My name is Jacqueline Montanez, aka Loca D. I was convicted of a double murder in 1992, sentenced to life in prison as a juvenile. I served 31 years in prison at a maximum women's prison in Illinois.
This is how crime works. You got domestic violence in there. You got girlfriends beating on girlfriends, stabbing them.
I was like, "Oh, I'm going to die here. I'm going to die. My mouth alone is going to get me killed.
" A women's max security prison is all women. Everybody's serving over 20 some years for crimes, really hard crimes, murders, drug trafficking, sexual trafficking, all sorts of stuff like that. 10 to 15% of women in prison are in truly a maximum security for serious cases.
My stepfather was very abusive. Um he was training me to be a female hit woman. Everything that he taught me and trained me to do, I used it against him.
I ended up killing two of his gang members. When they gave me life in prison, they took me straight to Dwight Correctional Facility in Illinois. I was 17 years old, the youngest in prison.
I remember my first day in prison, I knew nothing to expect from this place. Here I am a gang leader. I sentenced to life in prison.
I just killed two people and I should be tough. Instead, the girl in me came out. The little kid came out and I was scared to death.
I was like, "These people out here going to kill me. " Went to see the doctors and everybody kept looking at me. But before I was being released to go on grounds, a few of the lifers, there was three of them, and they brought me a big old bag of clothes and TVs.
And I was like, "Oh, no, these people trying to make me their girl. " But they explained to me who they were and they told me that they were lifers and and they gave me a knife. And they told me, "Prepare yourself.
You're going to see a lot of things and they're going to try they're going to try to try you. So, you have to stand your ground. " And I'm like, "Okay.
Okay. " And I remember um going to the yard and I got surrounded by a whole bunch of Latin Kings. And I was like, "Oh, "Okay, here we go.
" There was one particular old lady there and she was sitting in front of me. She was cussing me out. My reaction was to react, but one thing I knew my mother always taught me respect your elders.
And second, she stated that she was the auntie of one of the men that I had killed. So, I had I just got I just lowered my head in respect. You know what I'm saying?
Out of respect. And as y'all she kept saying was you killed my nephew. "You're going to die here.
" And then there was a lady next to her who wasn't older and she called herself and I was like, "Oh, yeah, we going to get it. " She was actually a Latin King. Latin Kings and Latin Queens are the number one rivals of the Maniac Latin Disciples.
And she had killed a Maniac before. So, that's what she was there for. At that moment, that day, I said, "Okay, Loca D, you have to come out and you have to take over.
It's no more Jacqueline, it's no more Jackie. Loca D had to be the one that's in prison. " So, I did that.
I let Loca D come out and I became the most fearful person in Dwight. Loca D is my gang name. It's In English, it's crazy disciple.
That's what it stands for. I had a reputation to uphold. I was a chief of the Maniacs.
I threw up my gang signs and she They started throwing up their gang signs. But, when I threw up my gang signs, a lot of G a lot of the GDs and the Maniacs and all the folks came. And then the officers came like, "Break it up.
" And they walked me out of the the circle. All of a sudden, I see a splash of blood come on me. I'm like, "What the Did I just get stabbed or something?
" And I looked and it was a couple in the side slicing each other's face. I was like, "Oh, I'm going to die here. " I did not want to go through what I went through the first day.
I had to show that I was not fearful and I had to show that I was not to be messed with. I did end up stabbing somebody. I did.
Just And the girl didn't even do nothing to me. When I first moved into the dorm, people were raping somebody in the closet and I had walked by. And I'm seeing her getting beat.
And I was like, "Okay, this is the time I have to prove myself. Cuz if not, it's going to be me in that closet. So, I went in my room, put my bags down, pulled out my shank, went down the hallway, and walked into that closet.
And I snapped. I got to swinging. Let go of that damn girl.
What the hell is wrong with y'all? Woo! And I just got to snapping.
So, I'm end up fighting these people. And that made a name for me. That really did make a name for me.
I end up going to Kankakee for 6 months. And that everybody got to knowing who Lokedi was. Everybody knew who Lokedi was.
So, I wasn't to be messed with. There was times where I was tough and cute and everything during the day, and then as soon as the night came, I was crying like a baby. And I was crying for my mom, and I was asking God, "Please send me home.
And I'm sorry. " I wanted to I really believed that they would just want to hear me say sorry, and they would let me go home. I've done nothing but max.
I've been in maximum um women's prison. They sent me all the way to Florida. So, I went to a low correctional facility.
I went to Homestead. Um it was a dorm. I slept with 87 women in a dorm situation.
In Illinois, it's two-man cells. So, it wasn't as as much as it is in Florida. In Dwight, we have fences.
It was a inside fence wired. They did do security like that, but not as much. Decatur was no fence at all.
They they were able to damn near walk their visitor to the car. But, it's ironic because you had more escape attempts in Dwight than you did Decatur. We had a inmate sent to the authority and came from Decatur to work at Dwight cuz she's worked inside grounds.
Literally escaped from Dwight Correctional Facility. Was gone. We was on lockdown.
Um it was so And I couldn't believe this lady had escaped. I was like, "What the She wasn't even a lifer. She was going home in less than a month.
" She did get caught months later. Um somebody told on her. Said she was where she was at and she was arrested charged with escape.
And then we had another situation where we had a lifer. She went and dyed her clothes, dyed a hat, and made herself look like a visitor and walked out with the visitors. So, I mean, they do have attempts though.
They have they do have a quite a few escape attempts. I think it might have crossed one time when I was in the county hospital. When I was at the county hospital and they left me standing not shackled, not handcuffed, not nothing, and I was just standing right there too close to the front door.
And it passed my mind. I was like, do you know I'm right here in Chicago and I can just so easily go. And I kept thinking that like what do I do?
What do what should I do? What should I do? And I didn't do it cuz I was scared.
I was like, they're going to have me on America's Most Wanted. They're going to I'm going to be everywhere. I was like, no, no, let's just let it go.
Let it go. It's okay. But, a lot of people take the chances and they take it.
Officers did bring in stuff we sold for them. They would bring us drugs and or really that country, man, they sold more pills down there. The psychotropic meds or seizure meds in Illinois.
But, when I was in Florida prison, that's where the real drugs were at. It's ridiculous. The officers were bringing in super drugs.
They were bringing coke, cane, heroin. They were bringing anything. You were selling drugs down there for the officers.
Um the officers were bringing cigarettes, they were bringing K2. They were bring That was prison. Dwight and Logan was nothing compared to Low Correction Facility Main Unit.
Florida prison, we can have somebody drop it off in the parking lot and then one of the workers would go pick it up and bring it in. So, it was a lot easier. They do give us state pay, but state pay is like $15 a month.
Nothing. $15 won't get you na- nothing. Um when it comes out to your personals and food.
They got out of family. My family still buy me None of my gang members did. I never received not a dollar from either one of them.
But my mother did. So I was blessed to as far as commissary is concerned. But for those of who don't have people sending them money, people is robbing people's boxes.
You'll go to school and come back and your lock box is popped and you lost all your food. They even robbed commissary. We was They was down there rehearsing for a show and popped the commissary door open and robbed the whole commissary.
I worked in the kitchen. Um I was a house girl where you clean in the house area. The only job that you could really make money on was industry.
They were making the men's clothes, they were making the women's clothes. You had to get approval for going in there. So a lot of people wouldn't approve.
You had to be something to work in there cuz not just anybody would could work there. The race dynamics in um the supermax prisons were the max prisons for women. We do tend to be the Hispanics and the blacks tend to stick together.
The white girls are always the vics. They're the ones with the money. They're the ones that you can scare.
You know what I'm saying? But don't get it twisted cuz I didn't get whooped by a white girl. Huh.
Huh. How about my girlfriend? It surprised the hell out of me.
So I never underestimate none of them. But they do have it to where it's the white girls are the are the lords of the institution and the Hispanics and the black ones feel like they run that [ __ ] Like if I want to get moved in the in the same dorm with my girlfriend, I can go tell another inmate and pay her. Like hey, help me get moved to this dorm.
Next thing you know, they was calling me. My [ __ ] is backed up. You're moving move move move.
I was like, for real? I only had to pay her $50. Like you got these women we run that [ __ ] >> Is there violence in women's prisons and why?
>> There is a violence in women's prison. Violence is there. No matter what they say, oh prisons maximum prisons in Illinois don't have Yes, the hell we do.
They just don't report them. This was actually maximum prison for women and it was not nothing like what they show on TV. The gangs in women prison is totally different than in men's prison.
The gang banging stuff is not as tough as the guys have it. I mean, we don't gang bang as much, but they're there. They're there.
Um we had the chief of the of the GDs there. Um me, the chief of the Queens, um we had a lot of Vice Lords. We had a lot of gang members.
The women's maximum prison is more about relationships. They fight about relationships. Girl on girl, you messing with my girl, that's my woman, woo woo.
You got domestic violence in there. You got girlfriends beating on girlfriends. Cutting them up.
Slicing their face. Stabbing them. I I I cut a girl up for having sex with my girlfriend.
We'll take the mop, you know how you have the mop stick? It has the metal piece. We'll take that metal piece and we'll sharpen it up on the floor, on the cement outside, and that becomes a shank.
Um I've had a toothbrush. Shake you you you're shaving it up. And that becomes a shank.
You take the blade off the razor. You put it on the toothbrush, becomes a shank. It's it's rough when it comes to that.
I could say that I my years in Dwight Correctional Center was the hardest and it became my home. And I got to accept that I was going to die there. The those were going to be the same walls I see when I lose take my last breath.
There's a lot of violence there and it doesn't have to necessarily be gangs. The officers jumping on you, raping you. I had set my room on fire because they had a officer there that was not supposed to work there.
He used to call us B words all the time. He said, "Women are no good. All they're good for is to to have sex and suck.
" He got on there and was like, "You're not running nothing, woo woo. " I was like, "Oh, So, I tied my door down and set my room on fire. So, they had to come and I had a sock full of double D batteries.
He came in and he swung and hit me dead in my eye. And when he hit me in my eye, I let loose. I got to beating him with the sock full of batteries.
Um another officer came and grabbed my arm. Officer McCluster, he grabbed my arm and in the process of him grabbing my arm, the sock went back and broke his jaw. Um by him catching a case, they gave me 7 and 1/2 years for that extra added on to my life sentence.
The women ran the prisons in Illinois prison. We ran it. But in Florida prison, I couldn't I was fearful.
I I I didn't even want to go down there and tell them who I was. I didn't want to tell them what my gang name was because when I saw the way that them people were being treated, you end up dead, beats, and all types of stuff. It was tough down there.
I I went to low correction facility and I was in the main unit. Actually, inmate was paralyzed from officer. I've watched one inmate go up to the gate to ask officer a question and she got tasered, maced, and slammed on the head.
But we have more violence against each And that's sick. And that's really sick. The male officers are like they fall for they try to have sex with all the inmates.
They try to have sex with all the staff. They don't care. They think that when we're sentenced to prison, that we become their slaves.
That we become we have to do what they say regardless. They give us a direct order and we have to do it. They just think that they're just glorified, but [ __ ] can happen to them, too.
So it it was a mixture. I was actually in the county jail. I got married to an inmate officer.
It was a little jailhouse marriage, marriage, but she I got her name on my back. She got my name on her neck. She had me She got bought me a ring, a real ring.
And it was like we had a little ceremony in the library. So, I mean, if I had consensual cuz I was in love with this lady. So, you do have consensual relationships.
2008 was a big year for for the officers to lose their job. We had a big prostitution ring in the white. I was involved with a female officer and people were getting paid them them inmates were getting paid food from the kitchen from the from the kitchen.
Shrimps. They was They were having sex for for extra food and some people were having sex for food for money. When we made the newspaper, a lot of us was in confinement.
DOJ came through and they weren't playing. They did a full investigation and a lot of officers lost their job because they were forcing inmates to have sex with them. Even if it wasn't against the law because even if I it was a consensual relationship, it still was against the law because I'm an inmate and I have to be protected by law and you're an officer and you're supposed to protect me.
After the prostitution ring happened in the white, they had to start to to put video cameras up because they they didn't have proof in the first day but they knew it was happening. So, they had they were not had no other choice but to put up cameras. So, now we had cameras everywhere in the institution.
We were being watched. Officers don't mess with the men prisons like prisons like they do us. It's a totally different thing.
Like they can be so aggressive with us versus the men that's going to tell their asses. They can do what they want to do. I just think that the men's prison is more dangerous.
Way more dangerous than a women's prison like we got incidents but they got problems. The men's prison, when they get caught talking to officer, you snitching and you going to get dealt with. You do not survive.
The men's will take care of the other men's will beat beat them. Now, if you get if you're being sent to IA and sent to fast and you go there a lot, you're a snitch. As time goes by, they makes hanging with the prison officer a lot, doing favors for them and and kicking with them.
They they click. They click like real people and they they are able to go in there and say, "Move her over here. " or move her up.
They're able to do that. Well, And uh prison, you have the girlfriend on girlfriend. It is against the rules though.
You're not supposed to be in a relationship. I mean when it comes down to having sex, make put a curtain over your bed, lock the door, have a lookout. You're not supposed to do it in prison, but we do.
If you got caught, you're going to confinement. Confinement is the same thing as solitary. You're going down for a sexual.
A sexual carries First sexual carry 15 days in confinement. Um a month C grade, which is C grade. You can't use a phone.
You got no commissary. But you could only shop full access is when you're A grade. So well definitely if we get caught doing anything with a in a relationship wise, you're going to combine and you're getting C grade.
Everybody who came through F C used to be like, "Jackie want to dance. " Jackie want to dance She the finest Puerto Rican down there. Cuz I was the youngest and I was the finest.
I was fresh meat. Everybody wanted to have sex Jackie want to dance. And I was the type until I learned till the nurse pulled me to the side and told me, "You're going to catch AIDS.
" That stopped me. That was it. It was over for me.
I was like, "Oh, my whole days are over. I'm going to retire. I'm in retirement.
" So it was it was hard. It was hard because like I said, you have your relationships I had a wife on every door. You you're sharing partners a lot.
So that's why I thank God that I never caught nothing because I could have. You go through heartbreak. You really go through heartbreak.
Um I used to think that my relationships were my sentence for committing a crime. Having life in prison was not a bother for me. I was okay with having life in prison.
I I was fine. Prison is not a a issue. This that's a world inside of another world.
You still have sex. You still look good. You still wear clothes.
You still wear shoes. So it was nothing that I was missing out here in free world. I think my sentence was falling in love so many times and be left in prison.
Or being cheated on. Or being told you're never going home. So I don't want [ __ ] What I want you for?
It's family oriented in there. Like they we try to find our family since we don't have our family with us. I had a prison mom, I had a prison dad, I had prison kids, aunties, uncles.
The the boy girl was being a father or uncle or brother. A lot of us were lifers. Me personally, I had my mother love her to death, but she's the one that taught me how to be a woman.
Like I said, I went I got incarcerated at 15. So, I didn't know how to be a woman. She taught me the way like things, what to do and what not to do.
But, I didn't have so many kids and and so many aunties and uncles and you build it there. You build it there. You build your family there, and they love you for real.
Like, they really are your family member. To tell you one of I've always wanted to be a police officer. But, I ended up being one of the bad guys.
My stepfather was very abusive. Um he was training me to be a female hit woman. His former training was rape and beatings and all this other stuff.
So, I was kind of forced to be in a gang. That's why I was in the Latin Kings. He was the um white hand man of Lord Gino.
He was training me to be a female hit woman. He wanted me to be so tough. I didn't have Barbies, I didn't have teddy bears.
I had none of that. I had knives and guns, learned how to cook drugs. Everything that he taught me and trained me to do, I used it against him.
I ended up killing two of his gang members. So, my life was supposed to be for Latin Queen. I was supposed to be the Latin Queen.
But, I ended up being a Maniac Latin Disciple. Because I didn't want to go with my stepfather. My stepfather was a rapist.
He raped me, he beat me, took me where they'd beat me and rape me as well, touch me. So, I was being taught to hate to really hate people, not to show no type of love. So, because of that I joined their oppositional gang.
Which was the Maniac Latin Disciples. My best friend was murdered. He was murdered in my car.
I believe the bullet was intended for me, cuz he was in my car. So, I retaliated. I did not kill innocent people.
I killed the people that pulled the trigger and it was involved. So that's what I tell my brothers. I wish I could switch switch places with them.
At first I wasn't remorseful. When I got a sentence I wasn't remorseful and everybody saw that. During the whole trial I did not cry and I shed one tear.
I tried to fight the judge. I spit on him, told the state attorney I was going to kill him and his family if I ever get out. Woo, I had no type of remorse.
None. When I was told that I was going to get life in prison I broke down like a child and hit the floor. My co-defendant was sentenced to death, Marilyn Melero.
They've been home free with wrongful conviction. Their conviction has been overturned. Um they have been acquitted of the charges cuz I took the weight.
I regret what I did. I do. Um I took somebody's father, brother, son away.
And that's something that I have to live with. I have nightmares. I still picture me shooting him.
I still see the blood. This is something I did. So I'm sorry that people don't want me home.
I'm sorry that there's a lot of people feel that I should still be a prisoner. At first I did too. But now with the achievements that I'm making and and and the growth that I'm showing I feel like I deserve a second chance.
Um I can't bring them boys back. I can't. But I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
I've been free for 4 years now. 4 years I've been free. And I'm telling you I still feel it today.
I've actually spoken to a cousin and a nephew. Um I've give I was given a chance to apologize to them. Um the rest of the family does not want to have anything to do with me.
Um and that's understandable. The pregnant women they get a different color shirt like they'll give a pink top to show that they're they're pregnant. They do get the bottom bunk.
Extra meals. They get They're get fine if you ask me. They still get messed with, but it's just to let people know yeah that that person is pregnant.
And the only time you get pregnant in prison is if you come in prison pregnant, so you're the relation with officer or you were raped by an officer. That's the only way you're getting pregnant. They'll get to get to the doctors and they'll get to have their little things, but they're they're more they're more taken care of than the regular inmates.
I mean, some people some girls accidentally give birth in prison. Like sometimes your water bag break, you never know when it breaks. So, some girl had a baby in the toilet, you know what I'm saying?
So, it happens. But usually usually, they're supposed to take you out in the ambulance. They'll take you out and take you to the hospital and you give birth to your baby.
You stay there for like 2 days with the baby and then you have somebody come pick up the baby. If there's nobody there to pick them up, DCFS will take over. My personal experience was I was never able to even look at mines.
So, I didn't experience nothing like that. I was in confinement the whole time. Actually in the mental health unit.
They put me in the mental health unit um where nobody could see me, but mine was really hush-hush because I didn't want to do what they wanted me to do. They wanted me to have abortion. You got some inmates too who agreed of well, if you trust me, I'll have an abortion.
A lot of them agreed with that. I wasn't I wasn't one of them. They wanted to give me psych meds.
They wanted to do everything and when I would visit, they wouldn't allow my mom to take a picture. I was just in a cell 23 and 1 and gave birth to and didn't even see him. Didn't even know who he was.
And it's crazy cuz that's one part that I of my incarceration that I said I would never talk about, but my son said it was okay for me to talk about. He is in my life now. My son is home.
Um he knew he knew of me, he said when he turned 11, 12, so he looked for me. And he found me when I came home. The white had the most beautiful church you could ever see.
Then they got the school building which is Jay Adam Hall. We got nail tech, we got the hair salon, get your hair permed, you get your hair straightened, you your nails done, get your toes done. I mean, so it's the same thing.
Same thing that goes on out here. You get that inside. It annoys you buy perfume in that bottle in the commissary.
Color pencils, I used to do makeup with my my watercolor pencils. You buy the the hair products if you want a perm or whatever, you have to pay for that. And the nail tech is no, they they use you as a student.
They use you as a model. But your hair, you do have to pay. It's all inmate base.
Um they go to school and they get certified or people come to It's come to prison already certified. I went to the school. I went to the college.
Um I did get my GED after my mother passed away. I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't even allowed back in the school.
I had jumped on the teacher. >> What did you do to that teacher initially, if you don't mind? >> Oh Lord.
Um Miss Reed was very aggressive when it came to the inmates. Oh, you're stupid. Oh, you don't know this right.
Ooh. And I was just called somebody stupid. And I ended up getting a chair and hitting her across the back.
And damn, I broke the lady's back. So, I was banned from school for the rest of my sentence. 16 years later, my mother passed away.
And I went back and I said, I I wanted to so bad prove to my mom that I can do this. I begged my teacher. I begged her.
I said, "Miss Reed, can you please let me come back and get my G? " She said, "No. " She said, "I cannot do that.
They don't want you at the school. You did what you did to me. I was like, "Please, Miss Reed.
My momma dead. I got to show her I can get it. " And I remember her saying, "If you graduate, I'm going to be the one to give you your certificate.
" Now, mind you, I hadn't been to school in 16 years. And I was so determined because this is what I wanted for my mom. So, I ended up getting my GED.
I went to restaurant management, dog grooming, dog training, to computer tech. So, it is a lot of vocational, but that was in Dwight. When they shut Dwight down, they went to Logan.
The lifers couldn't go to school like that. The lifers were not allowed to go to school. It was only for people who had an outdate.
And that was the messed up thing about it cuz I used to tell myself, "I'm going to go to court and I'm going to get an outdate. So, you're not going to let me finish the rest of my management because I'm a lifer. " But, lifers get out, too.
That blesses I mean, laws change every day. And I wasn't allowed to finish my rest of my management. This should be rehabilitation, but it's not.
And I always make I always considered Dwight my home. When we was going When we was getting locked down and being transferred to um Lincoln, I cried like a baby. I cried so hard.
I felt like I was being kicked out of my home. And it was a hard pill to swallow. And when you see all on order, you're watching other prison movies, please don't expect to think that it's for real.
No, it's not. I mean, I hate that that prison I wish prison some of the prisons were like that because I do have a niece and who's also on probation right now cuz she got caught with a gun. I wish she was fearful of prison, but of course she's not because she's been in prison to see me.
So, she's seen the hair getting done and the nails. And so, she's seen this. What had changed my life is when my mom passed away.
I knew that I had messed up and forgot to make it right before my mom died. I wanted to change up. I wanted to I wanted to be a real okay day.
I did. I wanted to become Jacqueline. Graduate from college and I did all that.
I did all that before my mom. I decided to get up to game life because it wasn't in me no more. I never thought that I would live to see past 16.
I didn't. I had my funeral arrangements ready for age 16. But here I am, about to be 50 years old.
I can't be a gang member or glorify with the what I did in my life. Glorify my murders when I'm trying to help people not make the same mistake. And then Northwestern came into my life.
Northwestern law center our law school it was Bluhm Legal Clinic. It was 2013 when the when he started was trying to get me back in court. The law changed.
People Miller versus Alabama. And was able to change the law saying that juveniles could no longer be sentenced to life in prison as a juvenile. They made it retroactive.
So, because of that it gave me a chance to be resentenced. Those were the ones who called me and told me like, "Bro, there's a new case out. " There's a new case in in the computer home.
I was like, "Get me home. This is my home. What are you talking about?
" I kept arguing with them arguing with them every time they told me that. I would tell them, "I'm not going anywhere. This is my home.
" Stop doing it. I went back to county jail on March 3rd, 2015 to be resentenced. And the victim's family got on the stand and said, "Why should he be resentenced?
" And why should he be sentenced to life in prison again and woo woo. And I stood there and watched them. And and the pain they felt I felt.
When it was my turn to speak before I got sentenced, the victim's family all got up and left. So, they weren't even there to listen to my statement. And that kind of blew me.
I cried like a baby. I apologized for what I did. I agreed with them.
And I told them, "I'm I'm with you. I don't agree that I should be sentenced to nothing other than life prison. " I mean, I'm agreeing with you.
But I went ahead and played out for 63 years. And they ended up telling me that I had to do 7 and a half more years or whatever, which it wasn't. It wasn't even that long.
Because of the fact that when I was a lifer I couldn't get good days. I couldn't do I couldn't get no credit for my GED. I couldn't get credit for college classes and all that.
But now that I had access to three years, I was able to get all that credit. So, instead of doing 7 and a half years, I ended up coming home with a year and a half early. I was scared that I was going to get my update stuck.
I was scared that I wasn't going to want to leave. Because all my friends and family were there. So, I ended up paying $3,000 to be transferred to Interstate Compact to be transferred to Florida prison.
>> 80% of people at that prison had tested positive for COVID at one time. >> They did. They did.
Florida Florida was was I saw everybody getting sick. I watched a lot of people die behind that COVID. My bunkie died.
They thought she was sleeping, she was dead. Thank God I never caught it. I think God that me being in Interstate Compact, that the minute it was a break out they put me in confinement until I got my shots and was released.
But, I saw I was never really had I wouldn't have contact to COVID because of that. But, as I got released and after I have I was the only person in in the institution that got my shots because my shots came from Illinois. So, they turned around and I watched people literally die.
Like, and I couldn't believe it. I thought the world was coming to an end. I got released in Ocala, Florida and it was April 1st, 2022.
And I remember crying and crying. I just fell on the floor. I can't breathe.
Why? Why am I here and not them? Why was I released and not nobody else?
So, it was hard. It was a hard day. It was a happy and a hard day.
They took me to a seafood place cuz I had never ate lobster or crab legs. I was like, I'm going to do everything I I never did in my life. Everything I was told that I couldn't do, I wanted to do.
So, my first thing was eat seafood. And boy, was I embarrassed. So, I remember them bringing these big ass crab legs and and lobster.
I'm like, what the And I didn't know that I had to take a shell out. I didn't know what I was doing. Everybody started laughing at me.
I was like, what's wrong? They were like, you got the plier thing right there because that's what's going to grab it. I said, "Oh.
" I didn't know. But, it was a bittersweet. When I first came home I had to I put bars on my window.
I was scared. For the first year, for the first year of my freedom, I was still adjusting. I didn't want to go outside.
I was scared. I didn't even use metal sport I was still using plastic forks. I was still adjusting.
I didn't I was still getting up thinking it was count time. I was still fear. A lot of fear.
Um that I was coming to get killed. Due to my case, I sent my niece to the store. She came from Chicago to visit me in Florida.
And um we was in the store and I didn't thought nothing of it. And I'm seeing that the machines are empty. So I'm telling my niece, "Well, go grab that machine right quick so we can go ahead and pay for it.
" As she was trying to go there, this other lady pushed her daughter there and was like, "No, I I was in line. " I was like, "Okay, my bad. Okay, fine.
" I was like, "You know, go get the other machine. " So when she went to get the other machine, she pushed her same daughter to the other machine. I said, "Now you being like we ain't going to play these games no more.
" I was ready to fight. I was ready I was waiting for her outside. My niece was like, "No, Z Z, don't go back to prison.
" And it was like and I had to look at her face and she was starting to cry. And I was just like, "Oh my god, I'm not used to this. " It was something new.
But I felt like she was trying me. And in prison, you don't try nobody. Now you trying me, now I got to show who I am.
So I had to remember this is not prison. Cuz I was ready to whoop that girl butt behind. I waited outside for a while until my niece cried away like, "Let's just go home.
Let's just go home. " I spent more time in prison than I did in the free world. So I spent 31 years in prison.
And there be days that I still feel like I should be in prison. What I would tell my younger me, don't give up. Second chances are real.
I just recently got out and I'm got my own apartment. So I'm I'm still learning. I'm still making mistakes, y'all.
It's not I'm not I'm not I'm human. I'm not no angel. I'm human.
And I'm still making mistakes. I lost I gave birth to two babies that were dead. And I lost my way.
So I had to find my way back. And that's why I want I want people to know that people do change. We do change.
We grow up. Yeah, I committed I did commit the murders. I did do what they said I did.
But I'm not who they say I am. I mentor the kids. um just trying to help them not make the same mistakes that I made.
A lot of people in prison they say they're innocent. Everybody says they didn't do anything. Well, I'm the opposite.
I'm guilty. I committed a double murder. I pulled the trigger.
I watched these men die. So, my goal is today is I can't bring them back. May they rest in peace.
I can't bring them back. And sometimes I wish I could change places with them. Cuz they had family and I didn't.
So, right now I have my goal in life to give back to them and to give back to society for the mistakes that I've made is I try to help these youth not make the same mistakes I made. I'm actually working with the Lighthouse Church where is independent living. And they have three houses now in Chicago, Illinois who are accepting anybody.
This is like a second chance program. I'm looking at trying to get a building so that I can open up uh dog room and dog training. So, that youth could come inside my building.
Instead of being out there robbing people, selling drugs, getting in trouble, they can come into my building for free and learn how to do learn how to groom a dog, learn how to basic training a dog. And dogs are very therapeutic. So, that is my goal to do that.
I do have a spot fund me um where I'm collecting donations so that I can be able to do that. We're actually fighting now to change some stuff at the Lincoln Correctional Center and Logan Correctional Center. Logan prison is messed up because they keep saying that you want to rehabilitate these inmates, but yet there's no classes to do that.
Actually, the women are down there dying. They're getting sick. We're coming home and realize we're fighting cancer.
I fought cancer. There's no good health right health system there. But, a A of things need to change.
Rehabilitation is one of them. Reentry is another one. Show these people that what they are capable of coming home to and what to do with it because nobody taught me how to come home and do anything.
So, I was left with no family members and nothing to to to I couldn't get a job. I still can't get a job because they do a background check or apartments they do a background checks and and score and a credit score. I don't know anything about that, but you have to get reentry.
You have to give these people second chances or they have to or they're going to go back to what they know to survive. So, reentry is the number one thing that I would love to see in these prisons and it starts in the prison and then it comes out here. This is my juvenile life without parole.
In the back it says clemency for Jacqueline. This is a shirt that so many people wore trying to fight to get me home. They went in front of the parole boards.
Northwestern Blue Clinic is amazing. I have met a lot of people inside prisons to come see me just to give me a second chance. So, this shirt means a lot because there's still people inside now.
There's kids still today being charged as an adults trying to get sentenced to life in prison. That's why I said my program Future for Tomorrow's Youth is a big issue because the system is really failing us, y'all. Juvenile life without parole, can you imagine?
Can you imagine your niece, your nephew, your child being at the wrong place at the wrong time? Cuz you don't even have to pull the trigger. My co-defendant didn't pull the trigger.
Yes, she was sentenced to the death penalty. My other co-defendant didn't pull the trigger. Yes, she was sentenced to 35 years in prison.
It has to put a stop to it. >> Hi, I'm a producer on How Crime Works. If you like this video, please subscribe and comment below with more topics that that would like us to cover.
