When is the right time to leave? When does giving up help us grow? Nobody wants to be seen as a coward.
We usually want to stay where we are, holding on tight and fighting for what we have, holding on, waiting until something changes or things get better. For example, we don't want to give up, so we insist and continue at our jobs, working even if the environment is toxic and leaves us without energy. We continue to compromise, incur debts, without planning, depending more and more on this work.
Or, we continue to be surrounded by friendships that hurt us, even when these people don't respect our limits. But sometimes we may wonder if it's worth it to continue like this. Whether or not it is worth continuing in the situation we are in.
In some cases, the best thing to do is to walk away and be honest and honest with yourself . Walking away can be a way to free yourself. Even though some people may see it as a weakness or giving up.
But how do you know when that moment is? The decision to leave seems easy, but it is quite complex, because sometimes we are held back by our fears and attachments. Ultimately, the big question is: is this doing me any good or is it time to move on?
It seems like a simple and easy question, but it often becomes difficult to answer. This video explores the idea of leaving, using the principles of Stoic philosophy to help us see things more clearly and decide whether to stay or go. But first I need to tell you, this video only reached you because someone previously subscribed to our channel, liked this video and left a comment.
So, do the same and don't break this chain. The difficulties of leaving behind. Some people consider the act of walking away as an act of weakness, but interestingly, those who criticize us the most for leaving are the ones who benefit the most from our presence.
I wonder why? The answer is in power. When you walk away from someone or a situation, you are actually taking away their control over you.
Choosing to walk away is actually a show of strength; shows that we can flourish and progress without depending on what is offered to us. Deciding to leave can be a smart move: by walking away, you show that you can manage on your own, proving your autonomy, and this makes you stronger in the situation. Still, many people have a hard time leaving.
It's difficult to leave behind what we want to distance ourselves from. But why does this happen? The first reason we find this difficult is attachment.
The fear of leaving comes from how connected we are to what we want to walk away from. This can even happen with something that is not yet ours. For example, you really want a specific car.
You spent months searching the internet, reading all the specifications, knowing every technical detail, thinking about how a car would make your life easier and the freedom you would have to move around. Talking about this car with friends and your wife or husband, you found yourself becoming more and more excited about the idea of owning it, even thinking about buying it every day. So, even before making the purchase, you have already created a bond with this car.
When we cling to something, whether it's a future plan, something we have now, or even memories of what once was, leaving it behind becomes a challenge; It's hard to let go of the things we're attached to. This feeling of attachment can extend to objects, people, animals, ideas, practically everything we value. But it is this attachment that gives these things a certain dominance over us, allowing whoever offers us these objects or experiences to manipulate this power.
For example, if a car salesman sees how much you want the car he sells, he knows he has an advantage in negotiations. Because you are so attached to the idea of owning this car, you may find it difficult to turn down a bad deal and will likely ignore the vehicle's flaws and defects. 'Attachment' also causes difficulties in letting go of toxic relationships.
When a friend, business partner, or spouse treats us badly, but we have a strong clinging to them or what they offer us, it becomes very difficult to distance ourselves. When we do this, we not only lose someone important to us, but also everything that person symbolizes in our lives. The same happens with addictions, which is why they are so difficult to give up.
Smoking can be bad for your health, depending on whether the environment harms your image, but perhaps it represents some kind of control for you, over anxiety, over situations that you need to face and cannot change. Maybe that bad habit that we feed every day represents your exemption from responsibility or the ready-made justification in life. When we try to get rid of something harmful, we also lose something we deeply desire.
But, there are moments when we must ask ourselves, what is more worth keeping? Another reason it's so hard to leave is fear of the unknown. The fear of the unknown paralyzes us when we think about leaving behind what we already know.
What awaits us out there? Will it be a choice for better or for worse? Not enjoying work and dragging our feet every day is bad, but what will happen to us if we decide to leave?
How many uncertainties await us? We may be in a toxic relationship and want to leave, but "what if everything falls apart when we make that decision? What will my life be like after?
" We want to stop smoking, but how can we relieve stress and anxiety without those little five-minute breaks? We want to live without sugar and, honestly, take better care of our health and nutrition, but where are we going to take refuge? Where can you get such a comforting and cheap pleasure?
We feel bad about our life being at a standstill, but what if we start to act differently, put our dreams into practice and discover that we are not that capable of making them come true? This fear often makes us prefer to stay where we are, even if we are stagnant and sometimes unhappy, because the new and unknown seems more frightening. It's like we're standing on the edge of a cliff, wondering if it's worth jumping.
What's on the other side? Something good or something even worse? The uncertainty of the future can be so frightening that it prevents us from taking that leap of faith.
Changing something big in your life, like leaving a job, ending a relationship, or changing habits, is really scary because it takes us away from what we're used to. That's where the saying "bad with him, worse without him" comes in, which keeps us trapped for fear of what's to come. This fear of the unknown holds us back, keeping us in situations, relationships or habits that we no longer want, just because we fear what might happen next.
But it's good to remember that the unknown can also be a place full of new opportunities. Sometimes, to get to something better, we need to face that fear and take a step towards something new. The third reason we can't leave bad situations is because sometimes we don't want to admit that something is wrong.
We get so immersed in our daily lives that we don't even notice when things start to change around us. We end up saying everything is fine, ignoring the problems and turning a blind eye to everything else. This attitude is very reminiscent of boiled frog syndrome.
Studies show that if you put a frog in a pan of cold water and heat it little by little, it stays there, even if the water gets too hot and starts to boil. The frog adjusts to the temperature and doesn't realize that it is becoming dangerous and ends up dying, even appearing to be happy and calm. On the other hand, if you throw a frog directly into boiling water, it will immediately jump out, even if it hurts it a little.
But he survives. What really hurt the frog in the first situation was not the boiling water, but its inability to decide when to jump out. He adjusts so much to the gradual changes that he loses sensitivity to his own limit, until he can no longer escape.
Often, we also think that everything is fine or that problems will solve themselves, even when everything around us is falling apart. It is crucial to act before it is too late. We cannot wait until the situation becomes unbearable to finally do something to change.
So how do we decide when it's time to walk away? Stoic philosopher Epictetus gives us a simple way to think about when it's time to leave, which can help us make that decision. I've already talked about this comparison in other videos.
Imagine your house is a little smoky because of a fire. If the smoke is low and you can ventilate the room so it can escape, it's okay to stay, no problem. But if the amount of smoke gets out of control and starts to cause harm, it's probably best to leave the house.
This idea serves as a useful metaphor to understand when we should move away from situations that are harmful to us. But in practice, it's still vague and the question remains: what counts as "a lot of smoke"? In extreme situations, such as physical abuse, the signs are clear that we should leave.
But often, life brings us more complicated situations, where it is not so easy to decide. Sometimes the "smoke" itself can prevent us from seeing the situation clearly, as if we can't notice the smoke because it is everywhere. So how can we actually recognize this "smoke" that Epictetus spoke of?
To answer this, let's use some ideas from economics to delve deeper into Epictetus' analogy and help us make decisions in complicated moments. First. Have you ever found yourself thinking about the pros and cons of staying in a specific situation, like a job, a relationship or even the place you live?
If so, you've basically done a cost-benefit analysis. The "benefits" would be why you got into that situation or what you expected to gain from staying in it. Let's use Epictetus' house as an example: The house provides shelter and protection, a space to store your things, it can be in a good neighborhood and have a great location.
Over time, this house also gains sentimental value: it stores your memories and it becomes a family space, a true home. On the other hand, the “costs” can include the problems brought by smoke: discomfort, lack of vision, health risks and even psychological problems that can arise from constant stress and disturbance. When the costs begin to outweigh the benefits, that is, when the problems outweigh the advantages, it is a sign that the situation is "very smoky".
Therefore, the amount of smoke becomes relative, depending on the benefits that the location offers. Likewise, we can apply this cost-benefit analysis to relationships, jobs, and other aspects of life to decide whether they are too complicated and whether it is time to walk away. Second.
We often stay in complicated situations, even though we know we shouldn't. The problems are greater than the benefits, and this is nothing new. So why do we still stay?
The idea of sunk costs explains that we often continue in certain situations because of what we have already spent on them. We invest time, effort, emotional dedication or resources that we put into something that, today, does us more harm than good. An excellent example of this is marriage.
We invest a lot in a relationship, we have expectations and we often dedicate years of life to our partners. So when a marriage wears thin and it's clear it's no longer working, it can still be difficult to leave without feeling like we're leaving something valuable behind. But this thinking, however, falls into the error of the sunk cost fallacy.
Believing that we should continue on a path is hurting us just because we have already invested a lot in it is a mistake. What we invested before is gone; These resources will not bring the results we expected. These are definitive losses.
We have no control over the past. And continuing in the situation will not bring back what was lost. Understanding this idea can help us make decisions thinking about now and what lies ahead , without getting hung up on what we have already spent in the past.
Third. Let's face reality. Every second we spend swallowing smoke in a polluted house is a second we don't we are breathing fresh air outside.
Every moment we spend in a loveless marriage, in a toxic work environment or maintaining friendships that aren't true is time we could be living better. Opportunity cost means that by choosing to stay in a situation rather than leave, we are losing what we could gain from another choice. Staying where it hurts us has its price: it's not just direct suffering, but also what we stop experiencing.
While you are swallowing smoke, there may be a place next door with fresh air, decent ventilation and air conditioning. Maybe out there there are new opportunities, new relationships and chances for us to grow personally, away from this suffocating environment. By not moving away, we are leaving these possibilities aside.
So, by thinking about the opportunity cost, we open ourselves up to other paths if we decide to get out of the smoke. Instead of just thinking about what we lose by walking away, we should also ask ourselves: “What do we lose by not walking away? ” What are we missing out on?
What are the risks of staying in this suffocating environment, besides the obvious danger of getting lost in it? Maybe by quitting your job and going to a new job, you're not just losing time at home and some employment rights. But, be gaining vitality, recovering your energy, self-confidence and professional growth.
By quitting smoking you are not losing a form of self-control, but rather gaining autonomy to manage your emotions and deal with anxiety and stress in a healthy way. By ending a relationship that no longer works, you not only lost years of your life, but you began to gain a new life, where you can truly live. By closing your business that is no longer working, you will not only lose everything you invested, but it can be an opportunity to not sink even further, to close the doors while the situation is still under control.
Sometimes our choices defy logic and contradict maturity and wisdom, being guided only by desires or fears that we ourselves may not fully understand. But, according to the Stoics' way of thinking, we must seek to clarify our emotions and analyze each situation based on logic and reason. Being able to make good decisions comes from understanding why we have difficulty leaving some things behind.
By learning from the Stoics, we can begin to recognize these moments and decide the best path forward in life more clearly. Digging deeper into opportunity cost. The idea of "opportunity cost" deserves a closer look, especially when we talk about the decision to leave.
In this scenario, the focus is not so much on the current situation, but on what lies beyond it, on the possibilities that await us after we leave behind what holds us back. It reminds us that when we move away from something, we are actually moving towards something new. So, leaving does not mean walking towards an endless void, where life loses meaning and ends, even though it may seem like that before we make the decision.
There is always something in front of us, even if we can't see it clearly at first. In this way, walking away is also a leap of faith, believing that when we close one door, another will open somewhere. Of course, we don't know exactly what awaits us on the other side, but should fear of the unknown stop us from exploring new opportunities?
Alan Watts never once said that no life worth living can be lived without risk. When we think about the immensity of our planet and the multitude of people who live on it, we realize that this leap of faith is actually not that risky. The world is full of opportunities and resources waiting for us.
If we choose to search, we will find countless places with clean air; So, why insist on staying in an environment that only diminishes you? Why choose to maintain friendships that only use you? Why choose to dedicate yourself to a job where you have no possibility of growing and developing?
Why choose to feed habits that don't show your potential? What we are leaving behind may seem like the entire universe, but in reality, it is just a small part of a vast world full of opportunities. So what is the reason for this fear of missing out?
Why is there this reluctance to open this door and discover a world that has so much more to offer us? However, most of us struggle to let go of what we are attached to. It's hard to let go of what has become such an intricate part of our lives, our identities.
However, for most of us, it is difficult to let go of what is deeply rooted in our lives and our identities. We struggle to let go of what, whether we like it or not, is part of our lives. And, we are complex beings.
Sometimes we don't even fully understand why it's so hard to leave. To conclude this video, I wanted to remind you that we never leave completely empty. We are touched by the places, things, animals and people we live with and pass by.
We carry the memories with us. We learn valuable lessons from the experiences we leave behind, lessons that are like seeds ready to be planted in richer soil, bricks to build a new home, where, hopefully, we will know how to keep the smoke under control. Going doesn't have to be an absolute end, it can just be a necessary ending for a new beginning.
And if you made it this far, comment: Gratitude. This way you reinforce your commitment to change. Thanks again for watching.
Until the next video.
