welcome to Lost relation Chronicles I suspected my second wife of something something I couldn't put my finger on you know the feeling when something isn't right but you can't say for a fact what it might be I've always felt it was some subconscious part of your brain that picks up and analyses stray facts until it finds a pattern and then tries to tell your functional part something isn't right researchers have discussed these things endlessly citing punches and a woman's intuition as examples I had four children with my first wife all good people with successful careers
and stable families they're a tremendous help to me at times when their mother died we clung together like survivors of a plain crash becoming even closer they were all married or in college by the time I married Ellen she was younger by almost 11 years but we seemed to click she had the same values the same goals and she was smoking hot in bed she wasn't a beauty but she was very attractive 5' 5 36 26 38 she was built very nicely smoky eyes so Brown they were almost black and a Mane of auburn hair
that flowed onto her shoulders she exercised with a Vengeance and loved compliments my kids accepted her made an effort to get along but never really bonded but they were all adults and if they didn't love her they didn't hate her and as long as I was happy they were happy we had been married about 6 years when I got the itch that prickly feeling that something was off I was 55 she was 46 by then I caught her in a few small lies nothing serious until you added them all up finally I couldn't shake off
my unease and went to see my oldest Maria was an attractive woman in her mid-30s with an accountant husband and two girls that loved seeing Grandpa she looked like an accountant too but looks were deceiving a fact that kept her busy and fattened their bank account Maria owned one of the most successful private investigation firms in the Southeast she had two degrees one that had something to do with computers and one in Psychology she was a walking light detector analyzing body language and voice inflections almost unconsciously it made it very hard to surprise her she
had five offices and had as many techno Wizards as detectives one of her tricks was hiring older ex cops both men and women and young geeky looking kids who notices a geek with a laptop or Grandma out for a morning stroll not many if her bank account is any measurement I gave her the money to start her business part of the insurance I got from her mother's passing she tried to pay me back a few times but gave up when I threatened to never attend another family function with her unless she dropped it she didn't
seem shocked when I brought up my concerns no it's probably nothing or maybe it's just your imagination platitudes just as simple I'll look into it look into it she did for 2 weeks before she asked me to stop by her office on the way home I had an office downtown near hers I was the dreaded consultant the guy you hired to tell you how to save your company the sad part of my business is most of what I tell them they already knew they just needed somebody they paid an obscene amount of money to for
reassurance sometimes part of my responsibility was to be the Axeman I didn't like it but most of the people I Let Go needed fired and knew it others were completely surprised she threw the folder on the desk when I walked in our neighbor 34-year-old married father of two he was unemployed and spent his time while his wife worked and his kids were as school relieving tensions with my wife in all sorts of positions and all sorts of places pictures of him and her on my couch the washing machine our dining room table his recliner his
backyard even one of him on his knees in front of his children's swing set while my darling wife sat in the swing rocking back and forth on his tool damn what did he have against beds Maria watched me closely knowing me well don't do anything stupid dad just dump her and get on with your life she can't take anything from you the prup took care of that I know you I inherited my devious mind from you if you think of something don't do it it was too late but I thanked her for her advice she
looked at my eyes and picked up the phone I'm calling junior he needs to know anyway he is your lawyer after all maybe he'll talk you out of whatever you've got planned that led me to the den of my oldest son Maria sent me some of the photos I've already started the paperwork you need to remain calm and let me handle it please Dad okay I said calmly when can you make it happen this is Tuesday I'll file tomorrow pull in a favor or two and have her served whenever and wherever you want Friday you
going home yeah I'll make nice for two 2 days I guess she doesn't pay attention to me much here lately she'll never notice anything off he stood as I got up to leave putting his hand on my arm don't do it dad do what whatever it is you've got planned I can see it in your eyes I assured him I had no intention of doing something stupid I found out later I wasn't to my car before he called his friend one of most successful defense lawyers in the state Dave keep you schedule flexible I may
have to use you shortly I was right she didn't notice a thing I was taking a few days off between assignments so I thought I'd pop in on my youngest son he was in the back but when he heard the Bell he came out grinning hey Dad what's up before you answer me I already know Junior and Maria called me last night I figured you'd come by what can I fix you up with he was my Wild Child covered with tattoos and piercings he had never been in trouble his whole life he had inherited his
mother's wicked sense of humor and my sense of right and wrong he could have studied anything he wanted in college but he took his lifelong fascination with weapons and built it into a very lucrative business I did the same for him as I did my other kids and gave him startup money he was a master gunsmith with an almost cult following he specialized in SWAT team weapons customizing and tricking out their weapons he guaranteed their sniper rifles to 350 yards you could cover the first three shots with a quarter the next three with a 50
cent piece if you could hold it steady you could hit it he did all the work for the three largest cities around as well as most of the local SBI and FBI work he also had a very profitable gun shop and a police equipment supply line I had plenty of weapons thanks to him and the family often shot together on a 20 acre piece of land I owned way out in the county that we had converted into a gun range he cited all his weapons in there he was married something I didn't think would ever
happen she owned her own tattoo shop was very talented her work appearing regularly in the magazines it was love at first sight I liked her quite a bit I picked up a few new items he showed me never knew when they might come in handy on the way home I got a call from my youngest daughter a nurse practitioner and a partner in her office I heard dad are you all right need anything you're not going to do anything stupid are you I smiled I could see her frowning over the phone her reading glasses perched
on her nose don't worry baby think I'm going to screw up and miss the birth of my newest grandchild not a chance I could use a few sleeping pills the last few days I haven't been able to sleep I had gotten a prescription from her right after her mother died I couldn't sleep for grief I didn't take them long they were very strong over the years especially if I was working with a business I knew wouldn't make it I would stress out she would only prescribe a week's worth sometimes she just gave me samples after
warning me again she promised to call in a prescription to the pharmacy Thursday night I sat down to a nice dinner with my wife we had a pleasant conversation if I didn't already know it would have been hard to believe what she was doing doing I opened a bottle of wine one from a local Vineyard I knew she loved I had picked it up that day I poured her a glass as we relaxed after our meal I didn't care for wine a fact she well knew so she wasn't surprised when I opened a beer when
her glass went empty I poured her another and got a second beer about halfway through the second glass she was nodding I took the glass out of her hands you seem sleepy honey why don't you lie back on the couch and relax I'll put some music on and clean up the kitchen she mumbled something that sound like thank you and started snoring I cleaned the kitchen and made two phone calls now was the extent of the first the second took a little longer Leah how are you good Roger got a job yet well I may
have something for him I'm meeting this guy at his Factory to observe his second shift capabilities why not have him come over and ride with me he needs a night operations manager pretty bad the pay is in the mid 40 range think he might be interested great have him come over in about 30 minutes I made a notee to toss the burner phone as soon as I could and went outside to wait I had a mid90s GMC truck that I hardly ever drove it came with a Slimline bed cover that I removed immediately what good
was a truck if you can't use it to haul stuff earlier that day I had put it back on a few minutes later Roger strolled up he thanked me for my help talked about how much he liked my wife and I not a problem Roger what are neighbors for before we go could you look and see if I've got the bolts right on this thing my car is in the shop and she hates it when I drive hers I'd hate for this thing to fly off as we go down the road I had the cover
lit up and the tailgate down he leaned over to check the bolts when I hit him with the stun gun he quivered made a sighing sound and went out like a light I shoved him the rest of the way in closed the tailgate and lid and left I drove for about 5 minutes before pulling off at a secluded spot he was just coming round when I zapped him again this time taking the opportunity to put the handcuffs and leg Shackles on I drove out to our gun range it took about 30 minutes 10 minutes on
a dirt road so neglected it looked like a goat path I probably went a little too fast hit a few of the bumps a little hard must have been my anger I unlocked the gate and drove through as I relocked it I could hear him yelling and thumping around I made a mental note to remember the gag on the way back I bounced on out to the range damn I never realized how rough the road was but then again I had never driven it that fast before he started yelling as soon as I opened the
tailgate I grabbed him by the leg restrained and pulled him out he made a thumping sound as he hit the ground he opened his mouth to complain and I shoved the barrel of my judge in it in case you don't know a judge is a revolver capable of firing 45s or 410 shotgun shells he got quiet listen up a-hole I'm going to let you up you're going to walk over to that bench and sit your butt down do not move do not speak unless you're told to do you understand he nodded his head as best
he could around the Barrel in his mouth I might have chipped a tooth when I pulled it out but I couldn't be sure if I did he didn't complain he couldn't get his balance and I lost patience so I had him crawl over with a little encouragement in the form of me kicking him in the ass occasionally I verbally encouraged him also this is a judge revolver just so you know I've got it loaded with 4.41 shotgun shells number four shot they're about the size of BBS might not kill you unless I hit just the
right spot but it'll hurt like hell and if I empty this into you you'll bleed out even without hitting anything major you with me here Roger he nodded tears running down his face I sat him up on the bench and strapped him down with 36in zip ties immobilizing him he tried to scream but I put a ball gag in his mouth and tightened it up I got it from my daughter-in-law she sold sex toys as a sideline to her tattoo work it led to many interesting dinner conversations and my daughters and daughters-in-law with a few
select friends would get together once every 3 or 4 months to look over the latest merchandise it always LED to some very happy husbands I pulled up a camp chair and sat in front of him I could see the tracks of his tears in the light of the full moon no why we're here Barry he shook his head no come on Roger you're smarter than that what could possibly motivate a nice guy like me into doing this to anybody think bar think sometimes severe emotional trauma causes it what kind of trauma could make people snap
the death of a child the loss of a job abandonment of loved ones oh I got it how about infidelity many a man has been driven over the edge by having his wife betray him many seek revenge pain and sadness for everyone involved and the collateral damage divorce loss of children it just gets uglier and uglier wouldn't you say so Roger got any comment really nothing I stopped and laughed oops silly me here let me help you I ripped the gag off taking a little scalp with it there now we can talk like civilized people
your turn Roger I've monopolized the conversation enough wouldn't you say speak a whole I practically screamed the last at him he was sobbing I'm sorry really sorry but she came on to me and I the slap rang in the night does it really matter who made the first move just because she came on to you did that make her any less married or you either of you could have done the right thing and walked away but you didn't did you now do you think what I'm about to put you through was worth a quick fling
with someone else's wife he was crying almost incoherent I put the beam of the flashlight in his eyes this is what got you Roger it's a fully functioning flashlight with a stun gun built in you just shove it hard against someone and the prongs come out and zap stings like a that what I hear anyway my youngest son gave it to me I stood up and walked around him checking his bonds I stopped in front of him and pulled a bag off the seat of the truck I got some toys for us to play with
Roger this is going to be fun huh look at this I pulled out a pair of heavy duty shears snicking them at him a few times he freaked when I started cutting his pants off he was moving until I reminded him if he didn't stay still accidents could happen I tossed the pants aside and eyed him damn Roger I expected more hard to believe that little thing is causing you so much grief did I mention that my oldest daughter owns a Private Investigations company quite good I hear I held up a sheath of papers I
shook my head Roger Roger Mrs Jones she must be 60 or better and Mrs Tate she can't be more than 25 and weighs at least 250 you don't call much do you and Mrs Brown I thought you hated people good to see you've overcome your prejudices her husband must be what 65 I bet he weighs close to 300 surprising I thought prison guards would be a bit more fit you've certainly been a busy boy in the neighborhood haven't you do you have anything left over for that sweet wife of yours remember her the one that
gave you two children the one working all that overtime just to keep you afloat I bet these pictures would break her heart don't you think he struggled and moaned I patted his head in a fatherly fashion don't worry Roger I'll be sure to offer her a shoulder to cry on I'll help her and the kids anyway I can heck when you lose the house I might let her and the kids move in with me you do know that Mrs Jones's son is the vice president in charge of mortgages for your bank don't you you never
got along in school if I remember right I'll console her as best best I can maybe she'll be really grateful there might be snow on my roof be you there's still fire in my stove thank goodness I like kids so it would be a win-win for us heck I might even adopt them you wouldn't mind would you he was slumped over I patted his cheeks a couple of times then slapped him he jerked back good I was afraid you were taking a nap don't get slack we have a lot to do I'm going to give
you some choices Roger I want you to think hard on them when I'm done I'll give you a minute to side but Roger I expect a decision before we leave understand good I reached into the bag and pulled out something that had handles like pliers but had three prongs in front can you guess what this is It's a bull bander it's a castration device you take one of these I held up a/ in wide rubber band that was only about an inch around and put it on like this I put the band over the three
prongs and squeezed the handle the prongs immediately spread the band about 4 in what you do is take the bull calf by the scrotum and slide this over it when you release the handle the band pops off and constricts the scrotum it's supposed to be very painful the first hour or so then the calf goes numb in 3 days the testicles no longer work in a week and a half to two weeks the scrotum drops off quick almost painless non-invasive it's perfect did I mention my youngest daughter's husband owns a beef operation with his father
he had sheer Terror in his eyes I held up a bottle of pills now this I got from my youngest daughter also it's actually for Animals specifically over sex maale dogs in the pounds one of these makes a dog impotent for a week two at the same time lasts about a month three or over at the same time and the effects aren't reversible I figure for your weight I need to give you six the sobs were coming hard and fast now I held his head up and showed him some drawings and something that resembled the
gun one of my daughters inlaws gave me this it's a tattoo gun see these drawings all I have to do is hold them to you and follow the lines do you prefer blue or black ink I had the truck headlights on he could plainly see the drawings I held up one it was a life-size to some detailed drawing of a wiener this is my favorite it goes across your cheek with the head on the edge of your lips I got another one that says I love weener to go across your forehead think it will make
you popular with the ladies I sat back inside well there you go Roger pick one if you don't I'll probably do all of them to you oops I forgot one I held up even more papers my oldest son is a lawyer these are alienation of affection suits legal in this state one for me one for Mr Brown and one for Mr Tate Mrs Jones is a widow but she's named as a witness you can pick that one if you want I'm going to go get a beer while you think I'd offer you one but I
want you clear-headed be back in a bit and you better have an answer for me I walked off into the dark found a log and listened to the night an owl hooted quite near you could hear coyotes howling on the ridge tree frogs chorused on the Wetland singing to the night it was peaceful he was slumped over when I got back apparently cried out I shook him roughly what's it to be Roger I have a couple of favorites myself I hope you refuse to pick one so I can have a little fun he begged he
pleaded I yawned time's up Roger I'm going to enjoy this you probably not so much I held up the ball bander this won't hurt for long I think let me know will you want to watch well might be for the best I pulled a leather mask out of the bag and bound it to his head leaving just his nose exposed I replaced the castrating band with a regular heavyduty rubber band I heard him scream when it snapped home it would be uncomfortable but it wouldn't do any long-term damage if it was removed within 24 hours
I got out the bottle of pills they were hormone pills left over from a treatment my soon to be ex-wife insisted on to help with her skin appearance the worst they would do was cause some discomfort for a day or two and possibly lead to mood swings I got a bottle of water out and put five pills in my hand I unzipped the front of the mask and held his nose shut he opened his mouth to scream and I shoved the pills in and jammed the water bottle down his throat he gagged he spit but
eventually he swallowed I was humming to myself when I Heard a Voice come out of the darkness that's enough Dad I think you made your point we'll handle it from here all four of my children came into the light along with one son-in-law and one daughter-in-law how did you know I asked in Surprise Maria laughed you're so predictable I had two people on you since it started I wanted to stop you sooner but got outvoted they wanted to let you have a little fun you're a scary man do you know that go on home you've
got other problems to deal with we got his I bowed to their wisdom and left I had called Leah just after I zapped Roger telling her I couldn't wait any longer and had to leave I I actually did have an appointment but ran late and called to cancel she didn't know where he could be he came home 4 hours later brought home by the police he claimed he had been forced into a car mugged beaten and left on the side of the road as things played out the police firmly believed it was a disgruntled husband
or group of husbands I had a half-ass alibi easily believed by the police my wife had been passed out and couldn't say for sure when I came home I'll never forget her scream the next morning when she went to take a shower there was a tattoo that said cheating 304 it wasn't a real tattoo but one drawn on with an ink tattoo artists were experimenting with it was guaranteed to last 3 months it was used for people who weren't sure they wanted a real one if they chickened out the ink would wear off and no
harm was done my daughter-in-law was above suspicion she and the rest of the family were seen by many witnesses dining out at a local eery it hypothetically may have been done by a fellow artist who was moving out of town and could use a little extra money just a wild supposition I was on the way out the door for a short vacation when she screamed after leaving the photos and a no fault divorce decree on the dining room table with a note saying sign and I would help her get set up in an apartment and
pay her expenses for 3 months while she lined up a job or not sign and I would leave her out in the cold after a very public divorce she signed she lived across town for a while then met and married a man four years her Junior I guess the older man thing didn't work as well for her they moved directly after the ceremony to Alaska I laughed when I heard she cold weather with a passion I never asked why she decided to cheat in fact I never actually spoke to her again the lawyers handled everything
photos showed up in various mailboxes in the neighborhood Leah kicked Roger out and he took off for Parts Unknown just ahead of Mr Brown and Mr Tate after the dust settled I had Maria track him down so divorce papers could be served and child support established I heard it's a strain for him to pay the mandated amount of support and live a decent life but as long as he pays nobody really cares I unofficially adopted Leah as another child indeed giving her a shoulder to cry on I talked to Mr Jones and got her mortgage
renegotiated he was very sympathetic so sympathetic that 11 months later I kept the boys with me while they honeymooned his wedding gift to her was the paid note on her house the boys got a little sister two years later Mr Brown divorced his wife as did Mr Tate Mrs Brown moved across town and spent the next 3 years trying to reconcile he finally started talking to her and she moved back into the the neighborhood they have yet to remarry Mrs Tate had nowhere to go being from out of state I saw her walking down the
road with a single suitcase crying I felt responsible so I took her home and put her into a spare bedroom she took over my household keeping it spotless it turns out she had a good head for business so now she runs the home office as well I bought us a gym membership and while I toned up she lost over 100 lbs she became very attractive men swarmed around her until she made it clear she wasn't in the market for partner the one she had would do just fine after she lost the first 50 lbs she
surprised me waking me in the middle of the night by bouncing on my bed I think it passes she said passes what in the world are you talking about it took me a second to realize she was naked the weight test I've been wanting to do this forever but was afraid the bed wouldn't support both of us now move over I always sleep on the right she still does my kids thought it was a riot when she announced at Thanksgiving dinner we were going to start family I tried to talk her out of it but
she said I was about 6 weeks too late I did the right thing and married her all four of my kids had a long talk with her about my views on Fidelity I think it may have scared her come to find out her husband was cheating on her and she was doing Roger strictly for Revenge unfortunately thanks to me he had evidence and she didn't our daughter was born about 3 days before my fifth grandchild I was 10 days shy of my 58th birthday I figured it out I'll be 80 when she graduates for form
College the kids recently had a Halloween party and insisted we come it was a horror themed Affair I had a fake Hatchet and a hockey mask my lovely wife dressed as Al Vera and she had the body for it the only thing frightening about it was how sexy she was my daughter-in-law the tattoo artist had on a three-piece suit and carried a briefcase the other kids wanted to know who she was a my father-in-law he's the scariest man I've ever met she won first prize for costume dear listeners please share your thoughts in the comments
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