life can be complicated messy and just plain absurd sometimes but when you add a dash of sarcasm everything starts to make a little more sense or at least gets funnier get ready for some dry humor biting wit and sarcastic wisdom that'll have you nodding in agreement and laughing along the way I'm not saying I hate you but I would unplug your life support to charge my [Music] phone life is short smile while you still have teeth I'm not arguing I'm just explaining why I'm right I didn't fail the test I just found 100 ways to
do it wrong the road to success is always under construction I love deadlines I like the whooshing sound make as they fly [Music] by life is what happens when you're busy making other [Music] plans I'm on a 30-day diet so far I've lost 15 [Music] days some people are like clouds when they disappear it's a beautiful day light travels faster than sound this is why some people appear bright until you hear them [Music] speak I didn't say it was your fault I said I was blaming [Music] you I'm not great at advice can I interest
you in a sarcastic comment if at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you [Music] common sense is like deodorant the people who need it most never use it I could agree with you but then we'd both be [Music] wrong life is too short to be serious all the time so if you can't laugh at yourself call me I'll laugh at you I am not a morning person I'm not even a breakfast person you can't have everything where would you put it I didn't go on a trip I was testing gravity it still [Music]
works sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face I didn't ask to be born but I'm handling it sarcasm the ability to insult idiots without them realizing [Music] it life is like a roll of toilet paper the closer you get to the end the faster it [Music] goes you can't fix stupid but you can numb it with a 2x4 [Music] Life's too short to be fake be real even if you scare [Music] people I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder
Woman in the same room if I'm not back in 5 minutes just wait [Music] longer my bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a [Music] troll I thought I was indecisive but now I'm not sure life is too short for fake butter cheese or [Music] people everything happens for a reason sometimes the reason reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions I'm not bossy I just know what you should be doing if you think you
are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a [Music] mosquito I don't need a hair stylist my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning some people are like slinkies they're really good for nothing but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the [Music] stairs a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad [Music] memory if you can't live without me why aren't you dead [Music] yet don't worry about the world coming to an end today it's already tomorrow in [Music] Australia life is like a cup
of coffee it's all in how you make [Music] it why is it called after darks when it's really after light I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious I'm not lazy I'm just on my energy saving mode life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of [Music] you behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes I never make the same mistake twice I make it five or six times just to be [Music] sure don't give up up on your dreams keep [Music] sleeping people say nothing is
impossible but I do nothing every day I've reached the age where my brain goes from you probably shouldn't say that's to what the hell let's see what [Music] happens you can't make everyone happy you're not a jar of Nutella when nothing goes right go left if only Common Sense were more [Music] common life is like a box of chocolates mostly disappointing the more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap stay safe eat cake I'm not insulting you I'm describing [Music] you adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up
because they're looking for [Music] ideas life was much easier when Apple and blackberry were just [Music] fruits I don't have the energy to pretend I like you today I put the pro in procrastination some people are like traffic cones they're in your way but not really doing [Music] anything I'm not crazy my reality is just different than yours the only reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I [Music] accept I'm not shy I'm holding back my awesome so I don't intimidate [Music] you life is short by the shoes eat
the cake and drink the [Music] wine I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker [Music] color my favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch I call it lunch [Music] I love my six-pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat life is like a sandwich no matter which way you flip it the bread comes [Music] first exercise I thought you said extra [Music] fries the universe is under no obligation to make sense to [Music] you and there you have it life's absurdities wrapped up in a bit of sarcastic
humor we hope these quotes brought a smile a laugh or maybe even an eye roll Whatever Gets You Through the day if you enjoyed this video don't forget to hit the like button share it with your friends and subscribe for more sarcastic gems and as always keep the humor alive and remember to not take life too seriously
