Kevin Samuels Talks Being a High Value Man, Criticisms From Women, The Gender Wars more

Yo what's good everybody this is unfeets and this week's episode is amazing but what i need you guys to help us do is we're trying to hit a hundred thousand subscribers and we need you guys support so go ahead and hit the subscribe button and the bell guys we really really appreciate it guys get these likes all the way up guys we're trying to get this message out to More and more people we're trying to help more men and more women with the roommates content and we need you guys support so please please please hit

that subscribe button guys thank you so much for all your support and now it's time to enjoy this week's episode this week on the roommates podcast and here's the men are more realistic than women because we get rejected more Often but it's still out there they still want it so here's the thing i tell guys want what you want but buy what you can afford [Laughter] that's what it comes down to bro you can want what you want if you ever i want a bentley i want this or that but if you go to a

bentley dealership they're going to run your credit you got to have certain kind of Insurance people they're going to let you test driver bentley because you want [Music] to [Music] yo what's good everybody this is from the roommates and yes i am rocking the suit for the first time but you know who the guest is right you've done seen the thumbnail so you know i had to do it as you guys know i've been doing my new Series lessons i wish my big brother taught me about women right now i believe we're on part five

so check it out if you haven't done so already episodes drop every saturday at 9 00 a.m eastern standard time and if we're gonna do lessons i wish my big brother taught me about women who else will we not bring in but the one and only godfather himself he is paving away For a whole new generation of men to level up to be on the purpose and discover who they are guys please please welcome the best dressed man on youtube the one and only kevin samuels all right man thank you man i appreciate it i'm

glad we could finally sit down and talk and uh you know i've been watching your channel been watching some things watching these guys grow and a lot of my followers and subscribers are Like man i would love to see this collaboration i'm like you know i'm in atlanta they're in atlanta you know nature has a way of making it happen thank you for the pandemic [Laughter] well kevin like i said i've been following your content uh so let me tell you this look i promise to tell you the story so um i re i think

i found you about a year Ago or so when you did a your video with rebecca's the response rebecca's video when when did that video come out um it was probably about a year and a half because she did her video almost we'll say coming up on two years ago okay so that's how i initially found your video and i i was like oh i really enjoyed it like yo this is this is this is what i've been saying very similar message right But then i went on your channel am i gonna lie i saw

some long videos i saw videos two hours right hours four hours and i was like man i can't do this i don't think i got the time for this right you kill it with the thumbnail those thumbnails are enticing and so i said to myself i said man this is too long so i started my video series and the purpose of my series is uh eight lessons to young men about Women that i wish i knew growing up right and the biggest thing i was like i want to make this you know short digestible but

at the same time the most medium-packed information i can give them and what happened was i kept them telling people like i'm trying to give you guys these long soloques in 10 minutes right so obviously i can't it's gonna be generalization obviously that could be I start out i kept on getting the comments and comments like well this is this is basic this is generic i'm like i got 10 minutes right it's gonna be basic and i was like guys if i wanted to do a video i would have to do at least three to

four hours to explain these topics and on my head i said no wonder why his videos are sold right all right right right right now Eventually went over to the channel i saw the video and i and i've been hooked ever since right see and the thing about youtube you know any content creator will tell you youtube wants seven to 12 minute videos high impact thumbnails catchy titles but when you're talking about things that your big brother your father should have taught you that's a lifetime you know how long does it take to shave Well

what you can learn from a father-wise shaving is just casual conversations but they compact and build and when we're actually trying to teach men to have something that they can actually have this actionable it can't be bullet points yes sir and i agree with that 110 so like i said i know who you are but for the audience who don't know who you are yet Can you give them a bit of an elevated pitch an option about who you are and what you do oh yeah for those who don't know my name is uh kevin

samuels i'm a personal and corporate image consultant i spent 20 plus years in corporate america in business to business sales when every went from inside sales to national account manager background is chemical engineering long complicated story but the net net Of it is uh my job is to help men become the best version of themselves look good smell great and be your best each and every day that's very high level so basically i'm a look style coach because after the appearance see when people think about image they think it's just appearance it's actually a b

c d appearance behavior communication and digital Footprint once you look the part you still got to know how to behave how to communicate and how to look online and that's where the longer videos the longer content tends to happen uh and when i speak on colleges or universities or go out to speak with a company doing soft skills training or whatever some usually part of the keynote speech has something to do with the behaving communication part so that's a very Short uh a short synopsis of a very long complicated issue but we try to make

it as digestible as possible yeah you guys appreciate that that was good yeah yeah man man background yes sir yes sir so what i really enjoyed about your content when i discovered it is your experience into really giving men hands-on practical wisdom and application You know one of the things i always critique people on youtube is that a lot of people are children learning from children you know people are going to these you know young i'm a young young adult myself right going to young adults for information but i've always tell people why don't you

start when you reverse engineer your life find out people who are where you want To be you know because like you said anybody can make money in a month anybody can have a nice shirt or a nice car who can really have a legacy who's had five six seven ten years in the game and what you provided into the new to the landscape is the longevity you know wisdom of ages and so i've really come to appreciate that and so my question why did you get into this space what made You decide to get into

it strangely enough uh being having a career in sales first in telecommunications and advertising and marketing spun off and had uh my own advertising and marketing boutique firm with the partner i was over the sales portion obviously and the pr portion one of our biggest clients is actually Tell us they're gonna have to leave we have to leave our because i'm going to be put up for a judgeship uh and she said but here's the thing i'm a great attorney but i dress like you see me i'm dressed like a little oompa loompa and i'm

sitting here thinking i'm going to lose 30 of our revenue base she's like you know what i really need somebody to help me i need to look like you you're good at That how much did you charge me for that and i was like she said isn't that like what an image consultant does so i said yeah that's what i think it is and i got to my car and i went search what is an image consultant and strangely enough a video popped up with alpha male alpha m he's here in atlanta and moreno And

he had a video talking about how i became an image consultant in seven minutes he talked about how he went from being a gym rat and a personal trainer to the largest men's image consultant on youtube and influencer i followed what he did step by step with my own twist and two weeks later i had my website up and after i went through my certifications and training and my basic Stuff uh i launched on a monday had my first client on a wednesday and that's been that ever since and coincidentally a year later he actually

flew me in here to shoot a commercial for his tiege hanley skin care line so uh basically i decided to do something and i just took a shot at it so i love that i love that and that's one thing you see in entrepreneurs is that go-getter Like a lot of people i always say a lot of people have dreams but dreams are over when you wake up right you know visions are manifestations of the reality that comes so i like that you have that long-term vision you wanted to make things happen so let's let's

do the fellas first like i said we will give the women half an episode right we'll do the fellas first okay And so one of the your strongest messages is the high value your conversation about the high being high value right so in your personal opinion what would you define a high value male is well one of the reasons i focus there is one because my career like i said college white-collar corporate salesperson um and if you want to get to the top you have to separate yourself from the crowd And one of the things

is high-value men determine who high value men are there has to be a resource component there has to be a money amount i mean like i said you can't be high value and homeless so you have to be able to make the money um you also have to have it be consistent over a long period of time you could have a great season anybody can be jeremy lin but you're not Gonna get to the hall of fame uh then you have to have a network and then it has to be confirmed by other people generally

we use as a ballpark like making ten thousand dollars a month that ticks a lot of people off because that puts a very hard line but the top ten percent of earners in this country make that ten hundred thousand dollars or more But that's where you tend to hear a lot of people tend to focus now that's a barrier to entry is it hard no what net net is a high value man is do you have high value friends do you have a high value mindset or do you have a high value network and are

you are you being used yes you should be used because you are useful it's almost impossible to be high value in use less So that's why we kind of focus on this whole high value thing because it is a bar that needs to be pushed it needs to be rare it needs to be hard to get to and it needs to be more than money because if you just said it was all about money then anybody with a bunch of money could be high value but we know that's not true so that's just about as

short as i can make it and And i probably picked up about half the audience it is and here's something that like one of the things i like to do when i consume content and i challenge all the audience to do so as i try to understand what the communicator is trying to say i'm trying to infer using my own opinion i don't let my emotions react i like to really like think care critically about what you're Communicating and one thing that you've communicated multiple occasions is being high value man does not mean that you're

if you're not high value this means you're valueless right right you can live a perfectly happy amazing content great life without being high value you talk about that all the time all the time but one of the big things that you're saying is that you've Noticed that a lot of people aspire to be high value male right and so if you want to be in if you want to have this aspiration like you said it has to be certain qualifications right the same way anybody can play basketball and be happy playing basketball if you want

to make it to the nba there's certain types of qualifications exactly and see people tend to want to Have a high value lifestyle uh one of the biggest things that i've been come synonymous on youtube is this hashtag show your work see the work the work tells the truth the suit looks nice the gift of gab but you know what shut up turn off the volume and look at the work the work is either here or it's here men across the world men From time immemorial people respect work and that's the difference talent is wasted

every day ability is wasted every day if depending if you're a sports fan you can go to the nfl nba mlb and see plenty of people who had possibility and potential but never function but the people who actually put in the work now the other side of it i make a distinction between you don't Have to be white-collar you don't have to be blue-collar it's all and are you useful and if you aren't high-value that doesn't mean you you're nothing that just means you're not over here look everybody doesn't want to drive a ferrari you

may just have a great f-150 truck and love it that's it i love that and and it's so interesting because Garyvee talks about that a lot he talks about like you don't have to have these things to be happy right and and one of the the big things going back to some of the high value conversation is you you make reference to people want the high value lifestyle you want the cars they want the power they especially want the women you know and and so what happens is and i i love that I love how

you do it right because you're honest you're like if you want these results you have to put in this work if you want this output it requires this input so you're hearing all these guys complaining well i want to have this woman i want to have this respect i want to have this kind of power and prestige and you're like well if you want those things you must you Yourself as a man must have these things but a lot of people feel as though they should get the benefits without any of the work right uh

and you know one of the things we've done in this in this country is gary v often talks about i don't believe in eighth place trophies you know i talk about men should be cia confident intelligent and assertive to become the best version of yourself if men are just living that way But the a is the most important part asserting you have to do something you know this eighth place trophy everybody gets a prize there are no losers it's not real uh this is a competitive capitalistic next uh society and there are winners and losers

and here's the thing i always ask guys to understand know your why start with why good book by the way Pick it up simon simic start with why and then chart your path there are people who are living making 50 000 living off the grid who are ecstatic and there are people who are willing to shoot them excuse me ready to exit this planet uh earning more and on medication know why you want to do it that's why i think uh social media has Has been great for for us for the i mean i'm glad

i lived during this time but there has to be moderation you know having this lifestyle if you're not that person can be miserable and i'll tell you i lived that personally when i lived in new york city when i went from oklahoma to new york uh there's a big difference in economy of scale and things like that and the more I realized you know what i'm really not you know gordon gekko i'm kind of more right in here and i like being right in here i can appreciate gordon gekko and that kind of stuff you

know movie called wall street but knowing yourself and knowing what fits me so i think one of the things when people start talking about high value as a mindset if you can actually understand Break yourself well always push yourself to be the best then good things will tend to follow and that's where the where the with the fall down because most people don't want to push continue to push they want to get to a point where they can put their feet up how many times they're like man i love what you guys are doing man

i wish i could do what you guys do it'd be great to be a content creator and you Know just make videos get paid for it i'm like you think that's all it is huh we just make a video and get paid for it okay that's a lot of work that goes on behind it you see about five percent of the cool stuff another 95 is what did elon musk say eating glass washed everything into the abyss that's the other part of it that no one sees yeah i love it there's this there's this image

that i saw on the Um going around social media about the iceberg he talks about success is just the tip of the iceberg and then below below the server was ninety percent of the mass is hard work perseverance long nights suffering difficulty i got stories i got stories but one thing that you said i really that i think to me is probably the coldest thing you do But the best thing that you do and you talked about ranking yourself yes i think one of the biggest problems in today's people lack self-awareness yes you know you

have people right now and no disrespect if you're short man but who are five foot two wanting to be the starting center for the lakers yes you can warn it get it so so why do you feel as though a lot of people Have and but before we begin to people who don't believe in objective measurements of of ranking yourself or evaluating yourself what would be your defense to the objectivity or obviously nothing's perfect but there is a way of ranking and understanding where you're at in the grand scheme of life where'd you graduate in

high school Were you valedictorian salutatorian was the first loser i mean we've always ranked ourselves and most of us stopped ranking ourselves where we stopped being managed by others if you played sports there was a ranking you were either a starter or you weren't then you had that that was on your team then you had to compete in your league then your city your state guess what every year you found out how good you Really were every year someone graduates valedictorian of acme high school and they were the ish all during their career then they

go off to university and realize you're just one of 400 in a class rankings we've stopped ranking ourselves because we want everyone to feel good and everyone gets an eighth place trophy and that's unrealistic we've told everyone things That just be you and be happy and this and that and that is not how it works a man men are judged upon our work and our output every company you work for if you're a worker believe this there is a there is an organizational chart and every year companies go and draw a red line and they

get rid of dead weight there is A ranking everything is a ranking and coming from a sales background i had my job i had to make my quota every month month in a month out every every month i was like zero so it starts that way of realizing that you're only as good as your last close and uh and see that's uh for some people they would think that's burnout for me that's exciting because the worst thing i could feel Like being is a fake oh you look good but can you perform okay so eve

and what you think you'll find about competitive men is they may they'll be competitive in a lot of different areas you know michael jordan would talk about how he was competitive with golf and all other kind of things if you know a competitive person that competitive on video games chess you know martial arts work set and So forth and it's all because they are trying to push themselves to become something greater than they were yesterday yeah so and and i think the the beauty of the ranking is i've always said it's okay not to be

okay but it's not okay to say that right so there's this idea where like there's people right now who don't want to face the reality of where they're at yes you don't want to Face the reality of okay maybe you're overweight you want to face the reality of maybe you have don't have a high position in your job you're not respected so they want to be oblivious to that but if you don't know where you're at right then you don't know the steps to work to improve to where you need to be and so i

feel as though one of the things that you're trying to do if you're not trying to shame people You're not trying to you know harass keyboards make fun of you but you just wanted people to understand this is where you're at now so that you can know where you need to go in the future well you know as an image consultant uh i am a consultant and uh i mage i mean i i work almost like a physician um your your your oncologist can have the nicest bedside manner but if you have stage four leukemia

He has to tell you what you have see i'm an image consultant but i've always done something i don't know have you ever taken spin class you know what spin class is i'm a cyclist and i used to teach spin class and when i would say okay crank it up to 10 we're climbing this hill and i can tell when people they would sit down there and look like they're turned up but i can see your butt bobbling on the Seat i'm like your seat's not the tension's not turned up and i say you know

what you don't have to but remember this you got to see you naked getting out of the shower you know what i would hear and i see people going down and crank it down and i start to see them work and then and see what people start here's the thing when we do work to get better we make we feel better About ourselves you may go to bed tired you may go to maybe aching but if you've ever worked hard at something and felt and been happy with the the work you put in you sleep

good yeah see what i'm trying to get people to do is avoid regret and if you've never spent any time with elderly people uh one of the things you realize is Towards the end of life people don't talk about all the money all of this all of that they talk about the things they regret not doing i regret not taking this shot moving here talking to this woman taking that i'm like you know what i just have no regrets and complacency being being just happy with this if you're really not truly happy with it you're

going to be setting yourself up for a lot of Regret no i i i really i really enjoy that part because the complacency is something that's big and the one thing that i realized is that i think it comes from a lack of masculine energy and a masculine presence in a lot of people's lives because when you think about it no no disrespect to mothers moms have do an amazing job you know they always say They did the best they could for the tools that they had but what happens is mom usually will baby you

yes mom will usually tell you what you want to hear mom probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings mom probably would say well it's okay billy you got ninth place but you're a winner in my eyes right right like mom will give that right and that is that harsh truth That that is that objective kick in the butt that you don't want to hear in the moment because it doesn't feel good but it's what you do need to hear right because if you don't know that ninth place isn't good then you're gonna be complacent just

settle for ninth place your whole life right and see eighty percent of uh the black community unfortunately is born To single mothers so i'm a product of a single mother but the thing that i had going for me is a old-school grandfather and an old-school uncle and i grew up in a very cosby-esque school but i lived in a hood so i lived in the hood but but i saw how the middle class cosby folks lived and what i saw is i saw men at every level see the school i went To the people you

went to first grade with were the same people you graduated high school with 77 people i got a lot of extended cousins from middlewood high school there you go um and the thing is my third grade teacher was a man my sixth grade teacher was a man uh uh throughout my high school i had Half my teachers were men the principal was a man the superintendent was a man and i saw men in power positions so even though i didn't have a dad at home i had male expectations and and the thing i had to

work the most of is getting that female energy up out of myself because i didn't have dad there and that was a hard pill to swallow man it was a hard pill to swallow because the world Is competitive because mom like you said wants to make you feel good dad has to make sure you know how to hunt you know how to fish you can build a shelter you know how to get water you know how to protect yourself okay you can survive in the wild on your own that is a father's responsibility your survival

mom's responsibility is your nurturing and today sadly i don't know if you uh I'm going a little geek right here but if you watch like dystopian kind of stuff booker eli walking dead what happens when the world shuts down who who tends to get out of here the first the people who have no actual get up and going survival skills and that's the thing and i i present an interesting mix because people see the suit in the white collar guy But i i'm a i believe in being in a gentleman warrior i've always i've had

three black belts i like to i've been a bouncer tonight club i got a really interesting life dude the thing is man but that was a there was a time where the uh educator the elite or whatever you had to go to school but you also had to become a pugilist boxer or whatever you mean we Used to have to do stuff i mean i i rode over here today but imagine back in the day we were one of my biggest things was how how would we get this water we want to eat we had

to plant it or kill it all right man i don't i hate not being able to take care of myself man and that whole thing about being uh having a father there a lot of guys are looking for that was one of my most seen videos things your father should Have taught you it got me calls comments from people i never knew watching my content but it's something that we need right now and it's resonating with especially a lot of younger guys because they're they're needing that so i'm glad it's out there yeah no that's

a very similar thing i told ams when he was here i was saying that what the the abcs that are commonplace To you and i you know like i said by god's because i had an amazing father and he said you have great mentors you have to be able to guide you and moving the right path for a lot of people that's like trigonometry that's oh yeah you know and so the thing is that we're like well here's this basic thing about you know how to shape or how to tie you know or what kind

of fragrance you get like these are like wow You know like i said a lot of a lot of men did not have that father figure in their life and be able to tell them what they needed to do to be able to live a life that they want right so uh going back to that point living a life that they want i think you made a reference to the idea of ins was because of the social media error everybody wants that flashy life Everybody wants the ferrari you know the lamborghini the the rape everybody

wants a beautiful woman in their own everybody wants you know the one percent life but not willing to do the one percent work and so my question to you is why do you feel as though a lot of men want that life so badly from your personal experience um they want well several reasons one they Want what they think that life will bring them we want acceptance i mean we're social creatures we want acceptance from the group whether it's men or women but here's the thing um most people don't ask themselves why do you want

something as a as a corporate salesperson i mean i have a i have millions of dollars worth of training in me dale carnegie zig ziglar Dei sandler and the list goes on i work with some major organizations where training would be either six weeks as much as nine months before you hit the field and you have to become a learning how to ask uh great questions if you notice on my show i ask pretty good questions i'm always trying to find a why so Somebody said oh yeah i want to have x amount of money

why well because i want it why and then i get them to ask themselves almost like as a consultant get them to go through the process and they realize well then why do you want that and why do you want that and it's usually something that once it really gets down to they realized that you know what i really didn't want that i really Wanted this i didn't want the car i just wanted friends i i wanted i wanted uh people who to to call on me or check on me or okay well because if

you go get the car because here's what people often misunderstand is people who have more than us who are still unhappy they're like i don't understand why would you get a divorce and get a hundred million Dollars well why don't you get a divorce why don't you do that you got 50 million i'm like yeah the happiest people are the people that know why they're doing what they're doing and they like it start with why yes i'm simon start with why guys i love that there he is and so man i think one thing that

i i i've noticed is a lot of guys go into your channel for the women they want you know they're Like i said going back to instagram generation they see it they want it they like it you know and so a lot of men want this type of woman you know on their arm for validation for whatever reason but they but they want it yeah and and one of the the harsh realities that you you give a lot of these men is that the same way you have these physical Standards for the women she has

financial charisma you know intelligent standards for the guys as well yes what would you say uh to the typical woman most guys desire after the highly desired one okay what would you say that character richard they are looking for in a man from your personal experience well one of the first things i don't do is i don't judge why person wants what they want if women say they want a man Who's six feet tall six feet okay that's what you want you just want and same thing with a man if that's what you want that's

what you want but let's say the typical uh attractive woman what is she wanting well her beauty is currency she wants a good she wants a good deal so the basic line i've kind of given guys how how much your beauty's worth that's How much she's looking for on the dollar sign so you can understand a uh i don't use sevens in my system i have them no adjustable six to stick you know eights nines and tens those are the women to get you know i use the old school standard pam greer but that would

be beyonce today kelly rowland that would be somewhere around the line of uh diane carroll and then halle berry 90s Would that would be it's hard to find a 10 these days see those kind of women have men throwing themselves men with resources there's always going to be more resources and i asked the guy why do you want her more than anything else and what these guys tend to want is they want her for acceptance but here's the thing i i don't have a problem with hypergamy Understand something women want you to be able to

pay the bills all of them one of my most insightful questions i asked women do you want to have to pay substantial bills after you're pregnant and uh after the six months of asking that question i've had two women say i don't mind that means across the board do you want to have to pay substantial bills they tend to want a man who is in that Top ten percent hundred thousand dollars to three to two their top five percent even one percent and here's the reality do you want those problems because there's a man who

has dated beautiful women i will tell you what i know more than anything else for men who have those kind of women if it doesn't work out or they pick the woman for the wrong reasons One of the first things they say i just want somebody that's going to be nice to me see it's human beings always want what they can't have but this question is why do you want what you want then go get that thing and what we're trying to do is help level set more guys to realize that look man there there

is a lane for all of this And here's the thing uh put it in the sales analogy big big fish called whales accounts that's a one-tenth of a percent chance that you get them shoot your shot but don't bank on it because you'll go broke trying to close those things see what we don't want to tell people to do is find something to fit you because that sounds like you're settling and this and That and i'm like when did when did work you know when did working with somebody to fit you become such a bad

thing so that's a whole video in itself you can go there we can go there let's stay there because this leads me to what i've realized has gone on going back to the initial point about not being able to rank yourself so you're familiar with the idea of what Sort of mating right yes so basically for people to know sort of mating is that people want someone who's similar to them if i'm nigerian i want nigeria if i'm catholic i'm white catholic i'm probably gonna want republican views you want somebody similar to who you are

but the problem what occurs now is especially against the woman point later so fellas relax All right but what happens is when you view yourself as a top-notch male yes you didn't feel as though yes mating what fits me like you said find someone to fit you now you feel like what fits me is a top-notch women yes and so you say i don't want any of these adjustable sixes fives i don't want anybody i just want i want the eights nine to Ten because i as a man am an eight nine and ten right

and so that's one of the biggest things that i've been seeing going on is that a lot of people are not willing to be honest with themselves to see really what fits you along the lines of assortative mating well and it gets even deeper than that because we have told everybody that it everyone can win So here's the thing if you to get from time memorial beautiful powerful men are around beautiful women okay we understand that there's a standard but see here's the thing if you've been told everybody can win and you want the outcomes

the eight nine or the ten but you don't have the high value resource that the group defines you try to pay for it in different ways With um swag game and but it's all it's it's all like it's counterfeit currency because at the end of the day cool you may be able to get her but can you move in these spaces because when you go around these other men who this woman would tend to hang in these circles and hang around these kind of men do you fit with the other guys and they're like oh

yeah he's and see that's the thing Most guys realize that so they know and here's the men are more realistic than women because we get rejected more often but it's still out there they still want it so here's the thing i tell guys want what you want but buy what you can afford [Laughter] that's what it comes down to bro you can want what you want if you ever i want a bentley i want this or that but If you go to a bentley dealership they're going to run your credit you got to have certain

kind of insurance they know they're going to let you test drive a bentley because you want to yeah that's that's the hardest truth and i i really enjoyed it i really enjoyed that because i want to do this first part of this conversation for the men who want those kinds of women we'll talk about the men I just want to be happy okay because the thing that these guys don't realize as we keep on pointing out is they're naturally ranking women they're saying these girls i don't want these girls i want so they put women

on a scale and then they simultaneously have ranked themselves right i'm here and now i want here and they don't realize like you said you can't go to the rolls-royce Dealership with 20 000 in the bank account no you just can't it's just it's just not it's not working that way you know and so and so one of the biggest challenges i've also noticed and you've noticed problems as well is that they don't realize you can't trick these women for long no no you can't and see here's the thing guys get fixed on the income

part of it Because it's a hard line i didn't make that six figure line the world gave that to me and i just worked with it so that's the beautiful thing about being an image consultant i don't question how we get here i just question how we do that now as a person i may do that but see here's the thing let's say you're a guy and you're not a high six figure earner like these or seven figure earner yeah but the the real but what's your network Like do you have gravitas social currency among

people are you influential or your connector those things those soft skills are valuable now um and see here's the ultimate thing when you enter into that world the women of a certain value get to decide who they're going to give their opportunities to it's always been that Way then it's up to you to go ahead and close her on being that being the best best deal and what makes a lot of guys upset is they feel like they can get a woman on that looks level but is she on there on the uh character level

does she have the skills or she because you can be a pretty ratchet and Uh or you know uh trailer park whatever i mean however you frame it the net net of it is we have made it so bad to be normal average work fits you and that's what i want what i really want to get people to do is you you make yourself miserable trying to be something you're not i i remember i did a show on ranking guys being high value And so many guys would call in they said they won't be high

value and ask them why and they couldn't tell me why i'm like man you don't have to be high value why you want be happy and um i got emails from guys saying thank you yeah thank you for taking it off me because i'm happy doing this you know not-for-profit work or this and i was like okay cool but stop trying to get beyonce to be your wife too now because that ain't those those two Things don't line up no and that's good and and now i want to get to the the part that for

the men that i think is one of your best messages is that there are other things that can make you happy besides the superficial beauty i think the number one problem is there's so much validation affirmation identity in that beautiful woman that the men don't realize that you can Actually experience those things yourself and that no matter what woman that you get if you're not happy content and with your own self as a man you're going to be miserable your entire life right see that whole confident intelligent and assertive that's the underlying thing but if

you are doing your work following your why your life will be Fulfilling enough to where you can whatever you attract you'll attract like-minded people um and you'll be surprised that women are even drawn to that but it doesn't have to women should not be the reason there should be the add-on that they help me they're there to be i hate to use this term but i will that they're an add-on for you and see when you grow up without A father or that kind of thing you know we're trying to please mom so much so

guys get lost in that so they take their off their purpose and they start trying to do this and that's too much pressure to be over there see more men need to be around other men if we have to build an organization we are going to we are going to rank ourselves someone Has to be the ceo cfo cio the regional manager is that the workers men have we have learned how to work together by ranking ourselves and there's no problem in ranking um you can have a even like on youtube it goes in cycles

you may be hot but how can you be helpful or useful somebody else and men have to realize that you gain More uh gratification out of life by working with others working with other men and that's really what attracts women because uh the average uh everyday guy who's working with another guy he's making bagels he's making you making peanut butter you making jelly you're making bread y'all making sandwiches Guess what you're so busy making sandwiches that's what next thing the women of village are like they want to come by to figure out what's going on

and it tends to work itself out we have forgotten how to do relationship and that's one of the things that i think this is drawing guys to an image consultant's channel because it's the life coaching component that a lot of guys are drawn to um which Is as we get into the next part of the interview that's really what's starting them and no and so going back to if you were giving advice to a young man who's like okay i'm interested in a long-term relationship with a woman i think a lot of guys really do

not know what to look for i think i think like i said the only Thing they're doing is the looks so if you were to tell okay these are the things that you need to be looking for in a woman to be a long-term partner what are some of the character risks that you feel like are the most important for guys to take into consideration well that that that's a broad one um looks are important after characters there yeah um so often guys Overlook did she nice to you does she inspire you to be a

better man uh you know you gotta look at look at her how she look at her opinion of men um that's really what it comes down to you kind of look at why she wants to be what she thinks of men and then what purpose does she have in your life what do you have for her to do too because you can want a woman a long-term Relationship for a woman but do you have an availability or an opening see unfortunately the uh the democratization of information with the internet and with social media and then

the internet has actually changed the landscape we're going through the largest change in human communication and evolution since the printing press hundreds of years from now they're going To study this time and we're living through it so while whereas in decades gone by you used to could have a high school diploma didn't have to go to college go get a good factory job and marry young now you got a different scenario you you may end up having to wait from 18 to really about 30 years old before you really start taking your eye off the

ball and Thinking to start dealing with in a relationship and that's hard because our energy our testosterone is still the same way i would tell more young men to do this focus follow what garyvee says keep your head down and eat crap until you're 30. learn what works for you get out there fail try some things you know spend about five to ten percent of your time dating all that kind of stuff i don't expect you to be a monk But i also recommend having men around you who know you who know what is good

for you to have your gauntlet that's what i have around me i have friends around me that i respect their opinion enough to substitute for my own so let's say if i had if i said oh man i found this chicken i have people in my life he'd be like uh-huh and they can sit down and talk to like huh you know And i would sit back and i'd really listen to him like because that's my man's and he's not gonna say something gonna hurt me i'm like but but he's like yeah but you you're

blind you can't see but i oh see me relationships love and all that stuff it may not sound nice will come later you really need to know if you can work with this person long term because We're messy complex people and somebody who's going to be able to have that lasting power and that's what we don't do well we do short term well we got to remember how to do long term and i'll shorten it up is we we think about that back in the day where grandma and great-grandma and great-great-grandparents there was maybe 30

40 50 years yeah but they also had some very uncomfortable loose hands they had some Entanglements they you know it wasn't it was not hey man but that but that is but that's human history planet-wide it's always been there and we have to have a higher tolerance for failure one of the most impactful things that i think came out of the red with will and jada as will said being able to make a mistake without fear of losing your family is a huge thing for a man and that's What so many men fear in relationships

they don't it's not that men don't want to be with women they just don't want to lose it all so that's what i try to get uh some of the uh women to understand that there's a lot of fear but it's not as though men don't want it they want it they just may want it too soon and then don't even know what it is So it's it's interesting to be a man these days i'll put it that way [Laughter] i don't even y'all young guys man so so let's get to the uh-oh here we

go let's get to the trouble part of the podcast we gave you guys this guy give him probably good 40 minutes you got 40 minutes for them to be satisfied so if you guys want to tune out now oh man this is the time to exit Stage left they're probably going to tune in i need a bath board to get to this part spike right here so one of the biggest things is that i've seen so much anger from women about your message i've seen a lot of praise and i've seen a lot of people

thanking you right keep it at 100 that's the thing that as content creators know how we are Yeah we can get 50 great compliments we see that one day that's what we that's what they're about yes so so why because i those funny i get the same place you get so why do you feel like if you're if you're being as objective you're if you're putting yourself in the in the the the psychologist's chair right now Why do so why are so many women offended by your content well one because they don't listen to it

they see they come and see a black man in a suit with that with that background and everything else and they're used to hearing mother god as queen the black woman is gone and they're not used to hearing um such a direct message and it the picture says one thing But the message is another and they automatically the first time i say something it's like what and they get triggered quickly but if you listen to what i'm saying overall i have women who will sit back and say at first i got upset but then i

came back i'll get my hair cut dead and a woman left me eight comments about you i ain't even pray for you but i'm like um here's the thing let's go back to that eighth place trophy Yeah we have told women across the world it doesn't matter what size you are nobody can judge you your your body your choice your womb your that and uh this has been going on for a long time uh shahara zad ali wrote a book in 89 90 the black man's guide to understanding the black woman and what she chronicled

that the everybody in this country the black man Included have been put under a microscope and examined but the only one in this country that has not had this kind of treatment is black women and if you go back and look at some clips from oprah donahue sally jesse rafael anything from horizontally look it up and see what that sister was saying she was prophesizing what's happening right now um Black media right now there is no blackmail media run by black men for black men the best you have is ebony essence madame noir these things

and they have a large female base because women support women spend 73 cents out of every dollar there's a a media there's an economic component to telling your market what they want to hear however the sobering statistic is one Out of four black women won't marry the sobering statistic is eighty percent of black women and eighty percent are overweight when spelman took away the complete college athletics because they noticed so many incoming freshmen were obese so as an image consultant i started this witness that um men were getting all ready to go and there's there's

no women out there Available for him and i'm like uh okay and i'm starting to witness that when i'm working with women uh i'm like dear you're five foot four 260. there's nothing that really fits you so i was realizing that i could tell men some truths and men would want to do something about it but women they would get upset i wanted to brief on it i'm like so i'm like what's going on Then i watched rebecca lynn pope's video and it she gave the other side and i was like i see i'm not

crazy so i started to kind of go a little bit further into this what a lot of women object to is they've not been they're not used to being told the truth just the simple truth it doesn't matter how nicely i try to word it i think if you watch my broadcast i struggle sometimes Using all my corporate skills i be watching like i'm trying to be tagged with you i mean i mean i'm a well-schooled communicator neuro-linguistic programming certified i mean i'm i'm really trying but at some point how do you tell someone who

is 40 years old who is 260 pounds three children by two different men and Who was objectively an average looking woman that uh high value men men earning this kind of money don't see you that's offensive to them but the thing is it wasn't offensive 50 years ago because we actually had to we had to deal with more reality in ranking ourselves so what changed what changed um lots of things changed uh and the blind Community in particular what changed is you know no fault divorce um um they have been to the welfare state and

there's a thing called the monahan report that kind of prophesies yeah the destruction of the family because black men have effectively been removed from the family no other group of women has a song talking about i'm independent i'm this I don't need no man i mean this has been put into our culture i actually went back and did some research on color purple and some of the stuff even put it on microfiche in the 80s talking about the dangerous depictions of men see here's what's changed we've gone through this entire late 80s early 90s of

you know girl power and i'm all for the empowerment but We don't but we need each other and now uh my generation generation x we were lying to the uh the men were told to be baby face i'll be your rin i'll tie your clothes and the women don't want guys that are that soft trust me i went that way it don't work and then um women were told they need to be superwoman and they don't want all that pressure Um so now people that are looking for answers especially when you have a global thing

that happens i don't want to trigger the algorithm but when something like that happens and every other group is sequestered in place with their significant other and their kids and you got this group over here by themselves i mean if you look on blackdemographics.com the statistics are sobering So um they're coming to my show or calling because one no matter what other content creators will tell women the end pro the end consumer of a product that is a woman is a man and uh i don't want uh steve harvey wrote that book think like um

man think like a woman act like a like i'm sorry whatever yeah i think it's think like a woman act like a man yeah okay so if you notice that a lot of These places the audience is full of women there are no men there well i talked to me in first and i understood what men want think such and so forth and now the women are starting to realize we need to hear what men think and they realize that it ain't yeah so that's it's here's the thing you're telling a lot of truth that

the reality of their life Shows them but they don't want to hear it man that's a really good point and so i like yourself i studied this very thoroughly and one of the biggest things that you describe is how especially in the black community the independent woman phenomenon really shape the community and i will i will i will give them the benefit of the doubt how the war on drugs really crippled the black people Oh yes after you know the 60s and i give them credit that they had to build themselves strong and independent because

a lot of the men will be removed from the household so i would give them the credit but i think there is a level of delusion in the modern woman for really understanding what men want and the point that you brought up so much is that a lot of women are in Spaces that are just affirmation confirmation affirmation bias it's just spaces that tell them exactly what they need to hear usually majority women and there's a there's a lack of reality for what is true so a quick example i would give i did a video

a couple of weeks ago called christian pastors lighted books i was going to go i was about to go i was about to go to the christian church I was about to go to the christian church christian feminism great watching life because the christian pastors have because what happens now is theology it's one thing if um kevin says you can get this prosperity preaching if you know your mom says you can get this but if god says you no matter what you do you can get this amazing perfect yes royal bow ass you know but

you can Get this hood jesus you know tough and strong but we'll let we'll let you do it like like they've sold them this dream and i told them i said my biggest thing is that if you're selling me a product i want to see how successful the product is so if i'm going to buy that microphone the one i should use i want to see who uses it is successful like what what is the Sound quality like so these passengers selling on the pro this product of do this and you'll get this man but

you look at the the modern black church 80 of them are single yep so uh i was baptized at five i grew up in the church and one of my most uh impact with videos with christian feminists which is oxymoron and see the thing is In the church i watched my marriage fall apart right along with other guys because i'm like these women are hearing something different than what the pastor is saying in the in the in the late 80s 90s we we went to prosperity gospel yeah and what happened was that when preachers started

to realize when they got away from the old testament some of the firing brimstone i mean you used to couldn't be a single mother and come up In the church and sit in the front row i mean or a lot of things because you know were not acceptable that was we got rid of guilt shame and judgment and you have a hands-off kind of thing to where men have left the church because once there was no the men's ministry really wasn't there it was just older guys and then kids and see here's the thing women

are starting to realize when you go to church on sundays 80 Percent you know i was over singles ministry of three different churches and i got into a conflict with the last pastor i'm like y'all want me to tell these women something that the gospel doesn't even support and uh i had it out with the past i was like you're really just trying to keep these ties and coming in and but these women were all husbands Cause i was like the way you want me to teach this or talk about this i said i just

threw it out and we had vacation bible school three people was there one day it was packed the next day they had they're like i had to go to the main auditorium uh they're like why i'm like because somebody finally told the truth see at the end of the day women realize that they want men uh did did you Interview chamboni shambody used to be uh was well known for saying she didn't want kids i don't want no kids i don't know kids don't want to uh uh uh uh shambody's married right now six months

pregnant and had a video yesterday talking about i am coming back and tell you how i was against kids i want that's a biological drive we have been trying to get people to live in conflict to nature and and now we're Starting to have to uh have these conversations with two sides that have really been in a cold war they've lost the ability to even like one another there's a low-level amount of discontent and lack of respect that many women have for men and they didn't necessarily put it there themselves uh we could go into

experiment our culture is not one of Uh family and this and that i mean we don't even have love songs anymore it's just about twerking and dropping and this but people still want to get together here's the thing i have a great uh faith and belief in people's ability to self-correct see one thing that men got to understand that's different about women we'll pick a favorite team and we'll stick with it we're loyal yeah No understand what i'm about to say ladies i understand what i'm about to say don't get mad women are survival yeah

and the there and the thing is women realize that there's a survival thing that goes along with men in japan people are dying by themselves it's called kodakoshi it's a whole uh thing going on to where people in their later years are supposed To be cared for by the family and extended family no country is set up to have older or elder care fall on the responsibility of the state so now you got people in this thing that just happened have a uh people have often said it would it would take an act of god

to make this happen well we got one now don't we And now people are finally looking around because a lot of stuff i'm talking about we've been talking about for a while but now people are at home i work and ain't nobody in the house with them and the good thing i see is yeah i wake up i don't even look at the comments anymore man i just don't i mean after first day i was like i have some filter set and i'm like all right just let him Go but the show is growing and

people are responding people are calling in and what makes me feel good is when uh they see that i'm balanced about it i'm trying to give you know good faith uh well-intended advice it's just advice and i have more people coming in saying i appreciate it and that's all you can really expect well that's good there's so much i want to unpack on that one but i want to go Forward i want to go back a little bit but i think one of the things going back to the point i made about delusion which probably

triggered a ton of people the point that i i think is that in the in a very similar manner i think the church kind of lost the idea of you know faith without work is dead yes you know the the people hate this term but the production work ethic you Know there there is nothing theologically about a result that came about without a lack of work you know hashtag show your work and so from so for me i think one of the challenges that women face is they really don't understand what men desire in women

you know i think a lot of the beauty magazines are trying to you go girl beautiful black queen all that Stuff no matter which like they're trying to them sell them an image [Laughter] are you sure you want to do this to your channel you know they're trying to sell them an image and and my thing is i unders there's nothing wrong with calling yourself beautiful but going back to the sort of mating point the problem is When you put yourself on a level then you have to put someone below you yes so what like

i said you can think of yourself however you want but the problem is when you're like okay i'm this kind of woman and i want this kind of man and i don't want any of these other men because they're not equally young they love that word well see and i come at this from so many different levels as an image Professional this is plaguing my industry body positivity look clothes are made off of a block pattern the average height of the american male is five foot nine it's not five foot 166 pounds that's what it

was in 1960 men's weight is increased about five pounds the average height of the american woman's 504 average weight 120. now it's 166. women weigh almost as much as men so when everything in the country or the world has geared to make clothes you go to any store in the extra large this is all off a certain size now the sizes have had to get so high because we can't say anything if you say something it's shaming or you're or you're being misogynistic or so you're You're having women uh what was her name test holiday

on the cover of cosmopolitan this woman is upwards of close to 300 pounds and they try to say she's one of the most beautiful women in the world and unfortunately you know we're pushing this no no no standard no nothing and you can do that but the end of the day men are the Consumers and men aren't buying it because here's the thing you can be an average acute looking woman and and years ago you could have got a man a husband hey right but now when you are trying to put on someone else's hair

uh put on something even if you don't do that but just the the weight is doing a lot man i can't say in the black man the weight is doing the lie because I have women who are calling in who don't even realize that it's an issue i had a woman call in the other day and i said ma'am at your height and your weight i mean no offense man but you're the size of a middle linebacker and she said no i'm not i'm like and i went and put up lawrence taylor nfl great i'm

like And i was like he's four inches taller than you she was shocked so um how do we get this back on track well when four out of five of our sisters are overweight and no one can tell you nothing i don't know who can get through to him um it's going we have to start having women be honest with each other because when you're raised in our in our culture mom leaves the house so They may hear it for me but until women start actually having let's just use it thoughtful respectful conversations about hey

we need to probably do this for our own health for men or whatever because men don't care why you do it we just want it there because here's the thing men can't turn off off and on their product their provider if a man falls on hard times stop Performing or producing we can judge him and if if a man's not masculine we can judge him well we have to have that standard backup for men and women and the question is uh are people really willing to do it and i honestly have more faith that they

are than they're not that's a great point and i think one of the challenges is with this hookup generation the problem is a lot of women confuse Um sexual attention from long-term retention right yeah they confuse that because somebody's willing to have sex with you that doesn't necessarily mean that pain person will marry you and there's a lot of times the case so from your personal experience if you're advising a young woman who wants to be married what are some of the things that men are looking for in a woman if They're desiring long-term marriage

and relationships um well one of the biggest things outside of the weight the fitness fitness has fitness is just a standard requirement of all men um like you said don't confuse short-term access with long-term commitment when i talk about getting a high value man i even try to turn into getting a high-value husband because that people Are equating the two then the second one this one's gonna hurt no children uh 51 of black men are single and childless 64 of them in the middle class we've been told that you know all these all these other

things but if a man doesn't have children he doesn't want to necessarily raise another man's children i say ladies understand women tell men what you think they deserve by your Looks and your weight so what do you tell them in they think what you think they deserve so the looks the lack of children and then here's the other thing they talk we talk about femininity beauty inspiration other really it's cooperation men just want you to be cooperative can you work with me work with me and that's what more more than anything else now i say

women Are great if they're feminine beautiful and inspirational i have a higher standard because i feel like that you if you want the best you should be the best you should not want a man who is a master of the universe and he's just getting a you know he has to work to become that are you an appropriate reward or appropriate prize for that catch um Let me see if i can shorten it down ladies are you going into your relationships with men in good faith and are you in it for the long call are

you in or is it i'm here but as soon as this happens or that happens i'm out if you're going we have too many people who are not entering into a good faith because for whatever reason that's why i recommend therapy so much One of the things i recommend is therapy is because we come from a culture that has been fractured and never had a chance to heal but the world doesn't know what's understanding you didn't have your daddy i didn't have my day whatever okay so what you're a grown person you know you got

issues go get some some therapy because at the end of the day you're trying to work with get Somebody to work with you and you need to know at least have that clean bill of mental health and it's don't wait until crisis and even if you think you're okay just go get a tune-up just go see and i think that will do us more benefit and then the other side for ladies so many men will say ladies your only interaction with men tends to be in a short-term hookup kind of thing you got to become

far more Curious about men you don't even understand who men are what men want what what you think they want is just in the bedroom and there's far more to it because there are men who are willing to accept a lot different things from a woman at the end of the day between any man and any woman there's always going to be a unique relationship but they both got to feel like they're Getting something out of it to want to stay in it for the long term no i i really i really love that point

and similar to what we talked about with the men and and my friend stefan he he has a really good job of really breaking the messier huh yeah yeah that's a really great job because i think sometimes with the women you have to use a male example for a woman to get The woman example right so if there's a guy who's broke at his mom's house and he's like why where are the good women at most women will be clear as they and be like well right good job get over your feet get your own

place and then try now right so to me it's uncomfortable we have to be honest the the financial stability equivalent to most men to me would be The weight that weight for a lot of women if they would get and and i think the my number one message is about your best yes wait is that about being a size zero not being a runway model is what's the healthiest best way for you because even if you really watch your content your you tell some women that look you're you're working out so you can Hold 160

a little bit better so sometimes it's not even about numbers about you being your best shape right and so i feel as though what needs to happen is that both men and women have to be honest about what the other party's asking from us and not so much get mad at people for telling us the truth and here's the thing we should have Declared a national emergency black community on wait two decades ago um until we really start being honest about it because it is having detrimental effects i mean the marital rate continues to drop

in 2019 the marital rate actually increased in this country divorce in this country has been half since 1990 that's with other groups in black Community it's still going down and the marital rate in the black community is being buoyed by the remaining boomers and generation x if you take out the boomers in generation x the amount of rate i would be terrified to see what it is if you actually just took out elder millennials millennials and zenios i would say it's probably in the Teens mid teens and the net net of it is the majority

of people out there are not top 10 percent men and top 20 women the majority of people are just average everyday good folks and every and people want to be with people of their own group an average man with an average woman can live an above average lifestyle because it's easier to do that so a lot of guys i've got a lot of heat From guys were talking about marriage so much and i'm like well understand something uh especially for high value men in the corporate world marriage is a component you have to consider because

you don't see many uh single unmarried middle upper executive managers but the thing is it's marrying well and we have lost the ability to do Relationship and we'll gain the ability of the relationship when we actually start looking at ourselves as am i a good catch for that person whether then what can they do for me coming at a very selfish versus very selfless i.e when you want to do a collaboration you reached out and said i would like to do this it's how can i help you and that's how you're supposed to do and

Conversely i was reaching out on my own way so we have gotten to the point to where it's all about me me me me and that's never going to work it's never going to work one of my favorite books i encourage everybody you probably read it before millionaire next door next story talk about one of the most comprehensive study done on millionaires and they said 90 of millionaires an american are married so i think one of the the best messages i think you give is that the importance of marriage and there's a ton of reasons

that we can spend all right all the podcasts talking about them but like you said especially in the black community the rate is pummeling and what and what people don't realize When you're trying to build real wells two is better than one oh yeah you know you can be the greatest tennis player of all time but if you're playing doubles and they're playing doubles you're playing single it can still be a challenge and so what do you think can tangibly be done to be able to improve and create a more more healthier marriages in the

future we got to start talking about it I mean we don't even talk about it um we have to go from the i don't need no man or the the the or the system is set up for men to be failures because one of the questions i ask is why do men of other races rich and successful or wealthy men marry divorce and remarry in the current environment our culture has to push relationship that's what it has to come down to now to the sociologists the anthropologists You understand how to actually we need a we

need a reformation on our culture um i don't deal with that portion of it i deal with the individual and what i try to deal with the individual more is getting your head right and stop looking at the opposite sex as the enemy i mean when you hear some of these women talk about high value meaning they're talking about a high-value lifestyle that they Can get through that man's money and i asked the ladies what do you think amanda's hand when he hears that and then i turn around and ask guys a similar question why

do you want her and you want her just to be some vacuous bubble head on your arm what do you think that's saying to her we got to realize what we're here for our natural roles because we are the own we are we're a bizarro land a friend of Mine says we're living in a bizarro land and we have to really get to the point to where we life is necessary stop saying i don't need no man yes you do the female on the planet cannot survive successfully without the male and men and the men

want the women it's not as though you need us we don't need you see that war thing that means there's a winner and loser here's the thing while That happens i mean if we got into this we get into it there's a lot of there's a lot we there's a lot of people making money off black black relationship dysfunction keeping black women away from black men does what black women black people spend more their disposable income than anybody else the black dollar circulates six hours most groups it circulates anywhere from 33 days 16 days Uh

12 days six days in hispanic community hispanic community circulates six hours why we can be paid at five o'clock on uh friday black people are broke about midnight why because you got kenya living over here and you got keith living over there he got an apartment she got an apartment they paying two rents two utilities two everything else versus got one house one mortgage got some property What do you do live together you gotta consolidate expenses the kids are born in that household tax breaks everything else like everybody else in this country but we got

everybody trying to live separately and girls trips and hot boys summer and all this other kind of stuff and then realizing that you wasted a lot of time and who's made money on that because You're looking to we don't own the business in our community that's somebody else because they did what it took they got together they made they got family and everything else and a lot of people say why and i'm an imperfect like you well how can you push this message uh the truth is the truth regardless who says it And we have

to get to the point where we can say look we are who we are so now here's the point we got black men are like okay i can see the fact statistics the data you're right who goes first that's the problem we have right now who goes first and it's like the chicken or the egg and it's like and ultimately that's why i say the therapy and all that stuff comes in place because If you don't have good faith and belief in your best possibility in the future hope if that's gone you're always gonna sit

back like this yeah i can hear you but you go first and then i'll follow so uh yeah we probably gonna get a lot from that one i love that part because you know like i said stefan talks about a lot and the number one thing he talks about is healing And you talk about it through therapy because at the end of the day like there's some serious psychological trauma on both sides of the party yes because to me you know the the radical feminist i don't need a man miss independent but you see a

lot of that in the men community you know all these women are there you know what i mean all women are evil that are done so we definitely do need a lot of Healing like you said to be able to create healthier relationships for the future well and the thing is the black the black community coming out of slavery we were 80 married we were the most married people through some of the worst times black lives jim crow slavery segregation all this other kind of stuff we were buried at a rate of 80 percent But

after the the uh great uh the gracious the welfare act and the whole great society thing there's an entire thing to look at we know how to do this thing is we stop looking at looking at each other as partners and solutions and is either enemies or what can i get from you and see that's what this whole situation here this this kobe Thing is allowed to realize you know what uh i need somebody around here and you know life is easier when you got more than one person and i've and as much as i

even even with world star equip the viral one world star what they what people don't hear is if you just give it a chance you'll hear me having real conversations with women i have women who say i've saved their Marriage and that once i've had several women say i listened to you i was gonna do this but and i i thought about it and blah blah i had seven women say they got seven people last year so they got married listen to my channel and i'm not a relationship guy i'm just a life coach so

no because like i said i think what people lose from you is that there comes a Point with some of the viral clips if you go backwards it's the delusion you know it's the guy who's at home not doing much with his life saying kevin you know i want to be high value male 1 that's what and then you're you're talking to me like hey why do you want to be high value mail and you realize that he has no ambition He has no drive he just wants it because he's seen it on instagram yeah

so the clip they watch of you is you telling him hey you're probably never going to be hiding right now that's what again that's what they cut out but they don't they don't listen to when you're trying to figure out what's at the bottom of this what started back is a couple years ago i noticed that i was having guys booking Image consults and i and they know that i do live coaching but it was really a cover for them being involuntarily [Music] celibate i have an entire questionnaire just like go to a physician there's

an intake process and i started to realize what is it you want to get and this and and i and then i'm like well even if we got your image Together you don't have a life so i started to have to speak to this and the more i spoke to it is like why and what you start to realize is when god has no life no network there's there's no desire there's no reason to go out and be competitive i'm making 80 000 years of coder and all right and so with some of those guys

i've actually had to say here's some things and i actually went back to school and Get some additional teaching training and certification to learn how to empathetically consult with these people um so it started with the men first and then the the women i also noticed that thing too again people have always talked to me in my entire life i get on the elevator how you doing next thing i know a woman breaking down in tears telling me she got a divorce i'm like whoa But that's just the gift i have so i'm just trying

to use the gift i have to to be as effective as possible as content creators we have to make a little bit of humor you have to keep a little interesting and entertaining i think you guys understand that there's a there's a business component but to the end of the day the intent is good the the my my my heart is in the right place as it were because if the if the best outcome for Men is to have a happy successful legacy and the best outcome for women is to have a man that they

can do something with then we all win i mean what else we gonna say you want men over here living until they die occasionally visiting a woman to have a release and a woman over here i mean what are we really saying we don't know how to do that that's not how we're made That's powerful and so i know you've shared in the past about you being married um what were some of the the biggest lessons that you feel as though you learned from marriage in the past that you feel like young men such as

myself need to understand well you know i look at some of the biggest lessons i learned number one is You can't get content in your own relationship here's the thing when you start me men have a tendency to want to rest and sit down especially when you're raised by mama and even though the relationships may have not worked out i take full blame for my part in it and for responsibility because i know i should have kept pushing doing the things that i want to now here's the Thing i didn't stop becoming the top producer-style

performer but i i felt like i fell off of not having that drive that pushed that leadership that that north star um of what i needed to do i mean there's a thing like i said man we tend to become content and contentedness is is death i think to men and when you start to relax you relax when you retire And the thing is what do you notice about most successful men they never retire if you study success magazine with darren hardy one of the largest repositories of success information men continue to push and push

and push and push number one number two not shrugging off the burden of masculine performance you should be paying your 400 percent Everything even if she can do something putting it squarely on your shoulders because then that helps her stay in her feminine energy even if she wants to do anything great whatever she's doing you should be living on what you're doing live at your budget and you should be setting the north star see in a black community we've been told that we should be partners and that's a mistake being partners Doesn't tend to work

well with us because black women still want to be treated like every other woman they want to feel protected and provided for um i say my generation we were given a messed up template we were told to be a generation of softer men and we got a generation of harder women so when my marriages fell apart uh i like i said took the responsibility and said all right what's going wrong Here you may have had your head in the right place but what do you need to do to make sure that this doesn't happen again

and see surprisingly people like well would you ever get married again yes and i don't and i wouldn't get a divorce again because at least now i'm in a position now to where i know why i would want to do this and i know what i would expect And the thing is for men i think you need to have very very understood standards very understood job expectation a very simple a very understood place for her to fit in can you explain though what is that for you what do you why do you want to do

and what do you expect well let's say here's the thing a wife is to be a help me So if it's a marriage is a business what's her job her job is to do what support the support the the philosophy the mission statement whatever we're doing we're making widgets you need to help me make i don't need you to help me make the widgets i need you to help me sell the widget market the widgets look at the widget forecast or whatever because women have a list of abilities And skills that men just don't have

we're much more processed they're much more feelings um and the thing is if as a man if you don't have something for her to do if she's supposed to feel like she has to go get in there well i need to help you lead this direction no because she's gonna we process things logically women process things to their emotion and that's just A different way of looking at the world and see also i don't think enough of us go into pre-marital counseling we don't really have honest conversations about it why are we here do you

do you want children do you not want children a lot of things you have to iron out up front not coming from a culture of marriage we we fall in love And we want to and think love can conquer all that's the movies and that movies ain't real marriage is ugly and what a chris rock said you got to be able to deal with the crust of a person and that's what it really comes down to so it's not that the institution of marriage is bad it's just my it's just that our culture and the

way we implement it is improper and here's the thing The ultimate responsibility comes down to us man in the way the laws are set up we bear if it goes off the cliff we are at a greater disadvantage so what rich and wealthy uh non-black men marry divorce and remarry before and or after attaining the rich and wealthy status what do they know and understand about marriages single middle class or lower upper class black men don't That question caused me more problems on my channel but i wanted more guys to understand what do they understand

about marriage you may why are they doing it even in the same environment see we're doing it i don't i want you guys to go figure that thing out for yourself because didn't you say you're nigerian yes sir so different culture yes sir it's a different culture and There is a you don't just go marry this person's daughter without having a situation or a plan for that man gets vetted because you got to be able to take this person and take take good care of her we don't have that anymore we used to know how

to do it we have made marriage romantic and it has to be business uh and it sounds so cold but really it does because All the responsibility falls upon a man's shoulders as it should because if it falls upon them the women they are not they are not built for it like we are and they'll break quicker you will break your woman by putting too much on her and uh that's one of the things i realized that i wasn't the kind of man i needed to be so even Although my intention may have been good

put some pressures on women it should have broke uh i never really talk bad about my exes uh that's just not something i do so no no no i didn't expect you to do so and i think the part that i really love that you were able to do is as a man is that their responsibility yes and i think that's when when people talk about leadership i think when women hate the idea of the Man as a leader end of the day the leader is when everything goes wrong who would we blame you the

head the head exactly and so like you like you pointed out like one of the big the big issues that a lot of men today have not learned how to be a leader a lot of men today have not learned that masculine burning because i describe it as a lot of people are the Mama's boy generation yep a lot of people were surrogate husbands to their mothers yeah so a lot of dudes are so used to a woman taking care of them and women have all the responsibilities and women being in charge so a lot

of these men cannot walk in that masculinity that leadership so when they have these issues a lot of men get mad and blame the women instead of using looking in the mirror And seeing where could they improve themselves and to go to build onto that it's easier to be in that mindset when you're a solo individual man not working and collaborating with other men see if you were making bread i'm making peanut butter he's making jelly somebody else is making plastic somebody else has a truck we got to collaborate to figure out how to get

These sandwiches to the market we all working together uh seven days a week if you have a problem at home we can talk amongst the men and say hey man you're kind of slipping man i've even noticed at work you'd be kind of man you're putting on like 10 pounds man what's going on but when we're by ourselves working by ourselves not having any men not having any men's spaces Not having any place for men to come together it is far easier to fall back into that mama's boy thing and just because it's comfortable it's

comfortable and it's easy but it's wrong we i would not mind if we had boys school and girls school and for the next 30 plus years because in order to get this back on track We're gonna have to bring up the value of what it means to be a man let women understand what it means to be a woman in these modern times how women should interact with men how men should interact with women because we got to have their back every culture has had a rite of passage for young boys they've had boys around

the men and and for far too long we've had we've gotten to come we've gotten the Men uh that we should have with women leading the household this is going to bother some women but one of the things i often say is uh let your boys go live with the father [Music] you know you uh there's a theory that that uh women create the men that they complain about oh my gosh so real quick there's drake's first album one of his early albums is called so far gone And i love the there was messi talking

to his friend about why the mighty name the album so far gone and he said him and his friend was having a conversation about like their behavior things that were going on and his friends said we're so far gone so far gone we've become the man that our mothers hated it you become the men that our mother is divorced we become the man that our mothers complain about So what people are seeing is that a lot of this new when women are complaining about especially like generation i think the millennial gender on generation z after

millennials these guys are a by-product because they weren't raised with men right they are byproduct of single mothers and they're the creation of the modern woman like i said we're not blaming them we're just simply saying this is what we Have as a byproduct of these men being raised in these women's households so similar to you i'm a huge proponent of for what's best for the child especially the young male not what's best for you not you having to serve your husband you know i mean not you having someone to parade around but what's best

for the well-being and the benefit of the young male is for him to be raised by his Father well you just look at the statistics on on black boys uh the dropout rate the literacy rate i mean um i'll say it when i went on the world star i looked at some of the comments and i'm like is this even written in english and a lot of times i'll ask the women all right you know about therapy i'll ask about our relationship with the Father when i when i work with people i ask about the

relationship with the father we gotta make we gotta we have to re inject men back into this and boys need to be around their father after age seven more than anything else and see and we have to and here's the thing that bothers a lot of women because they feel like they're failure of the incident If we let women understand that uh not only is that not a bad thing it's a good thing you'll be praised for this and you know here's the thing i say here's the tough part is men we're asking a lot

of we're asking a lot for women who have no trust in men again we're asking a lot of women who have no trust in men because of our culture as the men of the as the men who are asking all this stuff you got to give them the air cover You got to give them the air cover you got to you got to leave the door open for the ones who are wanting to do something to come in unmolested unstoned because imagine what it would be to be a woman and say you know what i

heard this guy on this roommate's podcast and it made me think about something i went and got i talked to my ex-husband or my child's father and I decided to give custody over him and then i'm going to be the non-custodial parent could you imagine what that conversation looked like with her girlfriends are you crazy then she would get roasted by most of her friends so she can't get any support that way she couldn't get any support with her family she niece needs to hear some encouragement from the men's side and That comes back to

what i said a few minutes ago who goes first chicken or the egg well um ultimately it falls onto men to lead and part of the way you lead is you leave you leave ways open for people who want to work with you to come back nah that's that's that's really powerful so in closing let's say there's a 25 year old man Let's make him 30. okay 30 year old guy he's staying at home he working at a fast food joint making 18 20 to 22 000 a year okay not a lot of confidence not

a lot of skill sets but he wants to be a leader he wants to have a happy relationship and he wants to leave a legacy what is your advice to a man in that position Stop digging you already did stop digging first thing um i'm big on therapy but if you're in a position where you don't have a lot of money right now every company you work for has an employee assistance line you need somebody to talk to we're not in a church like we used to be find someone who's a consultant pro bono the

second thing because it has to start with the head we Can't get the head right we get nothing second uh you making uh he's working full time at a fast food place good i need you to have another part-time job because you're making 14 an hour at mcdonald's you can go over on cue or circle k or a convenience store make another 14 an hour fourteen dollars an hour one place is twenty eight thousand dollars one year Then another fourteen that's forty two thousand dollars then you can actually be in a position to move out

of your mama's house move into an all-furnished apartment get you a little sugar shake or a bike and get out there and start doing something say man we have to work i cannot hear that i'm broke and then you're only working 40 hours a week you you That does not compete with me you got to work you got to work and get and you're getting paid for the hours you know here's the thing this thing to start correct themselves once a man puts himself in a position where his hair is a little bit on straight

and it does not have to be perfect you can't wait till this is perfect you got to do all these things at the same Time start getting your head on get your head together get the hours up and then you have to get a skill set college ain't for everybody it doesn't it's not everything everyone needs get a trade uh there are plenty of things to do what is going to be useful get a trade in something that's going to be useful we have to get back to where we value blue collar Labor you know

i'm a big proponent of blue collar i call them blue henries you know yeah the white collar what does henry mean for people who don't know uh henry is high earner not rich yet that came from forbes and see the the white collar men get all the shine but you know white collar men it's a longer path takes more to get to the end and most small business owners are blue collar Plumbers electrician hvac technicians truck drivers who own a logistics firm there's a lot of opportunities we mentioned gary v he wasn't a great student

he's a multi-millionaire and elder uh owns uh one of the most prolific social media firms in the world get get your get your get your head right get your money get you some sort of certification of skill to where you can actually start Making yourself abuse because fast food is not a long term thing then you got to start networking with other people and start working together when you work with a group of people one of the reasons my career went the way it was is because i worked i was with a group of seven

people to where we all moved each other up i only want you in the house sleeping Showering and on the bathroom there's no reason to be at home you got to get the work done because here's the thing do that for at least five years put your head down work your butt off and you will look up and the rest of your life will be brighter possibility you have more potential and brighter possibilities you ever thought you could have Or if you could can if you continue to do what you do you're going to continue

to get what you got and now you'll have no one else to blame but yourself because at least now you've been given the direction now from that point on you make adjustments but i'm a big proponent in your rat pack your group of guys you hang around with mentoring and coaching but those two Things require resources and money everything else i gave you is just up to you and then the last one let's say there's a woman right now 28 years old a decent job making about 50 000 a year here's your message she wants

to get married she wants to have a healthy relationship she wants to grow what would be your advice for her to be able to do tangible things to be able to get that Healthy relationship that she wants you said 28 yes first thing i would say is you know without knowing her situation if she wants to get married and have children um who's helping her vet these men you need to start do something event if you if you don't have a father or brothers or people who actually are the kind of men you would Want

to marry you need to find spaces like the roommates podcast in my channel and start listening to those hard truths that you don't want to hear which is going to be the same thing you need to get a counselor a therapist to get your issues out there and then once you start understanding what it is you want you need to understand the kind of man that works for you that fits for you The femininity part the portion i can't help you with but femininity is always going to be a selling point for women femininity the

beauty and the inspiration the femininity find a group of feminine women a feminine influence of feminine coach whatever the beauty portion though that's more about your fitness you gotta stay fit ladies a man is looking at you and he has to Ask him ask what does she look like with 30 to 50 pounds of baby weight and that is what he's going to be looking at are you a worthy prize for that man that's a catch getting around men uh keeping yourself getting yourself in a good shape stay in good shape for him for you

and then lastly you gotta get out of the house too many women Think that the dude's going who is it boaz no you need to become a fixture at your after all clear a local fixture at the go sit at the bar of a local a nice restaurant and have a nice dinner there get involved in your community the junior league the american heart association get involved you got to do something gym is a great place to run the people But where are the kind of men you wanted to meet going you got to get

out of that house lastly detached with love your single girlfriends who don't share your mindset are a hindrance to you but that's where also the men gotta provide their ground cover for when she detaches and becomes a pick me or whatever they need to have spaces and places to Where women can uh come over that's why i have this group on facebook called the mix so whereas like-minded men and women who are the men are in there networking and doing our personal and professional stuff and the women are our guests and you know what it's

working well because you're hearing people talk about hope men and they're talking about business and this and that and bitcoin And this adventure that'll be and women just sit back like oh i didn't know men did this well yeah see we have to change what we the image of black people in this country is is is not good and whose responsibility is that to change it's hours never before we had a chance to change it the the mass media was never owned by us but now with the internet and social media and all these platforms

we have an opportunity to change it i Would also say watch what you're putting out there about yourself because you are a part of black media man kevin this has been an honor um this has been a privilege there's been so much amazing game and free gem that you provided for the people but people who want to continue to find more amazing content from you where can they find you at uh my website is bykevinsamuels.com And then my youtube channel which is pretty much the flagship of my platform right now it's kevin samuels.com uh monday

through friday uh right now i'm coming on at 10 o'clock eastern standard time uh usually about 10 to 12. people have asked me to make content shorter but it's as long as it needs to be what we got to get done so follow me on there and then you can support what i'm doing by going Over there supporting me on patreon and then also instagram is going to become much more of a uh integral part of this strategy we're using all the social media platforms to get out all these positive messages so you can see

more brothers looking like this representing your interest man guys like i said man i love this guy as you can see there's nothing but confirmation by this whole episode make sure you check out this channel Hit the subscribe button and don't forget guys every saturday at 9 00 a.m eastern standard time my series lessons i wish my big brother taught me about women will be out make sure you check it out my name is hafiz and i'm joined by kevin samus and we're the roommates guy thank you so much be sure to hit the subscribe

button and have a great day [Music] You