Let people be in their own worlds part 2

it's not your job to change anyone really look into your motives for why you want people to change in your personal life it's usually very selfish you want people to behave in a way that you believe they should be behaving and that typically relates to them behaving in a way that does something for you so when you're trying to change people in your personal life you can frame it as like oh I'm helping them and it's so good and your mind can say all this stuff but really the underlying reasons are very selfish and even

if you have good intentions they can still be harmful to the person that you're interacting with so I made this video let people be in their own worlds and it went viral so I'm making a part two and in this one I want to go into a little bit more depth and address some common misconceptions that people have so when we're actually trying to change people in our life we're almost like trying to force certain behaviors onto them we're trying to force something on them against their will and we're not really respecting their Journey their

development their decision making their freedom their autonomy instead we have this assumption that like I know what's best for you and parents are extremely guilty of this when it comes to their kids it's like I just know what's best for you but really if you're honest you don't really know what's best for anyone you have no clue what's best for this person or that person or really whoever you're dealing with until you really begin to dig into their situation and ask them and really you have to help people to build Clarity within themselves if you

want to really help them in any kind of meaningful way right and even in this sort of circumstance I'm talking about of helping people to build Clarity within themselves you can't do you can't force this on people either some people will want you to help them some people won't want you to help them so there's nothing wrong with off offering support to people who are open to it because there's an alignment there it's different from trying to force it on someone who doesn't even want it in the first place they're not open to it for

whatever reason so this concept of letting people be in their own worlds is especially important when it comes to the people who you relate to in your personal life like your friendships or your romantic partners because if you're in a romantic relationship and you're trying to change someone in a very fundamental way in order to serve you the relationship is probably not going to work out it's probably very incompatible you're actually better off letting that go and not in a sort of very dismissive way it's just if you're trying to change the very fundamental aspects

of another person's personality because you believe they should be this way right and look into why you believe that look into what that does for you you're probably not very compatible with them it's the same thing with your friends if you're trying to change all your friends get new friends you're probably not finding compatible matches and more compatible matches exist and I want you to really notice how you feel when you're trying to change someone notice what that does to the relationship notice what that does to the dynamic notice what that does to the felt

experience and the emotions shared between you two probably will create a lot of anger or resentment or just tension frustration you're causing a lot of discomfort for yourself and the other person because this behavior is wrong this behavior is not correct really so I want to start getting into some common misconceptions right now starting with my favorite one but Lucas you're trying to change people by uploading videos like this no you don't have to do a thing that I say I don't care I'm uploading content for people who find Value in this and who want

to apply this kind of stuff to their life there's an alignment there between like my values and what I enjoy doing and people who find Value in it and people who want to do it so there's an alignment there there's an agreement and if you don't want to do it you don't have to I'm not forcing any change upon you in fact I'm very respectful to your uh agenda to your own Freedom if you want to go and have a bunch of relationships and you want to try and force people to change go right ahead

see what the results of that are see what the emotional results are see how close and connected you feel to other people see what the the depth of the relationship really is and you'll notice that you'll probably get a lot of very mediocre results if you if you do that mediocre isn't even the right word to say it's even worse than mediocre you'll just get horrible results uh but go try it out as a science experiment go see what happens so in no way am I trying to force people to change I don't care if

you find this valuable good that's the kind of person who I'm trying to be speaking to if you don't want to do anything awesome go do what you want man so forcing people to change doesn't even work this is another sort of common uh common idea that I have to say that we will have the underlying assumption that like if you change someone like they'll just be that way forever when you're changing very fundamental aspects of a human being that are very inauthentic to them that's only going to work in the short term and it's

going to be very uncomfortable and in the long term it'll lead to resentment and just overall frustration and it will fail they'll go back to their old way because it's not normal for them it's not who they actually are so there's a lot of complex psychology when it comes to actually changing People there's a lot of complicated Dynamics when it comes to change even in the context of just personal growth not everyone can grow at the same rate not everyone is going to develop in the same way not everyone is going to basically be the

same growth happens pretty differently in different people people can develop emotionally people can develop cognitively people can develop physically spiritually and there's certain rates at which people can grow people can grow I mean at certain speeds there are certain rates at which people can grow and you have to respect the rate at which people can grow especially since I do a lot of mentorship SL coaching I have to identify the rate at which someone can grow and just notice where they're at and really just respect that about them like notice just how fast they can

grow what their level of Consciousness is and just hold that with so much care rather than trying like to force a change on that doesn't work the psychology of change just doesn't work that way if you're trying to force people to change this whole approach screams that you are ignorant about how change Works within people and change is really complex just assume you have no idea how it works because if you haven't really looked into it quite a lot you probably don't so you can still Provide support when people want it this is another miscon

misconception if someone wants your support and they want to change and they want help yeah you can help them that's perfectly fine you don't have to like ignore them it's just when someone doesn't want it or when it's out of alignment with them and you believe that it should be and it's like you're just manipulating the entire situation this is the behavior that I'm talking about and this does not work you can attract people in your life that are very aligned with your values with your energy with your level of Consciousness with your values so

you can't actually create a sustainable change to someone if they don't even want it in the first place if it's not true to them if it's not something that's authentic and genuine to them it's not going to work so forcing it upon someone against their will doesn't actually work long term it's a waste of your energy and it's a waste of their energy to even just like be there and be taking that and overall this is going to be a very good learning opportunity for you because you're going to suffer doing this and it's through

this suffering and pain that you're going to learn like oh crap like there's something very fundamentally flawed with like how I'm going about this situation that's what your suffering is trying to tell you so if you're trying to change someone in your life in a very fun fundamental way really ask yourself what are you trying to get out of this person what do you want from this situation why do you want them to change and there's a lot more compatible people for you out there if you're into spirituality and your partner is not into spirituality

and they never will be and you keep trying to push it onto them it's not going to work like this area the relationship will not work and if this is something that you are not willing to compromise on like this is like very important to you you might want to rethink your relationship like if this is a very core thing to you that you are just not willing to compromise on you want this out of your relationship and you're honest to yourself you're like I really want this out of my relationship yeah you're not going

to force the change on them you're not going to force your value system on them you're not going to force an entire way of life onto people look at examples throughout history of when people have tried to force their way of life onto people right just look at what happens when you force a value system force a belief system force a way of life onto people that doesn't align with them and they don't really want it how well has that ever actually worked out it's always been pretty garbage and next this does not mean that

you let people treat you horribly this is another misconception letting people be in their own worlds doesn't mean that you let them abuse you or you're just like oh whatever or you just let them basically take advantage of you you can have boundaries right but when it comes to the people who you continuously relate to in your life you want these relationships to be very natural and organic and highly compatible and not forced and this exists and really the forcing of this relationship in your life to work is going to create suffering for you and

the other person when the simple letting go is just going to release so much energy that you like you're just exhausted yourself exerting so much energy forcing something to like work when it just very fundamentally doesn't and for like the longer that you just keep forcing it you're going to suffer and just waste a lot more energy and it's it's just not good shortterm or longterm try it out for yourself though see if what I'm saying is true take it on as a science experiment Force something onto someone see how they react see what starts

to happen even if they go along with it see what happens in a week in a month see how long they can keep up with it if it's very out of alignment and inauthentic to them it's not going to work so this is just going to create suffering for you and the person who you claim to really care about and love but Lucas it's another misconception but Lucas there's dangerous people in the world and everyone should you know try and change them because they're dangerous right so these dangerous people can benefit from change all right

I'm I'm going to let you in on a little secret okay everyone can benefit from change everyone can benefit from some kind of change maybe in like the information that they consume or whether they should start a meditation practice or not or in their diet or in their exercise there's room to grow and change in every aspect of human life and relationships and career but the thing is is that again forcing this change upon people is not sustainable this isn't how change actually works within people instead you actually have to ask how do you help

people to change themselves in a selfmotivated authentic and meaningful way that is aligned with them how do you get people to care about that and when it comes to dangerous people right I don't know murderers things like that I want you to actually study why they're murderers instead of just like having this very childish idea that we got at the age of like eight of like they're bad people right almost like there's like a good guy and a bad guy there's like Superman and then there's like whoever the villain is in the Superman movies it's

like the Batman and the Joker this like super categorical thinking black and white thinking right look into why these people actually are the way they are you'll notice that there's a lot of psychological reasons childhood environment and Trauma and the emotional atmosphere of their childhood neuroscientific reasons like biological reasons of course a lot of more sub like very subjective reasons for beliefs that they hold as true and you'll find that a lot of these people they have very interesting reasons for being the way that they are and this isn't an excuse for just like letting

them be in their own worlds yeah like you don't want a murderer in your home but um this definitely shifts your perspective to a more understanding a more empathetic and a more compassionate approach for these kinds of people which doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries and it doesn't mean that you let like a rapist into your home right that's not what that means like yeah these people can actually harm you right but like why are they the way that they are and like they can benefit from change right once again forcing some of these

people to change isn't going to work once again and there's a good prison in Norway that's very focused on Rehabilitation that works Frey fairly well especially like just the whole Norway prison system is fairly impressive and they're just very low recidivism rates forgot what it's called maybe like the Halen prison something like that maybe maybe something like that I don't I don't know don't exactly quote me on that but there was an entire documentary that I watch on it and it was a very revolutionary prison style that um was very different from what we usually

see here especially in North America and in a lot of places in the world which is just very barbaric prisons it's like the dungeons from like the Medieval Times basically based off of our understanding of like how humans develop and human psychology and brain science and biology and all this stuff it's just like oh yeah this whole approach doesn't actually work um when it comes to like healing people or like integrating them back into society after they you know do some sort of horrific act make the counterintuitive approach and try and actually understand the people

who you hate understand your enemies understand why and don't do it from a judgmental point of view do it from a actual compassionate place that like seeks to just genuinely understand why right most people don't do that they're just like they're bad and like I hate them and they just deserve to like rot in prison and and all that stuff um but really really look into why can you in a very honest way say that you know how people should be and you know how the world should be can you honestly say that to yourself

you probably cannot all right so when you force a change on someone whoever that person is what you're implicitly believing is that you know how they should be which is a delusion that you have so the way you're behaving is founded upon this underlying delusion which makes the whole Behavior wrong and I'm really speaking dominantly within the context of your own personal life so when you're interacting with people in your personal life really question get to the root of is this relationship really compatible why do I want to change them how do I feel when

I'm trying to change them how do they interpret this does this actually work so that's it for this video thank you so much for watching I'm off for onet toone coaching you can book a call link is in the pinned comment and the description take it easy