all right real quick let's rewind back to 2016. this is when I started my self-improvement journey and I was not a competent guy back then but I was starting to watch a bunch of YouTube videos read a lot of self-improvement books and I was trying to be more confident it's also the same time that I started working as a personal trainer for Sports Club LA which was like a very high-end gym that eventually got acquired by Equinox but I remember this one afternoon I had a meeting with one of the sales girls who was the
hottest girl who worked in the gym so I went into her office because I wanted to convince her that hey when new members sign up have them schedule their free personal training session with me so I can get more clients but bro I was super nervous I felt super awkward and intimidated walking in there and I remember five minutes in she like broke eye contact kind of blushed looked away and she was like oh my God I don't know what it is like you're a very strong eye contact you have such a strong uh confident
presence it's messing with me and I was like what it's messing with you like I'm sitting here feeling so awkward and you're telling me this and that social secret number one when you first meet someone you have to create a solid foundation because check it out they've actually done studies where they've taken the participants and they've showed them an image of someone on the screen and then they gave them either positive or negative information about that person and then later on they showed them the same person and then gave them contradictory information so if at
first they told them something positive about the person then later they told them something negative and the interesting thing is that the participants reactions were dominated by the first information they were given regardless of what they said later and this is proof that your first impression that you create when you meet someone and that is how they're always going to look at you basically so like with this girl she saw me as a confident guy because of how I presented myself at first even though I wasn't feeling confident and even if I did a bunch
of like weird awkward things after that it's very likely she would always see me as a confident person and look the truth is that I'm still a very introverted shy person I don't really enjoy loud environments I don't enjoy meeting new people but I've trained myself that when I do meet someone new internally I tell myself all right let's turn it on let's make sure we make strong eye contact let's give a firm handshake or a nice you know warm hug if I'm meeting a girl and let's make a big effort to really speak clearly
and be confident at least for these first few minutes that we're talking to them yeah it's funny because the first date me and David went on he made a really strong first impression I remember he went in for the hug he held eye contact but throughout the date he was like really calm and quiet and in my head I was like who is this mysterious guy like I want to get to know him better like what is he thinking about no one likes that really loud guy that's like fighting for attention it's always like he
likes to hear himself talk there's something really sexy about that quiet confidence social secret number two is minimum effective dose so Julia my girlfriend actually my wife now it's still weird saying that me and her workout almost every day together we've been to gyms all around the world and it's normal for guys to look at her from time to time guys we'll also come up and approach her when I'm not right there so a couple weeks my gym here in Spain and I see this guy out of the corner of my eye and he is
waving at me and it was one of those times where you're like is he waving at me or somebody else but I was being friendly so I waved back and then all of a sudden I see him be lining it across towards me and at this moment I was a little uncomfortable because I was like I don't know who this guy is and he comes right up right up in my face and he's like hey and I was like hi and he was like I'm so and so and I was like hi I'm Julia and
he was like we should hang out sometime and I was like oh thanks so much actually I'm married and he was like well can I get your Instagram and at this point like I was really uncomfortable you could tell by my body language I was pulling away from him I was looking around for David and after what seemed like five minutes he finally walked away but I was extremely uncomfortable and what he did was super creepy and his Bunny man because after this Julia came scurrying over to me and was like Hey this guy made
me feel uncomfortable and I was like Hey show me who this guy is right my masculine instincts kicked in and she went to try and show me like 30 seconds later the dude was gone we've actually never seen him at the gym ever again we call him the French ghost I think he was so ashamed by the uh the the bad approach that he just never came back but it doesn't always go like that right so a couple years ago we were working out in the Austin Gold's Gym y'all remember that Jim and there was
this guy AI that me and him made some eye contact and he approached me he was smiling and he was like hi my name is so and so what's your name I was like I'm Julia and he was like I know this is random but I think you're really cute I'd love to hang out sometime and I said to him hi thank you so much but I actually have a boyfriend and he was like no worries at all enjoy your workout he didn't stay he didn't linger he didn't make me feel uncomfortable and I was
thinking the whole time like wow this guy is a really confident guy the point is that when you linger around it doesn't matter if you're talking to a girl or another guy you quickly make yourself look needy desperate and just annoying so what I've trained myself to do is to end interactions when they're still on a high note when things are still going well if I was to approach a girl if me and her are laughing you know even if it's only one or two minutes in we're having a good time that's probably what I'm
gonna say hey look I gotta run it was nice to meet you you seem like a cool girl do you want to hang out sometime this is basically going to make it automatic that she looks at me as a confident non-needy man that's just the type of behavior that that signals now obviously if the conversation is going well sometimes you're not going to think to end it it's normal to want to keep talking if things are going well so in that case you do want to be very aware if you notice one of these body
language signals that people tend to do when they're starting to get uncomfortable or bored so the first one is just if they're starting to like position their body a little bit away from you like if you're here they're positioning their body this way it's almost like they're trying to Signal hey I want to start moving this way not talk to you or something else a lot of times people will start like looking at their phone and I'm not talking like you're on the first date with the girl she's disrespectfully looking at her phone I'm talking
like you approach the girl you're having a short conversation with someone and they're kind of like half paying attention to you half like yeah yeah yeah yeah that means they're not really engaged with you or another one I think I do this a lot is I'll start mentioning things that I have to do next yeah man cool they're like yeah yeah cool um I mean I actually got to run to get to the gym next I gotta keep filming this video so bro as soon as you notice one of these things that is your signal
to get the [ __ ] out of there and just to be clear this also goes if you meet like a new Bro who could potentially be a cool masculine friend but look if we're being fully honest here most guys want to level up our social skills and our social prowess because we want to be able to more consistently meet higher quality women it's not usually to talk to other dudes right and look I know a lot of you watching this video have probably already you know leveled up your career you've gotten your gym routine
down but it's really common that you put off trying to fix your dating life because you know you're busy maybe you had a bad experience in the past you don't think it's possible for yourself so if that's something you've been struggling with and that's something you would like help with I just want to let you know that I am here to help with my Beast dating coaching program my daily life prior to the program was about five years of no dating but here it was the accelerated path like on average two dates a week yeah
I have a girlfriend now I better know when and where I was going to get a date now I do four dates some hookups I'm currently dating a girl it's been I think it's a four date I've been going on two to three dates a week getting online dates has become so easy I'm not investing a lot of time and energy and days those are just a few guys who've recently been through the program there's been hundreds more over the last few years and essentially every guy in the program we work with them until they're
at the point that they're able to consistently meet the types of girls that they really want and the good news is we're looking for a few more motivated guys to bring on board so if that's you you can click the first link down in the description or go to beastcoaching.com to learn more see more testimonials and apply now first link in description check it out alrighty social secret number three is the boring dude or if you do this you're never gonna be the boring dude I should say so ready I'm going to tell you the
same story quickly two times and I want you to tell me how it makes you think of me as the Storyteller right so I was with my buddy Dave the homie Dave we're in San Diego back in 2017 2018 and we decided to go surfing so we went to the surf shop we went in the guy told us the waves were going to be kind of big and intimidating getting to be careful so we got the surfboards we walked down to the beach and like the surf shop was like eight blocks away from the beach
it was kind of an annoying walk but eventually we got there and we started surfing but the waves were super big so we like we struggled to get past the breaking point I think we finally got past the breaking point a couple times tried to surfing and at the end I was actually wearing a GoPro on my head it flipped down from a big wave and broke my nose and it was just like an awful attempt at surfing all right real quick what do you think about me as a Storyteller how do you perceive a
guy who tells that story all right now here's the second version so y'all know the homie day right me and him go way back and we were in San Diego back in like 2018 the first time we'd ever been to San Diego super excited to get there and both of us were like dying to go surfing so one afternoon we go to the surf shop we walk in and I remember the uh the guy behind the counter was like six four there's a long surfer hair typical Cali bro right and he's telling us like you
guys got to be real careful out there there's some killer 10 foot waves out there today and we're like we're feeling confident we're like bro just give us the bars we'll figure this out we get the boards we get to the beach and we almost [ __ ] our pants looking at the waves and for like an hour and a half we're trying to get past the breaking point of the wave so we can't do it I am exhausted I'm tired out So eventually somehow we get past and after chilling for like 20 minutes catching
our breath we try to ride the waves in Dave gets kicked under the waves he's kicked against the bottom of the ocean floor he's got scrapes all over him and I fall off the board same thing happens and it's just as I'm coming up and gasping for air the GoPro on my head flips down and it's in intense pain and by the time we get back and I can see myself in my phone screen I could tell that I broke my [ __ ] nose what do you think about that Storyteller now you tell me
well obviously the first one was kind of flat and boring it's how most people tell stories the second one I'm not trying to Pat myself on the back but it was a much more enticing story that draws you in and makes you feel like you were there with me right and at the end of the day that's a lot of times what makes someone seem like an interesting person is when they can bring you in to these parts of their life that were really exciting and now you're like man that guy's got a really cool
exciting life now the cool thing about storytelling is like if you have just one or two go-to stories every time you're on a first date you can crack that out kind of randomly like oh God you know speaking to the beaches speaking of traveling I got to tell you the story that happened me and my buddy back in San Diego and here are three simple keys that once you implement these things you're now going to be like an automatic amazing Storyteller number one is to avoid side tangents so when I was first telling the story
I'm like oh it was like eight blocks from the beach like sometimes pieces of information coming to our heads and we just want to obsessively or compulsively tell them even though it doesn't like add to the emotions of the story to focus on the emotions and the feelings I was scared shitless I was so nervous I was so happy in that moment I was so tired because people connect with emotional states they start to feel that emotional state as well and three include really specific details you know the guy was six four long Cali hair
Cali bro these things allow people to actually picture what was happening and again it's like they were there with you and the story just flies by for them and they want to hear you tell another story social secret number four be the nice guy I know that sounds backwards that goes against everything you've ever been told on YouTube but it's good to be the nice guy sometimes like back when I wanted to become a more dominant masculine and I would go around like telling myself I gotta be an [ __ ] out here right like
I gotta have a very stoic flat face if I see a girl I like you know I gotta kind of like give her a mean look so she knows I'm a badass if someone says something to me the wrong way I gotta aggressively put them in their place and I walked around with this kind of like passive aggressive or just straight aggressive energy and it's so funny man it's laughable like it's clearly over compensation right because if your dude who's actually comfortable and confident with yourself you don't walk around looking at everyone as an enemy
trying to be the sigma male and it's no wonder that during that time I was not getting laid I was not making a lot of new friends and I was not even that happy of a person right is every time I left my house it was like I was in the war zone dropping to Call of Duty but what I've realized is if you look at the world as a war zone and every social interaction is a test of your masculinity you never are like open enough to be confident when you're talking to people like
earlier today me and Julia Rhett started bucks they're kind of rare here in Spain but we found one and this guy walks in and as he walks in you know he says what's up to someone else there I kind of noticed that in my eye he's chatting up the Barista laughing with her I don't think he knew her as he's walking out he helped this old lady like you know he picked something up on the ground gave it to this old lady he walked by even gave us a little like a little head nod and
immediately I'm looking at this guy like damn this is this must be a cool dude man this guy knows some people he's casually chatting everyone up that's a cool nice guy and I don't mean a nice guy in the sense of like he lets people walk all over him like a doormat I mean no as he's going through different social environments he's being open and friendly to the people he's talking to that that's really the key to not having social anxiety is to look at different interactions as positive opportunities to have positive interactions with random
people lately Julie and I've been playing a lot of paddle and we're always playing with different people whenever I get matched up with someone I don't know I'm always trying to cheer them on like come on bro let's get this vamanos we got this game bro when I'm out at public restaurants or grocery stores I try to be like the dude me and Julius taught Starbucks earlier right if I see someone I can hold the door for them to make their day a little better I'm gonna try and do that if I was single right
now I know that I'd be approaching way more women with this mindset than when I was trying to be the badass Sigma male social secret number five never take the passive role so I got another story for you here last week we were playing paddle and we played these mix-ins where you go to a paddle Club there's like 15 quarts they're constantly mixing up who's playing together me and Julia you got separated she was playing down at one end of the course I was at the other end and from time to time you know I
heard this one guy like screaming and yelling and there's always that one dude who just takes things way too seriously and just trying to pick fights with everyone but I didn't think much of it right there's always that guy around now afterwards Julia is telling me so we started the paddle match and I was playing against him and he was already berating his teammate and he was calling him all sorts of names and me and my teammate didn't say anything we just wanted to keep the game going but there was one point where he served
the ball and it was out so I called it out and he just lost it he came to the net started yelling at me say what are you you crazy come over here come talk to me blah blah like absolutely screaming and his teammate actually had to get in his face and was like bro calm down stop yelling at her and then throughout the game he then apologized to me which was very bizarre and I was like hey it's no problem but then he must have not heard me or something like that because then later
he started yelling at me again saying well you didn't accept my apology what the [ __ ] wrong with you bro like this guy was being overly aggressive with my wife and at that point we were driving back and I was like should I [ __ ] skirt turn this car around and go beat this guy's ass in now obviously after I had a few deep breaths I was like that that doesn't make any sense like Julia was not in any physical harm this guy was doing this to a lot of people but if I
see him again you know I'm gonna be prepared to step in if needed and from time to time these things happen right maybe you're in traffic and some guy cuts you off and then laughs at you or sticks his tongue out at you or someone at a club shoulders you and typically how guys behave is fight or flight they either overcompensate and they're like all right step to me bro what are you gonna do about about it let's take this outside or what's probably even more common is the flight and just being a little bit
more passive and just kind of being like uh like whatever I'm just I'll just I don't know I'll buy and the same thing can happen even with smaller confrontations like keeping the paddle topic there was one guy we were playing with we were beating his ass and he was trying to like give me tips in between the games and normally I might just be past and be like all right I'll try that out or sometimes it might be too aggressive and be like bro I don't need to take tips from a loser like you but
what I've realized is it's always better to take the middle path here and just to calmly take an active role don't overcompensate but calmly set things straight so the guy trying to give me paddle tips I was just like hey man we can agree to disagree you know my coach taught me this way you know let's just keep playing that way I don't feel like a [ __ ] afterwards for just like taking advice from this guy but I also don't turn it into something that it doesn't need to be or if later today because
we're playing that same paddle mixing I run into the crazy aggressive guy and he's yelling at Julia yelling at me that's when I'll step in and just say hey man you need to take some deep breaths you need to calm down here playing paddle This behavior is just it's out of line if you enjoyed this video I recommend you check out this one next it is about how to get to ahead of 99 of men starting today and if you're new to the channel click right there to subscribe because I release two new videos every
single week I will talk to you in the next one stay beastly
