morning benny not now okay mom what are you doing i'm just punching in some of my friends don't worry about it they'll be here hey that's not fair to the employees who are here on time mom you can't do that you know what they told me that i couldn't push out that big head of yours but i did that too hey mom stop telling everybody angie and i are getting a divorce she wanted to throw me a party and i didn't want one that's all why does she want to throw you a party mom do
you have any idea what yesterday was yeah wednesday and i know who the president is too you're not putting me in a home yet oh mom think back think back 36 years ago from yesterday think back to how you got the name mom no it was your birthday but why does angie want to ruin it with a big party once those cubans get off the island they want to celebrate everything i know i just got this hang up about birthdays like they got to be this big deal i told her hey i wasn't raised that
way you damn right you weren't you give a kid a big birthday party you know what comes next high expectations you got that right mama you think life is going to give you everything you want you know first it's a bouncy house in the clowns but then that's not enough no then you expect to go to high school and graduate and get a job it does not stop there because now you're spoiled now you want somebody to marry you and love you for the rest of your life all because your mommy threw your birthday party
wait a second is that why you never threw me a birthday party so i wouldn't expect to be happy george if you expect a dog to bite you you'll be happy if all he does is poop on your shoes mom huh you are one twisted old vieja i gotta go throw my kid a party george here's my list of people i don't want in the car pool jimmy fat ass joey pit stains booger knows johnny and don't you like about lily oh she never has a nice word to say about anybody why don't we just
let ernie back in the carpool mom he had his chance he's such a backseat driver slow down please slow down stop please stop we're all gonna die mom you were playing chicken with a train all i'm saying is i think we should find somebody with a good car somebody who can tell a story that wouldn't be so bad either i'm sick of being missed personality um i i want a chance to get back in the carpool state your name you know my name state your name this dope will do anything skip around like a pony
and slap your own ass [Laughter] no man we're just asking everybody what kind of car they drive to see how they'll fit in the group oh well um i drive a subaru brat now i'll be honest uh there's no radio no air conditioning and once in a blue moon fire comes out of the vents next hey no i i prepared a joke uh knock knock who's there banana banana who knock knock who's there banana banana who knock knock would you say orange and get out of here already wasn't gonna say orange i was gonna say
mango mango who man go in your carpool why can't it be me hey hey guys i'm sorry i can't wait any longer i got to pick up my new van ah if it matters it's got a vcr little tvs in the headrests color oh yeah hey ernie knock knock who's there not you brother you start on monday frank pick up george first then come by my house honk a few times get out of your car skip around and slap yourself on the ass i just want to see somebody do it all right now that's a
really good start but if you want them to fear you fire alberto what do you do nothing i hate his lazy eye it follows me around like a painting i'm not firing alberto it does follow you like a painting yeah control yourself try that with a wine cooler in your belly and smoky robinson on the radio grandma you're not helping you're right what do i know hang on mom tell her tell her what tell her about being 17 and pregnant tell her how i ruined your life oh you didn't ruin my life this is no
time to joke your father didn't ruin my life i ruined my life look you fall in love with the guy and you think it's gonna last forever so you forget about what's right or wrong you get caught up in the moment and you go to bed with him and it's pretty good mom i'm not gonna lie but then he doesn't turn out to be the guy you think he is the next thing you know he dumps you and while your friends are hanging out having fun you're all alone raising a kid working two jobs up
to your stretch marks and dirty diapers i gave up all my pretty years for this you ready for that i'm not gonna have sex i know i'm not ready and you're not gonna see adam we don't want you to be alone with him all right i won't be alone with adam good can i go now i have to babysit the coke and twins tonight yes you can thanks mom can i go now i have to babysit the coors light sextuplets
