Basic Writing Skills w/ Cicely Tyson (1988)

[Music] I'm Cicely Tyson and this is a brand new role for me I'll be your hostess for the series and we will be working along with a class at the Twin River Paper Company in this first program we will be talking about the importance of effective writing what it is and how to achieve it you'll learn that effective writing is always appropriate in style and that it is based on what I like to call the four C's that is it must be clear correct concise and complete four C's plus a four appropriate and style and

now let's join them you're all here to learn to write better correct and yet to each one of you it means something different to less a good report Janet memo's Bob and Ivy a promotion Rosalie saving time but if you look further you will find that each one of these things mean pretty much the same when you write a letter to someone what are you actually trying to Do Janet tell that person something right what else just press yourself mm-hmm and so you see it's all a matter of making things clear to the other person

it doesn't matter if it's business or government or even just a memo what you want to do is get the information across I was a secretary myself for a number of years yes that's right I was so you see I know from experience how hard it is to learn to communicate effectively I think that The best advice I can when I was new at it came from one of my supervisors she watched me struggling one day I mean I would ride a bird and cross it out write another word and Trust it out and she

said Cicely the trick to riding is to get it down if you fuss over every word you'll lose the thought get it down and then they'll go for it I think that I shall never forget that and I want to pass that advice on to all of you Once the ideas on paper you can see if you've made yourself clear if you've explained everything you must make your reader guess at what you mean and you mustn't waste this time suppose for an instance a company has two women named Davis one of them writes out an

order for pencils but she's not much on writing so her memo says please send one dozen yellow pencils to mrs. Davis now what do you think happened well the person who gets her memo might think she Means pencils that write in the color yellow but chances are she means regular number two lead pencils precisely and what else or they could go to the wrong miss Davis so you see even the simplest transaction can become complicated if the writing is sloppy but when you know how to write you make things work your supervisor notices and you

get ahead and now I'll turn it over to Sheila thanks Cicely that was a good example and it holds true in any situation whether it's About office supplies or office management's effective writing must follow five basic points it must be clear concise correct and complete those are the four C's and finally it must be appropriate in style look what happened with the pencils because the writing wasn't clear the reader could have been totally confused and have sent the wrong items to the wrong person you'll also lose your reader if your writing isn't Concise as Rosalie

pointed out time is valuable and when writing is wordy or boring it races time and in many cases time is money as for correct I'm sure you can all see how a reader can be misinformed or mislead when words and phrases are used incorrectly and of course if writing isn't complete a reader will be left wondering what the point was and what action he's supposed to take so always keep those four C's in mind and don't forget to check and see If your being appropriate in style if you're not you may offend or insult your

reader when that was the last thing you wanted to do she loves may we ask questions absolutely anytime something isn't clear please interrupt me is there some easy way we can check what we write to see if we've covered all the points yes I have five questions for you to ask yourself first am i confused if you are then the writing isn't clear second am i bored Then it isn't concise third do I feel misinformed then it's not correct fourth does something seem missing then it's not complete and fifth has it left me angry or

offended then the style is not appropriate now let's take a look at a piece of writing and ask the questions on Thursday the Department will meet to discuss objectives and goals and aims and purposes having read and signed this we will expect you to attend IV are you confused I certainly am which Thursday which department and where are they going to meet so you would say that the writing is not clear how can we fix it on Thursday March 11th the customer service department will meet in the third floor conference room very good Janet last

are you bored well part of it seems wordy to me I mean aren't objectives and aims and goals and purposes all the same thing yes they are well let's just stay with objectives oh Wait a minute objectives of what objectives of the open house I feel misinformed I'm not sure who's supposed to have read and signed it you're glad you caught that Bob how can you make it correct by saying after you've read this please sign your name yes anything else bother anyone I don't think the style is appropriate it made me angry suppose someone

can't attend it should have said if you can't attend let us know otherwise we will expect you now tell me Does something still seem missing yes it's incomplete who sent it well it's probably from Howard and Julia alright and now our memo reads on Thursday March 11th the customer service department will meet in the third floor conference room to discuss the objectives of the open house after you have read this please sign your name if you can't attend let us know otherwise we will expect you Howard Lyons and Julia Williams much better don't you think

that's extremely good for the first lesson and I'm extremely impressed remember earlier we said we write to express ourselves to tell someone something to communicate right and the basic tools of communication are words exactly and the best words are simple specific and precise I thought simple words were simple-minded that's a common mistake when you use simple words you're really Being considerate of your reader no one wants to run to a dictionary every minute I saw the word domicile the other day they could have said home write less how about this the edifice is populated by

many workers what's the writer say there are many workers in the building that's a lot easier to understand and besides the first way sounds phony exactly it's pretentious and it wastes the readers time by making him stop to think about The meaning of the words can you give me any other examples how about I possess five dollars instead if I have five dollars a lot of people say at this point in time when they could say now good keep it simple is an important rule so is don't use jargon jargon is a kind of shorthand

that's special to a particular occupation but it makes no sense to an outsider for example accountants talk about debits and credits and cash flow and Computer programmers use terms like input-output printout right so unless you're talking to someone from your own field avoid jargon yeah like when we write to the government we say a public law xx 42 but if we're talking about it to a friend we should just call it the Clean Water Act that's a good example IV there's another kind of language to avoid which some people call gobbledygook because it sounds involved

in pompous like a turkey strutting Around the barnyard and that's probably where the word comes from gobbledygook may make the writer feel important but it usually doesn't make the writing any clearer to the reader in fact it usually complicates it I'm sure you've all gotten letters from business or government that you didn't understand sure they call it business ease or legalese or Europe grit it's ease oh that's hard to say here are some illustrations of words we could all do Without see if you can tell which are jargon and which are gobbledygook I'm not sure

it could be jargon but maybe that's the way lawyers talk to each other you have a point Janet but it's really gobbledygook a bunch of words jumbled together to make a simple statement complicated try this oh I'm getting it now that's gobbledygook right totally unnecessary here's another that's jargon I have a friend who's always talking like that She says it's psychological I think she gets mixed up a lot of the time she probably does what's this gobbledygook and this that's jargon so far you have learned to keep your words simple and to avoid jargon and

gobbledygook now I'd like to explain to you why specific words are better than general ones general words tend to be vague they represent broad categories or whole ideas they give the reader a general idea but that's not good enough For instance you say child you're reading may think you mean a three-year-old girl while you mean a ten-year-old boy be specific say what you mean so be specific say what you mean suppose I said airplane what would you see 747 Piper Cub the Concord a world war two bomber interesting we just saw something different and what

I really meant was Lindbergh explain Oh see why it's important to be specific specific words are detailed in Particular to a subject now what do you think of when I say building a skyscraper a cottage Cathedral you're all right of course but when I said building I was thinking of a castle in Spain so I didn't really get my meaning across today that's because I wasn't specific and I won't communicate any better if my words aren't precise what do you mean by precise words you know precise words tell the reader exactly what the writer means

without any Guesswork they state the exact meaning needed for the reader to the writers thoughts imprecise words are inexact or incorrect when a word is not precise the readers never sure suppose I wrote we must preserve energy my reader wouldn't know if we should put it in a jar and I can put it in a museum but if we say we must conserve energy it's clear we have to save it that's why it's important to use a dictionary to find out precisely what a word means also a Thesaurus Oh what it sounds like a relative

of a dinosaur I guess it does I never thought of that before but even though it sounds funny but thesaurus is a good book to have it gives synonyms and lets you find the most exact word for what you're trying to say it's always good to have a dictionary at thesaurus and a handbook of proper usage afterwards the most important tool in good writing is the complete sentence who can explain what that is Oh we were hoping you could do that all right if you insist a complete sentence is the basic unit of writing it

carries the message to your reader and in order to express a message it must have two things a subject and a verb wait a minute Sheila do we really have to review all this grammar stuff we did that in school can we just get on to writing unless you have the basic material at your fingertips you'll have Trouble when we get to the other aspects of writing so even though you know some of this take my word for it it's worth reviewing look at this sentence I have jammed the typewriter ribbon what's the verb jammed

it's the action word that's almost right Bob does anyone know what Bob forgot I can guess if you forgot something it must be half the complete verb is have jammed that's very important you must always consider the whole verb verbs often have more than One part but you were correct Bob when you said that the verb is the action word try this sentence were trying it does get easier when you explain it Sheila thanks ivy so we've said that the verb is the word or group of words that express the action in a sentence but

there isn't always an action in a sentence so there are two kinds of verbs action verbs and state of being verbs does anyone know what a state of being verb is I do is am were or state of Being verbs are linking verbs they link the subject to other words in the sentence like I am hungry I remember that from school does everyone understand that good I must say you seem to know your verbs let's see how much you know about subjects subject is a noun or pronoun right and a noun is a person place

or thing or an idea oh wait a minute I get person place or thing but I don't understand idea you really do less you just haven't Thought about it in these terms justice health accuracy are all ideas if they can be the subject of a sentence if I gave you the sentence your health is vital to your well-being would you know that the subject is health I wouldn't now so then a noun is a person place thing or idea and a pronoun is used in place of a noun words like he she they it who

anyone somebody are pronouns and they help us not to be repetitious for instance if I said the Man came to fix my telephone but the man didn't have the right tools that would sound awkward so we all just naturally say he the second time I know what you means you know we do that kind of thing all the time by instinct but instinct sometimes lets us down which is why it's good to understand them more fully let's see if you can find a subject in this example that one's tricky is it everyone its budget the

budget is due on Monday not everyone mm-hm very good Ivy do you Understand Janet the word everyone's tells whose budget is due but still what's due is the budget I get it now I just have to be more careful of descriptive words look at this example there are two subjects Julia Ann Howard right now look at this oh I understand it this time the subject is office it's like the one I missed before controllers just describes whose office it is great Janet see why it's important to have examples Julia gave me a good paragraph let's

find all the subjects and verbs we will ship 10 reams of paper by Monday Howard and I selected the fine bond paper for your needs please process and pay your bill by the 15th of the month we is the subject will ship is the verb Howard and I are the subjects selected as a verb well process and pay our verbs but I don't see a subject subject is you but it's understood right Sheila yes that's right And you is the only word that can be understood other subjects have to be there or the sentence is

incomplete see this who hopes the writer is coworkers his bosses the reader may guess but not always when a subject or verb is missing the sentence is not complete anyone know what it's called I think it's a sentence fragment yes it is and sometimes they're very hard to figure out look at this well the verb is received and even though I don't see a Subject I'd assume it was I yes that's what most people would assume Janet but in this case the writer was talking about the head of his department to whom the report had

been sent it should have read Martha Rollins received your report last week so you see we should avoid sentence fragments boy my head is spinning from all this I understand exactly how Janet feels subject verbs nouns pronouns actions state of being that's a lot of Information as everyone knows subjects and verbs must be consistent to be grammatically correct by consistent I mean that if a subject is singular the verb must be singular also and if the subject is plural it needs a plural verb this is called agreement if your subjects and verbs don't agree your

sentence sounds terrible and your reader won't place a lot of faith in what you're saying suppose you got a letter that said the Windows is closed what would you think I think it should be are closed and I think the writer wasn't very smart I can see our agreement sounds better but why bother if your reader can understand you yes but it's like sending out a letter with typographical errors when your subject and verb don't agree people don't take you Orion writing seriously you're probably right Rosalie let's look at this the offices in our building

faces Twin River well it's wrong but I Can understand what happened the writer got the subject mixed up he thought it was building instead of offices good Bob and it's a good demonstration of the importance of understanding subjects if you know what your subject is you're less likely to make that mistake it's usually easy to tell about agreement when the subject and verb are next to each other but it's more difficult when there are intervening words this is what I mean sue who went on a trip to California with her parents is our my best

friend well the parents wouldn't be the best friends so sue has to be the subject is must be right also here's a tip an S at the end of a verb in the present tense means it's singular so you can check to see that your subject is singular too and remember when you're in doubt add up your subjects if there's more than one your verb must be plural Florida and Bermuda where people go on vacation Appeal appeals to me appeal yeah yeah yeah why well because there are two places Florida and Bermuda but how about

this neither Florida nor Bermuda appeal appeals to me well I'd say appeal because both sentences sound the same they do sound alike but the words neither and nor make a difference when they appear you do not add up your subjects only one word is the subject and the subject closest to the verb controls the verb same thing with either And or when they are present you don't add up your subjects what would you do with this sentence either my sister or the girl next door bring brings in the mail o brings no weight while you're

ahead less you're right can you tell me why well you said when you have either/or that the subject closest to the verb controls the verb the girl next door is singular so I picked the verb with yes there are some other situations that we ought to talk About it here's an example that may give you trouble bill who is in my department and Bob have has been late all week Bob comes closer to the verb so it must be has no weight there's no either/or in this sentence you do add the subjects bill and Bob

have been late good thinking ivy it's always more difficult when the subjects are separated from each other so get into the habit of looking carefully let me mention some other pitfalls so you'll Be on the lookout for them words that we think of as singular like scissors and pliers true they're each only one item but they are plural and must take a plural verb for instance you wouldn't say the scissors is sharp we would say the scissors are sharp and that can work in Reverse think of numbers and money alright you wouldn't say five dollars

are a lot of money no you wouldn't and that's because five dollars is an Amount so it actually becomes one thing and R has to be changed to is collective nouns can be difficult to these are words that look plural but are actually describing a unit that takes a singular verb army jory family team words like those can confuse us if the team wins as a body it would be treated as a unit and you'd use a singular verb the team is victorious you can check it by seeing what pronoun you'd substitute it you could

say it is a victorious team or Just it is victorious and it is singular good sometimes collectives can take a plural verb suppose I said the team is changing their uniforms would that be right I don't think so because there gives you a clue that the subject refers to more than one person I guess it really means the members of the team are changing their uniforms that's right which means that you always have to give collective nouns a little extra thought if you do You'll get them right we've talked a lot about subjects and verbs

but they're not the only parts of sentences to be effective a sentence must not only be complete it must convey a meaning to the reader if I write John is I leave my reader wondering John is what is he good is he coming to the meeting is he doing the work I must put myself in the readers place and make certain I've told him what I meant too for instance Janet I know you're working on your open house Announcement but let's suppose your opening sentence said the Twin River paper company announces well there's a subject

and there's a verb but my reader still wouldn't know what's taking place it's not a complete thought it would be complete if you added its annual open house yes then that would be a good sentence because it has a subject and verb it's complete and it tells one message it's also simple and direct which is good maybe that's Why I'm having so much trouble with another sentence I'm working on maybe I'm just trying to fit too much in okay let's work on it it will probably be a good example the new paper stock is in

great demand because it is so appealing and we believe that you should place your order now to assure delivery I know it's wrong but I can't fix it I think it should be more than one sentence that's right Bob but how would you break it up I think it would be clearer if the new Paper stock is in great demand because it is so appealing became a sentence by itself and then the next sentence could be if you want to assure delivery place your order now to see that Janet I guess I do but I

don't see why sentences can't communicate more than one message or they can but in writing at work simple sentences are best just like simple words that often means stating only one message in each sentence Sheila how can we tell when a sentence can be broken Down it's a good question to help you make simple sentences see if the sentence has more than one message ask yourself how many messages are there how can we fix this the accountant asked for my supervisors expense statement and told me that he was checking my receipts from last month there

are two messages two different thoughts first is asking for the supervisors expense statement then he's telling the reader that he's reviewing the readers receipts that's Very confusing right let's make it into two sentences the accountant asked for my supervisors expense statement he also told me he was reviewing my receipts from last month you see how much simpler that is and remember simple does not mean unintelligent or unsophisticated it means you're being clear concise and saving a reader time and effort sentences can express more than one thought of course but for business Writing the simpler you

keep your sentences the more effective they will be remember your reader is usually busy and you want to be as direct as possible our four C's apply to sentences as well as to words when we are clear concise correct and complete we help our reader and our writing is effective it's also important in business writing for the style to be appropriate as I said people are busy and don't want to waste time having learned about agreement Completeness and conveying your thoughts clearly you'll see that the sentence will be much less of a problem [Music] in

this section of the course you'll get a chance to use what you've learned about words and sentences Sheila has shown you how words alone are not enough to get your message across they have to be put together in complete sentences well sometimes even a sentence is not enough you need several and when several Sentences all relate to the same main idea they form a paragraph whether or not it's an effective paragraph depends on how you put your sentences together and that's what Sheila is going to talk to you about now before we go into the

details of writing a good paragraph there are a few overall principles to keep in mind it will make life a lot easier for you first of all remember that writing especially business writing is a means of communication you want to Tell someone something the big difference between saying something and writing it down is that when you send a letter or a memo you're not there to answer questions it's important to begin with a clear picture of your main idea if it's not clear to you you won't be able to communicate it to your reader any

questions Sheila Janet has a big problem she has to write a paragraph about the events of the first day of the open house and she's got to have it done This afternoon can we work on that of course it fits right in with what we're going to do tell us about it Janet well I I've written something but I'm not sure it's right okay reduce your first sentence when you arrive you'll find a variety of displays about the paper industry Rosalie do you think you can tell Janet what's wrong with that beginning there's information missing

I can't explain it the way you do Sheila but that sentence Doesn't tell me what's going on not even where I'm arriving good point it doesn't tell them that you're writing to give them a summary of the opening events do you understand yeah yes I do it's like I started in the middle but I just can't seem to get it right you will if you forget the sentence and start again I'm going to give you another important tip before you put anything down on a piece of paper have a clear picture of your main idea

if it's not clear to you it Certainly won't be to your reader the main idea defines your subject it's really what the paragraph is all about all other sentences should relate to it and another hint Janet a paragraph can be more effective if the main idea comes first in what we call the introductory sentence the way to make sure of your main idea is to ask yourself why you're writing and what you're writing about oh it's hard if we sit in on this makeup class we brought some coffee of course That was very thoughtful of

you we're talking about the introductory sentence Oh was I glad I knew about that this morning Julia asked me to write about the writing program so the people in the plant would know what its purpose is remember what you wrote Ivy by a strange coincidence I happen to have it with me the purpose of the writing program at the Twin River Paper Company is to help employees improve their writing so far The program seems successful the participants are gaining confidence and the quality of their writing is improving that's excellent Ivy this will help you Janet

what did I that you didn't she was clear about her main idea and she explained it well at the reader by putting it in her introductory sentence exactly now Janet keep in mind that the main idea defines the subject of the paragraph then tell Us what the subject of the paragraph is the purpose of the writing program yes that was what Julia asked ivy to write about and Ivy was specific I don't understand something does the main idea always have to be in the introductory sentence no but your message is usually clearer when it is

Janet when we get back to your paragraph keep Ivy's introductory sentence in mind it's a good one now let's get your introductory sentence written Janet ask yourself What's your main idea what's the subject of the paragraph what's your paragraph about oh the events of the open house okay all right let me think for a minute okay I think I've got it the Twin River paper company's open house will feature a variety of events and for your convenience we have summarized them that's much better isn't it Sheila much this time you've given your reader the main

idea you've mentioned the company the open house the Events and the summary and you were specific and right to the point I think I left the main idea out of a letter I wrote this morning good thing I haven't mailed it yeah a woman wrote to ask how to apply for a clerk typist job and I started by saying first you fill out an application form that's wrong isn't it yes you told the woman about step number one in the procedure she has to follow but you didn't mention what the procedure was for you didn't

give your Main idea another trap writers fall into his using a list in place of an introductory sentence they might combine all the steps instead of stating the main idea they might say first fill out the form then attach a resume and call to make an appointment there's no introductory sentence what would be a good way to start let's erase Rosalie's sentencing start over try it Rosalie to apply for a Clerk typist job with Twin River you have to do three things see how easy it is when you keep your main idea in mind now

at the steps fill out the application form which I have enclosed send it to me along with your resume then call to make an appointment for an interview now you've done it that paragraph tells the reader exactly what she wants to know the introductory sentence contains your main idea it's specific and comes right to the point Once your introductory sentence is right rest of the paragraph isn't so hard to do now she is going to discuss the rest of the paragraph and show you what a supporting sentence is that's just what supporting sentences do help

they finish the job at the introductory sentence by explaining the main idea expanding on details like when and where an event is going to take place or how to do something they can also inform the reader of specific facts or let them Know your reasons for talking about the main idea in the first place now let's see if we can attach supporting sentences to this introduction last year's open house boosted sales by 10% how would you continue that les 23 new customers signed up within a week of the event can someone tell us how that

supports the main idea it expands on what happened and shows us the connection between the event and the customers now let's look at the memo That Bob and Ivy gave me yesterday to improve safety in the labs we are asking all visitors to wear plastic goggles you can get them from the lab supervisor OSHA survey show that the wearing of goggles significantly reduces eye injuries that's very clear the main idea is that visitors should wear goggles in the lab oh then the supporting sentences explain how to get them and inform why they're necessary exactly your

understanding this a lot Better now aren't you let's build a paragraph now and see how good you are at picking the right supporting sentences someone give me a main idea transportation to the open house okay who can put that into an introductory sentence oh not me I'm good at support how about Janet this is her subject all right I'll try how's this Twin River will provide transportation for visitors to the open house looks Good to me then give us a supporting sentence company buses will be waiting at the airport your turn les what else do

you think the reader might like to know when the buses will leave and where they'll drop people good let's hear the sentence the buses will leave on the hour and visitors will be dropped off at the Central Hotel which is just two blocks from Twin River good you see how our paragraph is providing specific information for the reader what else Could we add the Central Hotel is very comfortable and has an excellent restaurant that's a good sentence Bob it's clear concise correct and complete but does it belong in the paragraph no not really it's about

accommodations our main ideas transportation you see that Bob you fell into a very common trap let's try to remember one idea to a paragraph miss Lee is going to tell you about another important part of paragraphs transitions Does anyone know what they are I remember Sheila mentioned them to us transitions of words which join sentences together in a smooth way that's right you don't want to jolt your reader you want to lead them through your paragraph as easily as possible transitions lead the reader from one thought to the next in a logical way let me

show you what I mean if I write to someone the airport is far from Twin River the company will provide Busses I haven't made myself as clear as I could even though both of those sentences are correct somehow those sentences don't hang together but they would if you started the second sentence with therefore that's right Bob therefore makes a transition between the two it turns a second sentence into an explanation of the first there are many types of transitions let me tell you about some of them example transitions introduced sentences which illustrate Something that has

been mentioned in a previous sentence for example to illustrate for instance our three example transitions can anyone link two sentences with one of these I'll try Sicilies writing program is amazing for example I'm becoming an expert on transitions time transitions do exactly what their name says they indicate a time you use them when giving directions telling how to do something or discussing schedule sometime transition Words are first second earlier previously at a later date who wants to use one well if I were telling someone how to write an effective paragraph I'd say first write an

introductory sentence then add supporting sentences equal weight transitions are used when two supporting sentences are of equal importance examples of equal weight transitions are moreover also in addition and besides now another kind of transition is called comparison contrast These are used when the second sentence presents a contrasting or similar point of view comparison contrast transition words are but nevertheless however on the other hand anyone for an example here's one some twin river employees are good writers however the best writers are those who take Sicilies course good Bob now I have one more for you the

kind of transition that's called cause effect some cause effect transition words are because as a result consequently Therefore and thus they indicate that what follows will tell the result of what has gone before let me give you an example I have been talking for a long time therefore I will let Sheila take over watch your writing to see if you've connected your thoughts if your sentences sound disjointed ask yourself have I omitted a necessary transition you'll be able to tell which kind of used by how the two sentences relate are you giving an example are

you talking About two different times are you giving a result or are you simply adding another element by now you know about words and sentences and paragraphs today Sheila is going to explain why you must know your purpose before you write and how to state that purpose to your reader try to figure out your readers needs attitudes and knowledge what does the person know about the subject what does he or she need to know what do you think your readers attitude is about you or Your company would you mind looking at a letter I have

to answer dear Howard my calendar tells me it's almost time for the open house again I've heard that the opening seminar will be on wastewater management this is something our engineers are working on and I'd like to know a little more about it can you send me some information on what the speaker will cover in the seminar thank you sincerely Edwin Smith plan manager what does the letter tell you About Edwin Smith well he's not an engineer but as a plant manager he feels you ought to know what his engineers are doing so then he's

conscientious but not scientific so don't bore him with diagrams and statistics give him a general idea of what the Department of the Interior has to say about wastewater management does that help remember how useful it is to look at incoming letters as a way of analyzing Your reader yes I was telling too much I wasn't considering my reader it won't take me long now thanks Sheila here's a paragraph of a letter that was sent to the credit department of a large department store it's a good example of attitudes who do you think you are how

dare you send me a credit statement for a purchase I never made send me a new statement and a credit to my account immediately well the writer is obviously angry I'll say the person writing the Response is to try to calm down the customer exactly in that letter you learned what the customer wants and more than that you learned how he feels you must respond to both to make certain you cover everything also you must cover all the points that the reader raises well the first sentence expresses the customers anger and frustration and calls for

an apology and the second sentence identifies the mistake and requires an explanation and the last Sentence calls for specific action a new credit statement should be included with the letter that is if the customers claim is correct you've analyzed the reader very well remember to always look for clues to determine the readers needs attitudes and knowledge rule number one when you write is readers good now we come to rule number two which is state your purpose let your reader know why you're writing and what you'd like to have done about it I'd like you to

look At this chart it's a pie and its name is spelled out p i.e letter stands for a different kind of purpose P is for persuade I is for initiate and E is to exchange information hi I like that it makes the three kinds of purpose easy to remember persuade initiate exchange let's look at each one suppose your purpose is to persuade then you would be trying to convince someone of something yes or change the readers attitude how about I initiate well that Means you want someone to take action like call or place an order

or pay a bill and E is for exchange usually it's an exchange of information you want to tell someone something or find something out there can be many purposes for writing but these three persuade initiate exchange are the overall groups remember that even if your letter touches on all three purposes only one of them should be the main one there are ways to help you state your purpose ask Yourselves why am i writing to this person what do I want my reader to do think or feel as a result of my writing and once you've

answered these questions you need to put your purpose in statement form so that you can refer to it as you write your letter let's read that memo you showed me to the class memo from Les Martin to ethyl Michaels office manager I should like your approval of the purchase of a new self-correcting typewriter for my use at Present my typewriter needs constant repair and is not self-correcting since I am responsible for typing letters to clients I feel this request is urgent is less his purpose of P and I or an e I see a little

of each in there but I think his main purpose is an eye he wants to initiate action to get a new typewriter but I may know that because that's always talked about for a month now that's the ever I'm detecting a purpose Of teasing poor or less what listed in that memo that was very good was to state his purpose in the first sentence he told miss Michaels immediately then he wanted her approval organization involves a conscious decision to present your thoughts logically it can be a simple process or a highly complicated one depending on

the circumstances for us it's always complicated either way however organization leads to effective writing Let's look at a simple procedure begin to organize your ideas or information by putting them into categories how do you think you should go about doing that you pick categories and then see what goes into them I know that would be doing it the hard way IV we want to make it easy let me start you to categorize get your ideas down on paper in any order then group the ones that are similar together oh I see and then you name

each category that's exactly it let's take a simple Example suppose you're going shopping and you want to organize your trip how would you start by making a shopping list okay give me items and we'll write them down lipstick and aspirin chop meat celery potatoes and chocolates one pound of 1-inch sixpenny finishing nails oh and something I always forget toothpaste razor blades shaving cream and the package of light bulbs that's a pretty good list now let's group them into categories how Many do you see food hardware well the rest of them go together but I don't

know what to call them medicine chest sometimes it's hard to find the right category nameless how about health and Judy AIDS it's always good to have two or three categories and we have three so that's fine now how would that list help us well for one thing I wouldn't forget my toothpaste the game well you can organize your shopping trips see where you want to go right by Categorizing your shopping list you've created a game plan it will save you time keep you from wandering and help you to organize the same principle applies to writing

Sheila I understand what you're saying but how will this help me with this report I'm doing for the open house tell us about it well I gathered the information on the presentations each of the departments will be making and it breaks down into slideshows film's displays and Demonstrations do you know the subject of each one yeah I have them here just a minute love about you Jenna you're so organized here it is wastewater management and uses of paper for the home our slide shows trees are our friends and industrial packaging our films wood construction is

a display and improving your home is a demonstration now that we have the list does anyone have an idea for categories well you said two or three categories are best Can we combine display and demonstration sure that would help then what would we have you'd have three categories of presentation slide shows films displays and demonstration no that looks good but have you considered your reader well those categories be the most helpful to the people coming to the open house no not really I mean they'll be interested in the subject matter right okay Janet this is

your report how would you categorize the subject matter well Industrial products could be one then consumer products oh and conservation let's see where our titles fit trees are our friends and wastewater management refer to conservation industrial packaging goes under industrial products and I think wood construction but I'm not sure well Janet you know more about this than we do is that right yes it is wood construction is for professional builders that makes the last category easy use this of paper for The home and improving your home go under consumer products did you copy that down

Janet it will make your report a lot easier I want to point out something in this example every idea fits into a category but that doesn't always happen sometimes an idea just won't fit into a category which means the writer has to do more research or sometimes a category will have only one item if that happens it may be necessary to combine two categories into one broad One any questions that was step one in organization categorizing your ideas once you get it to the habit of starting your writing that way you'll find it goes much

more smoothly there are many methods of organization and right now I want to discuss two of them inductive and deductive the names are fancy but the meaning is plain in deductive organization the most important information comes first and the secondary information follows most Business writing uses deductive organization it's easier for your readers they can see immediately why you're writing to them there are no surprises and they can follow the logical progression of your thoughts and ideas for example you will want to place an order for our new line of stationery products immediately these products includes

some of the finest bonds marketed by the industry the entire line should sell very well in exclusive Retail outlets oh that's deductive because the purpose is stated in the introductory sentence right Sheila yes the letters being sent to say you will want to order our new line very clear and direct and the writer goes on and the supporting sentences explain and expand the main idea they tell why you will want to order I can see that that's important you want to order because they are such fun Quality but what about the third sentence well it

may not be as important as the second but it tells them that the papers for exclusive retailers so you see it does fit that's the way deductive organization is set up the most important information first then the next important and so on it gets right to the point and leads the reader through your thoughts Sheila is this deductive industrial packaging is a heavyweight paper used in industry to Store and preserve various products the cereal and detergent industries are heavy users of industrial packaging there will be a lecture on it at the open house why don't

you tell me Janet what's your purpose statement well I can see now it's wrong the purpose is to tell the reader that there will be a lecture so that should be first somebody changed that for Janet yeah I'll give a try at the open house there will be a lecture on industrial packaging this is A heavy weight paper used in industry to store and preserve various products the cereal and detergent industries are heavy users of industrial packaging excellent Bob see the difference Janet now it has the most important idea first and the others in descending

order of importance you were almost right you told what Industrial paper is before you told who uses it it was just your purpose sentence that was out of place Oh excuse me Sheila would you mind looking at this announcement now I think I know what's wrong but a review won't hurt sure let's look at it we are pleased to announce Mike Hall is our new mill manager at Twin River Paper Company Mike has a bachelor's degree in Industrial Arts he lives with his wife and two children on hardscrabble Road before he came to Twin River

he was an operations manager at the D corporation as mill Manager Mike will be in charge of maintenance training scheduling and troubleshooting I think the person who wrote that Julia didn't know how to categorize the information he or she certainly didn't know about deductive organization well I think the person was trying to rush so in the long run he wasted time if we would do this deductively what should come first the most important information so I think the purpose sentence is okay it tells That he's joining the company and that's the most important thing so

we'll leave that then what ought to come as mill manager Mike will be in charge of maintenance training scheduling and troubleshooting and then what he did before because that's still about his career before he came to Twin River he was operations manager at the D corporation now is education mike has a bachelor's degree in industrial arts and last the personal facts he lives with His wife and two children on hardscrabble road that's good deductive organization first the purpose then its Job Description which is second in importance then his prior experience his education and his personal

background well I appreciate your taking the time I'd better go and type this now before I forget the sentence order let's see remember at the beginning I mentioned inductive organization that must be the opposite yes it is an inductive Organization the purpose sentence comes last everything else builds up to it inductive organization should be used only in very special cases and this is one of them a no letter we have reviewed your application very carefully with your excellent educational background you will surely be successful in pursuing your career unfortunately however we have no openings for

someone with your experience right now as you can see this rejects a job applicant but The purpose sentence the one that says that there are no openings at present doesn't come until the end anyone tell me why maybe the person who wrote the letter had a hard time saying no I always do I wish you with a personnel director I'd ask you for a raise every week it's a good try Rosalie but I'm sure the person who wrote that knew how to say no I think it was a question of considering the reader if the

purpose sentence came at the beginning the Applicant might stop reading the applicant should know that you considered his application before getting the message that there's no job I see then you have to be careful about not sounding and sincere or as if you're stalling to avoid the bad news yes that's important and it's why you must choose your words carefully now about some other examples of a no letter where you would use the inductive form of organization hmm if you cancelling an Order closing an account with the supplier refusing a request those are all good

examples inductive organization is a good way of approaching a negative decision or an emotional issue it allows your reader to see your rationale and learn what your reasoning was even though the decision may be upsetting I want to remind you that deductive organization is usually the right choice for business writing save your inductive organization for those sensitive times When you have to disappoint someone now we're going to talk about two other techniques for organizing your material the first of these is chronological and if you divide that word into two parts you'll have a perfect idea

of what it means chrono comes from the Greek and it means time logical of course describes a sequence of thoughts or events that makes sense so chronological organization gives a series of events in The order in which they occurred it's best used when the sequence of events is important to the reader or it tells what steps need to be taken in a project starting with the first and going through to the last chronological organization is like deductive in one respect it starts with the purpose statement after that it follows a time sequence which makes it

just right for giving the history of an event like preparing something or putting a piece Of equipment together oh I did that just last Saturday I bought this new hood ornament for my car I didn't realize it at the time but the instructions were chronological first it said to drill two holes in the top of the hood three inches apart then to bolt the housing to the top of the hood and finally glue the ornament to the housing and let it set for an hour that sounds clear in chronological how's your ornament look Oh invisible

the first time I hit a bump It fell off your example was good even if your results weren't the steps followed in order from beginning to end does anyone have examples in writing she look I know we're always using my examples but would you mind one more time I'm writing about the events of the open house and I know I'm not doing it right we'll be glad to help you do you know all the events that you have to include have you taken all the steps in order well I found out everything I have To

include it's putting them in order that's giving me trouble well I hope you were careful to include all of the times or steps the reader might want to know and to use time transitions to guide your reader from one step to the next sure I know we went over time transitions before but could you just mention a few of them now sure for next then before after these are all words that place things for the reader and tell what happened when Janet can we Use the memo you're writing to illustrate these points many films and

slides will be presented throughout the day at the open house at 8:00 a.m. we'll run a film entitled trees are our friends next there'll be a slideshow on wastewater management at 10:00 a.m. the PR department will present a slideshow on the uses of paper at 11:00 there'll be a special showing of an award-winning film industrial packaging not bad Janet it started with the Purpose sentence and got your schedule in order it needs a little improving but you're off to a good start anyone have a comment what about next seems okay it's a time transition well

that's true but wouldn't it be better to be specific people who want to see the slideshow don't know when next is you're right I should have said at 9:00 a.m. I think I see something else the last sentence needs a transition if it said finally at 11:00 the paragraph would be much smoother very nice and now to make a transition we're going to look at two part organization pro and con very useful for presenting two sides of an issue and letting your reader know you've thought your argument through it helps you to defend your point

of view I have a jumble of notes here about whether or not the open house should be extended to three days I have to draft a memo from mr. lines to mr. Jenkins all Right let's see if we can sort them out for you our department managers requested more presentation time than we can accommodate in a day three days will cost much more than one day but our client response has been much higher than last year and three days would generate more goodwill only it would mean taking our people away from their regular work three

times as long what a difference now that it's organized it makes sense will also be Easier for you to work with let me give you some tips usually in pro and con organization you put the cons first then end up with the pros but not always before you decide consider your reader and your subject matter but either way put your purpose statement up front thanks Sheila before this class I thought I'd have to stay all night to get everything done now don't forget when you have to write something you get your ideas down categorize them

and put Them in logical order then you can decide what kind of organization to use deductive inductive chronological or two-pot even though deductive organization is used most of the time if you consider your reader and your purpose you'll know when to select one of the others in the meantime be clear be direct be organized [Music] as important as business letters are very few people know how to write an Effective one that's a shame because a business letter represents not just the writer but the employer in the entire organization a good letter contains three parts an

introduction a body and a conclusion the body of course is the most important so I'd like you to think of it as a picture in a frame the main part contains the heart of your message and gives the full details of what you have to say but there's a big difference between a bear picture and one in a Frame the frame sets it off and completes it and that's what our introduction and conclusion do the introduction tells what you're writing about and why you're writing the conclusion summarizes your main idea asks your reader for action

where it's necessary and ends on a positive note any questions how do you tell where one part ends and the other one begins oh good question Bob to write an effective letter you have to use all the tools You've acquired in the class words sentences paragraphs organization and you have to analyze your reader and be appropriate and style oh that's great les sheila is there any rule for how long it should be um not really it can be a sentence or it can be a paragraph depending on what's needed but it must present your purpose

state the main idea in an introductory sentence establish an appropriate style and catch your readers interest it's a lot not if you remember Something I once mentioned briefly pretend that person just walked into your office what would you do freedom politely that's setting an appropriate style I'd get to the point right away especially if I had a lot of work to finish that means you'd establish the purpose how natural it is and that's how you should keep your language natural you're more apt to catch your readers interest that way now let's practice by helping Janet

with that letter she has to write tell us about it Janet well I have to invite some local government officials to the open house but as if the invitation came from mr. Lyons alright let's begin by writing an introduction that does the four necessary things let's check your notes and tell us what they are present your purpose state the main idea and an introductory sentence establish an appropriate style and catch the readers interest now how do we Define our purpose Rosalie we have to ask ourselves what we want the reader to know think do or

feel as a result of our writing I have notes too who remembers our PI I do be for persuade I for initiate action II for exchange information that's great Rosalie now Janet what's the main purpose of your letter to persuade the officials to come now I want all of you to write an introductory sentence to our mayor who's ready let's you start okay dear Mayor Hodges about the open house I can tell that's what's wrong with that beginning well I don't know the exact rule but it sound too abrupt to me I mean no one

was talking about the open house just didn't seem appropriate you've got it ivy it's like beginning in the middle let's hear yours dear mayor Hodges in regard to the Twin River open house you've gone to the other extreme ivy would you talk to the mayor that way You're writing business 'yes remember when we talked about jargon and gobbledygook well there's another category of words to avoid cliches cliches are words and phrases that were once useful now they sound stale and unoriginal using them as apt to make your readers think that you are a stale and

unoriginal as the cliches you use it's best to avoid them can anyone give me some examples of cliches few and far between the bottom line yes those are Both good examples anyone else yeah high end dry leave no stone unturned but sometimes those phrases are the best way to say something aren't they yes but only once in a blue moon I'm gonna stress language again before we go on business writing is notorious for its jargon and gobbledygook don't fall into the trap keep your language simple ask yourself if you would say things the way you've

written them look at this introductory paragraph acknowledging Yours of the fifteenth inst I can only tender my apologies for the delay in your order you may think it's a joke but all too many people write that way I certainly hope they don't talk that way eliminate all that gobbledygook why didn't the writer that letter simply say I'm sorry for the delay on your order it sounds more sincere and it's certainly more direct now look at this one no person or persons using the tennis courts shall do so without first Having entered his or her name

upon the reservation sheets posted at the entrance to the courts that's the sign outside the Country Club down the road yeah and what it boils down to is sign up at the gate before using the tennis court ah it sure saves time and the reader can understand it yes which is what effective writing is all about speaking of effective writing can we go back to my invitation to the open house sure I know you need it today tell us What you wrote dear mayor Hodges I would personally like to invite you to the Twin River

paper company's open house it's getting closer but it's still not correct remember your purpose is to persuade unless Howard is a close friend of the mayor I don't think that would be very persuasive this is a good time to stop and consider the reader what might be important he's a busy man uh-huh so in order to persuade him to come to the open house you have to suggest that It will have some meaning for him you wanted to catch his interest and prepare him for the body of the letter which will tell him why the

open house will be of interest to him all right then how about this dear mayor Hodges I know you are a busy man but I should like to urge you not to miss the twin river paper company's open house see what that does yes it's personal it shows an understanding of his circumstances and it states the purpose which is to Persuade him it also implies that a reason will soon appear to make him interested in coming keep that in mind and let's finish the introduction the open house will be held on October 8th from 8

a.m. to 6 p.m. at our home office at 800 Twin River Road I'm not sure if there should be more let's see we've told him we want him to come and we've told him when and where we've been appropriate in style to his position and our words are direct courteous and Consistent I think we can save the matters that will interest him for the body sounds like a class in anatomy well what do you think it should accomplish well it ought to give the reader detailed information about what about why you're writing a letter should

convey your message and expand on claims or statements you made in your introduction now to accomplish all of that the body of your letter must be complete and Well-organized it must also be consistent in style with the introduction what's our big question for making our content complete consider the reader great listen what parts of the open house do you think government officials might be interested in legislation that has something to do with industry any community programs were sponsoring environmental concerns that's a good beginning but we'll have to be more specific if we're going to Accomplish

our purpose which is to persuade them to come which activities and programs do you think we ought to mention in the body of the letter well I wrote down the uses of paper but then I crossed it out to consumer-oriented I'm also not sure about a tour of the plant oh no I think a tour of the plant is okay they can check our safety precautions I think that's valid let's put it down I skip things like industrial packaging And wood construction but what about improving your home I mean that might interest them on a

personal level that's an interesting point Janet officials are people and they live in homes but are we persuading them as public or private individuals public I guess well it doesn't mean they can't go to the exhibit after they here well I never thought of that thing go where they want but we have to appeal to them as public officials Then how about trees are our friends and the dr. Keiser lecture on wastewater management those are both on conservation the new mill equipment exhibit might interest them the rezoning changes made when we put the equipment in

okay now that we have a list let's organize it what are our categories are their categories I see three conservation oh that's trees and water and the zoning would be legislation well you know the legal department is having A reception for government officials where does that go politicking it probably does Rosalie but we won't say so we'll call it government relations yeah put that tour of the plant in there too now how can we organize the body of the letter chronologically not really Bob they'll be picking and choosing what they want to do they won't

be following a schedule well I know it can't be inductive or to parts since there's nothing emotional or Controversial so it must be deductive which means that the purpose statement comes first what's the purpose of the body to convince them they'll be interested so let's begin by telling them that and then giving them the items of interest in descending order of importance I think we should put wastewater management first especially since the speakers from the Department of the Interior our reader would be very interested in that then trees well Because that's still conservation go on

new mill equiptment that's legislation the officials would think that's important that only leaves too Janet I see you riding furiously let's hear it our open house will feature exhibits and presentations on a variety of subjects of special interest to you the subjects include presentations on wastewater management and other environmental issues and stop for a minute let's discuss what you have so Far it's a good first draft but since you have to give it to Howard today let's correct it now it could be shorter and more specific why don't we take out a variety of you

don't really need it now give your specifics dr. Leonard Kaiser of the Department of the Interior will hold a seminar on wastewater management before she talks about dr. Kaiser Sheela she mentioned that the subjects are conservation legislation and government relations that sounds to Me like something my son Ricky learned in his course about expanding on your statement of purpose make that into a statement Rose Lee these subjects include conservation legislation and government relations does that sound good to you Chad yes should I go on the visitors will be able to tour the facilities and meet

our staff you will see our new products and the latest mill equipment just one or two small things Does anyone see them shouldn't the visitors be you yes it would be more personal hmm something bothers me about the end that last sentence seems I don't know tacked on what does it need Ivy a transition something like in addition or more over alright let's talk about conclusions to go back to our frame don't forget that the conclusion as well as your introduction sets off the body of your letter tells the reader that you finished that you've

said what you Wanted to say Janet wrote her conclusion she hasn't shown it to us yet I hope you will attend the open house we look forward to meeting you and sharing information that should benefit the entire community please return the enclosed card or call five five five two three two three I couldn't have done it better myself you did just what was necessary you were cordial and polite you mentioned the community and most Important you made a call to action you told your reader clearly what you wanted him to do it follows the four

C's plus that we learned a few lessons ago it's clear concise correct complete and appropriate and style yes and it adds to other C's that are very important it's courteous and convincing Janet we may have helped you with the body but you can take full credit for the conclusion you saw in this lesson how a first draft always Needs work Sheila and the class changed many things in the body of Janet's letter you won't have them to help you so you'll have to get into the habit of doing it yourself I want to talk about

a way of accomplishing the four C's plus style it has to do with active versus passive sentences and it will make a big difference in the effectiveness of your writing does anyone know about active and passive okay then I'll explain the Difference between an active sentence and a passive one is the same as the difference between an active and a passive person one does things the other has things done to him or her in writing active sentences are always preferable they save the reader time and they make the writing more interesting more active and more

alive look at these examples the baby was hit by the bully the bully hit the baby in the second sentence I can almost feel the slap yes because It's active how about a piece of candy is wanted by me I want a piece of candy big difference the first doesn't even seem real no it doesn't when people want candy they say so quickly and actively don't they Janice active sentences tell the reader exactly who is performing the action the subject is always clear in passive sentences you can't always tell who the doer of the action

is it can be confusing and it can also be dull here's A business example mr. Jenkins will speak at the luncheon simple direct clear and active what's the subject looks like mr. Jenkins to me and the verb will speak I'm getting good at this yes you are but now tell me what's the subject of this sentence the speech at the luncheon will be made by mr. Jenkins I shouldn't have bragged this one is confusing I think it's speech but I wouldn't want to bet on it too bad you would have won Speech is the subject

but you see it's hard to tell in a passive sentence well the speech isn't doing anything mr. Jenkins is yes that's exactly what's annoying about passive sentences the subject which in this case happens to be speech cannot perform the action a speech has never been known to give itself by the way can anyone pick out the verb it must be will be made good the reason I'm stressing active sentences is that Many people think it sounds intellectual to use the passive construction I don't know where they got that idea but it couldn't be farther from

the truth the active sentence engages your reader and moves the action along it's effective yes it certainly is and that's what we want our writing to be effective let me give you some other examples so you'll know what to look for when you edit your own work Twin River delivers its paper orders on time passive or Active now you're all getting good at it how can you tell so quickly well the subject is twin River and Twin River is performing the action which is delivers now look at this version of the same thought paper orders

are delivered on time by twin river passes the subject is orders and orders can deliver themselves who did deliver them between Red River that's why Twin River was a subject of the active sentence would you have known twin River was the subject even if we Hadn't seen the active sentence well sure for two reasons first twin river was the only thing in the sentence I could have delivered the paper and second it was at the end right that's where the doer usually is in a passive sentence at the end but now I want you to

look at a sentence that's a little different the agency was given 30 days to comply with the pollution standards what's the subject agency agency is right and the verb was given And who performed the action in the sentence I don't know it can't be standards but that's what's at the end does anyone know not really because we haven't been told who performed the action now listen very carefully there are times when the passive sentence can be used when you don't know the doer of the action or when the result of the action is more important

than who did it look at this sentence our car is being Repaired again it's alright for this sentence to be passive anyone see why it seems to me that the speaker or writer is upset because the car is out of commission again that's the main point of the sentence it doesn't really matter who's repairing it right what we're going to look at now is editing out things in your writing that aren't necessary jargon redundant phrases sentences that don't relate to your main idea or purpose in writing when you Learn how to do that you'll end

up with a piece of writing that measures up to the four C's plus so they will know what redundant means I think it means too much unnecessary that's right Bob and when it's applied to writing it usually means wording which one of our four C's does that violate concise and since we want to be concise because it's more effective we don't want to clutter our writing with unnecessary words so we look for them when we edit and we cut Them out here's a letter Janet brought for us to edit oh it's a first draft it's

very rough and well I didn't even have a chance to look at it before I came to class we don't apologize Janet all writers aren't happy with their first drafts besides we're glad for the example dear Mel I want to thank you for your contribution to the open house in the last analysis the lumber you supplied saved us considerable expense but first and foremost I am grateful for The booths your group assembled so let me again repeat how I appreciate all your difficult efforts that isn't it all bad for a first draft I wouldn't change

anything look again les it is a good letter but there are words that could come out can anyone spot them well the first sentence sounds fine it does but look at the next one I'm not sure what in the last analysis means are you Janet not really I just thought it sounded important Pay attention to what Janet just said everybody that's the trap it sounded important it's not important unless it means something so let's take it out I'm not sure but I'm gonna take a chance I think first and foremost could be replaced by something

that means more yes it could what would you suggest why not just say first instead of first and foremost it's shorter and it's not redundant how does that sound to you Janet better but now That I hear it I realize I didn't mean first I'd like to change that too I'm even more grateful I'm beginning to see things I didn't notice before like I don't need again in the next sentence again repeat is redundant I don't think you need difficult either effort is enough difficult effort is too much read the letter now Janet I want

to thank you for your contribution to the open house the lumber you supplied saved us considerable expense but I am even more Grateful for the booths your group assembled so let me repeat how much I appreciate your efforts I think Howard will be very pleased to sign that letter here's another letter to edit dear mister Shem Lee we are at the present time considering the application which you filled out for a zoning permit to build homes on the land in close proximity to the industrial park in a majority of instances we would approve such a

request without a hearing but in View of the fact that you are a new developer in this state such a hearing is required sincerely James Hartley that's worse than mine a lot of words can come out such as well at the present time he could have said now does he even need now isn't it apparent actually it is the application which you filled out could be simplified to your application in close proximity sounds like gobbly to me couldn't it be near I feel the same way about in a Majority of instances he could have said

we usually there's one more in view of the fact that that's a lot of words couldn't you just said but since you did a great job don't you think the letter is much better this way it's shorter simpler more concise and easier to understand we are considering your application for a zoning permit to build homes on the land near the industrial park we would usually approve such a request without a hearing but since you Are a new developer in this state such a hearing is required much shorter we could even eliminate the last such we

never be able to write a first draft that doesn't need that much editing no matter how often or how well you write you'll always have to edit so far we've concentrated on words that aren't necessary and phrases that can be shortened or completely discarded from sentences now we're going to look at whole sentences that don't belong goes Back to what we learned when we studied the paragraph oh I remember all the sentences in a paragraph must support the main idea the one that's given in the introductory sentence so when we added a paragraph we better

remember our main idea right then as we read each sentence we can eliminate the ones that don't apply let's try that on this suppose I wrote you a letter and it had this paragraph in it my Aunt Alice came to dinner and I burned the roast the Radio was playing I was humiliated what would you say uh what did the radio have to do with it without have to answer nothing so why is it there because I didn't edit my writing I didn't ask myself do all these sentences relate to the main idea now keep

that in mind and look at this dear mr. Graham we are sorry you received a damaged order your order came off a paper machine that was due for maintenance under the supervision of our Shop foreman the crew has been together for years and it is always on the alert for marks that can spoil our product we will send you a replacement this afternoon sincerely Don Franklin what's the main idea here that the writer is sorry mr. Graham got a damaged order the next sentence doesn't belong in that letter mr. Graham might be even more annoyed

if he knew about machines needing maintenance that's true no thought of That even if it didn't annoy him it certainly isn't of any concern to him what about the third sentence it's even worse than the one before the history of the crew has nothing to do with the main idea the letter should simply read we are sorry you received a damaged order we will send you a replacement this afternoon and that letter was easy to do Sheila because it was very extreme but sometimes it's not so easy to tell what should stay in and what

should go you're Right les and once you do make a decision you'll find that everything isn't as easy to correct as that last letter was I'm gonna give you some overall guidelines for checking your writing when you sit down to edit what are you doing finding mistakes that's what editing is about finding mistakes and there's a proper way to go about looking for them when you sit down with your writing go over it three times once for content Once for organization and once for mechanics check double check triple check let's talk about content first after

you've checked that the content fulfills the readers needs attitudes and knowledge and your purpose go over your organization make sure it's appropriate to your reader and purpose what are the four types of organization that we've learned deductive purpose statement first then supporting sentences in descending order Of importance inductive purpose statement last chronological in order of time to part where you give the pros and cons of an issue very good always know what kind of organization you've used make sure it's appropriate to the subject and the reader and that it's in logical order now let's talk

about our third check mechanics those are the basics and they really matter because no matter how good your content and organization are your reader will think You're uneducated if your mechanics are sloppy what exactly do you mean by mechanics Sheila well many of the things we've discussed in class anybody want to take a stab at it seeing that your subject and verb agree yes transitions keeping words specific precise and simple eliminating redundancies using active sentences where we can yes there's one more thing and it's about the way you put your writing on paper It's very

important not to clutter up the page when you do you confuse your reader always leave some white space it guides your readers eye to the important points the series has taught you all a new skill one that will help you in everything you do remember the catchphrases the four C's plus a four appropriate and style the pie for the three different purposes be simple specific and precise whenever you choose a word leave the jog and gobbly go to Others consider your reader before you write the first word and organize your paragraphs so that they fit

your subject make sure your subjects and verbs agree then after you've done all that edit keeping your check points in mind content organization and mechanics [Music] [Music]