It is not being afraid to love regardless of age. It is the best experience in the world being a father is independent of how old is my kid. Old Child Adoption Age does not matter for affection Episode: Parents' Expectations I'm Denise.
We adopted Felipe when he was seven years old and Vitor when he was five years old. I'm Rafael, the Dad. My name is Rosane, I am the mother of Alessandro.
I adopted him when he was three and a half years old. My name is Karine. My name is Rodrigo.
We adopted Yago when he was nine years old. Motivations We're already married for ten years and we always want to adopt a child. We have never had a desire to get pregnant, I said "we" because it is also part of the husband decision.
When we decided to have children, we have tried for three months to get pregnant. I did not get pregnant in those three months, then we ask ourselves. Why not now?
Because it was not in the conventional way, getting pregnant. We thought that there were not reasons to adopt a baby. Also we know the reality of shelters today.
So, we knew we should adopt children older than two years old. I have always wished to have children. I have never given up that idea.
I could not have biological children, after my divorce I decided for adoption. Well, we wished to start a family at that time. We wanted to have children to fill with warmth our home.
Adoption was the path that we found. Expectations I think the expectation of any future mother is How my child is going to be. Which colour will be the eyes.
My child will be talkative, or will be more quiet. My child will be lovely. What I will be able to do?
Especially, will my child be happy with me? Am I going to be able to give affection? Am I going to be able to like my child?
Will my child like me? This was a very big fear for me. I wondered my jesus, a new person is coming.
Will the child like me? We have dreamed to have a messy home, to have someone to I care for, and to feed. It was that thing.
We were really wishing to love another being. Wishing to love a child. So, I thought our expectation was to be a family.
I particularly expected to have someone to take care. Someone to take to the school, and then pick up. Someone to chat, play soccer.
But in fact, this is a basic expectation. What really happens later it is indescribable because it involves more issues, it is not only playing and having fun but there is the emotional part. You are with a child near you.
I find it very nice that Yago was nine years old. We were not only willing to teach, but also to learn. Because of Yago's background He was not a baby.
So that was really nice! There was this emotional fulfilment. Our expectation was more about having a physical presence.
So, at beginning we expected to have someone, but later the emotions came. Because of everything we have read. We were prepared for a very different situation.
Being a late adoption, we have read a lot about testing, that children were more aggressive, children would not like to be adopted Even though they wish to to leave the shelter. Our experience was very different with the boys. They received us very well at the first moment.
It was the opposite of what we thought. Our expectation was to have children less lovely So, I was already prepared to deal with this situation. When they arrived, we were so happy because it was much better and we were prepared either.
Challenges When made the decision for adoption. The articles that we have read always claim that siblings help each other, so it will be easier for their adaptation. For this reason, we also ended up opening the profile to accept siblings.
to improve their adaptation into our life. We are adults, we wish to have a child, we can adapt ourselves. We have preferred brothers because they could adapt to our life.
Because they are brothers, they fight a lot between themselves. They compete to get our attention. So they fight a lot.
This is being a learning process, how to handle this situation. Of course, once I was called "witch", they also said the care taker at the shelter was better than me. So many things like this.
But it's all a matter of being prepared. This kind of thing happens and it is normal. I think people's lives is to know how to live together.
So, we live every day, and every day we learn a little. Even when you have biological kids, when it comes out of your belly, you do not know how they will be, you do not know what it will happen. So nothing is predictable.
You teach, you are a dedicated, you love, but you do not know what will happen. So I do not see things separately. The time prior the child's adjusting period and now everything is fine.
I think we are constant adapting ourselves when you wake up every day, and when we lie down to sleep. The adjusting period is while we are alive. I think the challenging moment I thought he would be open when he would come home, very talkative, communicative But he was well reserved.
He was very quiet. And I was confused. I thought he was sad in the environment.
In fact, I felt rejected. Actually, I wished him to hug me saying "Mom, I love you" This took a little more time than I imagined. But with a lot of chatting and dialogue.
When I was becoming more calm, he was opening up. So, this was the way we overcame this challenge. Yago has always been a very sincere child.
All he has done, he was sincere. He was adopted, but that does not mean he will say right away "Dad, Mom, I love you. " It was nice because he has expressed his feeling in the truly moments.
About difficulties I was raised with discipline. When he arrived at our home, he had a hard time waking up to go to school. It was a great difficulty until I realized that I had to give him a break Each person has its own time.
When I took off the pressure. We had support from our psychologist. We had very strong support from a psychologist which showed us that if we respect his time, everything would become better.
That was the biggest challenge for me. Not run down. Do not run ahead expecting that he will immediately do just because he was old enough to understand.
Expecting to change overnight into my standards. This was the most challenging issue. But it was overcome.
Advices I think the advice that I would give is to not to be afraid and be happy. Read, research. Be prepared because it is very rewarding.
But you should be psychologically prepared. But it is worth a lot. Children that are older, they already talk.
So, sometimes they've come in and said "Mommy love you" "Papa I love you ". Just like that! they come "I want a hug" and come running to you.
This does not happen with little baby, you do not have this early situation. Even though we warning them because they did something wrong Ten minutes later, they are in our laps asking for attention. Overall it's rewarding.
Look, I know several people who have adopted and people who are still in the waiting list. I always say the same thing. Those are children and children need someone to look after them.
They need someone to love them. Then, does not have to be a baby. I think that reading is quite necessary.
Also, make sure of what you want I think is good for the couple. I think the couple should discuss the decision to adopt a child. Be sure, as Rodrigo mentioned before sometimes it's a greater desire of one partner more than the other.
So, talk to each other often. "This is what we are looking for" When the decision was made, go after. Go to the Forum to check your process situation.
Prepare your application. Do not give up because of bureaucracy. and open up to this moment.
Because I think when we are open, it will happen. I believe everything happens on its own time. Nothing is by chance.
I think "coincidences" it's just a word to explain. But, I do not believe in coincidences. I think it happens when the person has to go through that.
Could be the child or the parents. So, I think if it is really what the couple wants go after, do not give up because of bureaucracy. Because in the right time The right child will come to the right family.
Older Child Adoption I always think that adoption is for me is a possibility of enhancing your life. It's more than you having a son, you gain meaning for your life. Does not matter if it is late adoption or a baby.
When a child looks at you and tells you "I love you mom" This is priceless.
