I was driving home from work and needed to stop by the Red Cross to donate blood which I do about once every 3 months after making an appointment I went in and checked in and waited my turn they ran my card through the computer and asked all the stupid questions well I guess they weren't really stupid but I always sat there saying no no no no until we got through the whole list I was a six-gallon donor so it was almost always the same thing I was never in the hospital are out of the country
so it was pretty easy for me the only person I've had sex with in the last 20 years was my wife of 18 years yes we had sex before we got married just like every other person in the world anyway the questions about sex turned out to be pretty straightforward too no STDs no HIV or any other sexually transmitted diseases I knew the nurse always felt uncomfortable asking me all those sex questions but that was her job and we went over the usual list then she said she would right back when she checked the updated
donor list she came back and looked at me with her head down what's the matter Mary I asked am I low on iron or something else she looked at me and asked if I was related to Judy Lawrence I replied of course Mary she's my wife you know that what's the problem Mary Jim Judy came in this morning to donate blood but she was turned down what's that got to do with me Mary Jim I don't know how to say this exactly but according to her form this morning she was found to have had sex
within the last 3 months with someone who tested positive for HIV that means that anyone she has had sex with may have contracted the disease and will not be able to donate blood for 12 months I'm sorry Jim hold on a second Mary did she just come in here and say that to the Red Cross no Jim when someone goes to a doctor or hospital and is found to be a carrier of the virus they are asked to give the names of people they've had sex with in the last year this list is is confidential
but is provided to the Red Cross so we can keep track of infected blood so Mary you're saying my beloved wife was on the carrier list yes Jim the carrier should have contacted his sexual partners and told them he was a carrier so they could see a doctor but according to your wife's profile she was never notified who is this carrier who says he had sex with my wife Mary I'm sorry Jim I can't tell you since you didn't have sex with this person you are the second contact and you will have to find out
from your wife I'm sorry Jim I just can't tell you I hope you understand just like I can't mention your name to anyone else Mary we've been friends a long time and I won't insist on it but what are the chances of me getting infected Jim the chances of you not being infected are very high since this was a second exposure and I shouldn't tell you this but uh your wife said you were using protection so that's in your favor too I thanked Mary and headed home what was I going to do how do I
deal with this after 18 years of marriage we have a daughter who just graduated high school and is in college but lives at home what should I say to her I always thought we had a good marital relationship we had sex or love making on a regular basis in fact we only did it last week God I was all over her body that night now I might regret it it was our special night we went out for dinner and drinks I remember we got pretty drunk the sex when we got home was great I've been
trying to remember everything we did I remember us kissing in the beginning damn love seems so clinical now God I must have an STD of the mouth then I remembered how she went down on me too then we kissed some more damn her for putting our lives on the line and all for what I had yet to find out I needed to calm down I needed to act like nothing had happened until I knew the son of a bitch's name that's when the [ __ ] would hit the fan as usual when I got home
dinner was almost ready Beth our daughter always started it and my wife usually got home before I did and finished it it was a kind of family time where we would all sit around and discuss the previous day we probably ate together at least 4 days a week today could prove to be an interesting day upon entering the house I immediately headed to the bathroom to wash my hands I usually kiss my wife and daughter when I enter the house but today I wanted to do with without especially with Beth I didn't even want to
kiss her until I knew what was going on I didn't want to give my daughter a disease hell I was almost paranoid now we sat down to eat and Beth started talking about her first weeks at college she was so excited and talked through the entire dinner then she said a friend was picking her up and they were going to the library to study she asked if we could do the dishes tonight since her girlfriend had already arrived and was waiting for her I told her to go away and do her own thing I'll load
the dishwasher for for her she really was a good kid I couldn't help but be proud of her as soon as Beth left my demeanor changed I looked at Judy and asked her how her day had gone she replied that the day went as normal without saying anything about giving blood or even trying to give blood I looked her straight in the eye and said Judy would you say that the most important thing in a marriage is trust and honesty she looked at me strangely and asked what's this about Jim why are you asking me
a question like that just answer the question and I'll explain later I said okay I'll play along yes I believe that marriage is built on trust and honesty she replied I wanted this to turn out almost like a game I didn't want her to try to second guess me so I told her that today at work one of the members of our group that always has lunch together asked a question do we feel like our wives or husbands will lie to us about important issues not Little White Lies but really important issues most responded that
they believe their spouses will tell them the truth Judy asked me what my response was I told her I told the group that we have a strong marriage and we can talk about our problems and I hope you will tell me the truth Judy looked at me and said Jim I would never lie to you I told her that if she lied to me I would never be able to trust her again and without trust marriage is impossible then I looked at her and said well we've had our talk do you have any secrets you
need to tell me I'm willing to listen she made as if she was going to say something but then she stopped then she answered no Jim I have no secrets hidden from you then I said by the way Judy I went to give blood today did you we usually go on the same day she looked at me a little nervously and said she went but was told she had low iron levels and couldn't give blood this time I looked at her and said mine wouldn't be taken either something about my wife might have HIV Judy
covered her mouth with her hands and said oh my God they said it would be confidential I didn't know what they would tell you I'm so sorry I looked at Judy and said trust and honesty make up a marriage I gave you every chance to tell and you're still keeping it from me who the hell have you been sleeping with that you're willing to sacrifice your marriage for this and possibly give us STDs please Jim I'm so sorry please forgive me it'll never happen again I promise who was that that's the last time I'm going
to ask I'm going to go to your office and ask every son of a [ __ ] if you don't tell me Judy cried and kept asking me to forgive her then she said it was one of the salesmen Bob Hawkins at work she said he had just recently come to the neighborhood and would only be here a few months for training and then he would move he flirted with all the ladies one day he asked her to lunch she herself didn't know why she did it but he kept hitting on her flirting with her
constantly and eventually she gave in she decided it would be a one-time thing she stated that he would be leaving at the end of the month his temporary stay here was coming to an end she told him he should wear a condom but next to me he was a lousy Lover he just [ __ ] her he had no idea how to make love Judy looked at me and said Jim I'm so sorry I cheated on you it was the only time in our marriage I was stupid and acted like a school girl I promise
you from the bottom of my heart that I will do everything I can to make it up to you please forgive me Judy at the beginning of our conversation we both agreed that trust and honesty were necessary to save a marriage you violated both even after I gave you a chance to tell me the truth you still lied to me now you say it never happened before since you lied to me now right to my face there's no way I can tell the difference between your truth truth and your lies you just ruined our marriage
for both our sakes I hope your lover did wear a condom and it was enough to keep us both from Contracting HIV Judy sat on the couch and cried while I went and packed myself a couple suitcases I told her we could file for divorce for no reason at all we both had good jobs and were supporting ourselves we could split all our assets 50/50 she could support Beth and I could take care of her college education I told her she could explain everything to Beth since it was her fault and her problem I will
contact my attorney and he will contact her getting into my car I drove away crying outwardly I kept my cool but inside I was tearing up I wanted to throw up 18 years of marriage to the bottom and for what a stupid Affair I rented a room in one of the economy motels for a week I figured I'd be in better shape by then to know what my plans were I called my boss and told him I had some personal business to attend to and would be gone for the rest of the week he said
it wasn't a problem and would see me the following Monday I called the information desk to find out where Bob Hawkins lived I called his home and was answered by his wife she asked who I was and I told her I was from the health department and I needed to talk to him she said he wasn't home at the moment but was going to meet a friend at a local pub she then asked what does the local Health Department want with Bob I told her that he has has HIV and is spreading it around the
neighborhood we need to know who he has been in contact with she was stunned and said that we must have the wrong Bob Hawkins that he wasn't from this area and was married with two children I apologized and said I hoped she was right but she might want to ask him about it when he got home the bastard had a family and he didn't even tell his wife about it what an [ __ ] I headed to the local pub which was pretty empty on a week night I spotted a couple in one of the
booth and figured it must be Bob seducing someone else's wife I approached him and asked him if he was Bob Hawkins to which he replied that he was I told him I worked for the health department and would like to talk to him on the street if I could of course he agreed and told the woman he would be right back we were about the same height only he was about 15 years younger that's probably what attracted Judy to him women like to think they're attractive to younger men and US older guys screw that that
may made me even angrier I had an old pair of brass knuckles I bought at a garage sale you don't see many of those anymore when we pulled into the parking lot I slapped him on the wrist I didn't say a word to him except to call him an [ __ ] and a bastard I proceeded to beat him to a pulp mostly on his body I kicked him twice on or near his balls then I kicked him in the jaw one more time I think I broke it I was ready to go to jail
for that it was what I had to do as he lay there bruised Ed and battered I looked around saw no one so I walked to my car went back to the motel and cleaned myself up I did my best to make sure there was no blood on me I didn't want to take any chances with HIV the next day I heard on the news that a man had been beaten to a pulp in the parking lot of a pub in a Lower East Side neighborhood there were no Witnesses the victim had several broken ribs
and his jaw he was unable to speak due to his mouth being jammed with wire binding his jaw they said had other injuries but didn't say which ones I was hoping they would have to pull his balls out of his ass from reports no one in the pub seemed to notice anything strange I guess the woman was married and didn't want to get involved the bartender said he didn't see anything unusual I contacted my solicitor and made an appointment to see a doctor the next day I talked to Beth and she was in tears and
said her mom had told her the whole story and wanted to know if I could forgive her I told Beth that the pain is all too real now I'm going through a divorce but she can contact me anytime I told her to take care of her mom and make sure her mom was seeing doctors it's been about 6 months I went through with the divorce it was finalized and so far neither of us have any signs of HIV or any STDs we were lucky not every person is as lucky as we were Bob's wife filed
for divorce after being tested and is now HIV positive thanks to her loving husband I have no idea where Bob is now but he never found out who beat the crap out of him I guess a lot of husbands were out to get him several of the other women in Judy's office were also tested their records are being kept confidential Judy's doing well she calls me from time to time to talk and always apologizes for her actions the problem is that she's lost my trust as we've discussed trust is gained and once lost it's very
hard to regain I'm fine Judy kept almost everything except my personal belongings she took out a second mortgage on the house and paid me half of the net worth of the house so financially we're both doing okay I have a small apartment but it's just a place for me to lay down I don't have a loving home anymore we see each other from time to time we have the same friends who hope that someday we will be together again at least Judy takes full responsibility for her actions instead of making a bunch of excuses inside
I Miss Judy very much she was the love of my life and what did she ruin it all for I know she's asking herself the same question as for sex I'm almost afraid to have it anymore it was one of the most enjoyable things about being in a monogamous marriage the sex has been great and there have been no worries about STDs I'm very afraid for Beth and afraid of dating it's a pretty nasty world out there I don't know what the future holds but both Judy and I will have to deal with it hopefully
in another 6 months I'll be able to donate blood again
