it started with a simple request I was in my kitchen washing up after dinner when my phone buzzed the name on The Scream made me pause Ryan my best friend Lisa's younger brother I hadn't seen him in years not since he was a lanky teenager trailing behind us when we were in college the last time I'd heard anything about him he was in his senior year of high school and now apparently he was 18 curious I wiped my hands on a dish towel and answered hey Ryan this is unexpected hey sopie he said his voice
deeper than I remembered I uh hope this isn't weird but I really need a favor I smiled depends on the favor he hesitated then side can I come over I don't want to do this over the phone a flicker of concern ran through me are you okay yeah I promise I just need to talk his tone was nervous almost embarrassed I glanced at the clock it was only 7:30 p.m. with a quiet sigh I nodded even though he couldn't see me all right come on over I had barely set my phone down when my mind
started racing I hadn't thought about Ryan in years to me he had always been Lisa's kid brother the one who hung around the house e dropping on our conversations trying too hard to be cool but now I realized he wasn't a kid anymore by the time the doorbell rang I was oddly nervous shaking off the feeling I smoothed my sweater and opened the door rayan stood there tall and lean his broad shoulders filling the doorway his dark hair was slightly tussled his jaw sharper than I remembered but it was his eyes warm uncertain searching that
made me pause hey I said stepping aside hey he echoed walking past me he smelled faintly of colon and something else something familiar and undeniably grownup want something to drink I asked trying to ignore the strange tension in the air n I'm good he ran a hand through his hair thanks for letting me come over I leaned against the counter folding my arms so what's this about he exhaled slowly I need your help with something it's kind of awkward I raised a brow Waiting Ryan hesitated his fingers tapping against his jeans a I need a
woman's perspective someone I trust my curiosity deepened on his eyes flicked up to mourning filled with both determination and hesitation I've never been with anyone before and I don't want my first time to be some random meaningless thing the words hung in the air like a static charge my breath C thought my heart stumbling over itself Ryan my voice was softer now careful I know it's crazy he rushed on his ears rening I just I trust you you're the only person I could ask I blinked trying to process what he was saying he wasn't joking
there was no laughter in his eyes no smug arrogance just raw sincerity an earnest from someone standing at the edge of something new a strange unexpected warmth spread through me it wasn't just the request itself it was the way he looked at me the quiet respect in his expression I took a slow breath Ryan that's a big thing to ask I know he said quickly and I don't expect anything I just he broke off off rubbing the back of his neck I just wanted to ask for a long moment we stood in Silence the air
between us felt thick charged with something neither of us fully understood and yet beneath it all there was something undeniable a shift a possibility and for the first time in a long time I felt something awaken inside me I sat down PR pressing my Palms against my knees trying to steady the Whirlwind of emotions inside me Ryan was still standing shifting his weight his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans he looked at me expectantly but there was no pressure in his expression only sincerity I let out of slow breath how had I gotten
here Ryan I started carefully choosing my words this isn't something to take LLY I know he said quickly stepping forward that's why I came to you I don't want it to be meaningless I want to feel comfortable safe safe that word caught me off guard he trusted me not just with his request but with something deeper his vulnerability I read a hand through my hair buying myself time what was I supposed to say say he was so young just stepping into adulthood while I I had already lived through so much and yet sitting here I
didn't feel like the 50-year-old woman I was supposed to be there was something about Ryan the way he looked at me the quiet intensity in his eyes that made me forget the years between us Ryan I said again my voice softer this time you could be with someone your age someone who's also figuring things out his jaw tightened I don't want that why because I don't want to stumble through it he admitted I don't want awkward rushed careless I want something real his eyes searched mine you always felt real to me sopie even when I
was younger I could tell you were different you weren't like Lissa's other friends you actually listened when I talked you never brushed me off I swallowed I hadn't realized he noticed those things I don't want to be a mistake for you Ryan I said quietly he exhaled taking a slow Step Closer you wouldn't be something about the way he said it made my stomach flutter this wasn't just about curiosity for him it wasn't about some fleeting re Reckless decision he was looking at me with intention with a kind of respect that was rare even for
men my own age I looked away my mind racing I should have said no I should have stood up told him this was impossible sent him back out the door but I didn't because deep down I knew what I was feeling too a forgotten part of me a woman not just someone's friend or some one's ex-wife but a woman who still longed to be seen to be wanted and in Ryan's gaze I saw something I hadn't seen in years admiration desire a quiet reverence I swallowed hard Ryan this would change things between us I know
he said without hesitation and I'm okay with that I let out a nervous laugh you're awful sure of yourself for someone with no experience that made him grin a slow crooked grin that sent an unexpected warmth Through Me Maybe but I know what I want the room felt smaller the air thicker my pulse quickened as Ryan took another step close enough now that I could see the tension in his jaw the way his fingers twitched slightly like he wanted to reach for me but was holding himself back I could stop this I could tell him
no and pretend none of this ever happened or or I could acknowledge what I already knew deep down I wanted this too maybe not just because of him but because of me because it had been so long since someone had looked at me like this since I had felt something stir inside me that wasn't just Duty or routine or loneliness and as I met his gaze I knew I had already made my decision slowly carefully I reached out and brushed my fingers against his hand his breath hitched his body tensing at the small contact he
was waiting for me to decide and I had I looked up at him my voice barely above a whisper are you sure about this Ryan nodded his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed more than anything I let my fingers slide over his palm our hands intertwining and then finally I pulled him toward me Ryan's fingers tightened around mine his warmth seeping into my skin as we stood there caught in the fragile space between hesitation and surrender a thousand thoughts rushed through my mind questions warnings reasons to pull away but none of them felt as real
as the steady rise and fall fall of his breath the quiet anticipation in his gaze I had spent so much of my life putting others first being the responsible friend the supportive ex-wife the woman who always thought things through but tonight tonight wasn't about logic it wasn't about the past or a future it was about this moment about the way Ryan looked at me like I was someone worth wanting not just someone who had lived too many years is to be desired I reached up my fingertips brushing against his cheek his skin was warm smooth
Untouched by time in a way that made me Hyper aware of my own fine lines but when he leaned into my touch closing his eyes for a brief second I realized that none of that mattered I had spent so long thinking my best years were behind me that passion desire being seen were things I would only never look back on with Nostalgia but here in the Stillness of my living room with Ryan standing so close I felt something awaken inside me I wanted this a shaky breath left my lips as I whispered are you sure
Ryan nodded his voice steady yes that was all I needed I closed the space between us pressing my lips against hiits in a a slow tentative kiss Ryan tensed for a heartbeat before melting into it his hands finding my waist unsure but eager the kiss was soft at first delicate but then his fingers tightened against my hips and something shifted there was an urgency beneath his hesitance a hunger wrapped in Restraint and God when was the last time someone had kissed me like that with reverence with the kind of quiet awe that made made my
chest ache we pulled apart breathless eyes searching each other's faces did I do that right he asked a small nervous chuckle escaping his lips I smiled my thumb grazing against his jaw perfectly Ryan exhaled his grip on my waist relaxing Sophie I don't want this to be a mistake for you I swallowed holding his gaze it's not and I meant it because no matter where this led no matter what tomorrow brought tonight was ours for the first time in years I let myself feel and I wouldn't regret it the Morning Light crept through the curtains
golden and soft painting the room in hazy glow I sat on the edge of my bed staring out the window lost in thought Ryan had already left flipping out with a quiet goodbye a lingering glance that said More Than Words ever could I expected regret to settle in I braced myself for Guilt for self- reproach but all I felt was peace because last night wasn't a mistake it wasn't Reckless or foolish it was two people choosing each other for a moment that would always belong to us I didn't know what came next and for the
first time in my life that was okay because sometimes life wasn't about planning sometimes it was about allowing yourself to be alive and last night for the first time in a long time I had been truly beautifully alive
