[Applause] Hello. Hello. How are you? Tell us a little bit about yourself. Who are you? Your age? >> Yeah. Um, I'm Chris Turner. I'm 35 years old and I'm from Manchester, England. >> It's on my neck of the woods. >> It's so exciting. >> Northerners. >> Yeah, proper. >> There we go. Are you nervous? >> Yeah, it's it's nerve-wracking. Yeah. >> Is this the first time that you tried to audition for AGT? >> This is the first time. Yeah. I um I I thought this was the year because a couple of months ago I actually
got my American citizenship. >> Oh, congratulations. >> Yeah, I uh that's the that's my little flag. That's what I got. They give you Thank you. >> I mean, we're excited that you're here. And what are you doing tonight? >> I am a freestyle rapper. >> No. >> Okay. Not what I expected. So that is that is rap that you make up based on suggestions. >> Oh wow. >> I think this is going to be fun. I hope that everybody loves what you're going to do tonight. Go ahead. >> Thank you. I love to take five
random suggestions. >> Um and I I'm going to ask you this. Please really make it crazy. Make it something I could never have thought you would even say or prepared. Okay. >> Do you know what an empanada is? >> I do know what empa is. Yeah. >> Yeah. What's your favorite filling in your empiada? >> Meat. >> Meat. Just meat. I love it. Um, Mel, >> I'm going to go with sparkly pants. >> Sparkly pants. Why not? And then Howie, I'd love a suggestion from you, please. >> Belly button. >> Belly button. >> Do you
mind if I ask, are you an innie or an outy? >> Um, I'm an innie. >> You're an innie. You're an innie. >> Simon, I I would love one from you. >> Um, I like my papayas ripe and juicy. >> Simon likes his papayas ripe and juicy. So far to remind you, meat empyadas, sparkly pants, I like my papayas ripe And juicy. Howie Mandel's belly button is in. And then for the fifth one, if we can ask Terry. Terry, I would love >> Terry. >> Quantum physics. >> Quantum physics. >> Quantum physics. >> I wish
I hadn't asked Terry now. Quantum physics. Lovely stuff. Well, this lovely people is a freestyle rap. DJ, would you drop that beat? >> This is happening. This is a rap made up On the spot. Never been seen before. Please AGT, make some noise. Yeah. Real pony star like nice empada. I got the tiny little slope on the end empada. Asking all of my friends. You know I'd rather have a filling. No need for vegan. No vegetarian. You know I'm heeding all the advice. I love you clapping. Keep to the beat. My empa spicy. Make sure
the meat's stuffed in. It doesn't even Matter how. I'll take the chicken or the pig, the turkey or cow. All of that. Slice it up and then dice it. Tasty and piñatas. I'm glad you provide it. Next in. I love Melb. The northern glance we showing on stage. You can see the sparky pants. I ain't got no sequins. It's just matte black. But when I see the pants when I lay back, I'm like, look at these. Yeah, you're looking under there. Pants mean trousers. Here in England they mean underwear. Don't get them Confused. Otherwise you
might get thrown out of any shop that you want to frequent. And now we got this. Do the shimmy. I love to ask how we an outy or an ini. He's like okay. It might be painful to admit to the whole room and in naval. I'm looking down there. No time to think belly button. Yeah. You're pulling out all of the lint. The pla gets cracked and throw it away. trying to have a blast. Like back in the day, I was worried about the scary booze. But Then I'm looking to my left. Got Terry Cruz.
He was saying, "Give me the suggestion. What is it?" He's like, "Chris spit about quantum physics." I'm like, "Oh no, I see the waves, see the particles, and the cat." That's dinger. We bring up all of the stuff. Quantum physics, if you think of it, it's never enough. We split particles. Yeah. And one time, yeah, I see a guy over there and he buy you. I see Simon Cow in the aisle of the store. He's picking up some fruit and you know he can't ignore. He's like, "Okay, I'm searching like a pirate for a booty.
Want to get it real?" Yeah, I'm telling the truth. See, how does he like his papayas? Yes, you please. He picks it up. He likes them ripe and juicy. [Applause] That was one of the most fun things we've had all day. Oh, I love this. I'm fascinated by what you just did and I think the audience Was. It's really exciting. >> We haven't had somebody doing that on this stage and this is the 20th anniversary. So, thank you for being here. >> Thank you. >> To be able to rhyme and make it make sense and
for you to be so articulate and creative. That is such a talent. We could have thrown anything at you. It was so clever cuz I was working out. You had to put the words in to rhyme Ahead on the spot. Uh, it was original and that's what we love on this show. That was really smart. Good for you. That was amazing. I'm going to give you your first Yes. Yes. Mel, it's an absolute nobrainer. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Come here. Oh my gosh. >> Hi. How are you, buddy? >> I'm good. I'm good.
>> So, I was, you know, when we come out on stage, we all come through the back and I meet people and I I didn't know uh what you do and you were incredibly funny. Great. And I was just trying to be I was just trying to be inspirational and I said, "You've got to realize what Simon always says to people." What do you always say? >> 2 minutes could change your life. >> Yes. >> And you said >> and I told him I said, "I know cuz two minutes is how I got my kids."
>> That's funny. >> That's it. That's funny. >> Go ahead, young man. >> Ladies and gentlemen, that's right. I am a comedian and I'm also a licensed funeral director and inbalmer. So, thank you. So, with that being said, if anybody in here starts choking, go on and let God have his way now. So, I can leave here with a check. And people don't believe me when I say that that, you know, I'm a funeral director. You know, they don't believe me. And I know why. It's because I act normal. Like I don't act like Undertaker.
You know how like most morticians act like they dead too. You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? I got them cold hands and be talking all slow and weary. How are you feeling today? They only want to talk about the people They think getting ready to die. How is your grandmother doing? And that's when you get mad. Did my grandmama find Dracula? Get away from me. My grandmama ran two miles this morning. She doing good. And y'all love to ask me crazy questions when y'all find out that I'm a funeral director.
This is the number one crazy question y'all got. Hey man, let me ask you something. Has a dead person ever Sat up and tried to grab you? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And I'm glad I'm on national TV so I can make this clear. If I go and get a dead body and for any reason they move, let alone grab me, that's my last day at work. The crazy thing is that one time I actually thought a dead person grabbed me. We got a call and they said a dead person died. Okay, so quite naturally
we go to pick up the body. We get the man On the stretcher. We get to the back of the hearse. I open the hearse door to put the dead man in the back of the hearse and somehow some kind of way. I didn't see it, but the dead man's hand fell to the side, but I didn't see it cuz I got my back turned to him. I didn't see it. Okay. And the hand messed around and wrapped around the back of my leg. All I can do is Let me tell you something. You don't
Know embarrassment until you've had to look a family in the face and say, "I'm sorry for peeing on your daddy." And that'll be $10,000. Thank you, AGT. Appreciate it. >> You are wonderful. You know what? We say this in comedy, you killed. And that's good for you, right? In your business, >> Simon, you stood up. >> This is brilliant. I mean, seriously brilliant. You're like a funny funeral Director. I mean, that is fantastic. And you're right. They're so serious. And they all want you to die like the Simon got it. He got it. >> You
are a natural. I mean, seriously. >> Oh, thank you. Thank you, Sophia. >> I made it. You are amazing. I mean, the moment you walked on the stage, you were funny. You look great. Your energy is amazing. It was funny. >> Thank you, Mel. What do you think? >> Yeah. Well, you made me belly laugh, and I love a good belly laugh. You got me. You're a character. I wanted to hear more and more and more. You're very funny. >> Thank you. I, as a comedian, would like to give you your first Yes. You're amazing.
No. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Three yeses. Without question, the funniest person we've had this year. >> Four yeses. [Applause] >> That is brilliant. >> Isn't that great? It's real life. It's not his life on a dead man. [Music] >> Hello. >> Hello. How are you? >> You look happy. >> I am. I'm I'm quite delighted. Hello. >> And what's your name? >> It's My name is Deliso. Deliso Chapa. That's an amazing name. That's a Malawian name. Malawian. Yes. >> So I'm from Malawi, but I live in Manchester. Why have you come on Britain's
Got Talent? >> I've come to to make the people laugh. I am a comedian and I am a comedy writer. >> I would love the winner of Britain's Got Talent this year to be a comedian. >> Oh, no pressure. >> No pressure. >> Who are you here with? >> So, I'm here just alone. I uh my brother. No, no, he wanted to come. He's A doctor and he was like, either I should save lives or come with you. >> Were your parents disappointed that one of you was a comedian, one of you was a doctor?
They were absolutely horrified because I was studying computer programming. So, I had a future and I just decided, no, let me be a clown. So, we shall see. >> Oh, darling. Good luck. >> Okay. Excellent. Well, I'm at that age now. All my Friends are getting married and married people forget how horrible it is being single. They love to call me and complain about their couply problems. Always get, "You are so lucky being single." I get home, my wife just starts nagging. Nag nag nag. I'm like, hey, I have to nag myself. I get home,
I'm like, what time do I call this? Why don't I ever do the dishes? Sometimes I think I don't appreciate Myself. [Applause] [Music] I haven't always been a comedian. I did some weird jobs. I used to clean houses. And I'll admit, I was tempted to steal. I didn't steal cuz the Bible says, "Thou shalt not steal." But nowhere does it say, "Thou shalt not swap." I took a stereo, left a Walkman. Took a plasma screen, left an Etcher sketch. [Applause] As I mentioned, I am from Africa. I moved here 10 years ago and immediately I
moved here I heard a lot of British people talking about the financial crisis, the recession. I'm from Africa. What are you maniacs talking about? You call that a crisis? If that's a crisis, where is UNICEF? Where is Barno? I have not seen one save the UK concert. You can tell me it's a financial crisis When their planes flying over Birmingham tossing fish and chips out the window. It will be a financial crisis when there are ads on television saying this chav has to walk 5 miles a day to get a bottle of WKD Blue. [Applause]
And 100% you have got a financial crisis when India starts opening call centers here. Can you imagine some poor guy in Mumbai calls his bank ends up talking to a bra. Thank you so much brother. [Applause] [Music] Oh, we like him a lot. >> Yeah, it's great. [Music] [Applause] Heat. [Applause] Heat. Thank you so much. [Applause] Thank you. Thank you. >> I just want to say I think you're bloody hilarious. >> Thank you. >> Self-deprecating, funny, relevant. I mean, laugh after laugh after laugh. It just kept on coming. And I really want you to win
the entire series. >> Thank you so much. >> I think you could. And I think you have a golden future. >> Thank you so much. I'm shocked and Delighted. >> So am I. >> My face is hurting from laughing. I'm so pleased that Amanda Presto Golden Buzz are for you. You are brilliant and I cannot wait to hear more from you. Well done. >> Thank you. You should be a comedy superstar. All the jokes were really original and you are incredibly likable. I couldn't fault it. Well done. >> Well, not only do I think you're
an undiscovered little star, I could see you owning your own show. What you did was so funny and naughty and unique. This is why we make shows like this to find people like you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you everybody. [Applause] How about that? That was awesome. Just a bit. >> He's so so crying. So >> the whole unisep thing over throwing fish out the window. >> Well done, fella. >> Thank you so much. >> Absolutely brilliant. >> See you live in the studio of the semi-finals. >>
Thank you so much. Congratulations. >> Off you go. Celebrate. >> Thank you so much. Welcome to AGT. >> Thank you. Thank you. >> Who are you? >> I am Sandra Risser. >> How come you're here at AGT? >> I'm 83 years old. I am >> 83. >> 83. >> You look beautiful. Good for you. >> Thank you. I'm retired from the corporate world. I always wanted to be an entertainer. When I finally retired, I said, "Go for it now. You're not too old." >> Yes. >> Sandra, do you think you can win a >> I
am going to be the first comedian to win. >> Are you a comedian? >> I love you, >> Sandra. We're ready for you. Good luck tonight. Come on out here. Come on out. Please. Please, sir. [Applause] >> Now, when I when I was growing up, my Whole family used to eat dinner together, would sit around the table, talk about what was going on in our lives. But there's one thing we never talked about, and that is sex. Instead, we talked a lot about shopping. So, I'm going to tell you a shopping story. Now, when I
was young, I used to go shopping all the time. Sometimes I went shopping two, three times a day. [Applause] I was a regular shopaholic. What? >> I went shopping with friends. It's safe. It's comfortable. You've been to the store before. You know the merchandise is clean. I went shopping with co-workers. Sometimes I even went to bars. when shopping with strangers. Bad idea. You never know what you're going to get. Well, you might get somebody who shops too fast. And sometimes you get someone who can't even find the door to the store. I understand you young
people. Sometimes you stay home, shop alone using the internet. Now that I'm older, I would rather shop alone. I know what I'm looking for and I know exactly where to find it. But I'm married, so sometimes I have to take my husband shopping. And I'm sure you all know once a man finishes shopping, there was no keeping Him in the store. So he goes home. I still have to finish shopping alone. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I mean, you are a genius. You are brilliant. >> Thank you. >> Thank you. >> Why was everyone laughing about you
shopping? Oh my god, You are incredible. Your sense of humor is spectacular. I mean, I have not enjoyed a comedian this season as much as I have enjoyed you. I want to know what how it is cuz he was going crazy like >> Oh, you're amazing. Thank you. This is memorable. This is viral. If there is a shot for you to win this whole thing based on that routine, you're a master. >> Thank you. That means so much to me. Sandra. Sandra. Sandra. You aren't Naughty. Aren't you? But I love you. I absolutely love you.
Thank you. Uh, Sandra, look, to be honest with you, I didn't quite understand the whole shopping thing. I didn't know. However, I would say that every great comedian needs a happy ending. Yeah. [Applause] >> Vote, Sandra. I have the honor to give you your first yes. Thank you. >> Oh, yes. No. Oh, no. Yes. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] >> Hello. And what's your name? >> Hello. My name is Lee and for obvious reasons, I'm also known as the Lost Boys guy. >> Okay. And how long have you lost your voice? >> I just knew you were
going to ask something that I hadn't thought about Beforehand. So, please excuse the awkward silence while I type out my answer. I've been speechless for 37 years. >> Wow. Tell me why you decided to enter the show this year. I think I entered Britain's Got Talent for the same reason everyone does to meet Anton Deck. >> This is all going so well up until that point. The stage Lee is yours. [Music] >> Hello ladies and gentlemen. As you may be able to tell, I'm a struggling standup comedian who also struggles to stand up. To be
honest, I'm not sure how good I am. I'll leave that for you to decide. But just so you know, if you don't laugh at the disabled guy, you are going to hell. [Laughter] [Applause] When I realized I'd never be able to talk again, I was speechless. I have lived in Newcastle all my life. >> Yes. >> But for some reason, I still haven't picked up the accent. >> I can see that some of you are trying to figure out where you know me from. Maybe it would help if I started saying phrases such as the
next train to arrive on background is the 1252 service king. And from my time at the post office, please go to cashier number eight. I got the train here today. I always like to sit in those seats for disabled people. I was about halfway here when another disabled person got on and asked me to move. I didn't realize I'd be playing disabled top trumps when I got on or I would have dressed more special. Needless to say, I didn't give up my seat. Who cares if he was both blind and deaf? I was there first.
It was very awkward. He couldn't see that I was still there. And I couldn't tell him I wasn't moving because I can't speak. >> Before I leave you, I have one more thing to say. I hate that we have so many politically correct words to describe disabled people now. It's all special needs, special schools, special Olympics. I don't know what is so special about me. That is why it always alarms me when I hear about special forces going to war. You've been a fantastic audience. Goodbye. [Applause] >> Bloody brilliant. >> Oh my goodness. Hello. >>
Hello, Alicia. >> How are you? >> I'm good. I'm really, really good. >> I was not expecting to see you today. I've known Cojo for many, many years. Cojo, I'll let you tell my fellow judges about yourself. >> I'm a stand-up comedian. >> Um, been doing comedy for 20 years. Um, I've spent most of those 20 years encouraging young comedians and helping bigname comedians and opening up for them. and my new fiance. [Applause] >> We've we've got a little boy called Roman who's here as well. >> And she said that it was about time that
I started thinking about myself and >> my son. >> Who makes you laugh? >> Simon Cow. [Laughter] >> That's funny. Okay. Well, look, co you know the show. 3 minutes do your stuff. >> Good luck, darling. >> Thank you very much. Coach, [Applause] I want a good one. >> So, ladies and gentlemen, I am a new dad for the first time, but all I want to do is be better than my dad, right? My dad had no patience, right? Me and my best friend, Michael Murphy, after school every day, we'd play football on the estate.
I had the parent who would ruin that game by calling me inside for something I didn't think was necessary. All you would hear because I got African parents and my dad would shout like, "Cujo, come here." Now, Michael always had confrontation with my dad. He was like, "Coach, coach, coach. What's going on, mate? The coach, you're a big man. You're 11. You go in there and you tell him that this enough's enough." Now ladies and gentlemen, there was a little part of me that believed in Michael spirit. But then I remembered he don't live in
my house. So I turned to my dad. I said, "Dad, What's up? Go to the store and get me Ryena." Ladies and gentlemen, this is all I said. Dad, can't you get it yourself? It was 1:00 p.m., but it got dark real quick. The pigeons weren't even flying anymore. They came down toward me. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't have any jokes. I got problems. Have you ever been to a bank, right? Cuz I'm not Really happy with the customer services that we get at banks nowadays, right? Have you ever gone into a bank, you've seen
four available windows, four? But there's only one person working. >> Yes. Then you get the woman that works there who walks past the queue and says, "Don't worry, she won't be long. Go and help her. Why are you out here?" You get to the cashier because it's your turn. Right. They've now given the cashiers Microphones. Yeah. So, everybody can hear your financial situation. I'm right here. I can hear you. Right. And I'm already embarrassed about the amount that I need. So, I was discreet. Right. I was like, "Can I get 1 pound50, please? That weren't
enough for her. She had to talk into the mic and get into my business. Sorry, sir. You need a pound to keep the account open. I'm like, why are you shouting? But I told you I needed the rest of what was in my account. So, I said to her, "Please, can I get that 50 p?" She said to me, "How do you want that?" I was like, "In silence." Nice. I was so frustrated that I rushed out of the bank. I rushed out to be greeted by the most creative homeless person I have ever met.
He rushed up to me. He said, "Look, mate, I know you're in a rush, but can I please get 20 p to get Something to eat?" Ladies and gentlemen, I looked at him and said, "You know where to eat for 20 p." I said, "Mate, I'm coming with you. got dinner for the both of us. When you when you're broke, right, and you ain't got no money, there's certain things that you can't enjoy. Like a cab drive, right? You can't enjoy the black cab ride. You can't enjoy it, right? I went into a black cab
recently. Me and my mate, we jumped in. He was getting Comfortable. Clearly, he's got more money than me. He was looking outside the window talking to the driver. He fell asleep. Ladies and gentlemen, when you ain't got no money, you only look at one thing, the meter. [Applause] The experience in a black cab is the most awful thing ever. They charge you before you even speak to the driver. You step in 250. Hold on a minute. You sit down. £3. Hey, let's discuss this. Ladies and gentlemen, it's got to a point where I don't even
have a destination when I get into a black cab. When a driver says, "Where do you want to I say take me to £5. >> Very good. >> My name is Cojo. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Every [Applause] ocean Just to be with you [Applause] to see [Applause] Cojo. joke when you came on. I loved hearing about how you've grafted, how you've honed your act, how you've now got your little family. Yeah. And the actress's got better and better and then by the end you were like, "Yeah, I'd pay money to see this
man." Congratulations >> so much. >> I'm so happy right now. >> I've always respected you. My respect level for you has just gone way up there, my friend. And uh let's see how far you can take it now. >> Thank you very much. Thank you. >> Woo. Well, you know, when someone's really funny, there is nothing much to say other than you are brilliantly funny. You made everyone laugh. Um, you've kind of got all bases covered as a comedian. You're brilliantly likable. You got fantastic observational routines. I think you did yourself really proud today. >>
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. >> What was quite amazing was I felt that you were nervous. Then I could see the audience reacting to you and you reacting to them. But I'm going to be honest with you, Kosa. I don't really like comedians on this show, >> but I love you. Heat. Heat. [Applause] Oh, wow. [Music] [Applause] I really got it. I have to tell you, I don't know what it is. You are so funny and so unpredictable. You just have the most amazing energy. This is the break you've been
waiting for. Thank you so much. Could not be happier. You enjoy this. [Applause] So good. So good. So good. [Music] What? See, y'all didn't know I could dance, did y'all? What's up, y'all? How y'all doing, Wimbley? So glad to be here. Y'all give me a lot of energy, a lot of love. I love women that make me laugh, man. If a girl make Me laugh, I fall in love fast. I do. I'd be like, "Girl, you so crazy." Listen, we've been known each other for 2 minutes, but I already know I love funny women. You
just can't be funnier than me and we're good. You know what I mean? Like cuz you know I'm a comedian. No, like my ex was hilarious. You know what else she is? My ex. Don't disrespect me. Okay. You be funny a little bit, man. That's disrespectful. You'll see LeBron James White going around dunking on him. You'll see that. All right. I don't care if you're taller than me. Some dudes like, "I can't date a girl that's taller than me." I I do not. Girl, get this loving. It don't matter to me. Can I reach your
lips? You just can't be I don't care if you bigger than me. You can't just be like like bigger than me, you know? Like I want to get in an argument with my lady and think, "Oh snap, she mad." You know, Like not oh snap, she mad, you know? Like not I love her. I date every race. It's different dating outside your race. First date I ever went on with a white girl, I was driving in Death Valley, Nevada. I don't know if anyone's ever been there, but it's beautiful when you're safe inside your car.
And I was driving with her and I was looking around. I was like, "These mountains are so beautiful, aren't they, white Girlfriend?" And then she was like, "Just call me Janine." And I was like, "That makes sense. I didn't think about that." But yeah, but anyway, aren't these mountains beautiful? And her response was, "Oh my gosh, these mountains are so beautiful. Let's go climb them." And I was like, "Calm down, Cinderella." You know, like, "Let's not go die." That sounds like a better idea. And I'm not saying there some white people stuff climbing mountains. All
I'm Saying is anybody black I know wouldn't have suggested that. That's all I'm saying. Climbing mountains in Death Valley. I was like, it's in the name. They gave us clues right there. Right. And then she was like, "That couple looks like they're walking around the bottom of the mountain." It was another mixed couple, right? And so we actually parked. We actually ran into the couple and I was like, "Hey, mixed couple part two. Did Y'all ended up did y'all end up walking up the mountain?" They like, "No, that's a stupid idea." I was like, "That's
what I was saying. But we ended up walking up the mountain. It was a lot of fun to the point where I felt like I had to admit that I was wrong. And I was like, cuz it was beautiful. And I was looking around. I was like, man, you know what, white girl from Janine, I'm so glad you suggested this cuz I'm having a great time. She's like, I told you it's going To be a lot of fun. And I was like, yeah, it was great until I seen some fresh doodoo on the ground. And
I was like, that's so weird cuz I didn't do that, you know? So, how did that get there? I was like, did you do that? That was fast, girl. And she like, it wasn't me, silly. It was probably just a mountain line. What? How? How? You just say that and be calm. What do you mean it's probably just a mountain line? She says, "Don't worry About it, silly. Mountain lines are way more afraid of us than we are of them. We just got to stand up to them." I said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever
heard in my life. You trying to tell me if I see a mountain line live, I'm supposed to be like, "Hold up, mountain line. you better stop it cuz I Googled you. And the mountain line just walks off like, "Hey, hey, my bad, man. My bad. I didn't know you had Wi-Fi. Let me get out of Here. I was I was going to murder you, but you Google me. I got to leave now." I said, "Listen, ma'am. I don't know what nursery rhyme you heard growing up, but it wasn't black and Jill went up the
hill to get eaten by some mountain lines. We have to leave for your safety, okay? Cuz I'm so much faster than you. Like, it's not even close." All right. And you still asthma. She was like, "I want to stay up here longer." I was gone. Anyway, so I got to The bottom. I look across the street. I see that couple looking at me weird. I'm like, "Why are they looking at me weird?" Then I realized I just walked up the mountain with a white girl and ran down by myself. I was like, I can see
how that looks right there. Like she's alive. I don't know if she's alive. I know I'm single now. My name is Preacher Lawson. Thank you so much. I appreciate y'all. Thank you. Where you from? >> Um I'm from South Norolk. >> What's your day job, Ben? >> Uh I I do this act. >> Okay. I'm not going to ask what it is cuz we like surprises. Uh tell me why you've entered the show this year. >> Well, my my two little boys, they say, "Come on, daddy. You got to be on Britain's Got Talent." >>
So, you got sons, you got kids? >> I've got two children. >> Okay. Anything else? >> Yeah. Uh well, they did have a cat. >> Yeah. >> I won't go there. I've been good luck. >> Thank you ever so much. All right. Well, you see, I think my little stint now is all about me misharing lyrics in music. See, I mean, it all started when I went to see The Lion King. Anybody see The Lion King? >> Oh, I love The Lion King. But I must Have misheard something, right? Because I thought the first song
was about the Arsenal club football manager. That's funny. >> What I did then, right, I had a little think to myself. I thought, "Oh, maybe there's other songs, right, that you can hear that you think maybe they're singing something different, right?" So, I've amalgamated loads and it's just for you. Hit it, surely. [Music] >> When we'll pull off that song. I can't remember. But it's all right. All right. [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] Take your [Music] heat. [Music] I want it that way. You And I will be in that. >> Thanks for listening. [Applause] >> Very
good. >> Howdy. >> Welcome. >> Thank you. >> How are you? >> I'm delightful. Well, thank you. >> Nice to meet you. What's your name, please? >> Josh Blue. >> Welcome, Josh Blue. What a cool name. >> Thank you. My parents gave me a stage name, so I had to go with it. >> No, I did. Josh Blue. >> And where are you from, Josh? >> I live in Denver, Colorado. >> Okay. Tell us a bit about you, Josh. >> So, uh, I have cereable palsy. I like to get that out of the way early.
Otherwise, Definitely want to let you off the hook, you know? Uh, you're like, "This guy is drunk, man. [Applause] I do standup comedy. I know I look like I'm about to fall over, but I I get it done." >> Tell us why you decided to enter the show this year. >> After the year we've had, I think the world is just ready for some laughter. >> Uh, here. Here. Here. Here. >> I I just I'm a laugh junkie, man. >> I like that, too. >> Okay, >> Josh, the stage is yours. >> All right, buckle
up. >> All right, let's go, Sophia. >> It's really good to be here. You know, I'm not from California, but I look like I am. >> Just another wobbly guy on the sidewalk. I made eight bucks walking over here. >> Thank you. >> Hey, can you guys see this bracelet? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Good. Just making sure. Yeah. Everybody always thinks that this is one of those copper magnetic healing bracelets. Like, hey, does that thing work? I'm like, "Oh yeah, man. I was in a wheelchair last week. I'm going to put it on this
arm next week. I better take it off soon, though. You know, I don't want to get too better. Might mess up my show and then I have to figure out how to be a magic singing ventriloquist or whatever. Let's just say we're not getting a puppet on that thing. Oh my god. I was back in Denver last week walking down the street. This lady come up to me. She I think it's so inspirational that you're out. I was like, I'm on my way to the liquor Store. I I got eight bucks burning a hole in
my pocket. I was at a restaurant with a bunch of friends and the server went around the table and took everybody's order. And then when they got to me, they're like, "And what will he have?" My buddy was like, "I'm guessing a talk with your manager. Free dinner. Oh, he's genius. I love him. Thank you. This is the best Make a Wish ever. Thank you. >> Thank you. Oh, you. >> Hi. What's your name? >> Hi, my name is Nabil Abdul Rashid and I'm from Ceden, South London. >> Great. Big upd. How old are you?
Uh >> I'm 34. >> 34. Why are you here today? >> Um I've spent so much time doing other Stuff, but now I want to pursue this. It's going to give me a chance to chase my dream and spend more time with my kids. >> But you've been harboring a dream, have you? For the whole of your life. >> Oh yes. Or a nightmare depending on how you look at it. I mean, >> well look, we don't know what you're going to do. We like to be surprised. So now Bill, take it away. >> So
Sky and all people, you all right? In case you haven't figured it out, yes, I am a stand-up comic. My name is Nabil Abdul Rasheed and uh I am a Muslim, which is something I'm not going to lie, that's not the reaction I was expecting. I have to announce that I'm Muslim because people never seem to realize I am until it's too late. Recently, like it was my birthday, right? Some of my colleagues found out it was my birthday. One of like, yo, Fam, it's your birthday. Can't say nothing, fam. Say nothing, fam. Man's got
you, fam. Man's got a surprise for you, Rudy. I said, "Why are you talking like that? You're Irish." And he said took me out. Where did he take me a bar for a cocktail party? I'm like, "Bro, you know I don't drink." He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you do the Muslim thing, but it's your birthday, rude boy. Loosen up. It's my birthday, so what next?" Hey, Nabil, I know you have a nut allergy, but you see this peanut butter sandwich, fam? It's banging. Loosen up. He's good, man. >> Cuz people tell me I
don't look like a Nabil Abdul Rashid. Apparently, I look more like a Tyrone >> or a Malon or maybe even a Babat. You know what? I turned up to a show recently. They wouldn't let me in. I turned up to the green. Excuse me, you Can't be here. This green room is for Nabil Abdul. I'm like, no, it's Abdul Rashid. Yes, that's what I said. Abdul Shishkab, I don't mean to offend you, but has anyone ever told you that your name sounds a bit [Laughter] Muslim? I said, "Yes, that's because I am a Muslim." He
said, "Okay, well, at least tell me what the name means." I said, "Name Labil Abdash basically means that my phone calls are monitored now. The annoying thing about being Muslim in 21st century Britain is you know the MI5 prevent and home office listening on your phone calls but they don't go halves on the bill. They follow you on Twitter. They don't retweet. They follow you on Facebook but they don't poke. Well, not on Facebook. They poke you at the airport. [Applause] Heat. Heat. [Applause] Rise of the table [Music] [Applause] is me. Give my to you.
That means a lot. means a lot of me. >> That was amazing. That was so good on so Many levels. Yeah, it just felt right. Congratulations. Well done. Woo. [Applause] [Music] I didn't do that. You did that. Trust me. You're edgy. You're charismatic. And I just loved it. I absolutely loved it. It was fantastic. >> The writing is perfect. The delivery is perfect. I want to say thank you for coming on this show and and bringing this style of humor because it makes the Show grow. I didn't think I was going to do that today,
but it just felt right. >> You are a breath of fresh air. >> Give yours to me. [Applause] >> Hello. Welcome to Britain's Got Talent. >> Wow. >> What's your name? My name is Joseph Charm. Originally from Southeast London, but now I live in Milton Kees. >> Nice. >> Just the five of us. Then >> why have you decided to enter the show? >> Well, I recently quit my job to pursue comedy and to be here right now is one of the biggest dreams come true. >> Have you brought anyone with you today? >> I
have. Yeah. I brought my rock with me. I brought my wife. >> Yeah. How does your wife feel about you quitting your job? >> Definitely a tough conversation to have for sure, >> but she's been incredibly supportive, you know. >> Great. Whenever you're ready, Joseph, go for it. >> Okay, let's go. All right, Blackpool, make some noise. >> Yeah. All right, guys. Humor me. Humor me, please. I've always wanted to do this. Okay, you ready, everybody? Yeah. >> Rock your body. Yeah. That is so sick. Oh my gosh. I only wanted to do that to
show Simon I could sing a little bit just in case he didn't think I was funny. No, but in all seriousness, I've got stuff to get off my chest. Any parents in the room? >> Who wants kids? >> Idiots. Parenting is the ghetto. It is the Ghetto. But instead of the kids robbing you of your phone and your items, they rob you of your sleep and your dignity. Let me tell you a true story. This is my son. This is how my son used to wake me up. Look, my little angel. Daddy. Daddy. Somebody. Anybody?
And I'll be lying next to my wife going, "Oh my god, it's 5:00 in the morning. Why is he acting like a hostage?" And parents, we're the hostages. >> Yes. >> And then we become addicted to rest bite. Any opportunity we get to just get a little break of 5 minutes and we start seeking it out from external factors and we find the biggest gang on this street. Do you know who that is? >> The nurseries. Yeah, they take all our money and we have to go up to them and we find them And we
say, "Hi, I'm so sorry. Can you look after my kids for just maybe 3 4 days a week? 9 to5? Is that okay?" How much is that going to cost? £1,000. >> £1,000. Okay, we can make that work. I think a minute. >> A minute? Why are you giving them caviar? a filt. And let me tell you what's worse about this. We have to go back to these establishments and this is how they Greet you. Hi, Dad. Then you're just like, "Yeah, yeah. How was he today?" Michael was fantastic. He slept for 5 hours straight.
[Laughter] So, you mean to tell me that I give you all my life savings, all my money, so you can charge up my son to send him back home to me so that he can terrorize us. Guys, parenting is the ghetto. It is. It is. But listen, as nuts as it is, it's so nice I had to do it twice. [Laughter] Thank you very much. [Music] We got a beautiful story. [Applause] [Music] We got a beautiful story. >> Thank you so much. >> And we've only just [Applause] Yet to come. >> Well done, Joseph. Well
done. Let it out. Let it out. >> All right. I love that cuz it is genuinely so relatable, but more importantly, your delivery and confidence and charm on stage really shocked and I'm very happy for you. Congratulations, >> Amanda. What did you think? Yeah, absolutely. For me, I just kept thinking about how hard it is to get to this Point and the bravery and that moment where you went, do you know what? I think I'm going to make enough money to support my family doing my dream. And now you're on stage doing it. So well
done. >> You did it. >> Oh, and I love the the physicality of your presentation. You know, when you feel it, you've got to show it, honey. >> Yeah. All the time. >> Everyone here was totally captivated by you. That's a great quality. Great job. Simon, >> this obviously means a lot to you. Comedy, I think, is the hardest thing to do when you audition cuz you lose the audience. Nothing you can do. But you just want us over. >> I really like you, so I want to be the first person to say yes. >>
Thank you. It's definitely yes for me. Well done. Thank you very much. >> Definitely yes for me. >> And it's a yes for me. You got more yeses, Joseph. [Music] [Applause] The best is yet to the best is yet to come. >> Hello. >> Hi. How are you? >> Welcome to America's Got Talent. What's your name? >> I'm Vincent Marcus. >> And what do you do for a living? >> I do social media. >> Social media? >> Yeah. >> So, what are you doing tonight for us? >> I'm doing impressions. Wait, have you done it
in front of an audience? In front of a live audience? >> Never. >> Okay. Well, best of luck, young man. >> All right, cool. >> I'm first time doing this in front of an audience. >> Yo, we're going to do a little nursery rhyme rap with a couple rappers you might know. Here we go. [Music] >> The itsybitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Hot out came the sun and dried up all the rain. The itsybitsy spider went up the spout again. M& bakers man As fast
as you can. We got the roll it up. Roll it up and mark it with the V. Going to put it in the oven for that double g 305. Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb. Mary had a little lamb. And everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went. And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb should have gole wonder what you are. That whistle had like a diamond in the sky. Triple tickle Star. Wonder what you are. Boom. Mr. Huh? Yeah. The hip hop dickory dickory dock. The mouse went up the clock. Yeah.
I said the clock struck trouble. The mouse went down. I said a hickory dickory dock. Yeah. >> Yeah. Humpty Dumpty sitting on a great Humpty Dumpty. >> All the king's horses and all the king's men, they couldn't put the Humpty Dumpty back together again. That's it. I'm done. Hey yo, Simon, what You think of the rhying dog? I'm out. Welcome. Welcome to AGT. >> Hey, >> what's your name? >> Uh, my name is Dwayne Jackson, but I perform as Insane Wayne. >> So, what you going to do today? >> Uh, well, I'm a stand-up comedian
with a sit down perspective. >> Right. >> I got into comedy just like Howie. I actually got dared to do it and from That point on, I loved it. >> Really? >> Yeah. I want to wish you all the best. >> Thank you. >> And the stage is yours. >> All right. >> Well, uh, my name is Insane. Wayne, and I always like to start my shows off by letting everybody know that I'm out here advocating for dudes in wheelchairs. You know what I'm saying? Cuz I notice there's a lot of women out there dating
Or married to a man wasting his legs. got a good pair of legs. Don't know what to do with them. Don't know how to take out the trash. Don't know how to take you on a date. Don't do nothing. I'm just saying. Ladies, ladies, don't let your blessing roll past you. Okay? I'm just saying. I'm saying cuz it's like this. Ladies, start dating dudes in wheelchairs. We'll change your life. I get a check every month on time. What? You can claim me on your taxes. What? I got that good parking. What? Okay, ladies. I'm the
only dude that can give you a real job. Okay. You could be my inh home support service nurse. Where the nurses at? Where the nurses at? I'm saying that job come with benefits, dental, hearing, and vision. So, I'm just saying ladies, I'm saying look at me now. Look at me. You see me? You see me? Start to look real good. Yeah, cuz I'm just saying this. While you men Out there wasting your legs, I could have used a good pair of legs. You know why? I could have been doing standup comedy this whole time. My
name is Insane Lane, man. I'm going to go straight to Howie on this. There's no question. You are amazing. You are memorable. You are likable. You are real. And you have such a great shot at doing amazing on season 20. >> Thank you. Simon. >> Well, that was one of the best auditions we've had today. Genuinely, uh, partly because you're just naturally funny. Jokes are great. You timed it so well. You just got to the good bits and everything was great. >> You are funny. You made me belly laugh all day. What are What are
we thinking? >> What are we thinking? What are we Thinking? What are we thinking? What are we thinking? I'm just saying go. >> We don't have anymore. Okay, let's go. Simon, absolutely yes. Absolutely yes. >> Yes. I don't feel [Applause] good. Oh my god. How do you feel right now? >> I feel awesome. Oh my god. >> Great. I almost walked off stage. >> Congratulations. I can't wait to see more. I know. Okay, I got more. >> I can't. >> Welcome, welcome, welcome. >> Thank you for having me. >> Who are you and where are
you from? >> My name is Moren Langan. I live in Manhattan, but I grew up in Lake Hayawa, New Jersey, where there is no lake. >> So, what is your talent? What will you be doing for us today? >> I am a stand-up comedian. >> What got you into comedy? Well, I say a gift from God, but really um it's it's you you grew up in a big Irish Catholic family with five siblings. You're always taking the crap out of each other, and it's just part of a natural wit. I think you'll see. >> Okay,
the stage is yours. Have fun. >> Thank you. >> And hopefully we have some fun with you. I don't want to hate people. They make me hate them. I'm all about love. You feel that immediately with me. But I was on the airplane coming here. A woman in the seat behind me. She gets up and she starts spritzing cinnamon. I go, "Lady, what are you doing?" She goes, "Well, it's natural." I go, "Well, so is my butt, but I'm not putting it in your face." [Applause] I didn't want to hate her. She made me hate
her. Do you see what's happening There? >> I'm a victim. I had a car accident recently. I'm all right. Don't worry. Young guy stoned out of his mind on his cell phone. Music blaring. Looked a lot like you. Gets out of his car, you know, with the man bun. Dude, I don't know what happened, dude. I'm like, oh, what happened is in 1999, your mother forgot her birth control. That's what happened, dude. >> Well, I didn't want to say that. He made me say it. I was a victim. I was victimized. Okay. So, but truth
be told, I am at that age, post period, pre-death. That's that's my age range. Here it is. I don't want to be a cougar. Absolutely not. I don't need some young Hawkeye named Chad touching my belly fat going, "What's this? What's this?" This is rage. Rage covered by affordable treats and wine from Trader Joe's. That's what this is we got going here, baby. Yeah. Yes. Yes. You know what I want? This is what I want. I want a guy around 86 years old. where I am the hottest thing between him and death. He can't believe
he got me because he knows he'll never get anyone better to The day he dies. And he's not looking over his shoulder for somebody younger and hotter. You know why? He has arthritis in his neck. He can't move his neck. And he sees none of my flaws. He sees no cellulite, belly fat, varicose veins. Why? Cataracts. Cataracts. And you know what? Let me tell you something. I love him and I look into his milky white eyes and I say I love you cuz he's hard of Hearing and I want him to know because I'm all
about love. Thanks you guys. I'm worry lang. Thank you. >> Thank you. That means a lot you guys. Thank you so much. >> You're funny, Moren. >> It's the timing. You just have this really good timing and your voice and how you just like bam bam bam bam bam. You just have the next one coming and the next one coming. I mean, I was Laughing a lot. So were you. So were you. >> Yeah, everybody was. >> Were you laughing, Simon? >> So funny. So fearless. That's what Simon says. >> Thank you. >> What about
you, Sophia? >> It was fascinating. Your energy, the way that you control the stage, the you didn't miss one beat. You know your material. >> She has like the body though too. Yeah. >> You feel like you need to be like on a TV show actually. >> Thank you. >> Yeah. You know, you have a voice where we can hear you and we can hear your rhythm and we can hear your attitude and we love it and we connect with it. I think people not only going to love you, they will imitate you, they'll want
to see you. You have catchphrases. You have everything in that arsenal that a a Great comedian needs. You are ready to explode. >> Thank you. >> I wanted to love you and I did love you. >> More women in comedy. >> Let's vote. I'm going to give you a first yes. You were fantastic. >> Second. Yes. >> Sophia, I think people are going to love you. >> My name's Axel Blake and I'm from West London. >> So, Axel, what made you sign up for BGT this year? Well, I've got a 12-year-old son. He's in the
audience. >> Nice. >> Yeah. >> So, I just wanted him to believe in yourself, you know, put your mind to it and you can make it happen. >> And do you have a day job? >> Uh, yes. I do um property maintenance. If you need a kitchen done, Simon, let Me know. >> I do actually. It's all >> Give me a call. >> I will. >> Good. >> I want a good rate. >> No, no, no. We're friends now. >> Yeah. Okay, cool. Press that and we're cool. Yeah. >> I'm really curious with you cuz
you got you got your day job. This is obviously What you want to do. Has there ever been a moment where you've almost lost your confidence and thought, "I'm not going to do this." >> 100% 100%. It's been that time. But when you have family that's looking out at you and inspired by you, that's what keeps you going. So my son and my daughter, that's was that's the reason. That's the reason. >> All right. Well, we wish you the best of luck. Go for it. How we doing, ladies and gentlemen? Make some noise. I was
going to drive here today. I realized I don't have a license. So, don't worry. I drove anyways. I drove anyways. I took the tube. I took the tube. I've got a lovehate relationship with the tube. You know, I love when it's empty. I hate when it's packed. Can't stand it. Fight people off for the armrest. You ever done that? I think. No, you don't. This old lady is strong. Oh my. Have it. Have it, Margaret. Have it. Just have it. Some people do their makeup on the tube as well. Make some noise if you ever
done your makeup on the tube. >> Legend. Couple weeks ago, I saw a woman. She was doing her home makeup. Few stops later, she was a whole new person. I was so impressed. I started clapping. I was like, you know what? Yeah. You know, she Looked down on me like I thought, uh, you may be a 9 out of 10 now, but you was a minus two at King's Cross. Yeah. Boom. Yeah. I walked off the train like this in style. Yeah. But on a brighter note, just recently, my fiance gave birth to a little
baby girl. Don't clap, Simon. Don't clap. I didn't say the baby's mine, did I? I'm joking. She's mine. >> Pandemic baby as well, you know. >> Yeah. So, we want to give her a fitting name, so we named her FISA. Yeah. >> Yeah. I call her Fisha. Yeah. Fisha. >> Oh, he's very good. >> Technology is moving at such a crazy speed, evolving crazy. You got the metaverse, you know, you got cryptocurrency. I still get excited about my contactless card when I use it. I do when I use it. I love the noise. I've got
a jacket with A pocket on his arm. Sometimes I'll leave my card in the arm and I'll pay with my arm just to confuse the cashier. That'll be £1930. Boop. Next week I'm going back. I'm going to leave my card in my back pocket. I'll be £2260. Boop. Yeah. Yeah. Then I walk off in style. Who's in a happy relationship? Make some noise. >> Yeah. Me and my fiance been together for years, years, years, years. And my friends ask me, "How do you do it? How you think of it for so long through the pandemic,
baby?" And I just say, "Find your woman that you know loves you, understands your flaws, and find your woman that has a good sense of humor. Just make sure those three women don't find out about each other. That's the truth. Yeah. But we don't really have issues. In fact, I'm like the biggest issue we have is I hate when she would imitate my voice in argument and it sounds nothing like my voice. I can't stand it. She come up to me. I ask you what time you're coming home and you said to me, "I don't
know. I come home." I don't sound like that. Yes, you do. What I do now? I've got a way to get her back. I imitate her voice back. And guess what? She don't like it. I did tell you what time I was coming home and you said, "Well, make sure you come back out and die." >> I don't sound like that. Yes, you do. >> She gets angry. Get out my face. Get out my face. I said, "All right, I'll get out of your face, but how do I do it?" In style. >> In style.
>> My name's Axel Blake. Thank you. There we go. Well done, Axel. David, what did you Think? >> A comedy superstar is born tonight on that set. >> So funny. You made it all seem so effortless. You got a wonderful, such likable personality and everything you said was brilliantly funny and original. I loved it, Axel. Thank you. >> Well done, Axel. Super super super confident. The first person honestly who's ever made a joke about COVID and was funny. I know it's a bit of a cliche, but you know, after what everybody's gone through over the
last couple of years, boy, a we needed this show back on air. We needed acts like you. There's one thing I have to tell you, though. I kind of like a granite top. I like a waste disposal unit. I want 25% off and you get this. [Music] Heat. [Applause] Heat. Thank you. You need to do Absolutely brilliant. >> My name is Gatis Gandis. I am 35 years old. Originally, I'm from Latria, but now I live in London near Sainsburies. I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent in 2012. I got to semi-finals. This year, I'm going to
try and get further. Public Toilet. Can't live without them. Can't live in them either. >> Simon Cowell even said I was the Funniest unfunny comedian. >> You are the funniest unfunniest comedian. God, got >> So, what you wearing for your audition? >> Just wearing the same clothes I had. >> What? >> Last time. >> Let me make sure. >> What's your name? >> Uh, Gatis Candes. >> He did wear it last time. >> Yeah, >> same pants. No, those ones, they didn't last. >> Where have they gone? >> I put them on the bush outside.
>> On the bush? >> Yeah. >> Why would you put them on a bush? >> I had nowhere else to put them. >> What pants you got now? >> Do you want to see them? I'm too shy. >> Hey, your little peak doesn't hurt anyone. I'll show you mine if you want. >> Let me see. >> This is actually happening. We're just showing each other our pants. There you go. There's mine. Good. Yeah. >> There it is. >> There's his one. There's his pants. >> It's not the competition. >> Yeah. What are we going to
show each other now? >> Socks. >> Do you want to see my socks? >> Yeah. >> Go for it. There you go. Look at those bad boys. >> Oh, nice. >> Yeah. What about yours? >> There we go. >> Oh, you got white socks. You're brave. [Music] >> We're literally, if you just tuned in, by the way, just showing each other stuff. >> Shall we um show each other one more thing? >> My leg. >> Go for it. There's his leg. And I'll show you mine. There's my leg. Look at that. >> It's a nice
leg. >> Thank you. Do you want to touch it? >> So the people >> go for your life. >> Sure. >> Have a stroke. >> Okay. >> We're all big boys. We all know what We're doing. That's it. Nice little stroke. >> Oh, that that felt weird. >> Did it? >> Yeah. Yeah. That's so strange. >> Right. >> I think it's uh just [Music] [Applause] Lovely to see you again. >> Nice to see you, too. >> Okay, remind everybody of your name. >> Uh, my name is Gatis Candis. >> Do you know this is the
only comedian I've ever found funny. >> Well, look, Gatis, welcome back. The stage is yours. Good luck. >> Oh, all of it. >> Okay. Okay. Thank you. Go on, Candace. So, you know the now is after a few cold days, it's getting warm outside and I like the warm weather because it makes me warmer. That that's my warm up joke. When my chicken has a birthday, I don't tell him uh because he would not understand. [Laughter] So, so yeah, I have another animal joke. Woof, woof, woof, woof. That That's a joke you can take home
for your dog. >> Simon, have you got a dog? >> Three. >> Will you tell your dogs my joke? Yeah, >> I was thinking about that when you said it. >> Yeah. Let Let me hear it. >> Woof woof woof woof. >> I'm not not sure they're going to understand. Can you try it with my accent? >> Vof. Oh, thank you for making me sound so sexy. So, does anybody like seeing couples kiss in public? No. No. Well, I do. And and every time I do, I always go up to them and I stare directly
at them and Usually they stop and then then they ask me, "Do you mind?" And I'm like, "I don't mind. My name is Gatis Candis. And in case you want to follow me, uh this is what I look like from behind. >> Thank you. >> Oh, Gatis. >> Alicia, do >> you know I absolutely love you. >> Thank you. >> Your jokes are just ridiculous. And I Like how you deliver them, which is just like you've accidentally found the stage. >> You are actually, like I said, the only comedian that's really ever made me laugh.
>> Your jokes are so stupid. I find that funny. >> Thank you. >> Jesus, you are a real original and anyone who doesn't get it is thick. >> You know what? You're kind of sexy as Well. >> Oh, yeah. [Applause] >> We're gonna vote. Simon, I'm gonna say yes. >> It's yes from me. It's a yes from me. >> Four yeses. Gatis, well done. Thank you very much. Yeah. got. [Music] >> So, what are you up to now then? >> I'm going to go home and probably um go to sleep. >> Nice. >> Hello. >>
Hi. >> How are you? >> I'm good. How are you? >> Okay. >> What's your name? >> Dan Natman. Dan, where you from? >> I live in New York City. >> You do? >> Yes, indeed. >> And what brings you here today? >> I'm I'm do a comedy act. >> Ah, okay. I love comedy. >> Well, all right. >> Let's hear what you have to say. [Applause] >> Well, I guess I'll talk about myself. I'm 44, never been married. People ask me why I've never been married. Good question. Uh, probably because I talk to married
people all the time. And you Know what? I'm not hearing enthusiasm. Ain't nobody selling this marriage thing. You wouldn't buy any other product if people talked about it the same way people talk about being married. Like if you went to buy a car and a salesman was like, "Well, this car, uh, it's not easy. It's not easy." You know, you really got to work hard. It takes a lot of work and there'll be good days and bad days with this car. But don't Give up. I ask married people all the time, "How do you like
being married?" At best, you know what I hear? So far so good. At best, I ask people, "How do you like Game of Thrones?" They're like, "Oh my god." I try to meet women on the internet. Anybody do the internet? You got to be careful on the internet. People lie to you on the internet. Now, what's the number one lie on the internet? People lie about their age on the internet. And Then they'll put up like an old picture from like 1982. And then they look young in a picture and then you meet them and
they're 78 years old. That's why I tell women I meet online, look, send me a picture of you holding today's paper. Or at least an iPhone 4 for God's sakes. She got enough. One picture I saw on the internet, the Berlin Wall was in the background And it was under construction. Thank you everybody. That's it for me. >> That was good. I really like that. Funny. >> Oh, stop. No, sit down. Really? No. Sit. Sit. This dude's funny. Great. Great. >> You are a really likable guy. I especially like the speed. You know, I had
to really hang on to every word to get what you were saying because I'm a little slow. >> Well, your English is not your native tongue. >> Exactly. >> We're looking for the next million-doll talent. We're looking for someone great. You fit the bill. Every joke was rock solid. You've got it all. You got the delivery. Your likability is there and you've got great material. Home run. Home run. Home run. Welcome. You're going to do great. >> Thank you. You're going to do great. >> Appreciate it. >> You're quirky. You have like an awkward disposition.
And you're really bloody funny. Simple as that. You know what you are when I look at you and listen to you? If Jerry Seinfeld and John Loveitz had a child, it would be you. I'm going to start the voting. I'm going to say yes. >> Well, I have to give you a yes. >> Thank you. >> And I'm going to give you a yes, too. >> Uh, I vote yes. Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. >> You knew how that was going to go. >> I didn't know it. I get very nervous. >> Really?
>> Yes. >> He's a real comedian. He's not hacky. Brilliant, right? Brilliant. Yeah, >> I like that. Well, hey, well, you deserve it. >> All right. I'd like to sit. >> Thank you, man. [Music] >> Hello. >> Hello. >> Hi. >> What is your name? >> I'm Todd. >> And how old are you? >> 40. >> And are you married? >> Is that a proposal? >> No, not married. Not to my knowledge. >> And what is it that you're doing for us Today? >> Uh, standup impressions. >> Brilliant. We wish you all the best. >>
Yes. >> Thank you. >> I love TV, man. Anybody here remember Blind Day? >> Ladies and gentlemen, >> it's flying today. And here's your host, Miss Black. Oh. Oh, we've got three bunny lads behind that screen. >> I didn't expect to be silly again. >> And here's the gorgeous girl who's going to miss you. Her name's Amanda. Come in, Amanda. You know, I'd love to have seen the screen goes back. She doesn't like the look of the guy, and she makes it clear. [Music] Pretty [Applause] Women, why do you always come to the club with
a friend that doesn't look as cute as you? Yes. And guys, just as you're about to get the cute ones number, the friend comes along and messes it up completely. Yes. Let me set the scene, Alicia. Hi, you're kind of cute. Oh, you're cute, too. Here comes the friend. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Then they turn to their friend. Who is He? Who is he? Who is he? Then they turn back to you. Are you a nutter? You look like a nutter. You act like a nutter. Can you
prove you're not a nutter? Exactly what I thought. You are a nutter. If I'm not getting a man, no one's getting a man. Total Recall, Predator, Commando, action films. I love them. Favorite action hero? Arnold Schwarzenegger. >> Yes, cuz Schwarzenegger is always asking Questions. What the hell is going on? What did I do wrong? And he's always trying to explain his drama to other people that don't care. Some men just tried to kill me. >> I think they were spies or something. Harry from work. He was the boss. Blood on my shirt, blood on my
hands, blood on my knife. He tried to take my life. Get down. He's funny. I like that. I really like it. I do like it. [Applause] I like it. What did I say? That's what we got to do. Yeah. Heat. [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Yes. [Applause] I don't know what to say. That really moved me. I mean, Anton deck. Thank you so much, boy. It was good. It was very good. It's good. >> Congratulations. [Applause] >> Welcome. >> There's no one out there that I can think of right now who's like that. See in the studio
celebrate, man. Hello. >> How you doing up there? >> Hi. >> You doing okay? >> Yeah. Yes. My name my my name is Drew. Uh I uh I have a I have a I have a stutter. That's what that's that's what that is. >> And what is your talent? >> I'm a I'm a comedian. >> A comedian. Okay. And uh when when did you start doing comedy? >> Four for about four years ago. I I I did I didn't want to uh always do comedy, but uh I had a I had a sports injury. That's
that's that's why I talk talk like talk like this almost four years years ago. I was on a soft softball team. There was a grounder that took a took a bad hop and uh hit me in my throat which damaged some nerves in my vocal cords. >> Excuse excuse me. I felt angry about it at at first. I started to like write Down all my frustrations on like a a napkin in the hospital. My girlfriend um encouraged me to try just talking about those those things on stage and I started to do comedy as a
way of like I guess coping with it. I don't know. I was I was I always feel better after you talk to me. [Music] the person I w I was before would probably never hang out with with who I am Today. I thought people were lucky if they got to Todd talking to me. And uh that was a jerk. [Music] [Music] I feel a lot of responsibility to sh show people that you can turn any anything into into a positive. >> How does softball cause a stutter? >> Uh well, I I guess you're not supposed
to supposed to go to sleep on a Concussion, but I I know that I know that now. Uh, and uh, learn. >> Yeah. Live live and you live and you learn. And uh, uh, >> are you in a relationship? Do you have a girlfriend or >> Yeah, I I hope so. Hope she's here. >> And is she supportive of your standup career or >> No. No. >> No. She's not supportive. >> No. I mean I mean she she she's uh, Sorry, I'm trying not to get emotional. She she took she took she took on three
jobs so so I could I could pursue I could pursue this. >> Wow. And >> wow, it's a good woman, isn't it? >> You're gonna have to marry her, you know. You just got >> That's what she tells me. >> Yeah. >> I'm anxious to hear your act. I wish you the best of luck. The stage is yours. They they I'm okay with with with my with my my voice, but I I still struggle with some some things like like like I have the hardest time at a drive-thru, you know, cuz cuz you cuz you
got you got to say the say the order fast and you're and you're and you're talking through an intercom. It's like I don't know why I I I work there. I I I wouldn't I want a gig to to where people start to use my my my voice as as as the voice of their GPS. It's It's like It's like in in 1,000 ft. Oh. Oh. Oh. You you you turn. >> Oh, that's your your destination is is is a ahead of you on the on the on the on the right. Oh. Oh. You Real
real you you you turn you you you you you turn you should you should have got I believe that you you you can turn turn anything into do positive that's why I'm here but I've come along some some people who don't think they think think that like I did a show one time where where where a guy stood up and it's like Hey, you you can't just make make fun of disabilities ju just cuz you you have one. I was I was like I was like well did I did I I stutter thank you guys
so so so much. All right. >> Oh, the crowd is definitely with you, Drew. >> You know, it is such a hard thing to get up on a stage when you've got everything going for you and everything's clear and to go up there with your situation and to pull this off and to get the crowd with you is almost impossible. So I along with the audience applaud you for that. Really awesome. >> What I love about you is you've taken Your situation and like you said, you've turned it into a positive. I was laughing even
more the fact that you were laughing at your own jokes. >> I I I wrote them. >> Howie, what' you think? All right, here's what I thought. I know you're here to make people laugh, but I can't tell you how emotional you make me because comedy usually comes from a dark place. A lot of comedians, you know, are depressed. I I personally in my life Have used laughter to try to gain some happiness. What you did is you looked for the light at the end of the darkness. That light is your comedy. And I'm telling
you, I haven't been moved by an act like this up until this moment. And because of you, and because of this moment, I want to do something very special. Something I haven't had a chance to do. And I'd like to do this. [Applause] For everyone That doesn't know what's going on, Howie Mandel just hit the golden buzzer and you, my friend, are going straight to the live shows at Radio City Musical. Congratulations. How's it feel? I I feel good. You hit your golden buzzer. >> You are worth a million dollars. I want to see you
at Radio City Music Hall. I'm going to see you at Radio City Music Hall. [Music] [Applause] Screw Lynch everyone. Sorry. >> Oh, it's all good. Your >> seat's so nice. >> I can't wait for him to be at the live shows. I truly believe he's got a real shot at the million dollars. >> That was nice. >> That was really nice. [Music] >> Is there Is there confetti in my in my My feel like it's I feel like it's in my in my in my heart. There is just keep >> Good evening. What is your
name? Hey, Elastic. It's me. >> Oh, Elastic. >> What? Uh, how old are you? >> Oh. Uh, oh. [Music] >> Yeah, right. >> Oh, moment. Moment. Moment. >> And now, what are you going to do? Oh, [Music] >> leave it. >> Okay, you know what? Go ahead. He [Music] give him a chance, guys. [Music] Yeah. [Music] I hope he's okay. >> Is that it? Is that it? >> I guess that was it.
