could you be masturbating the wrong way I'm Dr Reena Malik urologist and pelvic surgeon and today we're going to talk about the things that you do during masturbation that might actually be causing a problem during your sex life now a little disclaimer this video is not meant to say that masturbation is bad or unhealthy in any way shape or form in fact I believe it's totally healthy and a normal expression of sexuality and a great way to experience pleasure and learn more about your body and what gives it pleasure so let's get into the things
that you might be doing that may be causing issues now if you guys aren't new here you know I tend to really lean on evidence-based information about health now in these circumstances the things I'm going to talk about are mentioned in the literature but there's not an abundance of literature on these topics but despite this I hear a lot about this stuff in my own practice and so I think that certainly despite it not having an abundance of literature about it these things really can happen and can create issues in your sex life number one
using the death grip technique or any technique that basically you can't replicate with a mouth a vagina fingers or a penis now death grip is exactly what it sounds like you squeeze your penis with significant amounts of force and often that's accompanied by moving very quickly or increasing the speed which then causes your body to get accustomed or habituated to that particular situation your body can get habituated to any number of things for some people they masturbate with their body facing the mattress or some sort of hard surface for some they'll use very strong vibration
and sometimes these things can become a vicious cycle so initially you'll feel obviously great amazing pleasure which is short Liv but over time that tight grip or that intense stimulation leads to a little bit of decreased sensitivity of the genitals and then subconsciously or consciously the person tries to increase the stimulation either by gripping harder or using an even stronger stimuli and so on and so forth now if you do this once in a while it's fun it's not a big deal but if you do it the same way every single time your body might
start having a hard time climaxing when you're with a partner or trying a different type of stimuli now to avoid this what I recommend generally speaking is to mix it up try loosening your grip maybe adding some lubricant maybe slowing down using it as a time to explore and enjoy yourself you might even find that things that you never thought would be enjoyable would be like using a feather or something that has a really light touch could actually be very pleasurable now number two is doing it the same way every time now this is similar
but not exactly the same so what I mean here is that if you're constantly relying on some sort of stimuli to get you aroused so that means using a particular fantasy an erotic film even an erotic novel that you go back to each and every time you want to get in the mood to masturbate then when you're with your partner you might not be able to get the same level of arousal particularly when you're watching maybe more aggressive or more intense types of pornography now again I'm not anti-p pornography I think it can be used
in a very healthy way but often times people become very used to watching a certain type of thing that gets them aroused and then when they see their partner they just can't get that same level of arousal because it's not ever going to be that intense now I realize this is something that can get you quickly and efficiently in the mood which is great when you're trying to let loose so again I'm not against using any sort of stimuli to get you aroused but just change it up try having a fantasy or talking or texting
with your partner or reading a book or you know watching a different kind of video or watching pornography with your partner and realize that there's so many things that can get you aroused and still keep your sex life really exciting now obviously if you find yourself struggling with arousal because maybe your partner or the new partner that you're with is not meeting the same level of arousal that you get when watching a pornography this leads to anxiety and frustration right and then this can lead to a lot of what we call Performance anxiety or just
stress around sex I hate the term performance anxiety But ultimately yeah sex is supposed to be fun and playful and this leads to a whole host of other issues if you're having trouble getting aroused with your partner this leads to more stress and then when you're with them you're stressed or anxious that oh my God what if I can't get aroused or I can't get my erection to be firm enough or I can't have an orgasm with my partner and now that's all I'm focused on I'm not focused on the pleasure at hand so one
it's going to be even more difficult to Climax and two your stress is going to kill any chance of you getting aroused and then you're like oh man it didn't work and now that stress gets worse and worse and worse and it becomes this vicious cycle so really I think it's okay this may happen to you but realizing that it's a oneoff and figuring out how you can work through it and be with your partner and be in the moment with them enjoying that pleasure with them number three is not using lubricant or using the
wrong lubricant you guys Lube is great it reduces friction makes it more fun and slippery and is the closest thing you can use to stimulate wet body parts it's also pretty damn cheap and it can last a long time so I've made an entire video about lubricants so make sure to check that out but basically there's three different types waterbased which tend to evaporate so you need to realize that you'll have to reapply if you're going for a longer session silicone and oilbased last longer and you need less of them to get the job done
but it's really all about personal preference if you don't have lubricate at home olive oil or coconut oil can be a reasonable alternative but don't use things like Vaseline or lotion because those can irritate the sensitive skin in your genitals number four making it a quickie now many people have trained themselves to masturbate quickly and quietly because all of us remember when you're younger the last thing you wanted was your parents to walk in on you when you're masturbating and a lot of people have then carried that fear or anxiety or guilt or even shame
with us when it comes to masturbation now I'm all for being efficient with time so quickie here there is okay and it's fine but I encourage you all to explore your body take your time and try new things you don't have to feel guilty it's your body and self love is safe love now why is a quickie a problem right the issue with making it a quickie every single time when you're by yourself means that you might also make it a quickie every time you're with your partner which means that you might have premature ejaculation
or orgasm before you'd like to and then you have to train yourself to stop doing that which is a lot less fun than taking time by yourself when you're alone to enjoy masturbation number five Nicks the guilt guilt is a really powerful emotion and it can make you feel in a negative way about yourself when you're thinking about yourself as a sexual being and while you think okay that only happens when you masturbate other times you're really sex positive often times those feelings of Shame and guilt can follow you into other parts of your life
even if you don't realize they're there again masturbation is normal healthy and nothing to be ashamed of so work on learning to accept it and accept yourself as you are everyone is entitled to feel good and experience pleasure and have orgasms and guess what when you do it by yourself you don't need to rely on anything else you don't have to be of a certain status you don't have to have a certain job title you don't have to have a certain amount of money you are entitled to enjoy yourself and you deserve that if you
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