I'm Dr Orion taban and this is psych Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is a feast of crumbs so today I'm going to explain why so many decent guys end up in unsatisfactory relationships typically in their late 20s or early 30s I've heard this story over and over and over again in my consultations with men so I wanted to address it on the channel in order for the message to reach a larger audience and hopefully do more good so I'm just going to be real with you guys most of you
are unattractive it is what it is I know that because most men are unattractive and as a consequence of that most men receive very little if any positive attention from the opposite sex this is one of the reasons why it can be so difficult to be a young man your smv will likely never be lower and to make matters worse the smv of the women around you will likely never be higher the only young guys who have a real chance of leveling the playing field are the physically attractive ones tall handsome athletic Etc this isn't
true forever but it is true for young men which is a big part of why so many young men are disaffected and hopeless when when it comes to women in any case while women can be just as superficial as men can be when it comes to looks and both genders are typically superficial in direct proportion to their perceived optionality women tend to be not so monom maniacally focused on physical appearance in fact a lot of what makes a man attractive to a woman has to do with his life style his status his wealth his Network
his emotional maturity and so on and this gives men an opening in the sexual Marketplace the issue is that any one of these things can take a great deal of time to develop to any appreciable degree so the men who haven't hit the genetic Lottery can't hope to compete successfully overnight however if they haven't made bad choices in their 20s and if they've been working diligently on cultivating that lifestyle to building their ship to use my metaphor then the game starts to change in the late 20s and it's typically right around this time that these
decent hardworking unattractive dudes begin to receive their first taste of female interest and they are completely unprepared for this like they may not have received any kind of positive attention from a woman since their grandma told them they looked handsome in The Tuxedo they rented for junior prom and now suddenly and without having made any significant changes within their own subjective experience they are now receiving interest from women as I discuss in my book this is because the age of 30 is the Turning of the tide it's when the average man's sexual Marketplace value exceeds
the average woman's sexual Marketplace value for the very first time her looks are starting to decline but his fortunes are on the rise a hardworking man with a good job an attractive income no children never married is a good provider option a woman might not have given him a Second Glance 10 years ago but now with the last vestages of her youth fading away her priorities have shifted sure he's not the most attractive guy but listen to me carefully to certain women at certain stages of their lives that's a plus why when women actually start
to get serious about settling down they often don't Target attractive men this is because attractive men are too hard to Wrangle they enjoy too much optionality and they either are not willing to pay the costs associated with entering into a quiet domestic life and or the particular woman proposing said life does not represent a sufficiently attractive option for them so when women are really serious about getting married they often Target less attractive men because boy oh boy are they easy pickings if you appreciate the insights on this channel I would highly encourage you to get
your hands on a copy of my book the value of others over the course of 432 pages I delve deep into my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual Marketplace once you read the value of others you'll never look at relationships the same way again now available in ebook Audi book and paperback formats the links are in the description I see this
all the time I call it the Feast of crumbs in which men get like the smallest hint of affection and interest and suddenly she's the one and on some level why wouldn't she be she might literally be the first unrelated woman who has ever been nice to him it's very easy to spot these guys because their description of their woman's Behavior doesn't match up with their tone like their tone is so adoring and effusive but what they're describing is frankly just run-of-the-mill girlfriend Behavior stuff that you can reasonably expect from anyone you're in a relationship
with it kind of sounds like this you know Orion I get it I get that there are a lot of problems but she treats me so well like for my birthday last month she got me a birthday cake and my name was spelled right on the cake and everything like no typos at all and the cake had candles and she lit the candles and after I blew them out she she cut a piece of the cake from me I didn't even have to ask like I feel she really cares about me and I'm worried I
might not find this again and it's like okay dude let's not discount the effort she made it's good that your girlfriend remembered your birthday and she did something to make you feel special we don't have to invalidate that but let's be honest that's kind of standard girlfriend Behavior like you should reasonably expect your girlfriend to remember your birthday however that doesn't necessarily mean that you make a lifetime commitment to a woman who bought you a cake you know what I'm saying those two things don't match up they're not in the same ballpark they're not even
the same sport but because so many men have gone so long without any interest or affection or kindness from women the slightest whiff of that can make some guys feel like they've hit the jackpot and of course because they've never had it before they're worried that they will never have it again and this scarcity mentality often motivates them to invest in women when it's probably not in their best interest to do so now some of you might think well Orion what's the problem these women are looking to get married and have kids just like me
they might want the attractive guy but they can't get him so on some level his loss is my game what's the issue here turns out there are a lot of issues here but in the interest of time I'm going to discuss just the biggest one namely these men get used now to be fair these men often participate joyfully and enthusiastically in their own exploitation but they are used nonetheless they are being used by these women for certain things and once they receive these things they make themselves redundant and unnecessary in the absence of real attraction
these relationships are basically perpetually maintained by giving the woman what she wants it's like happy wife happy life isn't completely wrong it's just the refrain of less attract Ive men who understand on some level that their woman isn't going to stick around if the provision of value dries up these men are basically hostages who continually have to pay their own Ransom or suffer the consequences like I say in the book no one continues to pay the plumber before the toilet is unclogged the plumber is in very high demand however after the clog has been revealed
resolved there is really no reason to keep the plumber around and you certainly don't keep giving him money I've seen this happen again and again a guy will receive interest from a woman sometimes even an attractive woman and he'll be over the moon because she's showing him more attention and consideration than he's ever experienced in his life it's often just crumbs of affection but that's more than he's ever tasted and he'll give her the ring and the house and the kids he might even smugly think that he's a good man for doing so because apparently
the other Jokers she was previously involved with weren't willing to do so though a prudent man would spend some time considering why that might be the case the issue is that at some point he's going to run out of things to give her and once that point is reached that woman is only going to stay out of a deep authentic and abiding emotional connection a connection that's greatly facilitated by attraction which on some level is the felt experience that you can't do better and a woman who doesn't feel that way will take the last thing
you're in a position to give her a severance package that's the last bit of utility that guy can potentially provide for her I've seen this play out hundreds of times so my dudes that's the danger of getting involved with a woman who is not very attracted to you you delay your emotional evisceration by 10 years 15 years if you're lucky and hopefully this is a powerful reminder to invest in your own attractiveness we can't all be supermodels but we can all be more attractive than we currently are and the more attractive you are the more
attention and interest you will receive from the opposite sex and this experience and optionality will help you to not get carried away whenever another person shows you the smallest signs of affection keep your feet on the ground and make good choices gentlemen because no one will care if you bleed what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message as its word of mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel
grow anyone looking to join my free Weekly Newsletter or book a paid consultation can do so on my website there's also my book the value of others and my member Community the Captain's Quarters the links to everything are in the description below please check them out they're actually a treasure Trove of information as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening
