Hi, I am Hans Wilhelm. Back in the sixties, there was a very popular book called "The Handbook to Higher Consciousness" by Ken Keyes. In this book, the author shared a very simple and effective tool to avoid disappointments and to soften any blows of fate.
I personally have used this little tool many, many times, and I can tell you that it has made all the difference. In this video today, I want to share this technique with you: Have you ever wondered what the reason is behind all our hurts, disappointments, sufferings, and miseries? Like the sudden loss of a job, an illness, a divorce, and a thousand other circumstances—whether they are big or small?
These are all signs that something went wildly different from what we had originally expected to happen. We did expect to have a job, to be healthy, to stay married, and so on. Therefore, all our suffering comes from unfulfilled expectations.
But life— or reality— has a unique way to teach us all kinds of lessons. And they rarely include our expectations. Therefore, William Shakespeare reminded us, "Expectation is the root of all headache.
" So, let's look at what happens when we have expectations. Here are we, and here are our expectations of how life, our future, and other people should treat us, as well as expectations we have of ourselves. Let me suggest some typical examples: I expect to be happily married; I expect all my family members to love me and to respect me; I expect my children to take care of me; I expect to have a good job; I expect my boss to value my work; and so on.
The problem with expectations is that we are usually extremely attached to them. Why? Because our intellect cannot fathom what the future will bring us; it lives in the unsettling state of uncertainty.
For anybody who is not strengthened in his faith and trust in the future, this uncertainty borders on the unbearable. So, our ego, with our intellect, throws expectations into the future to grasp on, believing that we know what is best for us. But only the Spirit of Infinity knows what is truly good for us.
Therefore, we have to learn to live with uncertainties, and if possible, even embrace them. Let us be very clear: God or LOVE does not expect anything from us. Unconditional, selfless LOVE always means total freedom.
God doesn't expect us to fulfill the 10 commandments or the Sermon on the Mount or even the Golden Rule. He'll not throw us into hell if we don't follow these suggestions. He gave us our free will and respects it.
We always have a choice in any situation, and if we make a mistake, then we learn and will not do that again, and therefore we are always evolving in this Earth school of life. "Love is the absence of all expectations," said Byron Katie. Think about that for a moment: "Love is the absence of all expectations.
" That's powerful, isn't it? But to be clear here: If we have entered a prior agreement with another person or company, then we are morally bound to fulfill our obligations, like in a working relationship where the boss has the right to expect us to live up to the agreement that we have signed on to. In such a case, this is not an interference with our free will because we had originally agreed to it.
Here is another example of why it can be so damaging to us if we put expectations on others: Have you ever been in a situation where you repeatedly expected somebody to do something, and yet, they never did? Like they never picked up their clothes from the floor, even if you told them a thousand times. Or they never gave us the love and approval we so desperately wanted and expected from them and reminded them over and over again?
And so on? Katie suggests never to expect anything from a person that he or she is unable or unwilling to give. She says, "If you expect reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
You can try and try, and in the end, the cat will look up at you and say, 'Meow. '" Expecting reality to be different than it is, is a lost battle. We always feel hurt if we have unfulfilled expectations.
But there is a cure. A very simple and effective cure. Ken Keyes suggests changing—or upgrading—all our expectations to preferences.
A preference takes the sting out of expectations and allows acceptance of what is actually happening. It is acceptance of reality. So, instead of saying, "I expect this or that to happen," I now say, "I would prefer this or that to happen," and then we add, "but I am willing to accept whatever life shows me.
" Because life only gives us what is helpful on our journey Home. This has a totally different emotional impact on us when we now say, "I would prefer my son to pick up his clothes," or "I would prefer if my parents would appreciate me. " And so on.
When we simply prefer things to happen, we are not as disappointed if they don't. We are now willing to readjust to the new reality, learn from it, and simply move on. When we change all our expectations into preferences, we will notice a heavy load being taken off our shoulders.
We will immediately sense the freedom we have given ourselves and others. Because we are now willing—without any tears or fights—to entertain all the alternatives that life may have in store for us. With that attitude, our life suddenly becomes far more interesting.
Because we are living in the NOW—the only time we have. And here we welcome it with an open heart, instead of fighting life with resentments. The other great thing is that upgrading our expectations to preferences can also be done to any negative situation we find ourselves in right now: For instance, if we are very sick, have lost our job, a loved one, or are low on cash, we can use the same change of attitude right now.
Naturally, We will continue to do everything that is humanly possible to change our situation. But, in the meantime, we can say: "I would prefer to be healthy, or abundant, or have a good relationship—or whatever it is that pains us—but I will accept and even embrace whatever life shows me right now. " If we find this too difficult for us to do in our present predicament, then let us ask a very deep question and find the answer in our heart.
The question is, "If my difficult circumstance would be the only way to return back Home to God, would I accept it? " That does not mean giving up. It means surrender.
That means that I am willing to open my heart, grow, and be guided. Think of all the expectations you still have about your life, about tomorrow, about the people around you, and then upgrade these expectations to preferences. It may take a major load off your shoulders right now.
Thank you for having been with me.
