissistic people I would like to say narcissistic people can have grievances just like anyone else but in this video I'll focus on the outrageous sometimes even nonsensical accusations they sometimes make but to understand the reason behind the accusations I think it's useful to understand the nature of narcissism among other things narcissistic people can be very disagreeable and highly resistant to anything that could be considered as criticism there is also a constant need for attention and admiration as well as a
lack of empathy for others but they also have a false and very fragile sense of self where they believe themselves to be special Superior and highly entitled and this sense of themselves can be easily Shattered by reality but because of this they tend to have a lot of deep-seated insecurities which can lead to combination of maladaptive psychological defense mechanisms and one of those defense mechanisms is accusatory Behavior as the saying goes the best form of defense is a good offense now the nature and motivations behind their accusations can vary often depending on their own personal
life experiences where they are in that narcissistic Spectrum as well as other things which could be co-occurring but one reason they make accusations is as a way to deflect detention away from their own shortcomings by pointing the finger at others they avoid feeling vulnerable or inadequate when ever challenged or confronted about something it's not uncommon to hear things like well what about this or what about the time you did that and this helps deflect from the topic at hand shift blame avoid criticism and avoid having to face their own responsibility and whatever the issue is
next due to their sense of entitlement and having no sense of responsibility narcissistic people can behave as if they are perfect and morally Superior when usually they're far from it they project their own negative behaviors and traits on to others often accusing them of doing the very things they do themselves such as cheating being selfish or lying projecting these negative qualities onto other people helps them to avoid confronting their own flaws and maintains their perfect self-image moving on narciss s lack insight and have little to no empathy which makes them less sensitive to how their
accusations might hurt other people they may not even care about the emotional distress their allegations cause they focus solely on maintaining their own narrative it's all about how they feel another aspect of the lack of insight is how many people in relationships with narcissists have found themselves accused of things that make no sense now what could be happen happening is the narcissistic person is accusing their victim of doing things that others have done to hurt them in the past due to their cognitively distorted way of seeing the world whoever they are angry or upset with
in that moment is not guilty of all the bad things that other people have done or said to them throughout their lives they have the same motives and the same agenda they can also filter conversations for instance if someone says I don't think what you're asking for is reasonable well at some point this could be reported back as whenever I asked you for that you said no you're not doing it you're not giving it to me because you hate me now depending on the narcissistic person they could well be exaggerating for effect but it is
possible that's how they actually filtered the conversation so what we can see is them jumping to conclusions about what things mean another reason for their accusations can be because of their intense desire for control making wild accusations can destabilize others and put them on the defensive they coerce others by claiming that not aligning with their way of thinking or behaving the way they demand is wrong or evil and no one wants to be seen as evil so their targets are constantly second guessing themselves or perhaps seeking approval as a coercive tactic it works for them
because people can be offended and may react in a way that plays right into their hands whether that's become becoming aggressive or pleading their innocence or they might become frightened to step out of line for fear of being accused of something so the accusations can be a form of psychological manipulation or gaslighting where a narcissist tries to distort Reality by claiming something they don't like is bad or accusing someone of something they didn't do they create confusion and self-doubt in their victims making them more dependent on the narcissist for approval or guidance and ultimately ly
compliance next narcissistic people can be quite paranoid and often feel threatened by other people's success popularity or Independence they can have an irrational fear that others are out to undermine them betray them or diminish their sense of importance so they can lash out with accusations due to their own insecurity envy and jealousy there can be wild claims of people trying to take something from them something that is theirs by right there can be claims of in unfairness or that they're being hated narcissistic people lack humility they are rarely pleased for others and don't like sharing
the spotlight and they can become bitter and vindictive if they think someone has something they don't or can do something they can't now another reason for the accusations can be because narcissistic people thrive on chaos and drama outrageous wild accusations can stir up conflict which can be exciting for them for instance they can accuse partners of cheating based on them saying hello to someone they can accuse strangers on social media of being the vest people they have never met for holding a particular opinion that maybe contradicts theirs they can misinterpret and misrepresent other people's thoughts
and ideas use strawman arguments claim nefarious motives and deception it's like if you were to say you prefer tea well that means you hate people who drink coffee or are maybe discriminating against those who prefer coal Beverages and this works on different levels for them it's another way to destabilize others and create conflict it also feeds their need for drama gets them attention diverts focus away from their own behavior and can help them gain and maintain control of other people and of situations lastly when it comes to Wild outrageous sometimes even nonsensical accusations it can
be due to low resolution thinking narcissistic people tend to have an All or Nothing way of thinking they appraise everything through a filter of black or white good or bad right or wrong you're either a friend or an enemy due to their lack of empathy and insight they can struggle with context and Nuance this is one of the reasons why people can find it hard to understand the fact that the narcissistic person in their life may be very clever intelligent even talented and yet seem to have little to no emotional intelligence they behave like spoiled
toddlers at times narcissists tend to know they're hurting but they don't necessarily know why they're hurting or what that pain means so they often lash out in the hope of alleviating their distress also narcissistic people tend to function pretty much in the here and N it's whatever they think or feel at that moment is what's true and they can confuse sometimes even for straight the hell out of people with their constantly changing ideas perspectives and moods also narcissistic people tend to have a long memory whenever it comes to their emotional wounds whenever they bring up
something from the past it's not always as a way to deflect from their own behavior it can be because whatever hurt them back then is still hurting them today but to summarize narcissists can accuse people of hatred for saying no or for not saying yes quick enough the way they wanted to hear it they can accuse people of cheating if they didn't respond to a text quickly enough sometimes they even behave as if they can see thoughts and motives but whether to deflect coerce alleviate their own distress or seek revenge there are times when whatever
it is they accuse you of to a narcissist at that very moment it's true it's true because they think it it's true because they feel it so there are just some of the reasons why narcissistic people can make wild allegations and accusations to others as always if there's anything I've missed anything you'd like to add please use the comment section there are some interesting conversations start from these videos but if you find this topic to be interesting please consider subscribing and until next time thanks for watching
