Told My Husband Why I Never Wanted Kids. The Next Morning I Overheard Him Tell His Mom He Wouldn't..

Told my husband why I never wanted kids. The next morning, I overheard him tell his mom he wouldn't have married me if he knew. Then I found all our protection was tampered.

I (F28) have always been childfree. Ever since I was 16 years old, I knew that I would not and could not raise kids. I have always been vocal about the fact that I would never have children.

In every single relationship of mine, I told my partners that I would not be having kids, and if that was something they expected from me or for themselves, I was not the right partner for them. Some of my partners were okay with this, but for some, it was a deal breaker, and we parted ways amicably, and I was okay with it. Just because I didn't want this for myself or had envisioned my life a certain way did not mean others had to conform to it.

But I have never been dishonest about what I want from my life. I have been upfront about this aspect of my life, and I have told every single partner that this is something non-negotiable for me. Some people ask me why I don't want kids, and I know it's because they want to convince me otherwise and tell me all about the joy of motherhood.

But I hate these intrusive questions. To me, it shouldn't matter to anyone why I don't want kids. I am childfree, and that is the extent of the information I owe you.

There is no need for anyone to know the rationale behind it, and if I'm being honest, the reasons are rooted in a lot of trauma that I don't feel comfortable recounting. I have spent years and a considerable amount of effort to come to a place that feels better mentally, and I don't want to ruin all those years of progress by dwelling in the past for no reason. So whenever someone asks me why I don't want kids, I don't indulge them with any answer.

I simply either refuse to respond or tell them it's none of their business. I have my reasons, and they have no right to poke into it. This has always been my stance, and most people have respected it.

So, I never anticipated that I would be blindsided one day when I met my husband, David (M33), three years ago, and we started dating. I told him from the outset that I wasn't someone who would have kids. He was always on board with it; at least, that's what he said, and I believed him.

There was no reason for me not to believe a 30-year-old man who sounded so sure about what he wanted from life. I think I told him by the third or fourth date that if he wanted to take things further, he should know that I was childfree and nothing on Earth could make me want to raise a child. He seemed okay with it, and that topic was never brought up for discussion in the next few months.

I remember around the one-year mark, we were having a general conversation, and he asked me why I was against having children and a family of my own. I wanted to tell him, but it was too much for me. Revisiting that trauma has always been detrimental to me, and I just didn't want to go through that mentally.

I told him so. I said that I had my reasons, and it wasn't that I wasn't comfortable sharing them. I trusted him, but I didn't want to because it brought up a lot of pent-up thoughts and feelings, and dealing with them was something I didn't want at that point in time.

He hugged me, consoled me, and never pressed the question again. Ever since then, the topic of children never came up again, and I was so grateful to God for giving me a partner who understood my boundaries and respected them. Our relationship continued for another year, and then he asked me to marry him.

I was overjoyed, and I loved him a lot, but I asked him again if he was sure about this because my stance on children would not change. He told me that he had never been sure of anything in his life, and if he had wanted to leave because of my decision, he would have left on the fourth date itself. He gave me a sappy— I now think it's sappy because of what's happened in the last few days—initially felt amazing and romantic speech about how I am the love of his life and he would never let me go over children because any family he wanted was a family that had me in it.

We got married, and it was amazing. It was mostly his family and my friends who came. I am not close to my family, and I am completely no contact with my mother, so I had not invited them.

The ceremony was sweet, and it has only been six months since we got married, but everything seemed perfect. I have a good relationship with his family. We meet regularly.

Both of us have good jobs, and we do well for ourselves. We don't really want for anything, and I know it sounds privileged and "high," but it is what it is. Now, I will have to throw everything away because David has changed completely, and I don't even know what to do anymore.

It's like my life has changed completely, and everything is out of my control. Two weeks ago, things changed. I received a DM from my sibling on Instagram.

I don't know how she found me or why she was looking for me, but it sent me into a downward spiral of panic and guilt. I scheduled an urgent appointment with my therapist. I was having a.

. . had no childhood.

My days were consumed with taking care of my siblings instead of enjoying the carefree joys of being a kid. I had to grow up far too quickly, and that lost time was something I could never get back. Eventually, this led to a lot of resentment towards my mother and my situation.

I felt trapped. When I finally broke down and shared everything with David that day, it was a floodgate moment. The years of suppressed emotions and memories came pouring out, and with each word, I felt a little lighter, even though the weight of my past was still heavy on my heart.

David listened intently, and I could see the worry etched on his face, but also a growing understanding of the depth of my struggles. It was a difficult conversation, and while it was painful to relive those memories, it was also liberating. For the first time in a long time, I felt validated and heard.

I realized that confiding in someone who genuinely cared made a difference, and I didn't have to carry this burden alone. As I sat there, tears streaming down my face, I knew that I was taking the first steps towards healing. I had opened up about my past; I was no longer just the girl with a hidden story, but someone finally reclaiming her narrative.

I still had a long way to go, but I was ready to confront my emotions and face the challenges ahead with David by my side. was parentified to the point of death. I couldn't meet friends because I had to cook food for the kids.

I couldn't participate in any extracurricular activities because I had to help the kids with homework. I had to clean the house. I was a maid, and it was horrible.

I had no respite, and she had somehow poisoned all the kids against me. She used to badmouth me anytime she was sober, which was not often because she was always high or away. None of the kids liked me, and that made it all the more frustrating.

I kept on pushing as much as I could, but when she got pregnant for the final time when I was around 15 or 16, I had had enough. She came home and announced that we were going to have another sibling, and literally not a single person in the room was happy. It was evident from our faces.

Then, in a fit of rage, she started yelling at everyone, especially me, saying that I had to do this for her and whatnot. I told her no. I simply told her that I would not do anything for any of the kids anymore.

I was exhausted, and it was not my job to look after the brood she produced. That was the last day I did anything for them. I didn't help with homework; I didn't change diapers; I didn't do anything.

I just cooked for everyone because I had been doing that since I was a kid, and they were used to my food. Plus, I'm not the kind of person to starve someone, but that was the extent of it. When Mom realized what was happening, she started hounding Cynthia and Warren to pick up the slack.

It was a mess, but at least I was safe. I know it came at the cost of Cynthia and Warren, but I honestly don't feel any guilt for it. If I hadn't taken a stand for myself back then, I would have been in the same rut.

When my youngest sister was born, my mother came to me and told me to end my tantrum and help her out because I had been the one looking after everyone before this, and that she couldn't do it without my help. I flatly refused. She told me I had no option or she wouldn't feed me, and I told her that if she tried anything of that sort, I would complain to the authorities.

That shut her up for a while, but she started neglecting the baby. She wouldn't feed her, and she would keep wailing in her crib. It was a nightmare to live in that house.

I had had enough. I was 16, and I decided I couldn't do it any longer, so I ran away. I ran away in the middle of the night with some money and never looked back.

I called CPS to inform them of what was happening, and that was the last I heard of them. I never tried contacting them, and they never tried contacting me. I don't know what happened to my siblings, and I never tried reaching out because if I did, the responsibility would have gone back to me, but I needed to be a little selfish for myself or I would have ended up being a carer for my siblings for the rest of my life.

I finished school, went to college, worked hard, and made a life for myself that was completely cut off from my family. All these years, I never told anyone what I had gone through because it was too traumatic for me to even recall. I was abused and harassed, mentally and physically, and I had to slog for hours every day to make sure everyone slept with a full tummy.

That was when I realized I had raised enough kids in this life and didn't have the stamina to do it anymore. I was done with being a parent, and I wanted to be and remain an individual for the rest of my life. By the time I finished telling David the entire story, I was sobbing like a little girl, and he held me so close the entire time.

I felt relief like I had never felt before, and it was such a surreal experience. I had cried so much that I had a massive headache. He took me to bed; I took some meds, and I fell asleep instantly.

I felt grateful that I had a husband who could understand what I was going through, that I had found a partner I could share anything with. I never knew I was wrong and that the one person who had vowed to protect me and support me would be the one to break my trust and shatter my confidence in people completely. When I got up the next morning, I realized David was not in the room.

I knew he didn't have work because he had come back from the trip the previous night. I made my way downstairs, and I heard him talking to his mother. I was about to go back to my room when I heard him say my name.

I should not have eavesdropped; that's wrong, but the moment I heard him say my name, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought he was going to disclose everything to my mother-in-law, which I didn't want at all. I had shared the most traumatic part of my life with him in confidence, and I didn't want anyone else to know the show that my life was for so many years.

I tried to stand there and listen to what he was saying, and now I think that it would have still been okay if he was just telling his mother about what I told him. I could have somehow managed to excuse that, but what I heard completely. .

. "Broke me, and it has been a few days since that phone call, and I still don't know what to do. He wasn't just disclosing everything to his mother; he also said that had he known I had faced all this and felt so strongly about being child-free, he wouldn't have married me.

He said I had trapped him by not telling him everything about my past sooner, and he feels like he has wasted all this time with me. He even went as far as to say that he was considering leaving me because he couldn't waste his time with a selfish woman who had curbed her maternal instinct on a whim. I didn't have the heart to listen to more of what he was saying; I had already heard enough.

He thought all those years were nothing, and what I faced was a joke he completely downplayed and disregarded. Everything I went through he called my decision to be child-free a whim. I couldn't even believe he could be so insensitive.

He had been so good to me when I told him about my mother and my siblings, and now I see this completely different and vicious side of him. I really don't know what he means when he says I trapped him; he had always known that I would not have kids. I had repeatedly told him, and I had repeatedly asked him if he was okay with it, and he always pretended to be okay.

As a matter of fact, if he had a problem with my choices and wanted a large family for himself, he should have been upfront about it. He is the one who wasted my time, not the other way around. And the most disgusting part is that he came upstairs a few minutes later and was so nice to me.

His behavior made me second-guess myself, and I genuinely thought I might have heard wrong. I just can't look at him the same way again. He is an actor, and he has deceived me for far too long, and I cannot keep falling for his pretenses any longer.

I just don't know what to do. I have had such a hard time these last few days that I don't even have the energy or the strength to confront him and tell him that I know what he said to his mother. It is just too isolating and depressing, and he knows something is wrong.

He has tried talking to me about it, but I just brushed the topic aside, though I know I can't keep avoiding it any longer. I just don't understand why he would even agree to marry me or get into a relationship with me when he knew I didn't want kids and he did. It just makes no sense to me.

Sometimes I think maybe it's his mom influencing him, but he has never seemed to be the kind to be influenced by other people. But then what do I know? I clearly don't know the man I married, and at this point, nothing should surprise me.

I guess I just came here to vent. I don't know whether I should run, confront him, or just let it be for the time being. I feel stuck, and I need help to get out of this rut.

Update: I read all the comments carefully, and I am so glad I did because they made me so much more vigilant and aware of what David could really do. A few of you guessed correctly: he had planned to get me pregnant all along. I haven't confronted him yet, but now there is no other option but to do so because I found that all the protection in his closet was tampered with.

Every single one had been pierced. I cannot describe the rage I felt. I feel so unsafe in my own house; I can't even confront him.

I don't know what else he is capable of; I just know I can't stay here with him any longer. I tried to gauge his reaction and tested him a little. I told him that since the text from Cynthia on Instagram, I've been feeling very paranoid, and I had a session with my therapist as well.

I told him that all that trauma has come back, and I now want to take actual and concrete steps to ensure I don't accidentally end up pregnant. We were having dinner when I said this, and he slowly lowered his fork and asked me what I meant. I told him I was planning on getting my tubes tied; that way, there would be no risk at all.

I wanted to provoke him a little more, so I also said that since we're both child-free, he could also get a vasectomy done so that we're both sure, and there's just no room for surprises. I then said that the vasectomy was a better idea because it's an easier surgery and the recovery time isn't long either. He looked at me as if I had asked for his lungs.

He didn't say a word, and I knew then that he was going to do everything in his power to stop me from getting my tubes tied, and I was right. He said there was no need for all this and that I was getting worked up for no reason. He told me surgery was an unnecessary expense, especially since we were always careful anyway.

I brushed the whole topic aside and told him I wasn't certain, but it was just a thought that came to me. This happened three or four days ago, and he has initiated intimacy every single day since then. I think he wants to get me pregnant as soon as he can, and he's getting desperate now because I said I was contemplating surgery.

So many of you guessed this right, but I didn't want to. " Believe it: this man, this marriage, and this house—none of them are safe for me anymore, and I need to make an exit plan as soon as I can. Update: I confronted him.

I hadn't planned to, but I did; I just couldn't keep it in any longer. He was getting very persistent, and I was getting annoyed. Then I reached my breaking point.

This was the biggest fight of our entire relationship, and I know there's no coming back from this. I told him I heard him talk to his mom and what he had to say to her. He tried to deflect the blame and said I was in the wrong for listening to a private conversation between him and his mother.

I told him to eat because he had been fooling me the entire time—telling me he was okay with me being child-free while secretly planning to get me pregnant all along. He told me I was falsely accusing him and had no proof that this was his intention, so I just opened his drawer and threw the stuff in his face. He turned as white as a ghost.

He didn't say anything for a long time, but I was too angry to be quiet. I was screaming at him like a woman possessed, and I told him he had no business ruining my life and cheating me when he wasn't okay with my decisions. He broke down and told me he loved me and didn't want to let me go, and he thought that maybe he could convince me eventually.

He said that all women want to be mothers; they just think they don't. So apart from being an absolute a-hole, my husband is also regressive and misogynistic, and I told him exactly that. I asked him what his plan was because he knew I was dead set against having a baby.

He would have known quite early on that the convincing wouldn't work on me. What was his plan of action, then? He admitted what all of you were fearing: he said he thought that he would accidentally get me pregnant, and then I wouldn't have gone for an abortion.

Either way, I had no words left. I had hoped he wouldn't stoop to this level, but with this statement, he proved that he was the scum of the earth and that our relationship was not salvageable at all. He apologized and said he would never do anything to betray my trust again and begged me for another chance, but I just went to a different room and locked myself in.

I am done with him, and I am done with this drama. All I've ever wanted was a life of peace. I couldn't get it when I was a kid, and I haven't gotten it as an adult.

I am sick of the hypocrisy and double standards of the world, and I think I am better off alone. I cannot deal with this. I cannot trust David again, and no matter what he does, I cannot forgive him.

This is just unforgivable in my eyes. There is no coming back from this. Update three: I have moved out and filed for divorce.

I knew I had to do it, but David was in denial and kept asking me to forgive him. I didn't. His entire family got involved, and they all came down for an intervention and hounded me, but I was just not in the mood for any kind of attempt to save the marriage.

The marriage was a sham, and David is a cheat. I didn't want anything to do with him. Mill went as far as to say I was punishing her poor son for what my mother did to me, but David glared at her, and she shut up.

I told her she had no business poking her nose into my personal life. She said that she was family, and I told her not for long. I asked all of them to leave, and even though they resisted, I stayed firm.

I have had enough. I looked for a studio, and I found one within my budget. When I was moving my stuff out, David looked at me in disbelief.

I think that was when it hit him that this was real and there was no coming back. He begged me to try couples counseling or to go for a break rather than a divorce, but I told him there was no point in holding on to a dead relationship, and that the only reason he wanted us to work out so badly was because he knew that he was at fault and it was only because of him that things had gotten so bad. Now that I have moved into my new place, I just feel numb.

I hope I get used to this, and I hope there is something better in store for me. As of now, I am just glad I am safe and have exited yet another toxic relationship.