there is no greater skill that can be acquired or constantly worked at that has a bigger impact in our personal and professional life than the ability to build instant rapport with others whether they be an acquaintance customer co-worker or total stranger everyone you come in contact with has an invisible sign above their head that reads make me feel important studies constantly show that the happiest people are the ones with the most meaningful relationships yet developing relationships and building rapport is not taught anywhere and too often we can be guilty of treating others we come in
contact with as a transaction or as a private audience to up them update them about our day and what's happening totally missing an opportunity to make a connection that could potentially enrich both lives as a result of being in the midst of the touchscreen era we have significantly less face-to-face interactions and our people skills are eroding however nothing will ever replace looking directly in someone else's eyes and making a meaningful connection how many of you agree with the following statement people don't listen with the intent of understanding they listen with the intent of replying yeah
scientists studied the human brain and found that it took at a minimum of zero point six seconds to formulate a response to something said to it then they studied hundreds of conversations and found the average gap between people talking with 0.2 seconds how can people be responding in 1/3 the time the human brain will allow obviously people have their responses ready long before the other person is done talking and it's human nature for us to be preoccupied and consume what's happening in our world however if we want to make a connection our goal must be
on having the other person leave feeling better for having interacted with us by putting the majority of the focus on them when we're not anxious to tell our story and we could be present with someone that's when the magic happens Jim Rohn once said the greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of your attention so by a show of hands how many people in here feel that you're pretty good at building rapport with others alright now here's the thing just because you know someone's name or you recognize their face doesn't mean you've built
a rapport here's how you prove you've built a rapport after having a conversation with someone you have to know two or more things of their Ford F oh our D family are they married do they have kids how old are their kids occupation what do they do for a living recreation what's their hobbies what do they do for fun well they do with their downtime and dreams what's their long-term goals what's on their bucket list if you note or more facts of someone's Ford you know we have a relationship you own the relationship because to
each of us our Ford is the most important thing it's what it's our hot buttons it's what we get excited about when we are asked about it's what we're passionate about and when you can use four techniques to keep the conversation on someone else that's when the power really happens so the best thing to do is is create a daily habit a system of collecting and retrieving Ford that could be a notepad that you carry your iPhone contacts that you update an app or a database on your computer now many of our clients that have
call centers use a four desk pad now however in that environment we don't want the customer service reps to be asking callers their Ford that would be like a stalker checklist but you don't have to because so often people over share someone calls in and says I need to reschedule my three o'clock on Wednesday because my daughter's soccer team made it to districts too often customer the customer service rep responds with how about Thursday at 4:00 ducking and bobbing and weaving from great Ford being thrown at us because she's too task-focused versus capturing that forward
when the client comes in at four o'clock on Thursday saying how did your daughter's soccer team do and the client responding surprisingly how did you know forgetting that she ever even told us have you ever bought a new car so excited because you've never seen that model in that color until an hour later you see a bunch now that all these other people have the same ideas you today and buy that car and that color no the difference is your mind is now primed to see what's always been there and that's what good for techniques
do they help us here and notice things we otherwise wouldn't have when my oldest son Johnny went off to college he called me he said dad Ford is the greatest thing ever I was shocked he's never listened to anything I've ever told him and then he goes on to say it is amazing way to meet girls glad I could help when my boys and I travel we play the Ford game who could find out the most personal information of strangers because it's important I want to make sure that I am teaching them to focus on
other people and not be talking about this themselves but it's hilarious my three boys are drilling the port uber driver all right or the waitress or the bellman but it's also amazing what we can find out in such a short amount of time and best of all how they light up because someone is showing interest in them everyone has a story to tell if we just take the time and ask when you're able to be genuinely interested in others with the goal of building a relationship and not trying to get anything else out of them
the friendship always becomes the greatest reward and I have found the best way to build long-term sustainable relationships is to give more I've tried to build my life's purpose around these two words see we live in a very cynical society today and the deal is our agreement says that you're gonna do a B and C and I'm supposed to do XY and Z but too often we wait we don't trust we make sure the other person says does what they say and then we do what we are supposed to do what I try to teach
myself remind myself teach my staff and teach my three boys is do XY and Z first and throw in W even though W wasn't part of the deal give them more than a deal said give them more than the other person expect that means if you borrow your neighbors pickup truck to move furniture give them that truck back cleaner and with more gas than how they gave it to you I invite you to build more meaningful relationships by focusing on other people's Ford in finding ways to give more in all your relationships thank you you
