haha the Joe Rogan experience you know there's like that's one of them isn't that no the people who went to recently went to jail for like bribe for getting their kids into college oh yeah yeah it's kind of a version of that except with your kids right you're like you're like just the kids aren't aren't supposed to be in college because they haven't done any work in a high school and they don't know what they're doing but if you pay enough money you get them in there mmm it's like and also aren't they doing some
thing where they get people to go and take SATs for your kid like you figure out a way to like it's an identity theft thing or you can even get someone to go and like do the test as your kid using fake ID and [ __ ] so it's like it you've send in an operative that isn't your kid to take the test so you can get into a nice school mmm that whole thing was so crazy did they spent so much money to get kids in school it didn't want to be good students yeah
that's right almost like you think you could buy by a kid's way too enthusiastic focus dad well there you go I mean there's the whole problem is it's not this was this is from the district attorney's office in Massachusetts one of the photos that was used to show this girl's a rowing mm-hmm high school rowing career that she got a scholarship on that's a workout machine oh wow I was supposed to be like yeah look at her inner varsity oh [ __ ] man there was no photos of her actually rowing out on a boat
that's part of the thing I could having people take tests they went in staged photos to to be like look it's all allegedly according to the court he imagined how mad real rowers would be at you if they found out you got a scholarship based on a [ __ ] rowing machine photo wait and what is so mad was it for scholarships or was it just keep trying to get them in to get any I don't think they got scholarships no like they were but to be on the rowing team you know or whatever it's
called is it like good for your GPA or some [ __ ] it's a way to get in Oh way to get in yeah oh right so that end the bride's your curricular activity kind of deal so they just they fudged that and then bribed the rest of it do you think the kids knew yeah yeah you could you know when your parents like hey we just bought this rowing machine why just don't worry about it we're just gonna take a picture you in a rowing machine like sure you know you're getting a picture taken
to you to try to get you into this school that your dad went to or whatever you're complicit to some degree like yeah you have to be yeah yeah a little bit go to that picture she doesn't even shouldn't he broke a sweat has a face covered no so you can't see what I want to see closing on that she didn't look sweaty to me crew was there I think she looks like she's barely started exercising yeah come on son I don't see no sweat that's a better one cuz look stop go up look at
that that's a gray sweat a great t-shirt great t-shirts look sweaty instantly yeah instantly this is hilarious I pulled it back a couple times am I done yet dude we want you to love me we'll get me in a [ __ ] UFC all my friends are going dude that thing that's really [ __ ] up is like there's some kid whose parents like like or making 20k a year who's working his [ __ ] ass off you know like just like somehow managing to like study non-stop to try to get into a good school
it doesn't get into the school because of that [ __ ] that's the that's the satanic part is like they buy their way in and that's someone's place they have a limited number of places meaning like theoretically someone doesn't get into the school who could be the person who is gonna you know invent teleportation or some [ __ ] yeah isn't it weird what schools are you have your first choice your second choice yeah Billy got his third choice [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] Billy's going on where's he going South Dakota What's in
South Dakota yeah flat ground did I get it though I I mean I get wanting to get enough some Ivy League I get a little man on a school I think that'd be cool cuz you if you're in if you're in the Illuminati and your kids a dope like I don't swear that much around my kids my kids don't know how I talk around my friends what if that's how it is with like Illuminati - like these kids don't even know their parents were the Illuminati yeah you know you're like look I'm trying to get
you to be you know you know better position in life but I was working all the time I wasn't around I didn't push you hard enough oh sure they got you into Yale they [ __ ] know you're in it and they're just like you're like did you get into my [ __ ] adrenochrome again they're like breaking into your vaults you know taking your [ __ ] like goblets of blood and drinking it parties don't drink anymore on my blood you have to stop this you know like join them in the Skull and Bones
don't they bring their kids to Skull and Bones I don't think they do I think they once they're there in their son turns 30 say son I'm gonna show you something they take them take them to the Skull and Bones don't bring them in no you if you go to school there you get into it right that's how you guy think that's how you get to in the school that's how I end stuff right legacy is that I get in or is that how you get in skull and bones like I would not I don't
think the whole school gets to be skull nose too but that's yeah that's how you get accepted this when I met it's how you get into this school isn't that funny like if you're in a place like Yale which is arts very exclusive and very prestigious already some creeps like that's not enough I want to get in the secret cult dick-sucking Society what do they do they don't suck dicks do they we know why wasn't there a rumor that they make each other blow each other on take photos of it so that they they have
something over them that was what's one of the crazy online conspiracy theories right yeah they they make every guy suck a dick and they take Polaroids of it so they always have it they hold over you I think that's just returning stuff but yeah is that normal for tourists and birds talked about that right thing whatever yeah they would jerk off on a biscuit right yeah that's the circle-jerk thing and the last guy to come had to eat the biscuit no one's really doing except for the one idiot yeah one guy can't come just go
yeah I sucked a bunch of my friends dicks whose [ __ ] cares I get the are we in a time now we're like like a picture of me emerges sucking all my friends dicks I think there's more than I think they pegged you or something they take pictures I'm wearing a strap-on so you got pegged you don't worry but you know they want to rise to the branch at Raytheon and get to the top everyone at Raytheon gets pegged like well you know that's just like [ __ ] oh yeah we all get pegged
now so what we're inventing bombs now you like who cares of course we get pegged yeah but the guys wearing a goat costume so what I like to wear a goat costing when I get pegged I like too much kinky [ __ ] it's like god dammit I hope we get to a time where like they take pictures of someone doing a [ __ ] thing that's legit [ __ ] up so that you know and they get banished for it it's like I'm god forbid like I can't even matter in the Polaroids that could
emerge of weird [ __ ] I've done you know I've got you'd only imagine you can't imagine I can't but that being said it's like yeah I wonder what well I think what the initiation I get it like it is it let's face it you're not gonna chop a tree fun to be a part of a little tiny group that's a part of an exclusive group right you got the exclusive group that's Yale and then you get two little skullenbones we all go together all brothers in in the room you know they probably have like
secret words they have to say in Latin and [ __ ] yeah I mean we that's the thing that I imagine based on the way I have come to understand things whatever it is is way more boring than we imagined because you know what I'd be like when you don't know what a thing is you always reject the worst thing on my guess is it's boring as [ __ ] it's probably just some college [ __ ] or people are in a frat sit around and like make dumb jokes and do stupid [ __ ]
and it's nothing to probably impaired you they probably just take a Polaroid of your [ __ ] got it look mmm we got your mouth shut yeah your [ __ ] it's your souls fingerprint your [ __ ] told a lot about you look at a person's eyes you know and you see their soul it's the windows to soul what if the [ __ ] is like you really know whether you like someone just by looking at their [ __ ] sight thing about the [ __ ] tells you things books come out decoding your
[ __ ] you know if people read hands they read fingerprints yeah can't they read [ __ ] I bet [ __ ] tell you a lot just like someone's eyebrows dealers someone's got like mean eyebrows like whoa that guy looks aggressive I don't but guys got big thick bushy eyebrows and he's not mean I get suspicious he's all friendly well there's big crazy [ __ ] eyebrows but all the villains have big crazy eyebrows they're all angry are those crazy eyebrows yeah yeah it's just like man for one here's probably for sure we don't
know that you can't tell a person's future from their [ __ ] yeah because no one's thought of it that could be the new thing that people pick up as a business during this pandemic yeah [ __ ] reading yeah or what if it's like a what if it's like it there's an app that's good look you [ __ ] plot to do a QR code all this time we've been looking for alien signals from space we didn't know it was in our [ __ ] yeah it was all the photos of our [ __
] if you put him together on a grid it gives us the diagram of how to build a spaceship to get out of here all the photos it's like a giant jigsaw puzzle with eight billion pieces you take eight billion [ __ ] and you put them on a grid and you'll see the schematics behold it'll tell us exactly when the the sun's gonna supernova about 50 years maybe what if that's what the quantum computer the first thing it says is I need pictures of all the [ __ ] on the planet like if you
vote you have to show photo your [ __ ] before you vote you're gonna have it on your phone and that's your thing some prints are not exact [ __ ] are exact exact and they don't get changed by workouts or they don't like you know you something you can see a bigger could be a little bit different how do you know I don't know that [ __ ] don't get changed from workouts well they can one thing they could do with your thumbprint right some people burn their prints off you can't really burn we
guess you could burn the ah your [ __ ] into an unreadable that's one of the levels of the CIA your ass well I can't get a good relationship people keep rooting my [ __ ] wrong look I'm more than my [ __ ] [Laughter] [Applause]
