Coraline explained by an idiot

welcome to Coraline and right away we got a weird-ass creepy doll floating through a window that gets remade by Edward Scissorhands then Chuck that copter window cutter Coraline and her family who are moving into the Pink Palace which is like the house that split into three apartments as a basement in the middle part and there's a mattock yeah in the basement you've got spunky and bunky two old British actor hos there are now retired I think they believe in voodoo witchcraft all that [ __ ] and you know bunkichi she bunk man and they're like

you got a blue Russian man Ivan pachenko who has the physique of a grape that has been impaled by a [ __ ] matchstick and trained circus mice now back to coli on the fan man after they move in and put all the crap in the house she goes up or walk to look for a well hears a noise and throws a rock then here's a meow and she's like oh no what could ever be making that meowing noise I'm in grave danger I must run away immediately okay it's just a [ __ ] cat

so she runs away but the cat catches up and startles her now this cat is an important character in his movie actually but I have no idea what it's called so imma call it Dave Dave the cat okay Dave spooks her that a creepy dude at top of a hill comes along and he's like beat down there comes down almost runs her over and it turns out to be YB some kid that lives nearby who has serious that came back issues seriously did you see a [ __ ] chiropractor some [ __ ] it's not

healthy then coral eyes like I'm from Pontiac and he's like I'm from sob my name's Coraline Oh Caroline no it's [ __ ] it's nothing wrong with me he shows her the well she's looking for and tells her that looking for water with sticks is [ __ ] especially because this one is poison oak and he leaves because he's being summoned by his grandma so she goes home to it starts to rain and she starts to pester her mother about playing in the rain but her mom's just like shut the [ __ ] up kid

I'm trying to work and Coraline discovers a package that why be left for her on the doorstep and it turns out to be a doll that looks exactly like now look Caroline I'm about to split away it's on some very valuable life lessons okay when some creepy [ __ ] you just met sends you a doll that looks exactly like you that's called the nope situation you're going up and send that [ __ ] back burn it and get rid of it whatever it doesn't matter it's don't keep it okay but she doesn't do that

because she's a freaking [ __ ] keeps the [ __ ] dog goals overturned on her dad and he's like listen I'm trying to work here you [ __ ] [ __ ] okay just [ __ ] go kill can't dis bits on the [ __ ] ceiling or some [ __ ] alright night so she goes to explore their old new house and this problem would be fixed if you would just pull any end of that rug you stupid child some more exploring happens her dad forgets to press save and she nags the crap

out of her mom to unlock this tiny door in the wall that the creepy doll teleported to once again very nope whatever mom comes along on lungs she opens door and ain't nothing but a brick wall behind it and how the hell does his door even close with his doorknob on the other side it's just eyeballing it like that the brick wall doesn't seep deep enough in there for the door to close without hitting the doorknob you know doesn't day goes on they feed her trash and the doll is still there she goes to bed

and gets a woken by a mouse that leads her to the tiny dorm that no longer has a brick wall behind it rather a cosmic anal cavity she crawls through and ends up an alternate version of reality where her mom and dad both have button lines which for a kid has to be creepy as balls Coraline if I were you I booked it out of there so fast that Galactic rectum would turn to a bleached ass on once I'm out of there whatever button films being nice to her being a good food and drinks having

a cool health super color firm very nice you know like we are other family we're not creepy yet huh they're up some sharing hands that moves poison Oh crash they put a bed watch her sleep and she wakes up in the trash house with her poison oak crashed on and a brick wall behind the tiny door again and she tries to tell her parents what happened and shows them that the rash is gone her mom's just like yoki you've been doing drugs and tells her to go tell the story to the dingbats in the basement

she goes who that by the way she goes up to her mister I've been to give him some crap too came in the mail for him and he goes Otsuka blew up the chills came the meal oh my god we cannot believe it don't want to use this just to trim my mice she leaves but on the way down he forgets to tell us something so we drop Stalin almost gets castrated and he's like hey Caroline my name is telling me to tell you not to go to this mold or whatever that means does we

done she moves on gets a hat from the car why do you have a suitcase nearly half the size of the roof of your car dedicated entirely to one hat unimportant she goes down to spunky monkey they tell her portion through some tea but can't design what it is monkey called spunky's eyes gay she calls her blind and Coraline leaves without telling the story now it's foggy outside and she sees the baby stuck in her he has a photo she will just look he told her that his grandma used to live with her sister when

they were kids and that the house was dangerous then that might she follows the mice and finds the mesmerising sphincter again goes through it seized button dad gardening in a giant bug that turns into a helicopter they eat button mom introduces button why be who she took the ability to speak away from now wait at all Coraline and button why'd we go up to Ivan p'chenk off to see a mouse show that he made for her they got up there find a bunch of cotton candy cannons [ __ ] that [ __ ] cell popcorn-themed

did my bee just activate all the cans at once never mind Oh she'll start some ice do some [ __ ] the show ends clap clappy i'll use really thank you demise scroll up eivin sleeves and the button people politically alright listen kid no we really like this place and you're very young sorry a lot to be somewhat of an idiot but in what world is inviting you're barely even a friend over to watch sleep normal whenever she wakes up in the [ __ ] house where her mom locked the tiny doors so she could

shut up and they go into town to buy Coraline her school uniform and oh my god I watch this movie when I was a kid how the hell do I not remember anybody having such massive enemy movies very innocent back then anyway never I heard the school uniform but her mom won't buy her these school gloves and she's like mom you will [ __ ] they got a home and her mom's like well I'm off to go buy some food are you kidding me you were just out buying clothes why don't you go grocery shopping

too no tell me you forgot cuz he clearly mentioned it back when you were eating slime you [ __ ] imbecile anyway she leaves Coraline finds the key to the tiny door open the door and the space [ __ ] there she calls to and finds that button mom has left her a bunch of clothes food and a note to go down and see his shoulder spunky and monkey are making for her until he does that but on the way she sees Dave he's like you must be the other cat but you don't have fun

nice now homie I'm me ain't no other cat down here also how'd you call me a [ __ ] I might be kept by you no [ __ ] apparently Dave frequently travels through these different realities and in this one he can talk but what I understand is how he gets here he says he does this a lot he frequents his place to [ __ ] with the button mom so is there like another door cuz the other one was locked for years L do you do that or whatever it's Dave the magical cat he

tells her that this place ain't a dream it's just [ __ ] [ __ ] and that the button mom's an evil ho which she does not believe cuz you ninny then he goes off to chase some [ __ ] she goes down to spunky monkey to watch a show and they unzip into [ __ ] that haven't even more on a table body standard the show ends button mom and dad come to pick up Coraline but why be is the press Oh espresso so but mom tells him to put a smile on that face

but Karl I'm happy and but mom tells it if she wants keep having fun you're gonna have to sew buns into horizons he's like oh [ __ ] no it's okay we're gonna try again tomorrow when you wake up yeah sure what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] she bolts up to room shuts up all the sentient toys she has telling her to absorb buns in her [ __ ] eyes and why the hell did the friends in

her picture have button eyes that wasn't the case before what the hell's changed but mom was always evil doesn't matter she forced herself to go to sleep and wakes up in the middle of the night still in the button world but she goes down and tries to open the room that the tiny doors in but it's locked then she finds button dad being creepy on the piano and he starts talking [ __ ] about button mom's on the piano shot so much she got scared and tries to run away Dave shows up and he's like

told you he was a crazy ho and then they end up back at the house because this world's messed up like that dave hill's a mouse that was sounding alarm which turns into a fatass where as soon as he kills it and she goes inside and unlocks a tiny into a room by doing this but are you sure that's not how doors work but okay she gets in there but the tiny door gets blocked by a hecan't buff Roach room lights up and she finds but mom's sitting there she eats a bug and Coraline goes

you want disgusting home you know that take that back suck my dick all right listen here you little brat you ain't my mama well mom turns into this bony ass skank ass [ __ ] ass squirrel the villa lookin ass [ __ ] ass demon spawn and throws Coraline into a magic mirror and locks her in there where she finds three ghosts so she goes up to talk to them and finds out that but mom uses this shape-shifting doll to spy on their lives see what they don't like can lure them into this button world

and give them all stuff they like and then try to suck their soul through out their [ __ ] something I don't know man so they were just like her but crucially they went through with the button surgery which [ __ ] him in the ass and they asked her if she ever gets out of here to find their eyes if she can't then she gets pulled out the mirror by button white beam home dog's mouth got stolen to a smile dude got [ __ ] Joker but he's here to help and he sends her

through the anus that is now fully prepped she gets back to the normal house and no one is there but to why he's at the door he's asking for a doll back because it belonged to his grandma's sister and Nana man she brings him in to looked at all which she can't find and tells him all the [ __ ] that's been going on he dips out of there because he thinks she's nuts but she still can't find her parents anymore so she goes down to spunky monkey for help it's funky jackhammers a bunch of

candy into a triangle thing that's got a hole in it which spunky says it's good for lost things and bunkies as is good for bad things Coraline leaves and cries himself to sleep that night and gets woken up by Dave who Schultz heard that her parents are trapped in the mirrors hole she bangs really hard on it on bricks it and good job dipstick now they're trapped in there forever then Dave shows her the doll and now it looks like her mom and her death so she burns it Bravo kid Bravo it's a bit too

late now but still you did it Bravo she takes these three things and the candy triangle which I'm going to shorten to candying cuz I'm red like that and into the vacant sphincter to save her parents with Dave who starts talking he tells her to challenge the button [ __ ] to a game because she likes games they go through button mom gets a hold a Coraline and just like they folder Coraline challenges the mom to a game and the game goes like this button [ __ ] gives her clue to the whereabouts of the

dead children's eyes and if she finds them and her parents she lets them all go if not she sews buttons in her eyes so Skeletor [ __ ] agrees Coraline goes on the hunt for the eyes and find out that the Canion can see through [ __ ] and detect the kids eyes or some [ __ ] like that right and the first set of eyes is the gear shifter for the buck copter which the button that gives her because he wants to help out and the whole garden turns gray I'm gonna assume for the

sake of method each balls like a Kinder Surprise egg that houses two eyes in there for each kid bat or each kid had exactly one eye okay next up she goes down to spunky and bunky and with the help of the cane yang she identifies that this ring is the second set of eyes and after some Gollum my precious [ __ ] happens she gets the second ball now untie VIN and he's like are you looking for this what no you can't have it why you want to live it is one here we can have

fun together all understand the problems then Ivan turns out to be puppeteered by rats they dispersed him run away and try to take the third ball away from her but in an effort to stop them she throws the candy hang at them Smith is completely Coraline you [ __ ] [ __ ] why would you do that you through your most valuable tool in this world away why not throw anything else why would you do that think you could sleep through all that [ __ ] you have you threw away wallhacks you [ __ ]

fool no worries though because dave finds a rat kills it and brings the ball and he's like you could thank me later everything starts turning gray they go into the house and find it Skeletor button face will throws wallhacks into the fire Coraline scum houses her into opening the tiny door and finds her parents in a snow globe then she eats Dave at the crazy witch which gives just enough time to string in that door come on you could do it start what why you're not willing move please you just threw your only friend in

this godforsaken [ __ ] world at a crazy witch why are you not [ __ ] neither only he gets blinded some spiders [ __ ] happens Coraline escapes but the Bolognese hand gets cut off and lands in a dusty anal cavity and the rectum quickly collapses when she gets out of the other side and now her parents are back completely oblivious to what just happened but nevertheless back to the world that night thing shows up pissed as hell looking at her like [ __ ] I said thank me later not throw me out of

goddamn which later [ __ ] on her she apologizes oh good then she goes to bed and hallucinates the dead kid selling her to get rid of the key because it ain't safe so she goes to throw the key down that old well fun beginning of the movie at the same time bone lady Scissorhands escapes from the sphincter and makes its way over to Coraline and attacks her but then YB shows up I don't know where and helps her defeat and crush this is her hands with a rock then they bundle her up with the

rock tie the key to it throw it down the wall and close it which is just absolutely [ __ ] we've already seen that this thing can operate independently from a body that's in a different reality what's to stop it from regenerating or real inking itself taking the kingdom open door and wreaking havoc all over the world huh what's to say you can't do that if I were you I would take each and every single piece of that hand and spend the rest of my life traveling the whole planet and digging holes in the ground

and putting them as far away from each other as I possibly can try and contact my buddy you'll must shoot in the [ __ ] space burn out in the furnace whatever is get rid but permanently this is such a bad solution what's wrong with you he says sorry for not believing her and next day everybody does some gardening and she invites his grandma this movie gets a shower cap out of a gamer girl bath water [Music] [Music]