I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is how to improve your self-esteem so I've already done a similar episode on how to improve your self-confidence and now I'm turning my attention to self-esteem self-confidence and self-esteem are related but they're actually separate issues self-confidence is related to efficacy it's the belief that all other things being equal you can do something that you will be successful in the attempt on the other hand self-esteem is more like all other things being equal I feel good about who
I am as a person as a human being unfortunately there are a lot of folks out there who struggle with self-esteem issues they may even be very successful and self-confident but they have low self-esteem nonetheless these folks don't think very highly of themselves and don't really feel good inside of their own skin fortunately there is a simple and effective way to improve your self-esteem but before I get into what that is please remember to like this episode And subscribe to this channel it takes less than a second costs you nothing and it's definitely an estimable
action so do the thing so improving your self-esteem isn't that complicated the formula has two parts first you need to do difficult or steamable things and that kind of makes sense it's pretty hard to feel like you're a good person if you're not doing anything that you yourself would consider difficult or esteemable so pick a goal and go after it do something hard do something that you can be proud of having done people don't get genuine self-esteem from sitting on the couch and scrolling on social media they need to do difficult or steamable things and
frankly you probably already knew this but here's the thing the first part is not enough you need to also do the second part and this is the part that's really neglected in today's day and age in order to develop self-esteem not only do you have to do difficult and esteemable things but you have to do difficult and esteemable things and not tell anyone about them that's the hard part in the age of social media so why is this important this is important because if you do something difficult or esteemable and then you share it with
others then you substitute self-validation for external validation in fact you rob yourself of the opportunity for self-validation which is the basis of self-esteem you exchange your own internal satisfaction for praise views and likes and when you do that you're basically training your mind to understand that the reward for difficult or stingable action is the praise or validation of others and the longer you do that the more you will rely on external validation for your own self-regulation and the more you will need to prop up your own self-esteem with the praise of others taken to it
is Extreme people are subject to becoming like validation junkies and this can be as addictive as any substance Addiction in fact we would call it a process addiction like gambling and it can lead to some very dark places so the idea here is to do difficult or esteemable things and not tell anyone about them this will give you the opportunity to validate and esteem yourself which is how you get self esteem and how do you do that well you kind of have to talk to yourself in a supportive and encouraging way like I'm proud of
what I did today or I was scared but I did it anyway or I wanted to quit but I kept going good job Orion I know it sounds kind of cheesy but that's the kind of self-validation that facilitates the cultivation of healthy self-esteem then over time you'll find that you won't need as much external validation in fact you'll eventually become indifferent to both praise and sexual and this is an a supremely good thing why because if you're still emotionally influenced by whether people agree or disagree with you or like or don't like you or praise
or censure you then you're still more or less a Slave and not just a slave but a slave with a million Masters by learning to validate ourselves sufficiently we can experience a kind of emotional manumission whereby we can emancipate ourselves from the slavery of external validation what do you think let me know your thoughts in the comments below and thank you for listening
