as a kid my relationship with the horror movie genre was like my relationship with my father I'll leave it at that the point is if it had to do with horror I was afraid of it I hated it I hated watching it I wanted nothing to do with it but there was one movie that was different one movie that I couldn't even finish cuz of how scared I used to get but at the same time I would always come back and watch one movie that gave me that same creepy feeling that Coraline gave and that
movie was Monster housee when I tell yall this movie used to have me sobbing hiding sobbing I'm not lying so today ladies and gentlemen we'll be going over monster house and if Coraline's the scariest kids movie This is the creepiest kids bo so y'all know the drill grab your popcorn get your stuffed animal and try not to ah I bet you thought I was going to jump SC the movie opens with a orange leaf floating after falling off a tree so you know what that means yeah this movie is taking place in the spookiest season
of all the ball which for the record is at least top two out of all four seasons and it ain't two don't ask we see this gap tooth little girl riding her tricycle down the Suburban neighborhood singing when she gets stuck on a patch of grass which would normally be no big deal but she ain't get stuck just on any patch of grass she got stuck in front of this creepy old abandoned looking house type of house you see crackheads living out of and what comes out that house may resemble a crackhead but it's in
fact worse an angry old white man this is Mr NE cracker a grouchy creepy old man who owns the house and he used to ter terrify me as a kid I don't know if it was a teeth I think it was a teeth but the side of this man was enough to make me start having those nightmares he starts yelling at the little girl to get off my lawn and he asks her if she wants to be eaten alive little girl says Nah and runs away as the old man is walking back inside we see
the POV of someone watching him through a telescope and it's our main character DJ who spying on the old man and apparently has been for a while you know I get it the video games weren't as cool back then but bro just read a buck or something what are you doing his parents were about to leave on a trip call him downstairs and he starts telling him how there's something strange happening with that house across the street and that old man NE cracker keeps stealing kids tricycles his mom pretty much tells him to go touch
some grass and stop spying on old people that's what I'm saying and after his parents leave we meet DJ's best friend chowder he's named after food cuz he's fat by the way standard practice DJ and him start discussing Halloween and how DJ's too old for it now too old n I'm going be trick-or-treating at least until I get my pension I don't know what DJ's talking about and while trying to cheer up DJ with his super tight handles hey okay okay let Chow James chowder accidentally shoots the basketball off his face into never crackers La
well I guess he got a new ball let's go chowder chowder starts begging de to go get his ball back for him and after some convincing DJ decides to go but as he's running to get the ball old man never cracker comes out the shadows and spots never cracker starts attacking DJ and in his Panic DJ accidentally messes up never Cracker's lawn uh-oh never cracker starts flipping out he picks up DJ and just starts yelling want to be a dead person why can't you just stay away from never cracker out of nowhere just collapses and
he doesn't get up they even called in an ambulance DJ and chowder were in shock they actually just witnessed someone's HP go to zero IRL the house wasn't too happy about it either DJ was going through it he feels like it was his fault he feels like he just murdered an old man and chowder being a supportive friend of he is tells DJ hey you're not a murderer it's called manslaughter get it right T runs home and at the same time DJ's babysitter Elizabeth AKA Z get there DJ tries to fill her and on what
just happened but she ignores him and tell him to go upstairs and starts playing some heavy effort rock man we see upstairs DJ's officially retiring his old man spying gear since my boy just caught a body and old man never cracker is no longer with us at least that's what it seemed like At first cuz that very same night DJ falls asleep randomly and after having a nightmare of a huge chubby hand crushing him he gets awoken by a phone call he picks up the phone and hears nothing on the other side so he hangs
up but the phone rings again same person calling he picks it up again and still no response from the other side at this point he knew someone had to be pranking him so he calls the number back and in one of the creepiest scenes I've ever seen when DJ J calls the number back he hears [Music] [Music] ringing coming from the empty house across the street do you know how terrifying that is the man you just hit with the Mr mosy treatment his empty house is calling you like who is out here giving out my
number this is why you should never ever prank call anywhere except Chinese SPS that is hilarious as DJ is realizing what's going on out of the Shadows come A Pair of Hands to just grab him but it's just some guy in Childer's mask oh my put the mask back on please this dude's name is Bones he's he he's Z's boyfriend come on Z listen I'm not one to judge off appearance but some people you just got to judge them to any of my female viewers if you see a guy like this just run run and
don't look back you don't know with someone like this he could have a drug problem be a vamp ire or work at Spencer it's too much of a risk to take Z tells DJ to not snitch or she'll snitch that he's up past his bedtime but DJ tells Z he's only up cuz he's been receiving phone calls from NE Cracker's house which may sound normal on second thought not really why would an old man be calling a 12-year-old at 11 p.m. until you take into account the fact that NE cracker is dead Z and bones
make it seem like they really believe him a phone call from beyond the grave but they really don't jeez bro and since no one's believing him about the phone calls DJ calls up chowder he asks him if his parents are home chowder says no his dad's at the pharmacy and his mom's at the movie theater with her personal trainer what the movies with your personal trainer she's cheating on him they agreed to meet up at this place they call the danger zone and at the same time we see downstairs after bones tells z a story
about never cracker taking his kite when he was little and possibly eating his wife bones gets thrown out for trying to pull some weird stuff with z and after instead of going home he decides to top Mr NE cracker now that he's dead throwing bottles stepping on his lawn tearing up his lawn he was fine finally getting back for his kite but in a turn of events when he looks up he sees his kite but for some reason it's floating it's glowing and I don't know if ka's supposed to do that the dude pulls a
classic horror movie Trope of something super ominous and creepy I better go investigate and this was the worst mistake he could have made when he approaches the house to get his kite back the house eats him like ate him he's gone and that means DJ's suspicions were right which makes things even scared cuz after meeting up at the danger zone which is just a construction site DJ brings chowder back to that very same house to prove to him that it's haunted chowder doesn't believe him at all cuz the house is not moving and he's like
this is why nobody will sit next to us at lunch n these dudes are really the Greg and Raleigh before Greg and Raleigh and in the worst decision ever Chow decides to prove the house is not haunted by going to dingdong ditch It DJ tries to stop him but it was too late Chow was already going prone and he was so confident the house wasn't haunted then when he gets to the door he starts taunting never Cracker's death damn chowder you cold but the second he rings that doorbell and hears that stranger thing season 4
sound effect he knew this house wasn't regular toder starts to run as The house's rug tongue tries to grab him what the it fails to do so and it lets out a huge Screech I'm sorry you're telling me not a single neighbor heard the three bed two bath house scream in the middle of the night in a Suburban neighborhood cap this is more than likely a white neighborhood so the cops would have been called a immediately hey hi yeah they're playing their hip-hop again they run inside and stay there until the sun comes up the
next day which is probably the best thing they could have done and that's where we meet the biggest paper Chaser cheese getter guala maker Jenny who's trying to sell candy to houses so they won't get tpd on Halloween I respect the hustle the boys meet her after watching her through a telescope all right come on y'all and they see her approaching the same house that just try to attack them last night so they rush outside and tell her to not get any closer to that house she doesn't know what the freak they're talking about so
she asks if they're mentally challenged damn Jenny you cold and since she was distracted the house took this opportunity and attacks her lifting her in the air in broad daylight by the way still not a single person seeing this no one walking their dog going on an afternoon run nothing the boy save her from getting eaten and thankfully Z comes out at the perfect time and the house stops attacking Z goes home so zero chance of getting help from her and the boys and Jenny regroup upstairs but before they can come up with a plan
to stop the house DJ and chowder as especially chowder we're trying to put the moves on Jenny did you even brush your teeth back up peepy La Pew Jenny obviously uncomfortable leaves the room real quick and the boys start fighting after Jenny finds a two ler full of piss on their desk come on y' Jenny comes back and tells the boys although they're clearly mentally challenged she's willing to stay and help them figure out what's going on for real stop this house bro please it just ate the dog bro the dog so they do the
first thing one would think to do they burn the house down n just kidding they call the cops the cops show up and it goes as great as you think it would go they don't believe it DJ even tries to show them how dangerous It Is by getting on the lawn but this house is a smart one it doesn't even move a current it was locked in the cops still don't believe them of course and they tell them if they see them get near old man never Cracker's house again they're getting put in The Slammer
their first option was now out the window but luckily they had a backup plan an expert a professional who could really help them out they meet up with this guy named scull who's really just a thiro who plays video games all day I'm I'm sorry I'm sorry I hyped it up but he really does help them he tells them that from what he's understood from years of playing video games is that this house is most likely possessed by never cracker and the only way to defeat it is to destroy its heart I mean that's easy
just tell the house to dat a 55 curly headed Lia after finding out the House's heart is actually its furnace Jenny and the boys come up with a plan to defeat it using drugs from Childish dad's Pharmacy and putting them in a dummy they made out of a vacuum they plan on using it as a sort of troan horse letting the house believe it's a kid causing it to Eden and once it does the drugs will make the house go to sleep allowing them to go in and take out the furnace great plan they out
of work I thought that too but once their plan was in motion and the dummy was getting closer and closer to the house they were interrupted by no other than the dang cops they find the kids once again near the house after they told him to stay the heck away earlier and not only that but they also found him in possession of stolen drugs white black or purple this is not a good look they told them enough is enough and put them in the back of the cop car and the kids were still trying to
convince the cop cops at the house is a monster please please believe us and they still didn't believe them until they hear something coming from the house you know they assume it's a raccoon or something and they do what cops do and go investigate and the kids already knew what was about to happen the house starts attacking the cops grabbing the rookie with his trees and the other with his rug tongue and then it eats them this scene scared me even more than the one of the house eating bones cuz if it could eat two
sticked up cops what was I going to do the house then goes full monster mode and starts trying to eat the cop car the kids are inside of not a neighbor no one coming home from work no no one going to see this luckily the kids hop out the car last second before it gets freaking devoured but unluckily they get trapped inside the house and this monster house is even scarier on the inside damn never crackers didn't even try dusting or changing some of the wallpapers jeez the game decides since they're inside they might as
well look for the hard like they plant the only thing is the house is not asleep like they plan they quietly sneak around the house and find out a few things firstly they find out never crack used to to serve in the military kind of makes sense appreciate your service my boy we also find out never cracker did in fact have a wife what happened to her we don't know yet and after some more snooping around and almost getting caught cuz chowder mistake the uvula for the heart come on chowder they eventually find themselves in
the dark and creepy basement of the house where instead of finding the furnace they find themselves surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of toys never cracker has stolen throughout the years I don't sit right with me but the creepiest thing they find down there is a cage and not a dog cage cage a humanized cage the kids are obviously super hesitant to approach it I mean it's a humanized cage in the creepy man's basement you don't want to open that but eventually they do unlock it and what they find traumatized me and I assume everybody
else who watches movie when they were little they find the body of never Cracker's wife covered in cement constant yeah the kids are obviously shocked to see the body down there cuz not only is it traumatizing but it also proves never cracker didn't actually eat his wife something else happened to her and while trying to piece together what could have happened DJ trips shattering the cement show around constants and revealing her skeleton underneath how did they green like this for a kid's movie messing with the body leads the house to realize the kids are still
in there so it starts looking for them and after some hiding and almost being eaten cuz of chowder again chowder come on the kids get vomited out the house thanks to Jenny pulling on the UA pH they somehow made it out but things were not good chowder and DJ start arguing and chowder says he's done trying to take down this house Jenny interrupts and tells them they're both acting like babies and DJ says we are babies and then he starts to leave all right y'all there's a killer house on the loose this is not the
time to be doing this not the time but before DJ can cross the street to get back to his house he nearly gets hit by a car and not just any car but an ambulance and a person that comes out that ambulance is someone no one expected get off my Lord old man never cracker back from the dead the kids were so shocked to see him they thought they were seeing a ghost but no NE cracker is actually back and that's when we figure it out never cracker wasn't the one possessing the house his deceased
wife constant was he never killed her he loved her we learned they met back in the day when never cracker was still in the military he met her at a circus freak Show and she wasn't in the crowd she was actually the freak being made fun of cuz she was fat okay I get the fact that she was putting up TLC numbers but come on bro that's messed up but it didn't matter cuz never cracker was in love so in love that he eventually helped her escape the freak Show and bought some land so they
could build a house together it was sweet so sweet but sadly they did not get a happy ending on one faithful Halloween afternoon while they were building the house some kids came by and started egging the place I'm talking about Yol everywhere it was terrible and Conant after all those years of being made fun of and getting Tomatoes thrown at her she was not about to let this stuff continue especially not at her house so she starts raging out and before things can get any worse never cracker STS in and tells her to calm down
they're just kid kids and as long as he's in her life she'll never get herur but the kids persisted and constant did too in her rage she accidentally stumbled and fall into the foundation of the house pulling the cement pourer on the way down effectively trapping herself so never cracker finished the house and ever since then constant attacks people who come near the house especially kids DJ realized that never cracker yelling get off my lawn all those years was in an effort to protect them and so he offers to help him let her go Conant
did not rock with this at all she goes monster monster mode and she starts chasing neor cracker into kiss throughout the neighborhood so trying to be the squeezers out the window now huh they run blocks all the way back to the danger zone that's where never cracker stops running and tries to convince constant to let him make things right let him blow her up but of course she's not rocking with this and this almost leads to never cracker getting eaten by his wife a chowder comes in with the excavator and holds her off never cracker
passes off the stick of dynamite to DJ since he's out of commission and DJ tells child to lead the house under the huge crane child starts dragging the house down a huge ditch on the way to the crane and it causes the entire house to break apart yes they did it they did it or so they thought the house comes back as this huge wood monster pause and chowder is unable to hold her off any longer so he just starts running at the same time DJ just climbed the crane and after a motivational peck on
the lips from Jenny my bad DJ mentally challenge rizzler he musters up the courage to crawl on the crane and with an assist from Jenny he swings down and drops a dynamite in the chimney of the house effectively saving chowder and stopping the house yes they did it they did it but while the smoke is clearing they hear something they look over and see Mr NE cracker and the Ghost of Conant dancing together before she Fades away a truly sad moment very sad so does she go to heaven or NE cracker gives the kids a
big thank you for freeing him and his wife and the movie ends with the kids and nevera giving some of the toys back the boys saying bye to Jenny and DJ realizes he's not too too old for Halloween that's what I'm saying but hold up hold up some of y'all may be wondering what happened to everyone that got eaten well I didn't notice until recently which is probably why I thought this movie was even scarier but they all made it out the dog the cops and even bones yeah as you guys can see though this
movie this movie was traumatizing and it's the reason I'm scared of the suburbs to this day comment down below any more movies you want me to go over or you could even DM me some on Instagram yep I made an Instagram go follow that and moral of the story what the where am [Music] I oh my break now we need a break try to run away try to get away soone could be
