at what moment did you realize you were dating a complete [ __ ] we were driving around this weird part of Las Vegas and I said this is surreal and he said I know it's so real I repeated surreal and he repeated so real we were watching D Jango and during the winter training montage there is a moment where the camera pans over a herd of reindeer at that moment my ex said something about how she thought it was weird that they would include reindeer in the movie because it kind of breaks the immersion I
was confused and asked what she meant by that she went on to explain to me how reindeer weren't real animals and just make believe characters in a fairy tale like Rudolph and the rest of Sanders reindeer I asked him what event resulted in World War I his response was September 11th he was serious when she flipped out because her third grader came home with the word erect on a spelling list and was on the verge of calling the school she honestly had lived her entire life not knowing that that word had any other use asides
from describing the state of a man's Johnson I dated a guy for about a month until I found out that he didn't realize that women's chests made actual milk to feed their baby he thought that describing the act of chestfeeding was just a way to hold a baby while giving it a bottle I told him he was an idiot and he said with a disgusted sne here I didn't know that because I've never known any woman who had or would feed their child that way I told him that I'd fed my son that way and
he called me a child Mistreater when she thought I was crazy for putting poptarts in a toaster or maybe it was the time she tried making Hamburger hel her for the first time at 27 years old and called me from the store to ask where they sold the brown hamburger meat oh I can't believe I dated that I'm wasting a away to nothing send help oh and I almost forgot the best part she's teaching your children right now in an American public school the first time I thought this was when he told my parents he
was a mearian because he eats everything the same guy told me that the bumps on the side of the highway are so blind drivers know when they've run off the road ah High School boyfriends he was hot though well we've all dated the gorgeous idiot fun and games until your resentment at the sheer lack of mental activity going on also just makes you completely uninterested in doing anything else with them as well I had been dating this girl for a few months and it was Christmas time we weren't super serious but it was serious enough
that I was buying her Christmas presents I found something for her that was perfect and it had a connection to some funny event involving her and my cat so I made the present from the cat I thought I was being cute and she had make the connection instead she got angry that my cat got her a present and I didn't I thought she was joking to make matters worse we were at her parents' place and they backed her up it was extremely awkward and I realized it wasn't going to work out the Moon is so
beautiful tonight that's a street light you know that right when I was helping her with geography homework and she couldn't point out our own country on the map when she pointed up at a bluish star and sincerely asked is that her when she surprised me by inviting her mother on our 16-day Hawaiian Cru she got me mad libs and when it was her turn to do a noun she asked what's a noun I said it's a person place or thing there was a long silence as she thought it went on for so long that I
thought she must be thinking of the best noun I'd ever heard then she said Place back in college I saw a Flur Le tattoo on a girl's butt for the first time what made you decide to get a Flur tattoo on your butt I don't know I wanted something tribal she told me with a straight face that our horoscopes had changed and it was a bad idea to be together in high school I was in an extracurricular program after school there was one portion of it that was pretty much all girls I dated one girl
from this portion all throughout high school I went to all of their events and helped out I always wondered why none of the other girls or their parents really talked to me right before we graduated I brought it up to her and she told me that she told all of them that I was physically and verbally attacking her all the time when I asked her why she told me it was so no one else would steal me away from her I broke up with her shortly after that when I saw her water her plastic plant
for the third time I don't know the first two times I was sort of stunned and curious the second time she actually said the water just go goes right through I've had this one Cactus for maybe 2 years now it leaks so I kind of never watered it at this point I don't know if it's artificial or organic but I don't really want to break it to find out so I just keep it by my other plants and I don't think about it she kept trying to put food inside the rolling pin and then try
to flatten it by just rolling it around I'm trying to imagine a rolling pin constructed in a way where you could put food inside of it I've got that classic solid wooden roller design in my mind and that's all I can think of okay so apparently lots of people here have rolling pins that are Hollow so you can fill them up with water to add weight apparently most of those versions are crappy plastic kinds I freaking swear to God I'm not making this up but back in 2006 my ex-wife fell for the Nigerian prince scam
and gave out our bank account number a roommate of mine was dating this girl really cute super sweet we were all in the living room watching another room roommates play Call of Duty World at War it was still new at the time she eventually asks if this was based on a true story We reply that although the specific characters likely didn't exist the game was based on World War II her response what's World War II are you serious it was World War frecking 2 at one point she even said it's not like everyone knows about
it yeah casy the whole world does know about it it was a World War and not the first one either apparently when he said the color orange didn't exist because it was really just pink and red mixed together was on a hike and was following a trail that I'd read up online we got to a fork and I said okay now we need to go north and she says haven't we been going that way this whole time confused I look at her and ask why she says that and she replies North is the direction in
front of you yeah I'm still not entirely sure about the origins of that logic we were 16 at the time and we went to go and do the deed I realized I didn't have any protection and then she told me she didn't need it because I trust my body not to get pranan an I asked her what she was talking about and she told me it takes conscious effort to become gregnant and if she didn't want to be she'd never conceive uh how's she doing these days 10 kids and living in a trailer in my
defense the story was back in 2004 I found it charming and endearing ing that this guy did funny voices made funny idiosyncratic jokes and occasionally called me Mady then I saw Anor man oh my God he was literally doing a 24/7 Ron Burgundy impression eclipsing his entire personality I'm not sure that I ever really met the real hym ah the old imitate a fictional character because you have no real personality of your own trick 0% of the time it works every time why do people keep going to knife point it sounds like people keep getting
held up there when we got into a legit argument over how many years there are in a decade baby if you're reading this there are only 10 years in a decade not 12 that the past was black and white she was dead serious my mom used to come up with weird deep answers to questions like this which confused 5-year-old me a whole lot when we were watching some documentary film with 1930s footage I asked her why was the world all gray back then her answer because the world was covered with the smoke of War my
ex of four years when she considered it not cheating to do the deed with a woman because there's no eggplant on her girl it's still cheating I knew someone in high school who told a story about how once she was really nervous about getting pregnant she wasn't but when she finished her story the teacher asked if she checked for transmissi her reply was oh I'm on the pill a girl I dated for 5 years thought alqaeda was a lone dude named Al and I convinced the same girl that whoopy Goldberg was married to Gerard deu
as in her full name is whoopy doy dooo I told her a story about my childhood two weeks later she told it to me but this time it was her childhood apparently she tried to argue that we could get to the moon easier if we just built a spaceship that could go underwater and flew it through the ocean to the moon during the daytime rather than straight up my God someone get nassa on the phone when she told me that babies could only happen if there was love and the only way to get pergent from
the Unspeakable Act was if you really loved the offender he shot himself in the leg twice while cleaning his weapon the same weapon two weeks apart first he got himself in the Cal and then he took out his kneecap the second Time same leg took months of surgeries to fix it we were at a restaurant and she saw a picture of a buffalo and said I want to eat that pig I was dying laughing probably one of the funniest people I've dated but definitely wasn't too sharp my ex thought that whenever I missed his call
the phone would still be ringing after it went to voicemail I got at least three voicemails a week that consisted of silence and the odd annoyed impatient sigh I showed my wife This Thread and she reminded me that I used to think that yeast infections were a result of eating too much bread yeah you can submit your own stories to be featured here on the channel the story submission link is in the description below and if you want to listen to some viby music in the background check out easy mode also linked below and subscribe
we were laying out under the stars and he asked why some were brighter and others dimmer I told him that there were different sizes brightnesses and distances away confused silence you mean they're not stuck up there I'm lying there thinking that this can't be true but oh yes it was upon further questioning I found that he believed the night sky was a big dark blanket like thing with stars stuck on it the fact that our son was a star also blew his mind and just like our sun other stars could have planets well that was
too much I was crushed I almost broke up with him there and then but he was very Earnest and wanted me to teach him so I tried two years and a whole lot of stupid later we broke up okay to expand he worked with kids with special needs and did a really good job at that he was well-meaning pretty generally he wanted to become the world's leading expert in autism fine good for you so I brought him along to my University Library where he spent a day copying a textbook on autism line by line line
I asked him how it was going and he said great then he and I had a conversation where I told him that to be a world expert on it it would take more than reading and copying books it would involve research or being really involved in the field and gaining a formal education in it after that one day in the library he never went back I didn't say he couldn't he just lost interest he did that a lot he'd get super stoked on one subject and the next day it would just be over forgotten this
happened with poker after he watched the movie Rounders he lived with a bunch of guys they all didn't like him but he was completely oblivious to that fact they asked me a lot while I was with him anyway he set up a poker Knight immediately and then lost all of his money to him he was already super poor so he lost about 100 bucks and I forbade him from getting loans to gamble more again the next day it was gone from his head same thing with free mountain climbing after we watched the Mission Impossible movie
where Tom Cruz scaled a rock face with no ropes I told him he should try free skydiving instead I was getting pretty sick of his crap by this point he laughed and it was gone from his mind again his big dream and one that actually lasted the longest was that he wanted to be a mortgage broker his dad was one and was really successful he just couldn't do the math though he had to take a course and I tried to teach him the formulas but he just couldn't do it we were running through problems and
then he turned to me with an exasperated look on his face why do the numbers keep changing as in why would the numbers change in a certain formula from one problem to another this almost tied for the most stupid experience the big blanket in the sky but not knowing about space and the Sun and general knowledge of how the Earth is situated in terms of our solar system just seemed a little more profoundly deficient to me for all those asking he did not have a sweet hog he was not especially attractive he was sweet and
well-meaning sometimes when he wanted to be but he got more and more nasty and insecure as time went on he controlled my every move by the end and as I had low self-confidence I felt like it was my fault and that by being better he would eventually treat me better it did not work out that way things were going towards physical bullying and I left he stalked me a little bit afterwards through a natural move due to school I took the opportunity to lay low and he left me alone thankfully it ended 15 years ago
and since then I've married and I'm very happy with his polar opposite an extreme intelligent man with a sweet hog well I'm glad that you got away from dummy and eventually met your well-endowed smarty pants Man author I don't know how you take steps to fix the mental issues with your ex better than you were already trying to do was there any hope for him oh well she thought Scotland was its own Island as in separated by water we live 30 minutes from the border of Scotland okay to answer some of your questions we live
on the east coast of England and some guy thought it was from someone outside of Europe we've both lived in England our entire lives which makes this even more shameful when she tried to convince me that the Pacific Ocean was fresh waterer he insisted that women cannot be doctors only nurses and vice versa he said that the two were the exact same thing except one is male and one is female he was in his early 20s when she told me she had never been to France I knew for a fact she went to Disney land
Paris every year Paris isn't in France she insisted we live in the UK not USA or somewhere else you can literally drive onto a train which takes you to France from our country she told me her most common password was very secure because it was just a bunch of random numbers the fact that those same numbers were also her social security number didn't seem to concern her we were texting back and forth and she said she was obsessed with Bon Joi and she spelled obsessed like upset but with an S before the T I realized
it was a typo and asked why she was upset with bonji and she said no I love him I'm obsessed with him watching a wildlife documentary and my girlfriend asked me if Bears laid eggs we both live in the UK and just this morning she messaged me asking if Theresa May was the Prime Minister this was one of her more sensible questions but really she should know this he thought the Nation of Islam was a place when I explained to him that this was not the case he responded with h agreed to disagree oh wow
Halloween is on Friday the 13th this year no no it's not is that an albino duck that's a dove when I told her that not every country celebrates Fourth of July or Thanksgiving luckily she left me for a smackhead named Brad and told everyone that I finish quickly in the bed room when she thought that flashing red lights on the road as in traffic lights blinking red meant that you were entering a different time zone instead of indicating a stop sign the backstory is that this was in northwest Virginia we were in college I was
doing my student teaching and had told some of the kids that I would go to the fall play but I'd broken my right ankle so she drove us she dropped this knowledge on Me on the way to the play I Was dumbfounded mine must be pretty dumb I asked her out and she said yes she was out for a run one day and when she came back she said an animal charged at her so she cut her run short I asked her what it looks like and she said like a cow but Brown it was
a cow oh that's a chocolate milk cow the black and white cows turn all black when they're out of milk and slowly get white patches as they fill back up when he told me quite seriously about how people with enough willpower Can Survive by photosynthesis he called lingerie Linguini as in the pastor I asked him about the class he was taking at Community College oh it's going to be okay better than last year I failed it twice oh wow must be a hard class what's it about learning strategies he failed a class about how to
learn twice he was getting his license renewed and they asked him if he wanted to be an organ donor he said no way when I asked why he told me it was because he didn't want the government to come knocking for any of his organs when he still needed them he really thought that becoming an organ donor meant that at any time his organs could be taken I mean this man has seen the very serious and completely factual montypython documentary the meaning of life and taken one of its biggest lessons to Heart bless driving down
the road and the Moon is visible during the day she asks how is the moon out at the same time as the sun sometimes that happens it's not uncommon no they're the same thing so how come I can see both at the same time the sun and the moon are two different things you're not serious right yeah not everyone went to college like you school boy you learned this in like the second grade this woman was in her early 30s my girlfriend at the time genuinely believed that it was the headless horsemen that ran through
Lexington and Concord shouting the British are coming the British are coming boyfriend took me to a fancy restaurant and we ordered wine when the waiter came back he gave my boyfriend the cork to sniff my boyfriend grabbed it sucked on it and licked it like a lollipop all excited while the waer looked uncomfortable poured our glasses and slunk away when she said her dad told her the giant wind farms in central California were to cool things down and she believed him I asked this happened when you were a kid right no last year while making
cool how much sugar does it need it should say on the package just tell me 1 cup okay well there's only 1/3 of a cup here where's the whole cup I don't know just use the 1/3 cup then well how many scoops do I do then it's 1/3 of a cup I don't know fractions just tell me I'm not going to tell you figure it out it's 1/3 of a cup how many do you think it would be I don't know Jonathan just tell me three that girl was 20 years old at the time and
I'll never forget that experience when he joined the clan while dating me I'm not white he decided that he didn't want to go number two while staying with me in student Halls so he just didn't do it for 10 days and seriously messed up his digestive system to clarify I was living in student Halls which were nothing more than bedrooms bathrooms and kitchens it was a half hour walk away from the University itself his excuse was that he has anxiety about doing that in places he's not familiar with with or around a lot of people
he didn't know at the time as it was quite near the beginning of our relationship she threw a butter knife at a light bulb in a crowded restaurant because she didn't like that it was flickering when you subscribe make sure to hit the Bell to turn on notifications put the playlist on in the background to finish listening to all the stories or if you want some viby music to put on in the background check out easy mode if you like am I the genius give am I the jerk a shot everything Linked In the description
