There are people who walk through life with an invisible edge, an unfair advantage that opens doors and wins trust. Now, what is that edge that they have? It's their ability to communicate.
In this video, I'm going to share with you five communication secrets that will give you the same unfair advantage. My name is Vin Jang. I've taken over a 100,000 students through my stage programs to help them make communication their unfair advantage so they can accelerate their career growth, improve their executive presence, and become a more effective leader.
Starting with storytelling, it doesn't matter what industry you're in, doesn't matter whether you're communicating in person or virtually, making content for Instagram or Facebook or YouTube. Those who succeed and create the most impact, they all understand storytelling. Let me prove to you how powerful this is.
Okay, let's say for example, I wanted to convince you to start learning more about AI. I could do this. Hey, look, you need to start using AI more.
Did that work? Did that shift the way you think? Did it shift the way you feel about AI?
Did it shift the way you would behave? Did it shift your beliefs about AI? Did it shift anything?
Probably not. Now, instead of that, what if I did something like this and told you a story instead? Earlier this year, I had this beautiful conversation with my mom, which was both exciting and scary at the same time.
So, I downloaded chatg for my mom for the first time. She's never interacted with AI before this, right? So, I download ChatgPT for her and I said, "Mom, talk to it.
" And the first thing my mom says is, "Hello, what your name? " And I was like, "This is the the cutest thing in the world. " Because my mom thinks it's a person.
I was like, "Mom, it's not a person. This is artificial intelligence. You can talk to it.
" And then mom said, "Uh, English not very good. " And I said, "Mom, it can speak Vietnamese. Just talk Vietnamese to it.
" And this crazy moment occurred where my mom's starting to speak Vietnamese to it. It speaks perfect Vietnamese back to her. Her mind is blown.
Her jaw is on the ground. 4 months pass by. I'm sitting in the car with my mom and we're going for a 1-hour long drive.
It's a beautiful drive. And my mom says something that then causes my jaw to fall to the ground. My mom says, "Can you tell me more about the the Bitcoin?
" I was like, "Did you just say Bitcoin? What? This is ridiculous.
" as if my mom's asking me about this new asset class. It was the most ridiculous thing. She was just curious.
And I couldn't believe that I was talking to my mom about Bitcoin for an hour. The reason I'm telling you this story is because my mother, who is a part of the baby boomer generation, she's in her late 60s. She is now starting to use AI to update her knowledge on the world.
So, if you are not starting to use AI and implement it into your everyday workflow, you are going to fall behind. Which one was more influential? When I think about influence, I think about what I call the influence diamond.
I believe that you only have influence when you're able to influence the way people think, the way people feel, the way people behave, and shift their beliefs. Only when you're able to do these four things do I believe you to be someone who is influential. Now, just contrast the experience again.
When I told you, hey, you need to work with AI. Did that shift the way you think, feel, and behave? And did it shift any of your beliefs about AI?
or was storytelling more effective at shifting the way you think, feel, and behave and even maybe your beliefs about AI? You agree with me, don't you? It's storytelling.
That's why storytelling is way more influential and why it gives you an unfair advantage. And there's one more thing that's going to help you enhance the entire influence diamond. And that second thing is being more playful.
Because when you learn how to become more playful in your everyday conversations, here are some crazy benefits. Number one, it softens difficult conversations. It makes conversations that are really rigid less tense.
It diffuses conflict and it helps you with negotiations and presentations. Let me show you an example of playfulness on stage. Could I pull you aside for a quick chat?
Of course. Where do you want to go? Oh, just over there.
Okay. Number two, it invites other people to drop their guard. Notice in my previous video, the moment I engaged in play, what happened next?
Hey, Ken, do you mind just coming over here with me for a sec? Is that okay? Come, come.
So, Ken. Hey, Ken. Ken, just just walk normally.
Come with me. Come with me, Ken. Thank you.
Did you notice what happened? He joined in on the play. I invited him to play.
He accepted that. He jumped in and he started playing together with me on stage and we all had a great time. This is a very powerful skill set.
Number three, you are more approachable, engaging, and memorable. Number four, people just love being around those who lighten the mood. And number five, you stop taking yourself so seriously.
Stop it. Stop it. Life's too short.
Number six, you're going to be able to reframe objections. You can also shift the tone. And seven, this is what I love most about the power of play.
You can switch awkwardness into humor or you could turn rejection into opportunity. The list just goes on and on and on and on. This is one of my superpowers and it can become yours too.
So look, if you want to become more playful, start small. Here are three things you can try. Number one, start using light, curious questions.
Instead of asking, "Hey, how are you? " "Yeah, good. " "Yeah, that sucks.
" instead ask, "Hey, what's been the most fun thing that's happened to you today? " We found out today that we are getting included not just in the short form content, but also in his long form content now as well. What the heck?
Number two, add gentle exaggerations or playful metaphors. Thanks for the coffee, Cat. Oh, that coffee is so strong.
I can see into the future. Number three, when something awkward happens, don't tense up. just brush it off and lean into it and have some fun with it.
Gravity and I have a very complicated relationship. Do you know why this is an unfair advantage? Think of playfulness as you being able to reconnect with your inner child.
And then as you reconnect with your inner child, it's going to allow you to speak to everybody else's inner child. It's a secret language that most have forgotten how to speak, which helps you connect quickly and deeply. Number three, ask open-ended questions.
Let's make sure we are all on the same page, okay? A closedended question is when you ask someone a yes or no question, such as, "Did you have a good weekend? " If they say yes or no, it's the end of the conversation.
An open-ended question is one that starts with a what, a how, a why, or a tell me more about. If I asked you, "Do you like your job? " That's a closedended question.
To open it up, I just have to simply ask, "What do you enjoy most about your job? " Notice how I just opened it up. Which questions do you think gets you a richer quality answer?
Which one do you think gives you extra valuable context that most people miss out on in conversations? I think it's pretty clear, right? By asking more open-ended questions, you're also able to level up your conversational skills.
If you're interested in becoming a better conversationalist, I've actually recorded a free 2-hour master class on conversational frameworks that help you become better at this. So, if you want to access that, just click the first link you see in the description or click the first uh link that's in the pin comment below. And here are three things you can do right away to help you get better at this.
Number one, I mentioned this already, but it's worth mentioning again. Instead of asking, "Did you enjoy the concert? " Yes.
No. End of conversation. Instead, ask, "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, what did you love most about the concert?
" And then once they say their answer, you can double it up with, "Oh, wow. That's amazing. Tell me more about it.
" Number two, I'm going to call you out and I'm going to call myself out here as well. I used to think to myself, I'm a terrible conversationalist. I'm terrible at networking functions.
And the reality was I wasn't terrible at those things. I was just terrible at preparing for those social and public outings. Preparation is the key here.
If you prepare for these things once, it's going to serve you for the rest of your career. Think of the most common situations that you encounter on a day-to-day basis and then prepare for them. For example, if you are always meeting new people at work like I am in my career, I've already done the hard work for you.
Here are my favorite open-ended questions you can ask. So, Peter, what's been something fun that you've been working on? Just been working on our long form YouTube content.
It's been awesome. Like and subscribe. It's part of my performance review.
It is. You better like and subscribe, otherwise I'll fire him. And if you catch up with friends often, well, you could do the following.
Okay, this is not a good and realistic scenario because Peter's not my friend. He's my employee and there's a big difference between the two. But can't I do both?
Absolutely not. So, here's the scene. We'll act it out as if we are friends.
Hey, Peter, what's been the highlight of your week? And you're not allowed to say nothing. You have to pick one thing, no matter how big or small.
What's been the highlight? Dude, it's been my birthday, but I've just been working all all the day. All the time.
Oh, man. Tell me more about that. My boss is making me play all these characters and be part of all these YouTube skits to increase engagement.
I mean, it's it's not even what I want to do. Sounds like a great boss. And if you are at work in work scenarios, you could ask the following.
Hey, Peter, how are you feeling about the the projects we got going on? Well, to be honest, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed because I have so many videos to edit by the end of today. Okay.
Okay. Well, what's something we can do to help you with the process? Well, I would love for Craig to step in and help me because No, no, no, no.
You can't. You know that Craig doesn't like to work. You know this.
That's true. That's how silly of me. Very silly.
Craig never works. What's one outcome you'd like to see as a result of all of this? Well, I I would love to have my plate cleared by the end of today.
That's That's one of my biggest goals. Absolutely not. Look, there's 17 terabytes of footage I need done by 4 p.
m. It's 3:45. Godspeed.
Choose your own open-ended questions for different situations, or you can choose to use mine. It's up to you. Write them down and routinely go through them.
And number three, listen for the emotions underneath the words. When someone answers your open-ended question, don't just focus on what they say. Tune in to how they say it.
Do they sound excited, frustrated, proud, hesitant? Practice reflecting what you sense. For example, hey, you really lit up when you were talking about cooking.
What's the story there? Or, hey, it seems this book you're telling me about really means a lot to you. Can you tell me more about that?
Or hey, you sound a little bit unsure. What's on your mind? The most beautiful thing about this is that even if you get it wrong, this is the greatest thing that can happen.
By getting it wrong, you now give the other person an opportunity to clarify so that you can better understand them. For example, if I reflected to my wife, I said, "Hey, you seem really angry. " She could correct me by saying, "No, no, no.
I'm not angry. I'm just I'm actually feeling a little bit sad and disappointed. " By us having that conversation, I was now able to understand her with more clarity.
I gave her an opportunity to clear up my misunderstanding. And secondly, by getting it wrong, I'm learning how to read my wife's emotional cues better. I'm leveling up my emotional intelligence.
And because most people will never ever do this, this becomes an unfair advantage. High levels of EQ are extremely rare in life. Don't be afraid of reflecting emotions.
While everybody else is just thinking about what to say, you are communicating on a whole different plane, not just the logical plane. You are now communicating on the emotional plane. This is what the top 1 percenters of communicators do.
Unfair advantage. They also do number four really, really well, which is dealing with criticism. And I know it seems strange calling this an unfair advantage, but your ability to deal with criticism and negative comments is really an important skill to learn because I've been creating content now since 2009.
And I'm not even going to do the math on how long that's been. It's just been a long time. And it's been one of my core skills that has allowed me to thrive.
It's easy to get sucked into the vortex of the comment section. And since we're talking about hate comments, my team have decided to write out their favorite hate comments that people have written about me. So, I've got them all here.
Let's go through them. I'm scared. Here we go.
The first one is, "Wow, dramatic pauses and hand gestures. Oh, that's revolutionary, Vin. " They are if you learn how to use them, right?
Bro acts like he invented talking. Vin Jang, proof that you can talk a lot and say absolutely nothing. Imagine paying this guy to teach you how to do what toddlers figure out by the age of two.
Vin Jang talks like he's delivering secrets of the universe, but it's just recycled self-help Every time this guy opens his mouth, my brain loses a few IQ points. If arrogance had a face and a microphone, it would be this dude. Let me share with you how I managed to navigate all of this nastiness.
There was this beautiful story my mom used to share with me when I was a kid, and she shared it with me like this. She said, "Son, if somebody tries to give you a dirty sock, this is actually a dirty sock from one of my team members. Thanks, Peter.
This is disgusting. If someone tries to give you this dirty sock as a gift and you didn't want this sock, who does it belong to? " Well, it belongs to them.
It belongs to them. Now, son, when you go to school and some people try to give you the gift of negativity and you don't want that gift of negativity, who does the gift of negativity belong to? What belongs to them?
I loved this lesson that my mom taught me because it helped me shape my thinking about negativity that I see out in the world. It's precisely what I think when I'm on the road and I'm experiencing road rage. I just think to myself, "Oh, this person is trying to give me the gift of negativity and they want me to share it with my family and my friends.
" And I refuse to do this. So, I will literally say out loud in the car to myself, "Nope, nope, nope, no thank you. " And I do this in a silly voice to interrupt the negativity loop.
And paired with that, there's another powerful Tai Chi type move that you can do to redirect the negative energy. And that is to use a micro act of kindness. Do something nice for someone.
Give way to somebody that's on the road. Share a kind message with someone you love. Compliment a complete stranger.
Do something small. It immediately allows you to transmute the negative energy. And the last one of the five is the most unfair advantage of all.
I wish I learned this sooner. Holding space for others. You know, for nearly 30 years of my life, I didn't know how to make other people feel heard, feel seen, feel understood, and feel connected.
Now, I really want you to listen again to the words that I've just said. I didn't know how to make others feel seen, feel heard, feel understood, and feel connected to me. And the way you do this is by holding space for other people.
Let me explain to you exactly what I mean by holding space. When you're having a conversation with someone, a good conversationalist generally will give you 50/50. They will speak half the time and they will give the other person half of the air time so that they can speak as well.
But the reality is that's not what most people do. Most people are bad at conversations. The more likely scenario is that Vin, the egotistical monster, wants to take up the entire conversation by talking the entire time.
And that's what most people do in conversations. they do something more like what you see in this second picture here. Now, what I'm asking you to do is I'm asking you to hold space for others.
That's what holding space looks like. And what I mean by this specifically is you are now listening without interrupting or judging or trying to give advice right away. This is when you make people feel as if they can be real with you.
They will feel psychologically safe. And you can do all of this without even saying a word. You've now developed and earned their trust faster than those who try to take up more space and talk non-stop.
The ultimate result is what? People will start to open up to you more. They will start to seek your guidance and remember you as being someone who just gets them.
From a professional perspective, when you hold space for others, people will now share more of their real worries, their desires, their motivations. And this gives you more information. It gives you more insight into that other person that most others will miss.
And with this extra information, you're now going to be able to speak to people's deepest concerns, their deepest desires that no one else ever sees. Here are three things that you can do that's going to help you get better at holding space for others. Number one, replace advice with curiosity.
Ask these questions instead. How does that make you feel right now? What do you think will help the most?
Do you want to vent right now or would you like some ideas? Number two, master the pause. After someone finishes sharing something with you, pause for a few more beats before replying.
I know it's a simple skill, but you'll be surprised how many people keep going and share more if you give them the space. And the beautiful thing here is you are signaling to the other person, hey, keep talking if you want to. I'm holding space for you.
Number three, reflect. Don't redirect. Instead of going straight into, oh my goodness, what you said, that's happened to me, too.
Instead of doing that, say this instead. Hey, that sounds really tough. Oh, you seem really excited about that.
Oh, it sounds like that meant a lot to you. Don't hijack the conversation. This is what most people do.
Instead, learn how to become a great conversationalist. It's such a rare skill in today's world. And if you haven't already, come learn with me.
I've got a free 2-hour master class on conversational mastery. And let's keep building your unfair advantage. If you want to come along to that, click the first link you see in the description or click the first pin comment that you see down below.
