hey you guys welcome to my channel my name is stephanie i'm a life and relationship coach this week we're going to get into the peter pan syndrome i'm sure we've all heard of this before but i want to get into some of the really gray things about the peter pan syndrome sometimes peter pan syndrome there's a lot of red flags that we can definitely spot but there are also some other things that sometimes we don't catch that will make this person not right for us a little unhealthy a little immature now before we do get
into this week's video if you have not already subscribed to my channel don't forget to click on the subscribe button down below and click on post notifications that will inform you each week when i do upload a new video with a new topic i also upload videos i upload videos every tuesday but i also upload videos on friday and sunday and those are kind of like my quick rants motivational tips things like that which you guys are loving and i'm getting so many comments underneath the videos that you guys want more of that content so
it will be coming for you so now the boy that just doesn't want to grow up i'm sure we've all met this boy time and time again we've probably even dated him or been in a long-term relationship with him so we can definitely have the boy that doesn't want to grow up but sometimes we also have just the immature guy or man who really just doesn't know who he is what he wants and is a little unsure of himself he's flaky and i like to say not cute not attractive and when you are healthy and
good to go yourself that will 100 be a red flag and something that you're really not into and that relationship really actually even won't won't go that far because it won't be your vibe your standards are super high you want someone who's clear who's decisive who knows what he wants knows who he is um is confident in himself and so that type of wishy washy flakiness unsure of himself in a guy is not going to be something that you're even attracted to so one of the first things is his maturity factor usually there is a
lot of immaturity here which means does he know how to handle conflict can he handle stress can he handle pressure can he handle himself when he's not getting his way is he selfish so those types of things really kind of are in that realm of like emotional maturity and if someone is not emotionally mature they're not going to be able to handle conflict very well there's going to be a lot of drama when he is in stressful situations or feeling like he's under pressure he hasn't learned how to take care of himself in those ways
to kind of cultivate being able to overcome those feelings of pressure stress things like that if he's not getting his way is he extremely selfish which then becomes manipulative at times um so how does he handle when he doesn't get his way is he condescending et cetera so when you start to see patterns in people do you believe patterns do you trust those patterns or do you just keep hoping that something will get better so i always say when you're dating um the only thing you're doing is of course you're emotionally getting invested in a
relationship you're getting butterflies you're you know you're attracted to someone all those things but that's your child-like state what you want to learn how to do is approach relationships more from your adult self your higher self your parent self whatever analogy you want to use because when you think about it when you brought a guy home to mom and dad dad more specifically even mom 100 but your parents didn't care that you had feelings for this guy that you thought he was cute that you were like you know butterflies in the stomach like they didn't
care about any of those things and quite frankly they probably didn't even want to know about them but what they cared about it was is this person actually good for you or they're going to treat you well are they right for you so when we date from our childlike state that means that we're getting emotionally invested in someone super fast and we're not looking at those key factors of what happens when conflict happens how do they communicate how do they handle stress are they selfish so those key maturity factors of being able to be in
a relationship being able to take care of himself let alone you when you need him to be your rock or your best friend or whatever he has to be able to do those things for himself first and foremost so when you brought a guy home to mom and dad dad didn't really care that you thought he was cute all he wanted to do was examine him probably intimidate him a little bit to see is this guy actually worth it is he worthy of my daughter is he the same thing with your mom your mom's like
is this guy worthy to date my daughter or any per person is this girl worthy enough to date my daughter so they didn't care about the emotion they care more about the logic they were looking at this job description of what does it take for this person to date my daughter and is this person actually qualified that's what you need to start being as an adult now because now it's not just about being wishy-washy yourself and being in that childlike state of like oh my god she's cute oh my god he's cute i'm just so
excited it has to be you have to take it the next step further you have to become the adult when you're dating the parent the grown-up your higher self and not just coming from all emotion because emotion will overlook red flags logic never will so the next thing is this person if they do suffer from peter pan syndrome they are not going to take responsibility personally or professionally so this is the person that doesn't know what they want to do in life isn't able to hold down a job doesn't really have any desire to make
money and this isn't about making millions and millions of dollars this is about though finding the thing that you should do that brings you the most happiness that cultivates this like inner sense of self where you feel good about yourself not someone who is okay with just sitting home all day and doing nothing with their lives that's not inspiring that's not good energy and that's not the kind of person that i'm going to be able to build something with now when you think of personally not just professionally but when you think of personally what you're
really looking at is can this person handle a relationship so when we touched on maturity factor in that first point this is kind of the same thing but what you want to look at now is when there is an argument when there is a disagreement how does this person handle themselves do they become defensive do they deflect do they become passive aggressive are they able to sit in someone else's shoes or is their ego just too much involved where they're not capable of doing that so how do they handle communication and difficult times in your
relationship the next thing is quite frankly they just have child-like behavior so they throw tantrums i always tell people especially when i'm coaching clients i'm like you have to look at most of the people in the world operate from their childlike state meaning when they don't get their way they throw a tantrum they're selfish they're self-absorbed um maybe when you bring something to their attention they don't know how to sue themselves or handle how that makes them feel and so they become erratic so what you want to do is when you see toxic behavior you
have to be able to understand that you're no longer dealing with an adult you're dealing with a child and you have to be able to decipher where is this person's maturity level in their self-development meaning you can meet a 50-year-old guy and he has the emotional maturity of a 20-year-old or you can meet a 20-year-old who is very confident in himself knows what he wants is actively trying to to cultivate that for himself knows how to communicate and is way more mature than a 50 year old man so age isn't really the factor the factor
is let me examine you to see kind of like where you're at so i can engage whether or not you're good for me that's really what dating actually is what most people end up doing is when this toxic be behavior happens you just go toe-to-toe with this person in the ring and now you end up going through this like abusive cycle yourself where you become erratic you might overreact then the person thinks you're the abuser and now we have like a reactive abuse type of type of situation where now you look like the problem when
really what was happening was someone was actually just poking you and waiting for you to like start the the drama and the negativity with them and go toe-to-toe with them in the ring and you took the bait and now you're fully into this now and now again here we go with this like cycle of abuse so childlike behavior could also be are you mature enough to want to do things at this age that i want to do meaning yes i still want to be playful and like have a nice time and you know not feel
the pressures of adulthood and just be silly and stuff like that but are we still going to the club on a friday night at 11 30 no that's not really a thing anymore so is this person evolving or is this person just stuck in the past of being a 16 year old boy now when we think about the peter pan syndrome like i said we typically think of like this guy who like clearly doesn't want to grow up clearly doesn't want to take responsibility for being an adult or any of those things so sometimes we
we equal the peter pan syndrome with like a really toxic cocky i don't want to get married i'm a bachelor forever type of guy peter pan syndrome can also be the guy quite frankly just as wishy-washy and just doesn't know what he wants in life so someone that doesn't know what they want in life is not an ideal partner because they haven't come to the conclusion of what it is that they actually want and if you start a relationship with that type of person and then they get very clear on what it is that they
want and come to find out your values and beliefs and what you guys want actually don't align then now you're in a relationship that's doomed for failure because you're trying to change someone's belief beliefs and values to align with yours and that's not really your job so the wishy-washy person doesn't know what he wants in life he can't make decisions he doesn't want to stand up for himself like he just doesn't have a good sense of self like when we think about um our partners we want them to be healthy we want them to know
who they are we want them to accept themselves we want them to be good to go it doesn't mean that they're perfect but we want them to be at a place where they are actively working on themselves if not in a really good place and all of that work they have to do and cultivate completely on their own outside of a relationship so that's why it's so important when you are single to really be working on yourself because where you put the bar in your life is going to be what you attract when you actually
begin dating it's going to be what you tolerate in relationships you can't help yourself from attracting a crappy person that you go on a first date with but you can your ability to let them into your world is now based on where you're at emotionally where your wounds are where your standards are so we can't prevent ourselves from just picking the random guy on bumble and deciding to go on a date with him and coming to find out he's completely toxic and healthy but it is on us when we invite them into our world and
keep them in our lives for months and years or weeks at a time another huge thing especially with this type of personality where you're dealing with a very immature type of person is there's no room for growth there's no room for growing and building and owning your stuff and i own mine and let's sit together and just like really try to figure out like what's the deal here how can we overcome this how can we compromise how can we work on this better and feeling like there's equal contribute equal efforts being contributed in the relationship
there's nothing worse than feeling like you're doing all the work and you're not getting anything in return there's nothing worse than feeling like you're trying to be the best person and it's still not enough so those are the times where you really have to be able to take a step back and say is this person actually right for me why am i trying to force this to happen so much when you are wanting to happen something to happen so much and you're forcing something that's clearly not good there's a reason for it there's a story
behind it so what's the story is the story that i want to get married is the story that i want a happy marriage is it the story that i want to have kids is it the story that i want to live with someone is it the story that being in a relationship it just it just equals like look at all these people like they have this person in their life and and you know here's the thing even before social media you still had other friends and relatives that were in relationships and you don't always know
what was happening behind closed doors and all you can do is gauge what based on what you see so what you see is not always the truth and when we define our happiness on having something we're always going to be disappointed because the relationship the child the money the career the house the car the whatever whatever is never going to sustain happiness it will give you a high of a brief happiness from time to time where yes you might be you know grateful and there's gratitude and you're blessed and you're thankful and like all those
things but you still if all of those things were to leave your life how could you cultivate a feeling of gratitude and happiness then we get back to real deep spirituality of what is the basic what what defines happiness right like and aside from having relationships and having all these great things in our life what equals happiness is it the fact that i'm alive is it the fact that i'm healthy is it the fact that regardless of what i do have i actually have everything that i need and really practicing those deep levels of spirituality
and self-development and cultivating that within yourself now we're on like another level right now we're on a healthy level of not being so attached to things that will give us the happiness that we crave when really you just got to learn how to cultivate it by yourself now again remember what i said it doesn't mean that those things won't give you bits and pieces of happiness they will but they'll give you moments of happiness it won't be able to sustain your happiness no thing no person nothing will you have to cultivate that on your own
so when you're dealing with peter pan there's no room for any self-reflection there's not room for growth there's not room for coming together and communicating there's no room for him being able to take a step back and saying you know what i got this stuff about myself that like i don't really like and i want to work on it like i do want to be the best person that i can be and this is where i feel like i fall short no there's not going to be that level of kind of self-reflection maybe maybe with
a wishy-washy guy when you're dealing with a peter pan true peter pan you're probably actually even looking at someone who's very narcissistic not saying every narcissist has to be peter pan but i mean don't the traits kind of they're kind of intertwining with each other so if there's no room for growth that means that all the nasty stuff of dysfunction is going to show up aside from just not being a grown-up not being a man not taking responsibility and when we think of like the person that we want in our lives we want a grown-up
when you sit down and you make the list of like okay what am i looking for all those qualities and all those traits symbolize a grown person a grown-up that's healthy that knows how to take care of himself that has a job that has interest that has passions um that knows how to handle themselves when they're stressed that doesn't have emotional outburst and can be a little erratic at times so that's the person that you're trying to cultivate now when you look at your own self are you all of those things who are you do
you have bits and pieces of unhealthiness that you do do you have emotional outburst do you know how to self reflect do you know how to take a step back and say yeah when i did that yeah that was my stuff and i gotta own that and you're right you're coming to the table having a conversation with me about something that i did and i don't like the way that's making me feel and i'm getting defensive but that's my stuff and i gotta figure out how to deal with that and then i can come to
you and we can try to like how healthy are you because your level is going to be what you attract at so that's why learning how to parent yourself that's why healing from your past and i say this all the time in so many videos you have to heal from your past because your past is really unless you have healed acknowledged it and healed from it it is dictating your future because your past is way in the back and that's what's coming up when you're defensive when you overlook red flags like all of that stuff
so that's why i created all my courses i'll actually link the nine week course up here because it's a great course to take i tell people all the time it's huge in terms of all of your wounds emotional triggers i always go over self-parenting so it's really good stuff so check that out but i want you to understand that this person is aside from just being a little boy that just doesn't want to grow up into a man it you need to be able to spot that you need to be able to spot am i
dealing with a grown person or am i dealing with just a child and instead of fighting it and seeing the child and wanting him to be a man and fighting it so bad or doing everything for him to get him to to be that man that you want him to be let's start looking at people with clear eyes and being able to examine are you good for me where are you at this isn't about finding perfection because it's not going to exist but are you you want to find someone who's actively working on themselves that
can take a step back and say yep i get this about me and i really need to take care of it so i hope you guys have enjoyed this video if you did please give it a big thumbs up and comment down below if you have ever dated a peter pan before so i will see you guys next week
