I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psych Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is overpaying is the cost of winning this is an important life lesson in today's day and age we are fairly squeamish about the idea of winners and losers we would prefer that the Universe did not exist as a zero sum game and in some cases it doesn't however in far more cases than we would like to admit it does the game is zero sum if you want that job no one else can have it if you want
to marry that man no other woman can marry him if you want to win that Championship everyone else has to lose the universe is abundant in general there are lots of jobs and men and championships but it is zero sum in the particular there is only one of that job and of that man and of that championship and if you you want it no one else can have it if you want it you have to be willing and able to win and the cost of winning is overpaying and I don't just mean money I'm using
the word overpay in its broadest possible sense not only might you need to pay more you might need to work harder and longer than you ever thought you would you might need to sacrifice more of your time and energy and attention than you ever thought you could you might need to pay in the sense of giving things up like Leisure and comfort and free time and hobbies you might even need to part with friends and family who obstruct your goal and you may need to pay with doubt and loneliness and ridicule and pain at the
highest levels this is the cost of winning why is this the case well life is sort of like an auction house and how does an auction house work an auction house is full of things that many people want however these things are for sale remember wanting is free the whole world wants a loving relationship and a beautiful house and a rewarding job who wouldn't want more beauty or power or money wanting these things is free but an auction house is not a charity actually getting these things will cost you and the fairest way we've Hit
Upon to distribute these particular Zero Sum Goods is to give them to the person who pays the most perhaps not a perfect system but it's the best we've managed to come up with to win the lot the given buyer must pay more than anyone else does and this means that the winner overpays why because apparently no one else thought that that good was worth that that much they weren't willing to sacrifice as much as the winner because they didn't think what they were being asked to give up was a fair exchange for what they hoped
to receive and they may have been right but those people didn't win the lot winners win not only because they pay more than everyone else they win because they pay more for the good than it is likely worth they overpay in an auction house a winner might overpay by a dollar or by $10 million but they always overpay because they almost always could have won the same good for Less because no one else was willing to pay that much now with respect to a literal auction winners overpay with money like that's how I got this
house there were 14 other offers on this house I wasn't awarded the chance to buy it because I was a better person or because I wanted it the most or because the seller really liked me I got to buy it because I offered the most money I the amount I paid was significantly more than the second best offer which functionally means that I overpaid for this house but look who's living here now property values and interest rates have spiked since I bought the house and I bought the house because I thought it was undervalued but
I still overpaid relative to my competition and this is inevitable because overpaying is the cost and the privilege of winning however how does this apply to other Goods in life well let's say you want to start your own business like who wouldn't want to be independently successful however in order for your business to succeed you will likely need to overpay just like I was willing to give more money than anyone else was in order to buy this house you might have to do what no one else is willing to do in order for your business
to succeed this is the price of success more generally the willingness to do what no one else is willing to do this might mean that you're willing to provide a service that no one else does or to sell your product more cheaply than anyone else or to provide a higher quality customer experience than your competition for your business to succeed you need to find some way to do what your competitors are not doing that is still attractive and valuable to your potential customers now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please
consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow you can also hit the thanks button and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've received from this message I don't do product placements or corporate sponsorships so I really do rely on your support to make all this happen I deeply appreciate it thank you now the same goes for relationships you have your sites set on a particular man ladies then you will have to overpay to
get him that means that you have to be willing to do what no other woman in the competition is willing to do this could mean being more sexually generous and available or more sweet and supportive or more helpful in the service of his mission but you will have to do what other women w't now you might argue that well he's not worth it and you may be right however you won't win with that attitude that's sour grapes same goes for men you want a particular woman you will have to overpay to get her ultimately the
right to buy goes to the man who offers her the best overall compensation package however she chooses to Define that this could mean offering children or commitment or excitement and Adventure or an emotionally compelling lifestyle and you might argue that she's not worth it and you may be right but you won't win with that attitude w w to win you must beat out your competition and to beat out your competition you must be willing to do things that they aren't that are still valuable and attractive to your potential customer base this means that you must
either strengthen yourself or weaken your competition two strategies that go hand inand in the Game of Love and War or business and until you figure out how to do that you will be passed over again and again and again and again you can whine you can you can protest but that's just how it is now here's the thing if overpaying is the true cost of winning then it will often be the case that winning will be disappointing this is the economic explanation for why getting what you want doesn't make you happy in general the cost
of winning tends to exceed the value of what you've won in a lot of cases is winning is a net loss this is one of the reasons why I help people get what they want it facilitates their disappointment which allows them to rule out one more place they need to look in order to find their happiness which is never found outside of themselves but people don't believe me when I tell them that they only listen when they've been sufficiently disappointed in their gratification so does that mean winning isn't worth it well not necessarily you just
have to understand that the real value in getting what you want is not the good itself because it probably won't be worth more than what it costs to achieve it but the process of recreating yourself the good became the pretext to move through a transformative process to become more than you currently are after all you likely can't win as you are presently to win you must be willing to do what your competition is not which will motivate you to get off your ass and become a more competent version of yourself broadly defined the desire to
win creates the process in which you will be remade into something greater than you currently are and that's the real Alchemy here just consider an Olympic Athlete the real gold is not the medal and standing on a Podium for three minutes the real gold is becoming the strongest person in the world or the fastest person in the world or the most graceful person in the world years of pain and discipline and heartbreak and perseverance cannot be worth the value of that medal but it might be worth the value of being afforded the opportunity to realize
one's potential as fully as possible once in your life and that's why no one wins the gold actually does it for the medal that's why no one who wins the gold actually does it for the medal if that's all they wanted they probably would have given up a long time ago because the medal is just too expensive too rich for my blood sociopaths aside winners win because they understand that the real value is the process which is what allows them to stick with the process long enough to win because it always takes longer and costs
more than you think it will before you start so if you want to win then be willing to overpay and if you're not willing to overpay then give up the desire to win because that desire will only torture you if you're not willing to do what you need to do to realistically achieve it Just Surrender the desire and be content with what you have what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the content section below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And
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