let's go through this step-by-step how did a girl who was brought by her parents the United States from Lebanon your home country schooled in the United States clearly smart went to university in Texas read history how did you get involved with the sex porn industry I don't think low self-esteem discriminates against anyone it doesn't matter if you come from a great family or if you come from a not-so-great background I struggled my entire childhood with weight and I never felt attractive or worthy of male attention and suddenly my first year of college I start losing
all this weight from making small changes and by the time I graduated I was ready to make a bigger difference I felt extremely self-conscious about my breasts because that was the first thing to go when I lost all the weight I lost about 50 pounds I don't know how many kilos that is or stones well it's a considerable amount of weight yeah changed yeah changed your physic completely so my biggest insecurity was my breast so I wanted to more or less go back to what they normally were and once I did that I started garnering
all of this attention from men and I was never used to it and I felt like unless I held onto it and kind of did what was asked of me or what was expected of me it would go away and after feeling what it was like that validation and you know the compliments for the first time I did not want that to go away hmm you were spotted I think honest Rittman there you were you were a young graduate wanting to sort of find a job and and you were spotted on the street by a
guy who said I I can work with you and clearly he opened up and said it's the porn business what was it in you that from far from running away we was drawn into it I it wasn't that's not how it was it wasn't just hey do you want to come to porn it was more so oh you're beautiful like would you like to do some modeling oh you know you have a great body like I think you'd be great nude modeling things like that and after I came in toward the studio you know it
was very respectable it was a gorgeous location it was in Miami in Doral Florida it was clean everyone who worked there was nice all of their cubicles were decorated with family photos like it was nothing dodgy or mid that made me uncomfortable and after do I get the first time I went in wasn't the first time I I filmed a porn movie it was the second time the first time was more so do you want to do this like sign the paperwork etc etc so these guys they just saw you frankly as a money machine
absolutely but you still had no advisors you had no lawyer you had no nothing so I was what 21 year old has a lawyer on retainer I'm just trying to get my head around how stressful this must have been and whether even now because you sit here so poised and obviously a lot of time has passed and you've moved on but do you think there is some sort of post-traumatic stress that is in you from this experience yes and I think it kicks in mostly when I go out in public because the stairs I get
I feel like people can see through my clothes and it brings me deep shame it makes me feel like it makes me feel like I lost all right to my privacy which I did because then I'm one Google search away yeah and those images you cannot expunge you have no right even though it is deeply personal to you you have no right to remove them from anybody's view around the world it is very hard and I'm just thinking this isn't I mean this story is your story but frankly it's also the story of other porn
actors and actresses I honestly started seeing that recently after the interview came out and people started reaching out and all of the emails go my manager checks them and when he gets stuff like that he filters them and sends them to me and reading the words of some of these girls who have been sex trafficked and forced into porn and then all of these stories of girls whose lives have been ruined by owed and by men who have taken advantage of them and by contracts that they didn't even didn't even understand the jargon of it
makes me feel like okay maybe maybe it was good that I started talking and that I posted this interview and that I'm speaking out now because other people feel the same way and even if they don't relate on as deep a level as you know doing porn they can relate on the level of being insecure and being pressured into doing something I didn't want to do you were wearing the Islamic headscarf often known as her job and of course then it developed into a sex scene you must have known how provocative that was a verbatim
told them you guys are gonna get me killed and they said they just laughed why didn't you then say I'm not doing it intimidation I was scared right I knew that if I said no it would it would you know they're not you keep thinking they're not gonna force you to do it that's at that point that's rape no one's going to force you to have sex but I was still scared I mean I have you ever felt scared - not scared but nervous to speak up and say something at a restaurant when your foods
not right and the waiter comes by and says how is everything I I was intimidated I was nervous we need to view a lot of people and many of them are middle-aged or older it's great to have somebody in the studio's only 26 years old there is a school of thought which says that that our culture as a whole I want just talking about the United States or the UK but in many many countries is being pornified and that young people in particular are so exposed to pornography so young in their lives that it's it's
materially changing the way males and females relate to each other the way they think about relationships in a potentially very corrosive damaging way what's your take on that of course it affects relationships and porn addiction is very prevalent in America and I'm sure here too the things that men see in videos they expect from the women in their lives and that's just not reality no one is going to be that perfect no one is going to do those acts on a Wednesday night with the person they love you
