I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. It's a great here.
Thanks for coming. Thank you for joining us here at our our headquarters in Los Angeles. Please, you know, I'm going to tell you something.
There's a lot going on. There's some very serious stuff going on, not just here, all around the world. And yet, I personally I cannot help but to stop everything when there are monkeys on the loose.
Not here. You can relax. The uh loose monkeys have been spotted in and around St.
Louis. Or have they? This is a weird story.
Yesterday, we learned that a troop of Vervet monkeys were seen at a park and in other parts of northern St. Louis. But as word spread and the local authorities there began to investigate, a flood of of photos and videos started to appear online, which at first seemed like real photographs.
But then the monkeys were wearing Cardinals jerseys and face paint to the point where animal control didn't know what was real and what was fake. Now, this is video of one of the escapees, or at least it appears to be video of one of the escapees. Well, honestly, we have no idea if that is real or AI.
What do you think, GMO? >> I think it's real. >> I think it's real, too.
But for the first time ever, we are not sure whether that's a real monkey or not. It became so confusing that the St. Louis Department of Health had to ask residents to please knock it off with all the fake monkey photos.
>> Were you guys having a hard time figuring out where the monkeys were because of all the AI photoshop photos? We did receive a tremendous amount of information from the community, but it was a challenge verifying the authenticity of some of that information. >> Are we 100% sure the monkeys are real?
>> We have had one verified sighting by a St. Louis police officer that verified the location of one monkey. >> By the way, I think all press conferences should include the phrase, "Are we 100% sure the monkeys are real?
" The best advice is to contact the Citizen Service Bureau and let us know the location of the monkey so that we can respond and contain. Please do not interact with the monkeys. They are highly intelligent and unpredictable.
Letting us know where they're located is the best next step. Thanks. >> I don't think that one was real, but I do have a message to anyone who's posting fake uh AI monkey sightings.
Number one, you're obstructing an active investigation, and number two is very funny. This afternoon, the Department of Health announced that they have ceased their search for the monkeys, which means either the animals are still out there somewhere and they gave up or they're dead and they don't want to say it or they never existed at all, like some kind of monkey version of the sixth sense. And then there was another primate sighting.
An orangutan popped up in a very populated area of Detroit. >> Isn't it nice to have a president that can go off teleprompter? You are so lucky I allow you into this room to even be with me.
the mosquito and a certain snake which was not a very nice reptile. This was a brutal reptile. He got bit.
It was over. It was just saying bye-bye everybody. The mosquito and the snake.
I don't know if we should have done that as well. I don't know. I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO IT.
DONALD TRUMP thinks he's hot stuff. They rigged the election on you. He won the electoral college.
You know, secure our border. He's very optimistic. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.
>> That little routine at the end there was our president making fun of our former president Joe Biden who has cancer. When he goes low, he then goes a little bit lower. King Kong was in the Motor City today.
He gave the finger and said, "F you" to a worker at Ford who called him a pedophile protector. And then Trump delivered another banana speech at the Detroit Economic Club where he attempted to convince those in attendance that the protests in Minneapolis are not real. They're fake.
>> One of the reasons they're doing these fake riots, I mean, they're just terrible. I mean, you see it's so fake. Shame, shame, shame.
You see the woman that's all practice. They go and practice. They go to areas.
They take hotel rooms and they all practice together. >> That's right. They practice and hold they order room service and they practice.
It's like motel January 6 is where they do it which and by the way they're not riots they're real. First they want us to believe that we did not see what we all saw happen or any good. Now he wants us to believe the protests aren't real.
It's like the emperor's new clothes in reverse. He's telling us we're the ones who are naked while they do their best to cover everything up. Not only has the Trump administration iced local authorities out of the FBI investigation into the killing of Renee Good, six senior prosecutors in Minnesota stepped down today after being pressured by the Justice Department to investigate Renee Good's widow who was the passenger in the car when she was shot.
They're investigating the victims instead of the perpetrator. And this morning, Trump posted, "Do the people of Minnesota really want to live in a community in which there are thousands of already convicted murderers, drug dealers and addicts, rapists, violent released and escape prisoners, dangerous people from foreign mental institutions, and insane asylums, and other deadly criminals too dangerous to even mention. " What could be more dangerous than a murderer, rapist escape from an insane asylum?
Godzilla? I don't know. But fear not, great people of Minnesota.
The day of reckoning and retribution is coming. Does anyone else miss the days when the president didn't sound like the Undertaker at Wrestlemania? I mean, seriously, would somebody get this hypoglycemic 5-year-old a fidget spinner?
He needs something to do with his hands. I DON'T KNOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW what this old nut is rambling about, but the protests in Minneapolis are real enough for the uh Magverse media to descend upon them.
This uh Fox wannabe channel called Real America's Voice sent a reporter to the scene. Now, stick with this because she's the woman's kind of annoying at first, but it gets very funny as it goes along. >> I'm just trying to have an intelligent conversation.
>> We're just trying to have an intelligent conversation. >> Oh, man. I'm a big and tall man.
>> I don't act this way. I'M A BIG AND TALL MAN. >> You want to engage an intelligent conversation and >> this is what we're dealing with on the ground all over.
>> That's right. >> Actually, I'm very respectful >> and you're not respectful at all in any way. >> I just want to ask, do you believe in illegal immigration?
Do you think US taxpayers should be funding housing to illegals and medical smart man? He is so intelligent. This man, HE'S GOT NOTHING TO SAY.
>> Back to you, Jeff. And with all this going on here, with all the chaos Trump's created at home, he's still talking about Greenland. He still believes that Denmark should sever their 300 plus year relationship with Greenland and turn it over to us.
The only problem is Trump never bothered to ask Greenland what they prefer in this weird custody battle he's created. >> Premier of Greenland said today, "We prefer to stay with Denmark. " Do you see that as the final?
The premier of Greenland. >> Well, that's their problem. That's their problem.
I disagree with him. I don't know who he is. Don't know anything about him, but that's going to be a big problem for him.
>> He doesn't even know who runs the country he wants to take. That's our Gangistan. We are, you know, we're coming up on a a full year into Trump's second term and so far somehow it is so much worse than I think any of us thought it would be.
I will say this, he has been running the country like one of his businesses into bankruptcy. Uh, according to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, the prices he said he'd get down on day one are up 2. 7% from a year ago.
Though, in fairness, the number is expected to go down after he arrests everyone who works at the Bureau of Labor and Statistics. But one thing Trump has been doing very well is distracting us from the fact that his justice department still hasn't released more than 2 million Epstein files. But fear not, the chair of the House Oversight Committee, James Goomer Comr, is demanding that the president be held accountable.
Just not this president. As a result of Bill Clinton not showing up for his lawful subpoena, which again was voted on it unanimously by the committee in a bipartisan manner, we will move next week in the House Oversight Committee Markup to hold former President Clinton in contempt of Congress. >> So, uh, >> well, come on now.
I'm sure based on the fact that his name is all over the files we've seen so far, he'll if he's bringing Clinton in, he'll bring Trump in for questioning, too. Right. >> Roll out bringing Donald Trump in for an interview.
>> Well, in this investigation, >> President Clinton's President Trump has answered thousands of questions about Jeffrey Epstein. In fact, I would say today, well, he you all ask him questions every day. He answers questions every day.
>> Okay. Right. But who even ask him?
I mean, what did you and Epstein do together? I'm not asking him that. You ask him that.
I gotta get out of here. And then we have that dope Pete Hegsath who may have actually committed more war crimes than previously estimated. Multiple officials confirmed to the New York Times that the plane they used in those boat attacks was not painted in a traditional military style, which violates the laws of armed conflict.
You are not allowed to disguise a war plane as a passenger plane or any other kind of plane because we don't want our enemies shooting at a a FedEx or Delta flight. It's a war crime called perity. These guys are committing crimes we've never even heard of before.
I didn't ever heard that word perity. But now not I mean not only we going to need a Nuremberg trial at the end of this, we're going to need a bacon double Nuremberg with cheese trial after this. Part of the reason that the Pentagon keeps running a foul of the law is because Pete Haggath fired a lot of the military lawyers which are known as JAGs.
And you know after he's done with JAG, he is coming for NCIS. Make no mistake about it. Haggath dropped by Lockheed Martin in Fort Worth today to fire yet another round in his war against woke.
>> We want to get rid of the distractions and the debris. No more DEI. No more dudes in dresses.
You got to read the room. You know, when you go through this rogues gallery that makes up Trump's cabinet now, you realize we kind we had it kind of good the first time around. You remember Trump's former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Dr Ben Carson?
Well, Dr Ben Carson, he has a new job with the USDA. Three cheers for whole milk. Good stuff.
I'm glad he's back. I missed him. I really did.
You know, he's been asleep for the past 5 years. At least we aren't at war with milk. I guess Donald Trump right now is as unpopular as any president since Nixon.
He has a 54% disapproval rating, but somehow there are still 40% of Americans who support him, which is hard to understand until you get to the bottom of how many of them stay positive. >> Explosions ringing out in Venezuela's capital city. >> Massive rally filling the streets of Minneapolis today.
>> It's now or never to avoid the worst impacts of climate change. >> America faces unprecedented problems. >> I'll say now there's a solution.
Introducing the magical Maggasack. >> Wow, the climate crisis is gone. >> Yes, it's just that simple.
Maggasack is government certified to stop problems right at the source. Your lying eyes. Maggasack is easy to operate and guaranteed to block out everything from open corruption to creeping fascism to gross incompetence to severe mental decline to Jeffrey Epstein's birthday doodle or anything you really don't want to see.
>> It was an act of domestic terrorism. Take it from real Americans with real bags over their heads. Order your MAGAC today and receive MAGA Muffs absolutely free.
>> What now? >> MAGA Muffs. Huh?
>> MAGA Muffs. >> Okay. >> Order now or don't.
Nothing matters. Give me some drugs. >> I'll take three.
