- By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly what to say to a narcissist and more importantly, exactly how to say it. So the narcissist will never, ever even consider messing with you again. This is gonna be good.
Let's do it. So let's get into it. What to say to a narcissist so they never consider messing with you again.
Now to begin with, it's important to know your audience. When you are dealing with someone with a destructive narcissist personality pattern, remember that you are actually dealing with an entitled childish ingrate who lacks boundaries and has very little, if any empathy, they may even be lacking in conscience, entirely meaning the impact of their attitudes and behavior on you doesn't even register on the radar. They are fundamentally incapable of understanding or caring about the negative and detrimental effect they have on your life.
In addition, understand that you are dealing with a master manipulator, someone who can and will lie with tremendous ease, someone who will be willing to go to any lengths, lengths that you and I cannot even fathom, just to get their way, just to win the right fight, just to be seen as the good guy or girl or the victim to your villain. No matter how appallingly they themselves have behaved, they will always find a way to land on either the hero or the victim side of the story. Therefore, you wanna be sure to choose your battles wisely, and I'm gonna be straight with you.
The truth is, more often than not, it's gonna be in your best interest to simply not engage whatsoever. Instead just back away quietly and stay under the radar. And once you get away, stay away for good.
But if for any reason that's not an option for you, or if for any reason you are not quite ready, willing, or able to distance yourself completely and you're tired of being pushed around by the toxic bully, then here's what you need to know when it comes to what to say to a narcissist for maximum effect and impact. Remember, it's not so much what you say, but how you say it that matters. It's about the posture you embody, the energy you carry, the frequency with which you calibrate.
In other words, your emotional intelligence, your sense of self-worth, and your confidence that matters more than anything else. So with all of that in mind, the first thing you wanna do when sending a narcissist, a crystal clear message is to leave all emotion out of it. And I do mean all and I get that's easier said than done, especially when you're hurting and having even begun your personal healing and recovery work regardless.
Know that that is the goal. Zero display of emotion or as close to that as you can get. Do not under any circumstances, allow yourself to react to their provocations.
You wanna put your business hat on and deal with them like it's a business transaction, no matter who they are, there is no room for emotion. If your goal is to actually communicate in a way that they never even so much as think of messing with you moving forward, it's all in the delivery. Friends.
Now, don't worry, I'm gonna give you plenty of examples of what to say, but first, you wanna find a way to stay calm, cool, and collected. No matter what it takes. Make a conscious effort to focus on your breath, stay in your body, and remain completely non-reactive.
In other words, underreact to the best of your ability. No matter how much of a performance you have to muster, you can do this, you can react and vent and do whatever it is that you need to do to express your very legitimate hurt, anger and frustration later on when you're by yourself or with a trusted friend, a safe person, someone in your support system who gets it and knows the deal. Again, if you wanna communicate in a way that sends a very clear message to the narcissist, then this is your starting point.
Whatever you do, you are going to have to find a way to remain calm, cold, even completely detached, demonstrating as little feeling as humanly possible. Next, think counterintuitive. Forget reasoning with this person.
Forget being heard, understood, getting through to them or getting your needs met. It's not gonna happen. You have to remember that when it comes to people who land on the spectrum of destructive narcissism, you're not dealing with a reasonable rational adult.
Rather, you're dealing with a wounded toddler in an adult body pretending to be an adult. You're dealing with an entitled childish ingrate who feels entitled to hurt you deeply and then blame you for the hurt they cause. You're dealing with someone who is running their own agenda, and that agenda does not include working things out with you in a mutually beneficial and healthy way.
Quite the opposite actually. For furthermore, you are dealing with someone who is going to be willing to do and say whatever it takes to provoke you to win the right fight, to manipulate you into either getting their way or to make you wrong, bad or the issue somehow. And more than anything, take the heat off themselves.
Of course, they'll also go to great lengths to manipulate the perceptions of others and to manipulate outcomes. And if they're resentful and motivated enough, they're also going to be willing to go to any lengths to seek revenge. And that's probably the last thing you need.
The truth is because narcissists lack a fundamental moral compass, a conscience, and they are empathy impaired. They will go to lengths that you and I cannot even conceive of. They don't have the same emotional response to their shocking attitudes and behavior, which is why they can often be so shocking to us.
They do and say all the things they contrive situations and circumstances, they manipulate and play games, leaving great big, huge chunks of the truth out of the equation. So my point being, forget showing up with your big heart and all of that love that you carry and all that empathy, that is who you are. It's not who they are.
Forget trying to become a better communicator, more understanding, more patient, more tolerant and long suffering. Like if only I could twist and contort myself enough, maybe I could make this work. Forget all of that.
Forget showing up with what you would normally show up with in a discussion with a reasonably sane and healthy adult. Forget bringing that to the table with a destructive narcissist. You're not dealing with a reasonably sane and rational adult.
So everything that you would normally bring to the table of the conversation with a relatively reasonable, sane, rational, and healthy person isn't actually going to work with the narcissist. So forget all of it. What you wanna do instead is the exact opposite.
That's what I mean by think counterintuitive. Now, here's what you do wanna do with as much detached, flat line, non-emotional, non-reactivity as you can possibly muster. Use one word responses and super short, succinct, clear and simple statements like no or no thank you, or I'm not available, or I can't do that or thank you, but I'm not interested.
The point being no is a full and complete sentence when you are dealing with an empathy impaired, emotional manipulator held bent on targeting and exploiting you, and it might take a little practice to get good at this, so you might consider practicing in the mirror beforehand. But if you can practice delivering the information with zero emotion attached to it, no high voltage, energetic intensity coming off of you when you're saying what you need to say, super detached, super clear and succinct, followed by silence. If you can do that and do it consistently, you'll find the message lands, whether they like it or not, stand your ground and do not waver and they will hear you.
Now that said, you may very well need to learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable silence that follows your short, clear, and succinct statement. Once you deliver your no statement, the most powerful thing you can do is say nothing. Let the silence that follows say it all.
And naturally, if this is new behavior for you, you might find that very awkward and uncomfortable. So again, practice when the stakes are low so that when the stakes are high, when it really matters, you can handle the discomfort without wavering. I promise you this works.
So for example, simply say no and let the uncomfortable silence be what it will be. Let your one word answer or again, the super short, succinct, clear and simple statement land and let the silence be what it is. Your job is to breathe and stay in your body and hold onto yourself.
You're simply delivering information, nothing more and nothing less. Remember, you are approaching this like it's a business transaction. You're approaching it with that mindset, zero emotion in response to whatever the narcissist is throwing at you.
You can also say things like, I see, or, Hmm, I hear you, or I understand, or I'll let you know. I'll get back to you. Let me see.
Let me think about it again. Short, succinct, clear, followed by silence. Use the right way.
Silence can be very powerful when dealing with someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. Once you get past the discomfort, you'll find that your silence will be far more powerful than anything you can say. So be sure to use it confidently, especially when dealing with a narcissist and especially when you're looking to communicate as clearly as possible that you have zero power or influence over me.
Buddy, you are wasting your time. I am not a good mark. This is not gonna go well for you.
I am not giving my power away today. You don't need to say those things out loud, but that is the posture you wanna embody when that is the message that we want to send to an individual who thinks it's a good idea to target us. Believe me when I tell you that your perfectly placed silence is going to make them far more uncomfortable than you can even imagine.
Now, in addition and where appropriate, this isn't always going to be appropriate for sure or work for you necessarily, but where appropriate you can say something like, okay, or cool, or I'm okay with that or fine with me, or one of my personal favorites, I don't care. And silence not another word. Again, let it land.
And if you're feeling brave, you can also say something like, yeah, that's not gonna happen and silence or That's not gonna work for me. I, and again, not another word, watch the narcissist become completely unraveled when they realize they are fully and entirely powerless over you. This is how you ensure that the narcissist never even thinks of messing with you again.
Why? Well, because it's clear you are no fun to play with. You start communicating like this, embodying that detached flat line, couldn't give a flying bleep kind of energy and communicating in this fashion, letting the silence be what it is.
Pretty soon they will have go find someone else to play with and you'll be left alone and in peace, able to get on with your happy, healthy, and productive life, able to start moving in the direction of a much better life without all the pain, drama, and trauma that the narcissist brings to the table. Now, comment below and let me know whether or not you're finding value in this video. Let me know in the comment section below.
Also, if you'd like to learn more about the possibility of working with me in one of my coaching programs, there's a link in the description below this video where you can apply to see if you qualify for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team. Now, some other options to effectively communicate with a narcissist and in a way that sends a very clear message is when they say something completely ridiculous or insulting, simply say, can you repeat that please? And when they do, then say, yeah, I thought that's what I heard.
And then silence not another word. Alternatively, you could say, you know how ridiculous you sound, right? Or, yeah, that's not my problem.
And silence. One of my favorites when they feel entitled to criticize, diminish, or demean, not least by offering unsolicited advice or opinions, is to simply say, your approval doesn't matter to me or your opinion doesn't matter to me, or, that's odd. I don't remember asking for your opinion and silence while maintaining eye contact.
Hold their gaze and let the enormity of what you've just said land. Then turn on your heel and leave. Now, obviously this isn't going to endear you to the narcissist and it may even put a target on your back, but it will also send a very clear message and the message being, I am not someone you wanna play with, period.
Now, with all of that said, another option will be of course, to go for silence right out of the gate, right from the get-go. And I don't mean in a passive aggressive and highly manipulative way like a covert narcissist would. That's not what I mean.
I mean in a way that says, with absolute clarity and conviction that I am boundaried, I am not easy prey, I'm not a good target. And again, your posture, the energy you carry matters more than anything. This is all about going silent in a way that communicates that you are bulletproof, unshakeable, not at all interested, affected or phased, even again, bulletproof.
What you're shooting for here is to diffuse what would otherwise be, at the very least, a disagreeable and incredibly draining conversation. So that being the case, you're not looking to antagonize, provoke, or make things worse. You're looking to turn the volume down on the insanity to the best of your ability anyway, but without acquiescing to the narcissist and certainly without being a source of narcissistic supply.
Now, here's the thing about that. You can't be responsible for how the narcissist chooses to show up, how they react, how they behave. Just keep in mind that your goal is to diffuse the situation, or at the very least, not make it worse, while also not acquiescing submitting and therefore selling your soul just to keep the peace at all costs.
You wanna walk away with your dignity, integrity, and self-respect fully intact. Remember, they're looking to trigger an emotional reaction from you. So be prepared to say things like, fine, you're entitled to think that, or you're entitled to see it that way, or You're entitled to feel that way.
I've had a different experience. I'm okay if you don't see it the way I do. I can live with that and silence not another word.
When you do that, when you refuse to engage beyond your simple, succinct, super clear statement, when you refuse to allow yourself to get sucked into the narcissist toxic vortex or take on any of their bullshit, they are quite literally starved of their hit of narcissistic supply. And it doesn't take very long before they realize you are not a good source of narcissistic supply, emotional and energetic supply. There is no intense emotional energy to feed off of here.
The bottom line is, learn to manage your own energy field by taking excellent care of yourself. Learn to manage what's going on within you by doing your personal healing and recovery work. Don't be emotional, sarcastic, or reactive.
Keep your ego out of it and stay calm and strong, grounded and clear while refusing to give your power away. Now, I'm not saying this is always going to be easy to do, but with enough practice and with enough healing and recovery under your belt and with the right support system in place, you can get there. It's time now, and on that note, I'm gonna call it a wrap, but before I go, you should know the Ascension classes open for enrollment.
Now this is for you. If you're ready and able to invest in yourself, you're ready to shift your identity, master the law of attraction, heal your relationship with money, and put a full stop end to the limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviors that are holding you back and preventing you from living your best life. If you're ready to reinvent yourself from the inside out, create your dream life by design, and finally become the you you were always meant to be, then click the link in the description below to apply to see if you qualify for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team.
