(logo beeping) - [Falcon] A protagonist in a video game is supposed to be awesome, right? That seems like a given, but sometimes it just really isn't. Sometimes they're the worst.
Hi folks, it's Falcon, and today on Gameranx, 10 of the most annoying game protagonists ever. Starting off with number 10, it's Haroona from "Unknown Nine: Awakening. " The medium of video games is about as wide a canvas as you can imagine, but the video game protagonist tends to be one of three things.
Vaguely pleasant, detached or snarky, or guarded and aggressive. There are some fantastic characters that break that mold. But if you're doing AAA-style game, character-focused adventure specifically, that's meant to appeal to a wide audience, let's say, these are the typical archetypes drawn from, right?
Particularly if the game is not the trend setter, but the trend chaser. Most of these guys are either totally forgettable or just vaguely annoying. Like, remember what's-his-name from "Immortals of Aveum?
" Haroona's kind of like him, but distinctly more infuriating. She's one of those standoffish sort of protagonists that's meant to contrast against the whims and charms of her elderly companion. But neither character comes off that well.
The old guy's overly familiar and she is needlessly dismissive. It all kind of congeals into a sludge that I would characterize as unbearable. - Business on the other side?
Silent type, huh? I can do that. (engine rumbling) - [Falcon] As far as infuriating protagonists go, I'd rate her as tepid though.
Far from the worst, but a good standing example of a character that just doesn't come off well. The writers envisioned something and just didn't consider what that would be like if it was actually a thing, I guess. So when the game really starts fluffing 'em up, having all the characters talk the hero up and crap, it just makes her behavior so much more obnoxious.
The best way I can describe it is if you're like playing a BioWare protagonist, but all you ever choose are the rude or annoying responses. That's this character. They're not Paragon Shepherd or Renegade Shepherd, they're Urkel Shepherd.
(chuckles) Yeah, enjoy that incredibly current reference. That's what you get here at Gameranx. Salute.
- Look, Luther, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't need company, or a chaperone. (plank thuds) - Fair enough. It looks like I'll be taking the scenic route.
You know, I never did get your name. - Goodbye, Luther. - I'll be seeing you.
- [Falcon] At number nine is Sergey Nechayev from "Atomic Heart. " First you see "Atomic Heart" and it's like, this is interesting. It's visually invented, the concept is great.
Soviet "Bioshock," that sounds awesome, right? Then you pop it in and start it up and the main guy starts talking. - [Sergey] I really love this place.
Good vibes. - [Falcon] You kind of can't believe what you're hearing. Did somebody who just got booed off stage at a comedy club accidentally walk in and get a job?
I mean, there's not a lot of other rational explanations for this character. He seems like somebody from a completely different and more embarrassing game. Like maybe he's a temporary protagonist, like the made up country president from "Call of Duty 4.
" Like, maybe this guy'll eat a bullet in the next few minutes and the crisis will be averted. But no, he doesn't die. You slowly come to the horrifying revelation that this is the protagonist, the crispy critters guy.
- [Sergey] Talk about style. Science is power, I tell ya. The boss has a way of looking down on insurmountable obstacles.
I really respect that. - [Charles] There are no obstacles science cannot surmount. - [Sergey] other than an electronic glove that never shuts up.
- Here is your vehicle activation code, Comrade Major. - It's like if you took a generic Russian game protagonist of generic man with shaved head and combine it with Duke Nukem and cranked the misanthropy up all the way. I mean, just so you really can't take him seriously, make him say crispy critters a lot.
And I mean a lot. He's a ridiculous character. Like, if you made Peter Griffin the protagonist of "Bioshock.
" So, why is this guy always askin, "Would you kindly? " Like after the fifth time, it's just, you know, do it yourself, you dick. You know, he doesn't take anything seriously.
He just constantly insults the AI that's in his glove, which, by the way, how did, character bickers with their sentient hand become a thing? Yeah, why is my hand talking to me? It's not pleasant.
Like why does that keep happening? Like he's not the only character on this list where that's one of their primary character traits. The fact this clown is supposed to be a trusted special agent is just like baffling.
All he does is blunder around, say mind-numbing things and complain. It's so ridiculous, it kind of comes back to being funny. Like I get some kind of perverse enjoyment out of it.
I think to most people it probably almost comes back around to being funny. But I kind of laughed the whole time. Like it doesn't ruin the game for me.
It's just like, I'm like, how is he like this? The whole time. The whole time!
How is he like this? - [Sergey] Crispy critters, man. - [Charles] watch your language, Major.
We're in a public place. - [Sergey] Eh, whatever. - [Falcon] At number eight is Frey Holland from "Forspoken.
" I almost feel bad picking on this character, 'cause they're such like an obvious example of an annoying protagonist. It almost feels repetitive or like kicking a bird that just flew into a window or something. Not cool.
But then I got back and watched that whole opening part of the game and, oh, sorry, you're on the list. - Did I just do that? - [Cuff] Well, definitely with my assistance.
- I did not just do that. - We did. - I just moved shit with my mind.
- [Cuff] Perhaps our connection has somehow awoken some abilities. - I just moved shit with my mind. - [Cuff] I just keep hearing.
"I I I. " - I just moved shit with my freaking mind! (laughs) Yeah, okay, that is something I do know.
I do magic, talk to sentient cuffs, kill jacked up beasts. You know what, I'll probably fly next. - [Cuff] Now, you're just being ridiculous.
- Oh, that's too far? Good to know there was a line. - [Falcon] "Forspoken" is a game that just revels in the worst cliches imaginable.
I mean, the whole thing starts with this generic, troubled protagonist getting sucked into a fantasy land where she can do totally original comedy material and have people get all confused by her super-hip modern slang. - [Frey] Where are we going, what's your angle? - Angle?
- [Falcon] Oh, is that millennial or Gen Z or Gen Alpha, whatever? It's all here, the gang's all here, except it's one person. It's bottom of the barrel stuff.
- Where is she from? - Hell's Kitchen. - You see?
- She is hellspawn. How else could she survive in the corruption? - [Falcon] Just the most broad, dull-witted writing you can possibly imagine.
The voice actors try to elevate the slop and I really, I sympathize with them greatly because they do everything they can do. These are not bad voice actors. I just wanna say that, they're quite good actually, that they were able to make this stuff.
I don't wanna say tolerable, but, I mean, the lines as is could be much worse I guess is what I'm saying. It doesn't make them okay and, I mean, it's so painful. The writing is actually less painful when it's blatantly expository.
But when they actually feel like they need to punch up the emotions or emphasis or whatever, it gets miserable fast. - Are you allergic? - What?
- To cats? Are you allergic to cats? - No.
I, I love cats. Are you in trouble? - Good.
- [Falcon] The problem with Frey isn't necessarily the character. I mean, if "Army of Darkness" could make modern person transported into the past funny, they could do this. The issue is that Fray is not Ash Williams.
She's more like Joss Whedon, which is not, it's not a compliment here. It's not like Joss Whedon has done nothing that is good ever, but what he's known for certainly isn't the stuff that he's done right at this point. And we've kind of all collectively turned on that as a society.
Like, we're talking real Xerox of Xerox stuff. Also, like it's not even Joss Whedon quality. So all the little quips are cliched, stupid, make no sense at all on a higher level than anything Joss Whedon has ever done.
It's not good. It's not good. Of course, the character is supposed to go on a journey that's supposed to open up and change and all that sarcastic persona is supposed to melt away and blah blah blah.
But it takes so long to get there and the dialogue is so embarrassing that it doesn't really matter that she gets it and grows and becomes a better person and uses less cliched annoying dialogue eventually because, oh man, is it ever eventually. At number seven is Aiden Pearce from "Watch Dogs. " The thing about video game writing is that as gamers we have come to accept some level of bad writing.
It's just the way things are. A lot of people exaggerate just how bad video game writing is. I mean, have you watched any TV or movies lately?
They're not significantly better. But still, the baseline we're looking at is, it's bad. It's not good.
Like when the writing in a game is good, it feels like the best thing that's ever happened. Just automatically by, you know, grading on the curve that is video game writing. But on the flip side, in order to truly stand out, something's gotta be particularly awful.
I'm saying all that to say that Aiden Pearce has stood the test of time, not as a memorable character, but as a memorably bad character. What makes him different is that he's not really quippy. He doesn't joke around or try to endear you.
He's mostly just kind of a blank generic Ubisoft protagonist. Very wooden, not really notable in any way, but with the added bonus of looking like a real dweeb in his iconic hats and jacket. That's what makes this guy so annoying.
He's just trying so hard to be cool, like in certain ways he's like the opposite of what we generally take dumps on as annoying writing. He's kind of sparse. He doesn't try to play things up too much, but it's just too far in the other way.
He's trying to be too cool for school. It's like some guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses pulled up on a motorcycle. But although that sounds cool, imagine that person is a middle-aged uncle who's actually kind of emo (alarm beeping) - [Aiden] I'm sick of remember her that way.
It's never a dream of her tiny face pressing the window when she knows I was coming over. Or that little wobbly dance she did. It's always the same nightmare.
- [Falcon] One thing Aiden is generally criticized for is that he's a big asshole who's ruining people's lives and constantly tries to justify it. Now, I'm going halfway to defend him here, 'cause I think, and I emphasize think here, it's supposed to be intentional. He's supposed to be a Walter White type, tragic protagonist who ends up pushing everyone away inadvertently.
The difference is that Walter White is a complex character and Aiden Pearce is an underwritten character. There's really just nothing to root for with him. He's got no personality.
He might as well be a silent protagonist. And in all seriousness, that would've made the game better. Him doing what the mission givers say without comment would've definitely been my choice versus this.
I don't think the game is bad and I don't think that he ruins the game, but I certainly think that them not even trying at all with this would've been better. Like the game keeps trying to sell us as this troubled and deep guy, but he's really just kind of a boring asshole who probably previously was hanging out on the couch a lot and doesn't talk to people much and, you know, there's a reason for it (sirens blaring) - [Police Radio] We're gonna head west of your position. - [Falcon] At number six is Metallia from "The Witch and the Hundred Knight.
" So, here's where the real horror begins. As annoying as some AAA protagonist can be, and believe me, everyone listed so far can be extremely irritated when they're at the top of their game, so to speak. But they've got nothing on the deep well of vexation that your anime game protagonist can draw from.
No offense, just true. You know, with these big budget games, someone has to look at what's being written and decide enough is enough. There has to be some expectation of profitability, at least trying to appeal to a large audience.
But with these lower budget anime-ish games, like, they're made for peanuts and whatever madman makes them could do whatever the hell they want. That is how you get protagonists like Metallia, not to be confused with Metallica. That would be an interesting choice too, albeit one that probably would be a lot more entertaining.
But with Metallia there is basically zero editorial oversight. 'Cause otherwise someone would've said something. This character is aggressively annoying, from their voice to their constant immature swearing, that the game, might I add, embarrassingly bleeps out.
- [Metallia] Hmm, I figured you'd make a stupid- If you're so straightforward, I might not treat you like crap. - [Falcon] Like they can't decide if this is meant for babies or not. Either commit to the bit or don't.
But somehow it is more obnoxious that way. This character is the tried and true archetype of the comedic sociopath. But as the protagonist, we're supposed to just go along with them, hurling abuse and generally being annoying to everybody and everything they meet.
This person has no redeeming qualities, none whatsoever. They're not funny, and their crimes verge dangerously close to just being straight up uncomfortable. If you know you know.
So then the game pulls the tragic backstory card and you're even more annoyed 'cause now the character isn't just tediously edgy. They also get to be maudlin. Joy!
More boring scenes to skip through. So, I mean, these games, they're anime as hell, but they generally, you know, try to go for a light and humorous tone. This game, on the other hand, does not.
It goes for black comedy and ooh, does it not work. Natalia is so, so bad. So insufferable.
- [Metallia] If you fail at this, you're- - [Arlecchino] If you fail this, I apologize, but you will be tossed in the dumpster. - [Metallia] You'll find the pillar, well, it stands out. Anyway, I don't feel like explaining anything.
- [Arlecchino] As you command. - [Metallia] Metallia. - [Falcon] At number five is Alex Eagleston in "YIIK: A Postmodern RPG.
" Speaking of insufferable, "YIIK: A Postmodern RPG. " It's one of those games that looks awesome, but also the title tells you that it's not. I mean, when people played this one it got a collective sigh that we're fortunate did not knock the Earth off of its axis.
Sure, the game has some cool visuals and might I add some legitimately fantastic music, but nobody remembers that. All anyone remember is how bad Alex Eagleston, the main guy, is. He is suffering made manifest.
He's the worst possible video game protagonist you can imagine. He's tedious, he's a long-winded dork, he stops the game dead suddenly and constantly to go on circular soliloquy that are so blah. What's the word?
ChatGPT, what's a word for dumb as crap and also irritating? - [Alex] Besides my mom there's only a cat. An old cat, but a good friend to talk to.
My fictional friend would reply, "You talk things over, do you? " I'd nod. Uh-huh.
Been together a long time so we can read each other's moods. - [Falcon] Vacuous, eh? Okay.
These winding repetitive monologues that are so vacuous, but you still have to sit through and read 'em and oof, actually more realistically probably mash buttons until they're passed. Wow, it's word salad. Indie games have a tendency to be long-winded.
Developers get a little too precious with their characters, but literally every other game I can think of is nothing compared to Y2K, or Y11K or Y whatever. Maybe we should just act like it's just a word and call it Yiik. Yiik, it's like yuck, but I don't, it's the same thing as yuck.
Yuck at how much this man talks and talks and talks. Maybe if he had something of substance to say, it wouldn't be so bad. But of course, he's also a huge pain in the ass to every other character, and mostly for no reason.
He's a creepy horn dog to the female characters. And yeah, it's rough out on them streets, but I mean, this is not the solution. But on top of that, he's just constantly criticizing everybody.
He's just unpleasant. I guess that's probably the creator's intention, he's not supposed to be cool or anything, but man, there's belaboring the point and then there's working it to death. We get it, man, the guy's an asshole.
Does the game need to stop every five minutes to remind us? I swear to God, I swear to God. I remember, I remember he's an asshole.
The game is some kind of postmodern torture device. It says so on the tin clearly, "A Postmodern RPG. " You're just begging for this guy to stop talking.
He's dull, tedious, and then the combat starts and it's, oh, it's also dull and, oh no. Oh no. What's so crazy is that the combat in this game is so bad that like you're begging to go back to the terrible long-winded dialogue.
- Please don't die. Please don't die. I pleaded with the mechanical gods to keep the power on.
My prayers weren't answered. - [Falcon] At number four is, Rufus, Deponia series. Jerk ass adventure game protagonists are a dime a dozen, so it takes a special sort of psycho to turn off your average adventure game fan.
The thing about Rufus is he's your standard issue adult cartoon man-child protagonist. He's delusional, he's arrogant, he treats everybody like garbage and he steals everything not nailed down. So, standard adventure game hero.
In the first game, he's pretty annoying, but it's tolerable. But the second game, like in the second season of a crappy cartoon where they've run out of ideas, all of his worst traits get magnified by 100. Now he's straight up making like uncomfortably racist jokes.
And worse than his jokes that don't go over, he's literally getting people killed to accomplish whatever goal he's gotta complete for this part of the game. - I just hope he doesn't turn my whole house upside down. (glass shattering) (flames whooshing) - He's just getting a hammer.
How much damage could he possibly do? - [Falcon] It's stupid and annoying and it feels unnecessary, which is not a good thing for a video game. When you're playing a video game you shouldn't feel like what you're doing is unnecessary.
It should feel necessary to get to the goal, that's partly why a goal is a satisfying goal. We've talked about that before, I think. But I would even go ahead and say, if the second game was actually put together in a funny way that contextualized the dark humor, it probably could have worked.
But that's not the case. It's not funny, creative, or really memorable. It just kind of sucks.
- Oh, that. Oh, well, I was about to get to that part. So listen up.
(hums) - [Falcon] At number three is Jack Fremont of "Fox Hunt. " If you grew up in the '90s and early 2000s, you probably knew a guy who really thought he was gonna be the next Jim Carrey. He thought he was really funny.
And the thing about him was he wasn't. That's "Fox Hunt. " This FMV game, like seeing it 2024, it's more a collection of cursed images than it is a game.
All from the most pathetic era of gaming where some people really thought FMV was the future of video games. It was not, and for a lot of reasons, many of which are that most of them were awful. You play as Jack Fremont and I'm sure we've all seen an instance where the word man-child has been lobbed around carelessly and people who aren't one are called it.
That's not the case here. Jack is incapable of stringing together a sentence without making some stupid sentence or doing something loathsome. - Hey, little fishy.
(imitates fish blubbing) - [Falcon] The opening minutes of this game is the stuff of nightmares, it's cringe singularity that cannot be escaped from. I wouldn't blame you for thinking that you're watching the home movies of a mentally stunted teenager, but no, there's no excuse for this. This is meant to be a real, actual production.
We're supposed to find this idiot running into a refrigerator over and over, we're supposed to find that funny. The chaotic ending, the nonsensical choices, the seemingly arbitrary behavior of the main character that doesn't seem to correlate with any option on screen, "Fox Hunt" feels more like a torture device than a game. Not gonna lie, in a point and laugh, this is awful, holy crap, what were they thinking way, it's kind of funny.
Not the kind of funny that you'd wanna sit through the entire thing though. Even people who have developed a tolerance for the most miserable of '90s humor, it's a difficult one. And I'm advising you to look away now.
Games like this need a warning label. Caution, dangerously annoying, play at your own risk. (blows thudding) - [Jack] I'm hungry!
- [Falcon] At number two, Emil Castagnier. I might not have that one right. I mean, I often excuse my pronunciation for other reasons, but this one is, it's one of those things you try to blot outta your memory.
Now, I like "Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World. " I don't think it's a bad game. But that is despite this man.
In the grand tradition of new protagonists being worse than the originals, Emil is a standout. Forget Raiden, I mean Raiden turned out awesome. Forget Nero or Diddy Kong, I'm gonna defend all those guys.
Anybody who makes an argument that although some initial backlash was there, these guys weren't eventually awesome and accepted and really frankly enjoyed and beloved. I'm not defending Emil that way. The thing with this guy is that he's not just one obnoxious character, he's two.
There's normal Emil, who's squeaky voice, soft boy who's constantly saying, "sorry. " - I'm ready now. I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
- [Richter] You apologize too much. Of course, if you want to become a dog, I won't stop you. - I'm sorry.
Oh. Sorry. - [Falcon] Crying and saying sorry while crying.
His character trait of being totally bitch-made gets tiresome after like five minutes, or less. But don't worry, he's not gonna change or noticeably improve for another 20 so I hope you like listening to somebody do the whole pathetic man-baby shtick, 'cause you're gonna get a bunch of that. But don't worry, he's got an equally obnoxious alternate personality.
Whenever he is in battle or needs to generate some contrived conflict, he switches to Ratatosk mode, which is a hell of a word. He becomes dark, he becomes edgy, his voice gets all growly and it's very, it's embarrassing. - [Emil] The only one who's gonna regret this is you.
Now come on! (glass shattering) - [Falcon] And this is Johnny Yong Bosch doing the voice. Normally he's pretty solid, but everything about this character is really embarrassing and infuriating.
It's two annoying anime archetypes combined into one, so he gets to suck more air out of any room he's in than your average really annoying character. And it's endless shtick. He is the in-game embodiment of nicest guy you'll ever meet, but also, twist, is a fucking psychopath.
Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde, right? Right? Oh my God, it's so much worse than I could describe, even with that though.
And finally at number one, Bubsy from "Bubsy 3D. " Ah, Bubsy, of all the miss begotten mascot platformers in the '90s. You're not the worst, but by God are you the most annoying.
I mean, look at this smug expression and the kid-friendly cool pose. This is what somebody really thought would bring in the kids. Well, they did it with a hedgehog.
Why not a more conventional animal like a cat? (chuckles) Also, it's Super Mario, it's kind of like that. So it's the ticket to the big time, right?
This most generic cartoon cat ever has the catchphrase of, "What could possibly go wrong? " - [Bubsy] Whoo hoo! Now if you lose a Bubsy you'll start over here, instead of at the beginning of a level!
Ain't life grand? - [Falcon] So, yeah, somebody thought that was a good idea. Hell, they actually got somebody to make a cartoon pilot, like this is gonna be a multimedia empire.
How, I don't know, but thankfully all they were ever able to do was make a few really annoying games. The worst by far being bub "Bubsy 3D. " You get the double whammy of annoyance with Bubsy's extremely repetitive and unfunny dialogue on a constant loop combined with, I mean, it's a very bad 3D platformer.
Like, there were a couple of 2D Bubsy games and they were, I mean, decent. They weren't like the best thing or anything, but they certainly weren't the disaster that was "Bubsy 3D. " But hey, you know what's great?
A platformer that uses tank controls with a camera that seems to have a damn mind of its own and everything is so hideous and rudimentary that it looks and sounds like a game from like a creepypasta or something, like Bubsy gonna start bleeding from his hyperrealistic eyes any second. - [Bubsy] So, you wanna be a video game star? For starters, grab all the items you see.
There's plenty of them in each level. - [Falcon] Bubsy doesn't even talk that much in "Bubsy 3D. " And I just wanna ring his focus group-approved cartoon neck.
His existence is just so annoying that he doesn't even have to do that much to be the most annoying video game protagonist of all time. Look at him. If there was a picture for annoying in the dictionary, he'd be right there.
Right, he'd be there. It'd be right there. That's all for today though.
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