[Applause] Welcome to The Late Show I'm your host Stephen colar first of all llen never forget that today is the first day of the rest of your life it's going to be fine who knows what's coming tonight's show is coming to you straight from where the sun don't shine New York City because it has been cloudy for about a week now and it was raining buckets all day long meaning the true heroes tonight are this audience right here because they these people this wasn't easy nothing good is easy right they waited out there in that
downpour and don't you worry folks because there is no better way to boost your immune system than drip drying in a ice cold Theater what's going on oh we're learning more about the arrest of Luigi mangion the suspect in the murder of United Healthcare CEO like how he gave the police a fake ID then when the officers told him that he could be arrested for lying about his identity he gave his true name and when I asked why he had lied he said I clearly shouldn't have uh-huh Good Start what else shouldn't you have done
take your time it rhymes with murder mangion has now been charged with second deegree murder but he's not pleading guilty and he's fighting attempts to extradite him to New York well that makes sense no one wants to be extradited to New York during the holidays you got to wait in a two-hour line just to be cavity searched at the Eminem store we're also learning uh allegedly more about his alleged motives yesterday an independent journalist posted what is reportedly manion's Manifesto which is just 262 words words that's not a Manifesto that's a minesto he could have
just made it a Yelp review American Healthcare sucks one star much nicer the document basically rails against the healthcare industry and ends with I do apologize for any Strife or traumas but it had to be done well at least he apologized it's remind me of what Manson said after his murders whoops my bad of course manion's alleged actions have had a surprising result people are so angry at America's Health Care system that they're treating him like a folk hero and before we go any further I just want to say something that I know takes courage
and I I don't care how many viewers this costs me I believe murder is wrong on turns out that's an unpopular opinion because suddenly Luigi mangion merch is everywhere including t-shirts hoodies and stickers and even a free Luigi doggy bandana y'all knock it off don't make your dog wear murderer stuff it's Christmas make him wear the plush reindeer antlers that he hates this has surfaced a lot of anger against insurance companies from the public over the past few days shares of United Health Group have fallen well I hope you're happy you got made the money
sad how do we cheer it up send it more money maybe it's lonely I don't know one reason people are down on United Healthcare in particular is that they deny 32% of their claims more than any other insurer possibly possibly possibly because they use AI to deny coverage in fact we have footage of their new claims adjuster come with me if you want a mamogram there's a uh there's a breaking story this afternoon out of Washington DC FBI director Christopher Ray has announced plans to step down before Trump's inauguration well I think it's fitting that
America's top law enforcement officer is timing his resignation to coincide with the end of law now Ray has guys okay you guys okay good okay and now Ry has he has three years technically has three years left on his 10year term uh but this news doesn't come as a shock because Trump has repeatedly indicated he would fire him and that's not surprising the president-elect has had an out for Ry ever since Ry was appointed by a man who nearly destroyed Trump's political career Donald Trump so he's out of there so Ray's gone when is this
is it immediate later we're also learning uh the names of some of the people who will be in Trump's next Administration the latest is former Fox News host and woman who gets her filler done at bbear Kimberly gilfoil last night she looks good she looks good last night Trump announced that he is nominating gilfoil for ambassador to Greece Trump said Kimberly is perfectly suited to Foster strong bilateral relations with Greece he's not totally wrong there being engaged to Don Jr has given gilfoil a lot of experience with grease or gel or or or something why
does he always look wet but here's the there may there may be a little little ulterior motive here because this announcement came the same day as rumors of a breakup between gilfoil and Don Jr amid speculation that he is now dating a socialite named batina Anderson I'm sorry what hold on I just need a minute this one hurts no this one hurts because you let yourself believe in love just a little bit and then stupid heart stupid heart stupid heart I don't want to learn a whole new lady clearly Don Jr went to his dad
and said hey Dad I got a hot new girlfriend can you do me a solid and send the old one to the other side of the planet now you might be saying you might be saying that it's cowardly to send your fiance to Greece when you should just have a Frank and honest conversation about the end of your relationship but may I point out that this is Kimberly gilfoil The Best is Yet to Cal that's when she's happy imagine breaking up with her gilfoil isn't the Ambassador just yet she still has to be confirmed and
that may prove a bit of a challenge because at Fox News back in 2018 gilfoil was accused of repeated sexual harassment which resulted in a multi-million dollar settlement specifically she was accused of displaying lewd pictures of male genitalia to colleagues including those of romantic Partners well now we know why guilfoil's get an ambassadorship on her way out the door she's clearly got picks of Don Jr's Junior Dawn here's the Junior Don or Junior there's also a bit of trouble brewing for Trump's HHS nominee and last living and last living California Raisin RFK Jr junior is
well known as a vaccine denier and a brainworm habitat but now now uh RFK junor may have gone a bit too far because he's going after one of America's Heroes high fructose corn syrup she is called a formula for making you obese and diabetic sorry that's birthday cake Oreos you know they're slogan why not make this your last birthday the corn Lobby is so powerful because corn byproducts are in everything from hot dogs to heavily processed bread to soft drinks that's everything we eat on the 4th of July the only way corn products could be
more patriotic as if they were in fireworks which they are so kids please don't play with fireworks eat them I have been informed by cbs's lawyers that I must now make the following announcement kids please eat fireworks responsibly cutting back are they happy is that enough did I say enough are we clear are we in the clear cutting back on government subsidies uh for corn could be a little risky because while the country is just drowning in corn demand is not keeping up especially as Brazilian Farmers increase their competitiveness Brazilian corn is very popular these
days because it has that little Landing Strip these these that was a weird laugh [Laughter] these heavy corn subsidies started all the way back with Richard Nixon you see food prices started spiking right before the 1972 election so Nixon turned to his secretary of agriculture Earl butts and said can we do anything to lower food prices and buts said I can make corn super cheap so butts jacked up corn subsidies and pushed Farmers to grow it at an industrial scale and it was more corn than anyone could possibly eat so to make money the company
started selling corn byproducts especially high fructose corn syrup so if there's one thing you should take away from the story is that we once had a secretary of agriculture named Earl butts even better we got the buts Brigade we got some got the butts people here even better and this is true his friends called him Rusty butts 70s were wild my friends it's not just is a Poes Trump is also announcing uh some big plans yesterday he posted America is going to start building monuments to our great Heroes and heroins again excuse me again America
never stopped making monuments of Great American heroes or did you already forget that this fall the NBA unveiled this statue of Miami Heat star Dwayne Wade there he is saying his catchphrase beautiful you can almost hear him say it yeah yeah he's just looking this announcement is a bit of a mystery because the former president didn't elaborate on who he thought should get a monument of course knowing Trump what he really wants is a monument of himself which honestly I'm okay with as long as they commission the same guy who made the Dwayne Wade we
got a great show Fe tonight my guests areu alipa and John batist the when we come back real puppies a lot of them [Music] [Applause]
