welcome to Miss Scarlet subscribe and don't miss out on Patreon have fun the satin texture shimmerred a rich burgundy expanse across the bed inviting yet daunting a tall figure Kaizen paused at the threshold his golden locks brushing against his shoulders as he considered the spectacle before him indulge us Kaizen stephanie's playful voice rang out her own treses shimmering in the soft light she held the garment aloft eyes sparkling with mischief you can carry this off trust me I've been wanting you to see this for ages a flush crept up Kaizen's face his arms instinctively folding across his torso in a defensive posture i'm 32 years old we're not in college anymore and that's precisely why we can do whatever we want without caring what anyone thinks stephanie wiggled the dress enticingly besides it's just us here no one else will know their friendship had always been like this comfortable enough to push boundaries yet respectful they'd met in graduate school a decade ago and remained close through career changes relationships and the general chaos of adult life the dress glimmered invitingly kaizen had always admired women's fashion from afar sometimes catching himself lingering too long on certain styles in store windows "fine," he muttered taking the garment from her hands but you owe me dinner for this the expensive kind stephanie clapped her hands together deal the bathroom's all yours take your time in the bathroom Kaizen held the dress up against himself in the mirror the burgundy color was rich elegant not flashy but certainly not forgettable either his hands trembled slightly as he began to undress folding his gray button-down shirt and dark jeans neatly on the counter standing in just his underwear he carefully stepped into the dress pulling it up over his slender hips the fabric whispered against his skin as he worked his arms through the sleeves and reached behind to tug up the zipper as far as he could he turned to face the mirror and the world seemed to stop the person staring back wasn't just Kaizen in a dress something about the way the fabric clung to his frame how it accentuated curves he hadn't realized were there how it made his collar bones stand out elegantly it all clicked together into a picture that made his heart race a soft knock interrupted his thoughts everything okay in there need help with the zipper i Yes please his voice sounded strange to his own ears stephanie opened the door and her playful expression melted into something more serious as she took in the sight before her "oh," she breathed stepping forward "kaizen you look ridiculous he offered unable to take his eyes off his reflection beautiful she corrected firmly reaching for the zipper turn around as she secured the back of the dress Kaizen felt a strange tightness in his chest that had nothing to do with the fit of the garment "there," she said stepping back "what do you think? " Kaizen turned back to the mirror smoothing his hands over the fabric i don't know what to think and it was true the rush of emotions flooding through him was overwhelming confusion excitement fear and something else something that felt strangely like recognition you know Stephanie said thoughtfully with a little makeup you could really complete the look 30 minutes later Kaizen sat at Stephanie's vanity as she applied the finishing touches to his face she'd kept it subtle some foundation to smooth his complexion a hint of blush mascara to emphasize his naturally long lashes and a tinted lip balm that brought out the fullness of his lips your bone structure is to die for," Stephanie murmured blending eyes shadow across his lids "some contour here and here perfect. " When she finally turned the mirror toward him Kaizen couldn't speak the person looking back had his features but transformed softer more aligned with how he sometimes imagined himself in fleeting thoughts he'd always pushed away "what about your hair?
" Stephanie asked running her fingers through his blonde locks "we could do something simple," she worked quickly styling his hair in loose waves that framed his face "when she was done she stepped back with a satisfied nod. " "What should we call you? " she asked quietly the question hung in the air between them kaizen swallowed hard a name rising to his lips without conscious thought dana he whispered "i think I'd like to be Dana.
" Stephanie smiled warmly "well Dana would you like to have a glass of wine and watch that fashion documentary we've been putting off? " The simplicity of her acceptance brought tears to Dana's eyes i'd love that they spent the evening on Stephanie's couch drinking wine and commenting on the couture designs flickering across the screen for Dana every moment felt simultaneously surreal and more authentic than any she'd experienced before when it came time to change back into his original clothes Kaizen hesitated can I would it be weird if I borrowed this just to try on again sometime stephanie's expression was gentle it's yours consider it an early birthday present that night after returning to his apartment Kaizen carefully hung the burgundy dress in his closet he removed the makeup with the cleansing wipes Stephanie had insisted he take watching as Dana disappeared from the mirror but not entirely something had awakened or perhaps had always been there waiting to be acknowledged the following week passed in a blur of work and routine but thoughts of the burgundy dress and the person he'd glimpsed in the mirror remained constant companions on Friday evening instead of heading to his usual afterwork hangout Kaizen found himself in a department store nervously fingering the fabric of a navy blue blouse can I help you find something a sales associate with a kind smile approached i'm just browsing Kaizen replied cheeks heating for yourself or a gift she asked casually the question caught him off guard i He took a deep breath for me actually "The navy would look lovely with your coloring," she said without missing a beat "we have a fitting room right this way if you'd like to try it on. " Her matterof fact acceptance loosened something in his chest "thank you.
" By the time he left the store Kaizen had purchased not only the navy blouse but also a black pencil skirt and a simple cardigan in a soft cream color the sales associate Monica according to her name plate had been helpful without being intrusive offering suggestions and treating him like any other customer that night he tried on his new clothes experimenting with how they looked together without Stephanie's makeup skills he couldn't fully recreate Dana but even so each item felt right in a way his regular wardrobe never had he texted Stephanie a photo of himself in the navy blouse and skirt i think I need to talk are you free tomorrow her reply came almost immediately always for you brunch at my place 11 the next morning Kaizen arrived at Stephanie's apartment with his new clothes in a backpack and his heart in his throat she welcomed him with a hug and the scent of fresh coffee "i made frittata," she said leading him to the kitchen where a beautiful egg dish sat cooling on the counter "and there's fruit salad in the fridge thanks for doing this Kaizen said accepting a mug of coffee no thanks needed that's what friends are for she leaned against the counter so shopping went well he nodded taking a sip to study himself i think I think this is more than just playing dress up stephanie's expression remained open encouraging tell me about it when I looked in the mirror last week as Dana it was like seeing myself clearly for the first time the words came slowly at first then in a rush all my life I felt like I was playing a part that didn't quite fit being Kaizen has always felt like wearing clothes that are the wrong size functional but uncomfortable and being Dana it feels like home his voice cracked on the last word is that crazy not at all Stephanie said firmly it sounds like you're finally recognizing your authentic self they talked through the morning plates of food eventually cleared and replaced with more coffee stephanie asked thoughtful questions without judgment creating space for Kaizen to articulate feelings that had been buried for decades i'm not sure what this means for me going forward he admitted i've lived 32 years as Kaizen i have a career friends a whole life established true Stephanie acknowledged but you deserve to live as your authentic self whoever that turns out to be and you don't have to figure everything out at once would you would you help me explore this more being Dana i mean of course stephanie smiled in fact I have an idea why don't you change into your new clothes and we'll go have coffee at that cafe across town baby steps the suggestion sent equal parts terror and excitement spiraling through him in public it's a very open-minded place and it's far enough from our usual spots that you won't run into anyone you know plus I'll be right there with you after a moment's hesitation Kaizen nodded okay let's do it in Stephanie's bedroom he changed into his new clothes she offered to help with makeup again keeping it subtle and natural when she was done she stepped back to admire her work "dana," she said softly "you look wonderful. " The cafe was busy when they arrived but no one gave them a second glance as they found a table by the window dana's hands trembled slightly as she picked up the menu "what looks good? " Stephanie asked acting as though this was just another weekend outing "the caramel latte sounds amazing," Dana replied her voice pitched slightly higher than Kaizen's usual baritone the barista who took their order smiled warmly "i love your blouse that navy is gorgeous thank you dana managed a genuine smile spreading across her face as they sipped their drinks Dana gradually relaxed the world hadn't ended no one was staring or whispering she was just another person enjoying coffee on a Saturday afternoon how does it feel stephanie asked dana considered the question terrifying liberating right over the following weeks Dana became a regular presence in Stephanie's apartment they established a routine kaizen would arrive with a backpack containing Dana's growing wardrobe and Stephanie would help with makeup and hair styling then they'd spend the evening watching movies cooking dinner or simply talking eventually Dana began venturing out more to restaurants bookstores even a small art gallery opening where they met some of Stephanie's more progressive friends no one questioned her presence or her identity to them she was simply Stephanie's friend Dana one evening as they prepared dinner together Stephanie broached a subject they'd been dancing around have you thought about talking to someone professional about all this a gender therapist maybe dana paused in chopping vegetables i have been researching online there is a support group that meets at the community library i've been thinking about going that sounds like a good next step Stephanie said stirring pasta sauce would you like me to go with you maybe the first time," Dana admitted "but I think this is something I need to explore on my own too.
" Stephanie nodded "whatever you need I'm here for all of it. " The first support group meeting was nerve-wracking dana wore a simple green dress with a cardigan her blonde hair pulled back in a low ponytail stephanie waited in the car promising to be there when the meeting ended inside Dana found a circle of chairs and a diverse group of adults all at different stages of their own journeys the facilitator a woman named Rachel with a warm smile and kind eyes welcomed her immediately "we're glad you're here," she said gesturing to an empty chair "no pressure to share today if you're not comfortable. " But when the time came Dana found herself speaking "my name is Dana," she said voice shaking slightly "a few months ago I tried on a burgundy dress at my best friend's house and it changed everything.
" The group listened attentively as she shared her story the initial shock of recognition the growing certainty that Dana was who she was meant to be and the fear of what lay ahead i still go to work as Kaizen she explained no one there knows i'm not sure how to bridge those two worlds heads nodded around the circle many had been exactly where she was it's a journey Rachel said and there's no one right path or timeline after the meeting several members approached to share resources names of therapists specializing in gender identity doctors familiar with transition options online forums where they'd found support maria a woman in her 40s with sleek black hair handed Dana a business card i'm a voice coach she explained when you're ready I can help you develop a voice that feels more authentic walking back to Stephanie's car Dana felt lighter than she had in weeks "it went well," Stephanie asked as Dana buckled her seat belt "better than I expected," Dana replied "i'm not alone in this there are others who understand exactly what I'm going through over the next several months Dana's world expanded she continued attending the support group began seeing a gender therapist recommended by Rachel and started voice training with Maria with the therapist's guidance she made an appointment with a doctor who specialized in transgender healthcare hormone therapy is an option the doctor explained during their consultation it would help your body develop more feminine characteristics but it's a personal choice and there's no rush to decide dana considered the information carefully what kind of changes would I see the doctor outlined what she could expect softening skin breast development fat redistribution decreased muscle mass some changes are reversible if you stop taking hormones but others are permanent it's important to be sure this is right for you i've never been more sure of anything," Dana said quietly starting hormone therapy marked another milestone dana documented the subtle changes in her appearance in a private journal noting how her skin became smoother how the angles of her face softened almost imperceptibly at work Kaizen began growing out his blonde hair longer explaining it was just trying something new when colleagues commented he switched to more androgynous clothing slim cut pants button-ups in softer colors sweaters that could belong in any wardrobe small changes building towards something bigger 6 months after that first night in the burgundy dress Dana sat in Stephanie's living room fidgeting with the hem of her cream colored blouse "i think it's time," she said quietly stephanie looked up from her book time for what to live as Dana full-time to tell people at work to be me Stephanie set her book aside are you sure you're ready no Dana admitted with a small laugh but I don't think I'll ever feel completely ready i just know I can't keep dividing my life like this it's exhausting and it feels dishonest somehow then I think you're making the right decision stephanie reached over to squeeze her hand how do you want to do it they spent the evening creating a plan dana would speak with her direct supervisor first then human resources she drafted an email to send to her team explaining her transition in simple straightforward terms stephanie helped her refine the wording making sure it was clear but also left no room for misinterpretation "what about your parents? " Stephanie asked gently dana's expression clouded her relationship with her family was complicated at best they lived across the country and communicated mainly on holidays and birthdays "one step at a time," she said "work first then family the meeting with her supervisor went better than expected thomas a man in his 50s who'd always been fair if somewhat reserved listened attentively as Dana explained her situation so you'll be coming to work as Dana from now on he clarified when she finished speaking yes she confirmed i've already spoken with HR about updating my email and ID badge thomas nodded thoughtfully we'll need to inform the team would you prefer to do that yourself or would you like me to handle it i've prepared an email dana said "I thought I could send it out after we talk and then be available to answer questions as needed. " "That sounds appropriate.
" He paused then added "Dana I appreciate your cander this took courage the company policy on inclusion is clear but if you encounter any issues please come to me directly the email went out that afternoon responses trickled in throughout the day most supportive some awkwardly well-meaning a few simply acknowledging receipts no overtly negative reactions which was a relief the next morning Dana arrived at work in a navy blue dress and low heels her blonde hair styled in soft waves makeup subtle but polished she'd practiced the walk from the parking garage to her desk countless times in her mind but the reality was both more terrifying and less eventful than she'd imagined a few curious glances several warm smiles one colleague who stopped her to say "You look lovely today Dana.
