-Alright! Order! Order in the court!

This is New Jersey versus Donovan. Is the prosecution ready to present its case? -It is, Your Honor.

And let me just say, it's my honor to be here. -No. No.

None of that. Don't be cute. This is a courtroom.

Now, over to the defendant. Mr Donovan, since you do not have an attorney, the court has appointed you a public defender. -Thank you, Your Honor.

-But before he gets here, I should probably warn you. He's Sebastian Maniscalco. -Like the world-famous comedian?

-Yes, but I promise he's nothing like what you've seen on TV. Bailiff, please let him in. -You're not gonna believe dis.

I'm a lawyer now. I went to night school and I passed the test. I canceled a gig to be here, and my agent was like, "Why would you do that?

" -[ Laughing ] Sebastian, you are a character! Now on to the much less delightful prosecutor. -Um, alright.

I'm a little thrown. I didn't expect the public defender to be Sebastian Maniscalco. But, Your Honor, the case is simple.

-Oh, my gah. -On February 19th, Mr Donovan walked into a department store and-- -Allegedly. -And walked out wearing $5,000 worth of stolen merchandise.

-Who knows if that's true? -Including a designer suit, shoes, and a belt. -Let me tell you somethin' about a belt, okay?

When I was a kid, the belt wasn't to keep the pants up. It was to keep the volume down. Okay?

I never saw my dad put the belt on. I only saw him take it off! And my dad-- And my dad-- I don't know if your dad did this, but my dad-- I don't know if your dad did this, but my dad-- I don't know if your dad did this, but my dad.

. . He used to pop it twice.

He used to go pop, pop! And then it was belt to ass! -Objection, Your Honor.

None of that was relevant. And I know the jury couldn't possibly follow what he was saying. -Uh, very well.

Will the court stenographer read it back, please? -"I never saw my dad put the belt on. I only saw him take it off.

And my dad-- I don't know if your dad did this, but my dad-- I don't know if your dad did this, but my dad-- I don't know if your dad did this, but my dad. . .

He would snap it twice, pop, pop, and then belt to ass. " -Is the baby happy now? -What?

-Your Honor, would the defense attorney mind not moving around so much? I'm having trouble drawing him. -Hey, Picasso, do me a favor.

If you're gonna paint me, you gotta tell me, mama, so I can give you a pose, okay? I want you to paint me like this. Or, worst-case scenario, get me like that.

-Your Honor, he's not even trying to argue the case. -Oh, you want me to argue the case, bubba? Oh, I didn't know that's what you wanted.

I'll talk about the case, Your Honor. Listen to me. For my client to get out of that store, he would have had to juke out a security guard!

Then they got the lasers everywhere. So my client would have had to Tom Cruise them! Okay?

And then they got the sensors. You know about the sensors, Your Honor? They're about this tall, the sensors.

They tell you if you got something you're not supposed to have. So my client would have had to grab the shoes and the belt and the jacket and hold it above his head and go like that! So either my client is not guilty or he belongs.

. . in the Olympics!

The defense rests. -Well. .

. I think-- I think I've heard enough to make a decision. -This is crazy.

You're all just captivated by the way Sebastian Maniscalco is talking. Like. .

. What if I talk like that? [as Sebastian] Your Honor!

This guy took the clothes and he walked right out of the store! We've got the security footage. .

. up the wazoo! So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

. . I asks.

. . why would he do dat?

-Alright! No! That's it!

I find you in contempt of court! -Ooh, ooh, ooh! -Shush.

Shush. -You gotta be kidding me. -Mr Maniscalco.