the real reason I haven't released music in 2 years

hi my name is Alyssa Alys and um I just came here to talk about a little bit um my process in creating art and making music and that stuff um I just released a new song after two years um got to a point that I thought I wouldn't end up releasing the songs ever because they are they're like two years old most of them um and I just released the first one after all this time so it's just been amazing this last few days um and I'm still proud of what the songs are like you

know how it sounds to me and stuff um so um I don't know I'm just I'm just excited um I think mostly like I wanted to to talk about um my experience in having a Break um and how that felt and I think the universe pushes us to do things that we're not very comfortable or we're not very happy with but at the end of the day everything is perfect like everything that happened in this last few years since my last release just makes so much sense now but for a long time I just fell

I just felt the pressure that I had to release my songs and I could the process was slow to create them but um I don't think I've ever cared that much about the fact that my process in making art and making music is quite slow uh cuz I'm very picky but and also like it's quite it's been quite hard to find people that would understand what I wanted and I think even myself like because I'm a new musician I don't have much of a I don't have like a musical background since as as a since

kid um so um it took a long time to start like understanding and learning the language you know that music is I was signed with a label and by like my last release I was starting to feel the pressure really hard and I've only released like about four songs or something um I started understanding that maybe that wasn't the right path in creating music for me me as when I signed in with them there were lots of talk and promise that um I would be able to be myself and create the art I wanted and

you know I could be different I didn't need to follow the same guidelines as a lot of you know pop artists do this is not what I wanted um and I think I thought they were quite self aware of it but I don't think that was the case creatively was quite difficult and a lot of pressure and um creating social content and all that stuff that already was a lot when you try to make music and also be an influencer and all that it's just I just started really like considering things and thinking wow I

think I I chose the wrong path in you know music like going with a label a bigger label um and I think I started having like lots of crazy dreams like for me I just get um I just get so much like information from from things like in dreams and signs and stuff at the time I was I was in England um I wanted to go back home I wanted to go to Brazil um and I wanted I wanted to connect somehow I knew that I had to go back to my family and I wanted

to know about them I had this feeling like I want to I want to know like more about my family I want to know about more about my ancestors and I I don't know where they came from and it was at a time I was like suffocated with this whole music stuff and um I just weren't it just wasn't very clear the path I wanted to take uh so this urge this feeling like I need to go to Brazil I have to go to Brazil so I did um and at the time lot of things

started happening like new um experiences showed my way um to connect with myself like one of them by doing sacred medicines with the original people of Brazil um and that really opened my eyes and really showed me really showed me like like who not really who I was because I think that's so much deeper we will never know but I saw a little bit of it and I just felt this extreme connection with where I'm from and I think most of the cause of me being lost comes from not knowing or not feeling like you

belong somewhere like you're so not not just our vessels but like our soul where where are we like where does this come from like where am I from what do I honor what are my people what are my beliefs and to know that I will never be alone and I have this cultural background behind me and I have you know this land and I think this feeling of belonging really clarifi my path of like what I wanted to do and my purpose and why do I make music why do I wanted to make music first

place and for me I you know at the beginning when you just daydreaming constantly about one day you having SOA and why do you want to sing and why do you want to write lyrics and why do you want to pain or do anything I think it's pretty much like you feel like you you have a reason for it like you know for me it was just like wow how crazy it is to make a song and a video or whatever that can speak with someone even if it's just like one person so it's like

at first you come from such a like place like in your heart you know about um May why you want to do it you know like such a pure way that throughout the whole you know when you get into it and you start doing and you get used to it you forget all these things so by going back home I I just got that like I remembered why I wanted to do this but not just with my mind not like consciously it's more like subconsciously deep down in your heart like you know where your heart

you know and that made such a difference really to first time have a peak into to my soul and who I am that was mental um and after that I started like finally paint I started painting again the art that I love and I felt um a connection with it like my dad was um used to paint he used to do a lot of Art and I think that it's a thing that I do without any thoughts you know what I mean like why am I doing this like I don't know I just love it

that's this is how I feel when I'm painting so I just started painting a lot and ideas and projects start coming to surface like how can I use something that I love and care to serve you know at the same time it's I wanted I still work with my label so I was trying to finish finish some songs and things but it feels like when something it's not meant to be it feels like as much as like you're trying so much but it doesn't seem to flow like it doesn't want to flow there's always something

in the way there's always so this is how music felt for a while like it just felt like wow why is it so hard like why you know like for me I I can't just go on and play a bunch of stuff and things like that um so I need people to to make the music for me with me um and I don't know that like was so hard like everyone I wanted to work with that worked before weren't available and new people that I was trying to find out but wasn't working out was just

you know with music it's very difficult because you sharing your it's almost like you're giving a pain brush to someone that you don't know you never spoke to to go and paint something for you like you know it it it is different because you're giving like your ideas and you hope that person or someone just understand what you're talking about but it's it is very difficult so it takes a while for you to really connect with someone and make something meaningful together so that just was a very like long long thing um I got a

bit lost I got a bit lost with everything um just didn't really know what to do for a while and hi what I've managed to do my songs at the end with the help of my friends Ali and Dan and I was really happy and I really wanted to release like a while ago ages ages ago it's EP um and I got a call from a manager saying that my label were changing the whole team they were you know rebranding to dance or whatever and um they want they could release my stuff but it wouldn't

be much you know they were going to to do much about my stuff and I was like what no that's the universe that's just saying no thanks I don't want that uh so I got out but the whole process took so long it took months and months and months and months to even you know like you know emails that took three weeks to reply and all that thing and whatever then I saw signed recently officially signed out sign out um and now I'm free now I'm an independent again my first song was released independently and

I'm very proud of it and my experiences so far I don't I don't know really what's going on but I am getting help from my family to do this like my mother-in-law she's is helping me so much with everything she's my mom Ander um getting help from a lot of people around me Oli helps me so much um so like I'm not alone and I can do this and I'm so happy that finally I'm back with the music and I can release all the songs um I don't know oh yeah it's it's amazing I think

to be able to do this independently I think there is just so much good energy that comes from it you know from like really from from here and that's what I think it's meant to be for me I just have to do things from here because when they come from other sources that doesn't align with who you are it it doesn't work at least for me like I tried that way like I was like fake it to you and make it how is that how it fake it to you make it um no I can't

do that I just have to do things that are very very very legit to me they're very me authentic you know and it's a hard path because authenticity nowadays it's so rare you know because we are authentic we are ourselves and we are all special um we were quirks and you know the way we are but you know we're just there's just so much influence around us there's just so much like brainwashing and in our phones and TV people around so we just being like and we end up creating this layer of different faces you

know different different personalities that we keep swapping but as an artist to access that you have to peel so much and it's a very long process you know I don't know it's till you die you still peeling layers and finding now things that were deep buried subconsciously inside you beliefs that they are not yours so it's just a long process of finding your authentic self as an artist and and obviously I had to choose this path the hardest path but I think it's the most the most happy happy one I think is the one that

aligns to me with who I am um and you know it's been pretty crazy everything um been trying to do lots of work with my inner child and lots of healing and understanding things that I used to love as a kid and how can I bring this back to me how to be like I was when I was a little kid and I think that's my that's my thing really because we all create traumas when we were kids and but because it's when we were so pure so also fragile to all the experience and all

the things that happen in the world so taing into your inner child it's so important to find out your authenticity to find out what I don't know like the joy of life again how he felt to be a kid and just create and just go the flow you know like you know to just pick up a flu and put up your nose or to eat lips like you know why did you do all the things when you're a kid I don't know but there is that feral thing inside you that energy that that impulse to

to just go crazy and just do things I think we need more of that we're just so trapped into conforming you know um yeah I also like to show one of my paintings have been um I'd like to show you one of my paintings um I I don't know like I'm selling this to help people from the Amazon um an indigenous Community this is just a print it's not the original um know you can see but it's um it's a scene that I saw when I went to the Amazon rainforest um and there was fire

and music and I don't know time didn't exist so when I drew this I was really inspired to that image I saw um and you know I created um a thing a project called earthlin and to help to serve I think that's it um and it brings me so much joy like to be around kids um and help them somehow there's lots of things coming um but yeah for now like I just put this online for purchase um and all the money goes to them um yeah I don't know and I think I don't know

I'm just really excited I don't know releasing my songs and and I don't know I just get so much support from from you guys or whoever is watching or if you've never seen I don't know who the [ __ ] I am um I'm just really happy that I'm finally releasing and that I'm back um and I'm creating more music and making more music nonstop that's how he goes um yeah you know what else um yeah bye