[Music] husband is not nearly a title it's a position it's a responsibility it's a responsibility that you own dr tony evans says that responsibility goes beyond you to your wife that means whatever is wrong with her you're responsible to be her deliverer celebrating 40 years of faithfulness this is the alternative with dr tony evans author speaker senior pastor of oak cliff bible fellowship in dallas texas and president of the urban alternative husbands if there's trouble in your marriage dr evans says it's possible there isn't enough dying going on in the relationship let's join him as he explains what does it mean to be a kingdom husband regardless of where you are where you come from perhaps you came from a single parent family and you never knew a father growing up so you never knew what manhood was supposed to be and how to treat a lady and you never saw it so you're working it at a deficit or perhaps you had a male around he just wasn't a good one so the lessons you learned were bad lessons not good lessons well we can't change how you were raised we can't change the influences you had in the past but what we can do is start you from where you are and see god make you and me into what he wants us to be before god ever created eve he created adam and brought adam in order underneath god because a kingdom man is a man who is operating underneath divine rule god has say so in his life and just as he expects his family to follow him god expects the male to follow him when the male follows him it's much more likely that the woman and the children will follow him but if he's out of alignment and they're following him everybody's going wrong the bible says in verse 23 of ephesians chapter 5 for the husband is the head of the wife now i understand that a lot of ladies don't like that i understand that perhaps you've been abused by a man that's used by men you were raised up with abusive father you saw your father abusing your mother that may be a whole lot of reasons why you don't like that verse but hang with me because when you see this verse in relationship to what god had in mind it's a pretty verse it's a sweet verse it's a i got it verse okay he says that the man is the head of a woman that brings up what does it mean for a man to be the head jesus says in first corinthians 11 3 he says god is the head of christ christ is the head of every man and a man is the head of a woman just like he says in verse 23 what then is headship in the bible headship means governing authority it's like the head of state so it has to do with governing in a responsible way and exercising the authority that goes with the responsibility to achieve what the government is supposed to produce which is in this case the advancement of god's kingdom so if you are a man you are the head of your home for the purpose of advancing god's kingdom through leading your family in such a way that they are governed in the right way that is to pursue that which advances god's purposes in history and enjoy the process and the challenges along the way one of the key words that belongs to headship is responsibility even if you're not to blame you're still responsible why because husband is not merely a title it's a position it's a responsibility it's a responsibility that you own provide protect governor all of that is tied in to headship now the question on the floor if you're going to be a kingdom husband if i'm going to be a kingdom husband is how does headship work you are to exercise the responsibility of headship in the context of love we throw the word around without fully understanding its biblical import and what it means because we typically define love in terms of emotion you know how i feel about something or someone i love you this is how i feel and certainly emotion is a part of love but let me give you the biblical definition of love the biblical definition of love is passionately righteously sacrificially pursuing the well-being of another in other words you can love even when the emotions aren't there because love starts with a decision that sometimes you will emote with other times you won't emote with but if you are passionately and righteously and sacrificially pursuing the well-being of another you are in fact loving according to god's standard for god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son love was seen in his willingness to sacrifice for our well-being how is love expressed he says the first thing a man needs to know if he's going to be a kingdom husband is that he is to be his wife's savior verse 25 husbands love your wives just as christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her you see him speaking in the his her language he loved the church to death so if you're still alive you ain't finished loving yet okay he loved the church love came in the shape of a cross now the only reason you need a savior is because there was a sinner so jesus christ became our rescuer because we need to be rescued from something he says a man is to be his wife's savior just as jesus is the savior of the world what does that mean that means whatever is wrong with her you're responsible to be her deliverer from secondly he says a kingdom husband because he's reflecting something bigger than himself christ in the church becomes his wife's sanctifier verse 26 so that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she would be holy and blameless he sanctifies her okay first god saves us jesus saves us then he begins a process of sanctifying us sanctification means to set apart as unique or special sanctification means to set something or someone apart put it in a unique place and make it special i've defined it like the dishes in your dining room they are set apart they're not in the kitchen with the regular stuff they got their own room they're set apart as unique or special they're not treated like all the other dishes their own room their own glass cabinet because those dining room dishes are unique or special so he says after you save her because you sacrifice for her you are to sanctify her or to set her apart as unique or special now the purpose of sanctification is to take somebody from where they are and turn them into what they ought to be that's the whole purpose of sanctification when you and i got saved all of our problems didn't disappear all of our mistakes didn't disappear all of our sins didn't disappear all of our weaknesses didn't disappear we entered into a process of transformation and that process of transformation is called sanctification you see guys when you married your wife you married her history or when you get married if you're single you marry that person's history you marry all the stuff they hid from you while you were dating see you got married you said i didn't know you were like this she always been like that bossy loud argumentative rebellious she wasn't gonna show you that till you put a ring up on her finger man you all shocked and surprised that was always there it just wasn't evident like it is now because she didn't have the security of the ring that she that she has now you say if i would have known you were like this i would have never married you always been like sister girl always been like this the goal is to see a transformation occur through the influence of love called sanctification you say well what if she's resisting it what if she's not working with me why does she not cooperate with me you've got to own that and say okay she's got this flaw this floor this floor and this floor i take responsibility because your job is to align yourself in such a way that god helps you with her so that you can have the kind of relationship that god has established marriage to be it starts with you owning this thing if you're going to be a kingdom man the reason why many of us are married today is because of how special we treated the lady in fact if we would have treated the lady then like we treat them now they wouldn't have married us okay in fact some of the ladies didn't like us when we first showed up if the truth be told she told a girlfriend you know i don't like him he's so ugly you know i don't like him but then you started calling and then you started treating it nice and you started complimenting how nice she look how sweet she talk how pretty her eyes are how you like or walk how you like her talk how you like it showing attention opening the car door now she looking to get in before you drive off you know she you know you were doing all the stuff you were doing all the stuff and all of a sudden she began to feel special and when she began to feel special she began to emote and relate to you so she went from i don't like him he alright she went from he alright he's kind of nice she went from here kind of nice up in love she shifted now let me give you some good news guys women were created to respond see god has built in response mechanisms it's all of them extra nerves that women have that men don't have those are response mechanisms so they can respond for good or for bad but they got all these other nerves running through their brain that are stitched to respond and if you work that thing long enough and you work that thing right you're going to see sanctification taking place and transformation taking place because she has been created to respond that's what the text says look down because it says verse 31 for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother doesn't say anything about a woman leaving her father and mother says a man leaves his father and mother and he the man is joining his wife doesn't say anything about the wife being joined to the man it says the man being joined his wife but then it says and then the two becomes one flesh the two don't become one till a man moves the man has got to move first and when she sees the man moving and the man leading and the man owning and the man taking responsibility and the man man and up and the man stepping up and the man treating her as special come on ladies could you respond to this all right give a man a break he said he got it let him have it it says that he is to sanctify his wife do you know jesus loves us when we're at our worst you know he still loves us whatever do you know let me tell you something do you know jesus is never going to divorce you it's called eternal security he's never going to divorce you because he loves you even when you don't return the favor dr evans will come back with more on how women respond to real kingdom manhood when he continues our message in just a moment don't go away [Music] foreign [Music] world says to man up they're talking about things you can see money status social media followers what does god say to be a man and rise up in society you can't leave god out of it it's the difference between good and great see greatness isn't achieved it's demonstrated every single day legacy is a million middle moments done well in his sequel to the best-selling kingdom man tony evans kingdom men rising challenges men to overcome the obstacles in their way in order to leave a legacy of influence get the book kingdom men rising to discover how you can do just that find out more at tonyevins. org also makes a great gift as we've been learning god has a plan for every facet of family life and a specific job for every family member and to help strengthen your family's spiritual foundation and bring you together at the same time we have a great resource for you it's a 52-week devotional book from tony and his son jonathan called the kingdom family devotional topics range from the basics of faith like salvation prayer and discipleship to life essentials like handling money picking friends and setting priorities their specific inspiration and instruction for each weekday simple enough to keep the kids engaged but meaty enough to challenge mom and dad too right now for a limited time we'll send you a copy of the kingdom family devotional as our thank you gift when you make a donation to support tony's work here on the air and if you do that right away we'll also include a special bonus all six full-length messages in tony's current series the kingdom family on cd or digital download contact us right away to take advantage of this special double offer before time runs out visit tonyevins. org or call our resource request line at 1-800-800-3222 team members are standing by around the clock to help you again that's 1-800-800-3222 well now here's dr evans with part two of today's message so there must be a decision by men to own this thing and to become the leader at home the sanctifying leader that god has called you to be finally you to be your wife's satisfier verse 28.
he says so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his own wife loves himself for no one ever hates his own flesh but nourishes it and cherishes it just as christ also does the church okay christ also the church say this is not just about you and her it's about christ in the church so your job is to make christ look good her job is to make the church look good so that there's a mini model of that relationship in the house where you live now i know most people don't even have this as a point of reference they didn't weren't taught this or was so vague that they were not encouraged in it or held accountable to it but until we do we're going to keep having the divorces we're going to keep having world war 3 living in the home because everybody's out of alignment the man's out of alignment with god the woman is out of alignment with the husband the children are out of alignment with the parents and so you got hell in the home but if men it starts with the man gets in alignment adam where are you not adam and eve where are y'all that he is taking ownership the husband is to be the wife's satisfier do you know jesus takes responsibility for meeting our needs you meet the need if it's a legitimate need and you have the capacity to meet it you meet the need that means you're willing to find out what the need is now i know ladies love to talk love to talk i mean ladies want to talk they want to conversate i mean you know they have happy hour you know when you're unsaved i hope and you went to happy hour you know why they call it happy because you're not happy at work all day you're not gonna be happy when you go home so they give you a stop off place where you can be happy between the two okay a lot of guys delay going home because they don't want to talk okay but ladies like to talk and they want to talk and they don't want you to give them a solution at least not on the front end because they want to emote it they want to get it out so you got to sit there and listen and bet not look at your wife you can't you can't even sneak it and do that okay because that means you're not paying attention and i know by experience i ain't paying attention you try to sleep people you try to sneak you try to sneak a peek you know you know the game coming on the football game going a baseball game coming on and they didn't want to talk at the wrong time you know the game is on the line it could go either way can we talk he's talking about meeting the need first peter 3 7. first peter 3 7 says dwell with your wives in an understanding way you got to understand the need in order to meet it so if you don't want her interrupting your time then you better pick a time that works for her so that you're not missing all time to meet the need he says a man is to meet the need nourish and cherish nourish means to feed in order to mature cherish was used of a bird sitting to warm an egg and spreading its feathers it had to do with comfort and meeting the need he says dwell with your wife dwell doesn't mean just live in the house it means to make yourself at home it means to own the responsibility of understanding taking the time to get it understand it and address it he says become your wife's satisfied to nourish and cherish that is to meet the need don't expect a summer wife if you bring home winter weather you are the thermostat she is the thermometer you're supposed to set the temperature she's supposed to let you know what it's reading so if you come home with cold weather don't be surprised it's cold up in here but if you make it a hot place to live then you will see the warmth of the home being manifested you are the lead yes she has a responsibility we're going to talk about that responsibility but you set the pace for the home you say well i married the wrong woman i'm convinced of it well if you begin treating the wrong woman like the right woman you might discover she becomes the right woman [Applause] there was this man this time it's uh this is this guy he was uh he had two daughters one was extraordinarily beautiful and one was extremely homely okay one was just just a knockout a brick house mighty mighty the other one's not real homely so this is back years ago when they used to give animals for the father to accept the dowry to take the daughter he found out that this rich guy was going to give him 10 cows for one of his daughter that was a lot of money for the milk and the meat and all that 10 cows one of my daughters but he knew which daughter the the guy was going to take because he had one extremely beautiful daughter and one extremely homely daughter so the day came he presented his two daughters the man brought the 10 cows he brought the 10 cows out and he says okay here are my two daughters to his shot he picked the homely daughter he was just shocked because the beautiful daughter was shocked too the only daughter was shocked everybody was shot he gave he gave ten cows to the father for the homely daughter took her away a year later the father went to visit the man who had given him the ten cows for his homely daughter when she came out she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen in his life she was even prettier than the knockout than the brick house he couldn't believe it whoa how did you get so beautiful the daughter said when i saw that he viewed me as worth 10 cows i said i'm gonna start looking like a 10 cow woman [Applause] in other words i'ma reflect the value he's placed on me so maybe if your woman is homely you haven't brought enough cows you haven't brought enough to the table and if you increase your cow portion maybe she gonna change how she does her hair and the kind of things she wears and the kind of talk she talks and the kind of walk she walks and the kind of communication she gives cause you just changed her value and she wants to look like sound like act like walk like talk like the value you have placed on her because you have become a kingdom man and you got it [Music] dr evans will come back in a moment to pray for us as we wrap up our program so don't go away in the meantime today's message becoming a kingdom husband is part of tony's current series called the kingdom family it's an eye-opening look at god's original plan for life in the home and why following that plan is so vital for each of us as i mentioned earlier we're offering this six message collection on both cd and digital download as our gift when you support tony's ministry with your financial contribution and if you do that right away we'll include a bonus gift of the kingdom family devotional a 52-week journey through the most important concepts of the christian faith just visit tonyevins. org where you can make the arrangements to receive these helpful family resources again tonyevins.
