seeing it fall out it's just devastating it controls your life beyond belief I wouldn't do anything without a hat on I just want to see how long I can drag out having hair but I'm having hair I don't like so what what's the point I felt like oh yeah it always starts with the pictures when I was a freshman in high school you can kind of see it I had like a Widow's Peak and it was just ever so slightly going back I remember taking a picture because I like my haircut at the time I
look back at that picture like one year later and you know my hairline didn't look this I Googled my stuff and I was like oh it could be a maturing hairline it doesn't have to be balding necessarily that's when I first noticed so I was probably like 16 so I'm way too young to be going bald so I told myself it was just maturing take me on the journey then how things progressed at a phase where I would wear like a headband like around my hairline so you wouldn't see my hairline because the thickness and
density on top was there and you would never see me without a headband because I wanted people to see that I had hair but not like a bad hairline so that's what my strategy was hiding it with the headband I was doing that until that's when it started like thinning on top as well so I guess my safety Behavior went to hats I didn't want anyone seeing that it was sitting on the top as well because it kind of looked like I had cotton candy like glued to my head because it was like so thin
so I was like you know what I'm just gonna wear a hat instead it makes it a lot easier I don't have to worry about it in the morning I mean a hat let's be honest it's almost like a headband and like color one right yeah it was a two-in-one the Hat game so the Hat game came in strong and we know like the hack the Hat game is a it's a popular game was so strong for me I would wear it in my own house like I didn't want to be seen in my own
house without a hat on I live with my mom I'd be wearing a hat at like the first thing in the morning she's like why are you wearing a hat I'm like I just I don't know I didn't want to like walk past a mirror and see myself with like a thinning and receding hairline it just made me feel weak because I knew I was insecure about it I'd hide it from myself as well it wasn't just from other people when did it cross over then into like the top and that thinning out as well
I always told myself I'll keep my hair as long as my hairline is receding there's no thinning then at like 19 it just starts thinning and I would always like take pictures I'll get my phone I'd be like this and I would always like record the top of it and I would notice it in like harsh light writing only I was like okay maybe it's just like my hair is greasy that day or something but then eventually I would like take a shower dry my hair not be greasy at all would be perfect and then
like you would still see that thinning and like my brother actually said it too once that was the first time someone else told me it was like a Christmas party I was like 19 and it was like it looks like your hair is sitting on top and you never want to hear that from somebody else you never want someone else to point that out so the first time I heard that because I knew it at the time first time I heard that like my heart sank I was like oh [ __ ] it's starting to
actually become noticeable can you remember how you first cooked it yeah it's always similar to like yours as well it's like you don't realize it at first you kind of just like get a glimpse at it and then you're like oh [ __ ] this is not going how I wanted to go ever since that first time citing it you're just like almost obsessed with it you just keep like every opportunity I I can get I always looked at it like every opportunity I probably have like hundreds I'm not even getting hundreds of videos on
my phone of me just going like this yeah and just staring at it all the time different angles pictures didn't cut it because if the angle was gone if the angle doesn't hit right you can't get a good look right but with a video kind of like pause it you slow it down and see it yeah tell me about that though I think it was just to like actually check because I mean I wouldn't go out without a hat if I was going to class or something I would always have a hat if I was
going to the gym I always had a hat on I was like obsessed with hat but for some reason I just wanted to see if it was getting worse because if it wasn't getting worse I would have been like oh you know what I could live with it but inevitably you notice it's getting worse um I'll just always check and I just wanted to like see maybe different haircuts would work because I had a I had long hair it was getting curly on top so the curls kind of hit it pretty well but then eventually
it just I got a haircut and it just did not look well I was like damn we could kind of see that it's really thinning on top so I just kept obsessing with it you're 19 the Hat's kind of on now was it like certain situations where you felt more insecure I was like one of those guys I'd wear it backwards because I wanted people to see that there's still hair in the front you know I know you go to the gym too so you probably have this problem as well when you're just like benching
or anything they're the backwards hat yeah it was so annoying and I would always have to take it off and the way I would take it off honestly looking back it's kind of sad I wouldn't take it off I'll just slide it so no one sees like my hair is bad in the shower as well so much hair in there and like I had white sheets as well so the amount of hair like my girlfriend was complaining she's like why is there so much hair in the bed I'm like I can't they're just balding I
don't know what to tell you like I remember this one time I actually went back doing the headband once at the gym I wasn't sure if I was gonna keep it or shave it so I wanted to see if I can get comfortable seeing my hair that was the last time I wore it looked so it literally looks like cotton candy put on your head because you just see right through it and I remember just looking back at it I'm like oh my God my hair just too thin to not to like not wear a
hat so I would even wear a hats at like family parties so I remember this one time like everyone dressed nice and I was like texting my dad I'm like Oh my hair looks bad today can I you think I could wear a hat like yeah you could probably wear a hat so I literally wear a hat at like a family gathering when everyone was dressed nice looking back at it it controls your life beyond belief like now that I don't have hair if you don't realize it when you're in the moment but like I
wouldn't do anything without a hat on like I wouldn't go to work without a hat like nowadays I can go to work and they don't allow hats and it's actually I'm grateful I shave my head if I wasn't allowed to wear a hat like I genuinely don't think I would work there just had a really good point that it's not how it controls you to that point we also know that that's when you start to question it right I think it was when I went to that family gathering and I was wearing a hat and
I looked at the picture like everyone was nice and dressed up and there I am I have like a button-down shirt with a hat on I'm like that looks ridiculous you shouldn't be wearing a hat even to the beach like in the water I would wear a hat in the water at the beach I'm like I can't keep doing that like how long am I gonna live like I'm just like delaying the process at this point because I just want to see how I can drag out having hair but I'm having hair I don't like
so what what's the point in doing that if I'm having hair I don't like when I could just shave it all off and just get on with it dude yeah it's just it's a good point if you have to go through those like pain points those depressing times and and then look at yourself it's like almost embarrassing how much you rely on a hat so I didn't want to be that guy that like has to have a hat at all times I 100 got to that point wearing a hat in your own house and your
mother questioning oh why are you wearing a hat it's nine in the morning and you're in your own house I I don't know why we've got this one clip of the moment when you were like okay let's do it let's get it off talk to me a little bit about what how he made that decision I think this is the best thing anyone can actually do is I told my parents about it because they didn't to this point I I like catch it like a secret that I was like insecure about my hair I think
you have to open up and actually tell your parents about it I think I told them when I was like 20. I first called my dad actually I'm like Dad I think I'm losing my hair like what do you think I should do what about if I shave my head and he's like no don't shave your head like you always get that push back it's like don't shave your head you have enough but I don't think what other people understand is not how much you actually have it's like how you feel about it yourself like
I felt like [ __ ] like I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror with hair but opening up and like hearing him say like go on with it you don't have to worry about it and telling him like my problem I think that really helped so that was the first time I did that and then I told my mom about it I was like Mom I think I think I'm balding like what do you think I should do she's like you know I just really don't care what you do as long as you're
happy I'm like all right I told you I think I'm gonna budget today and I have a clip where I was gonna record it like me shaving it off but I physically could not do it myself so I got my friend to do it with me he's joining the Army so he's like it was a perfect opportunity for him because he's gonna have to shave his head anyway so he shaved his head with me oh yeah clean [Music] [Music] oh my God [Music] what you actually look like Kanye I'm I actually feel possible [ __
] actually it's kind of decent and that really helps so I think if you have someone with you to do it with you or like just some like emotional support like it's so much easier because he did it for me I I don't think I would have the courage to just go like that for the first time so if he did that all right dude you ready for your turn I'm like oh [ __ ] you know I'm like I'm not ready for my attorney and he just you're just like before I could even think
he just went over and I'm like oh that's too late to turn back yeah I remember like we started at like a three you could see my hairline it was horrible so I was like I don't really like my way my hairline looks at a three and I remember you took a picture of the back of my head just so we could see like the um I guess what the length was and you could see the crown sitting in the back so it definitely went down to a one I 100 think in your best interest
to open up about it because I didn't tell anybody even my girlfriend she's like she didn't know I was like insecure about it but she knew I always wear a hash she just thought I liked wearing hash no I wore the Hat because I didn't like my hair and she didn't know that nobody knew that it was just like an internal struggle or until I opened up about it I think that was the switch that's like okay it's no longer me dealing with it and I can now actually open up and other people realize I'm
dealing with it so when they see me bald they're like oh you know he was struggling with it he got over it so instead of it being like some random event like oh why'd you shave your head are you going through like a mental breakdown like no like I'm balding yeah yeah such good advice what was it like from that day onwards honestly for me it felt like I ripped a Band-Aid off like I I think I instantly felt so much better like I went upstairs I'm like Mom look I'm bald like yeah because I
think I got like I didn't go like skin my friend went to skin I think I went to like a one just to like test the waters really quick so it's like a really short buzz cut and I felt so much better but then I started letting it grow out again and you could see like this light just goes straight through it so I just kept buzzing it really short eventually I was like you know it's taking so much time and so much effort to like buzz it and like I would fade it up so
this the side were like skin and the top was like a one so I'd fade it up I was like this is taking way too much time I'd rather just be bald so I shaved it and um I remember the first time I actually shaved and my girlfriend did it for me again I don't think I would have done it myself looked in the mirror I'm like you know I can live with that like I actually like the way it looked and I feel so much better it's just crazy how much you realize how much
that like the hair was holding you back and like the second you're bald it's like I don't care about someone seeing my hair anymore because there's no hair and it's like I'm not into I don't think I was insecure about being bald I think I was insecure about actually balding and letting it like influence how I feel I think that's what it was I mean you could always see like the shadow but yeah I don't really care about that but I remember my first time at work because I don't wear a hat at work anymore
and my co-worker I guess I let it like grow out for like three days you're like dude why are you bald you're 21 and I'm like bro trust me my hairline is horrible and he saw how far it goes back to like here he's like oh [ __ ] bro I didn't realize it was that bad I'm like yeah bro that's why I shaved my head being able to speak about it like honestly like that how does that feel like I just kind of like internalized it and just let myself deal with it now that
I'm bald it's like I literally don't care about talking about it at all like I'll openly tell anybody about it I remember actually one of my friends opened up about it as well because since I'm bald I guess he he's like oh maybe he can help me go through it it's like do you know I think I'm losing my hair it's a lot easier to talk about it because I'm not hiding hiding behind a hat or hiding behind like fixing my hair trying to push it over like because I had hair here I would like
kind of like split a little bit I don't know I just did crazy stuff you always get that pushback like oh dude why don't you just grow your hair back it's like one it's like I just don't like the way it looks and like I could grow it back like my dad always telling me he's like oh you know you could grow your hair back you have more hair than me I'm like that it's not saying that much you don't have that much on top I'd rather be involved but it it's more about how you
feel than how it looks and I think that's a lot of people don't understand that especially a lot of people that aren't balding like if you try to tell someone that oh you you know you might shave your head and they'll say something like oh but you actually still have a lot of hair but it doesn't matter how much hair you have it's not how you feel about it and your confidence on it I think that was the biggest game changer was when you shave it at least for me like my confidence like I think
you like showed it once it's like you're so rock bottom and the second you shave it you just Skyrocket so hot like you get like the craziest high after shaving it so I think that was like a huge difference the pain doesn't come from like physically the hair falling out you know that's like literally zero pain it's all like emotional internal mental when you break free from that hiding the burden of like trying to keep this secret it's just completely different yeah that's definitely mainly what it's all about it just helps so much and just
not have that hair because seeing it fall out it's just devastating because like if you're in the shower or you're laying in your bed and you look at your sheets and they're just hair everywhere and you just know that it's it's slowly going it's just devastating to see it slowly go so I'd rather just like pull the Band-Aid right off and just get it done with and just move on with my life yeah like completely any message you want to personally send out to someone who might watch this for some people your whole identity for
growing up is your hair because I had a mullet at the time and I I made that like my identity I know it's really hard but you almost have to like I know a lot of people say it's really it's just hair like a lot of people like I remember when I had hair and people would say oh it's just hair like that actually pissed me off yeah but like on the other side of the fence like you if you really it's just some hair follicles on your head and you're allowing that to like take
over your life to like I know for some guy especially me to the extreme of your wearing a hat in your own house like man it's really not worth it looking back on the other side of the fence it's not worth it I know when you're going through it it's like oh it's fine I could deal with it but trust me when you're on the other side of the fence you'll look back and you'll realize the stuff you actually did is not worth it it always helps like seeing the other young guy so I figured
you know what if there's a young guy and they see another young guy it might help 100 the post shave Clarity mate Clarity you know on the other side of the on the other side of that fear when you kind of look back yeah you're like oh dude that really that really took me over you know honestly this was a really really good chat in my head when you were describing the gym dude I remember the bench press because when you lay back the peak or like lifts up the top but yeah you're like you're
like mid set and it's like coming off you're like yeah it's been great thank you foreign
