[Music] [Music] what's up you guys welcome back to another episode of in totality I'm your host Megan Ashley and I have my friend here y' I just I don't even know how to intro her cuz I know she about to act up um she is so this is probably one of the most requested guests that I will probably ever have for this podcast she is a follower of Christ a teacher a leader a preacher a author a writer she is um outside of of a follower of Christ most importantly she's a wife and a mother
and um I'm honored to call her friend Jackie Hill Perry I'mma scream again I hate I'm on in totality that's crazy again that's amazing yeah you g to tell the people no you tell them Jackie okay so we did this before we recorded an episode and I think it was edifying to a certain degree I just had a lot of rebuke energy and the Lord convicted me about it and I talked to Megan and said hey can we do a redo and you were so accommodating it's amazing speaking of accommodations the only reason why y'all
seen this couch is because of Jackie why the aesthetic is better you can't lie you think the couch is better than chairs it feels it feels more cozy more you know it fills out the room more there's not like space between this is actually my dining room that I have I think it looks great literally converted into the in totality um um podcast studio with I appreciate you for accommodating me Megan Ashley Brooks that's what friends are for I appreciate that how you feeling are you happy to be here on in totality again uh yes
so I'm so thankful for a new a new Mercy you know yeah I think it's going to be a good time we are debuting your um your hair your new hair color I don't even think they can see they can't even see it well if you're listening you can't see it but if you're watching it's not that significant you think what the more I look at it the more I can really see that it's like brown what's crazy is I got 15 boxes of D I saw yeah and we ran out no yes I said
wow how like I needed a tub of D your hair you have a lot of hair yeah you have a lot of hair okay so the intention was to be red no or copper I bought Ginger I bought Brown Ginger honey blonde and so the top is brown with a smidge of Ginger the middle is honey blonde and ginger the ends were supposed to be blonde but we stopped carrying by hour or two so it was the the foil I could no like I was going to say crackhead but that might be inappropriate yeah I
just I didn't look well you didn't you didn't but your hair turned out great and in the sun it looks even better thank you you're welcome appreciate it and your makeup okay let's talk about it how are you today your face how are you today is looking good ma'am how are you no you got us all engaged into your your skin care and your makeup routine so you're going to accept these but low key some some of the obsessiveness is your fault be it's it is it's very interesting that you say that cuz you because
what was the text I sent you the other day you said that you becoming obsessed with makeup again again because of you so I stopped caring so it's mutual no it's not I stopped caring y'all I did makeup for 10 years I I had every product you can think of before I moved into this house I had big like big containers full of makeup got rid of all of them never bought a thing again here you come what you think about this what you think about this what you think about you possibly think that I'm
going to start learning makeup and not talk to you are you crazy if I have access to Megan Ashley BRS God no you you you f to be in Sephora with me listen we have been in Sephora more times I I think that I'm literally in Sephora or Al to every week I'm sorry yes this is actually your but you know they got same day delivery cuz I just been doing that ordering yeah $6.95 same day from Sephora yeah you know you can just get on door Dash right no you can go door dashed it
to your house you do door Dash and it will literally come same day see there you go Sephora here's a plug for you um how are you how do you feel redo I'm do you feel gentle no I don't but you know who is the Lord the Lord is and so I'm depending on on him I mean I think to even just give insight into what was happening which you're aware of the Lord showed me that some of my what looks like righteous Zeal it has elements of unrighteous anger and it was influencing the way
I was applying God's truth and God's word to his people and so it was kind of like like I told you it was like when God told Moses to speak to the Rock I I hit it instead of speaking to it and it's still produce water so it was still helpful still like edifying potentially yet at the same time I didn't do what he said and what he says is approach your opponents with gentleness and respect and I ain't had no respect and so I wasn't approaching them with no respect so you know I just
I think it's important to model for people what it looks like to be honest and a truth tell teller but also compassionate what's the difference between righteous anger and unrighteous anger um and how can we identify the difference I think some of this is the holy spirit right so like I text Dr Serita and I was because I think she's she's somebody who is very much a truth teller and bold and all of that and I was like what's the balance between you know what I'm saying telling the truth and being prophetic about it yet
at the same time being honorable to people like what is that tension and she sent me this long thing but one of Things She Said is she was like sometimes we could be more committed to the truth than we are to the people we're telling the truth to and she was like so some of what you might be experiencing is that you have a very big love for truth and an anemic love for people and I was like she's right and so even when I sat down with you the thing on my mind was tell
the truth be bold be honest be un like courageous all that I never at any point thought about the people you you know what I'm saying and so I think that's one way to distinguish is Am I who who am I angry at for real why am I talking about it have I submitted it to the Lord or am am I just getting something off my chest but in a religious way where I can be airm but I still ain't dealt with the fact that like I'm hurt you know what I'm saying like people be
hurt yeah a lot of these heresy Hunters are hurt they're hurt you're mad at your dad okay that abandoned you when four and so you found a way to express your anger and your rage and trying to sanctify it because it's in the context of God yes yeah so that's where we are I don't want to be that way well I appreciate your um one thing about Jackie that I really appreciate is that Jackie as if I'm not talking to you one thing about you that I really really appreciate is your integrity I think that's
one of the things and you know Integrity is sensitive for me right now because I don't feel like people have integrity they don't and it really irritates me um so I'm trying to restraining I'm trying to restrain myself um but I appreciate your integrity just as a communicator of the Gospel as a wife as a mother as a friend like the amount of Integrity that you have I just really appreciate it and even in moments where you can like really just like be a friend and let me just do something foolish like there was this
one time I I text you and I was like should I post this and you were like take this out take this out take this out you know what I mean and I had and I feel like because of the circumstance I had every right to post it and it was it was still kind of it was still in the context of God but you knew where where my heart was in it and even I was like it sound like you coming for somebody and was and was with scripture with scripture and and I just
like I just think that that is super dope to you know everybody just don't get that yeah you know what I'm saying in the in the sense of Integrity as a friend yeah and even even though you're my friend you're still you still belong to him first and so you're responsible to be yeah you know what I'm saying because to me you know our relationship or relationships I have with anybody I would want to be helpful you know what I'm saying Help like help people be better versions of themselves and I feel like I think
me and you relate on many levels because we're public leaders and so in my mind it's like no I want to help you be the best public leader that you can be like but I'm also giving you space to to vent just just let's not doing on Instagram that's all and literally I didn't post it at all I didn't even even with your corrections I was like let me just not cuz clearly cuz that was the Compromise I'm like if we just if we just edit this then maybe yeah I think that's what you said
you were like maybe if you take this out it was Sal salvageable but you know your heart my heart wasn't in the right place cons and and I appreciate that because I think a lot of times especially like in friendships and relationships um we we lay aside our responsibility to Christ and we look at the relationship and just like I just want to be a good friend I just want to let you vent I just want to let you feel what you feel I just want to let you pop your stuff off or whatever but
it's like that's this is this is my point to your integrity is that before you're my friend you you're responsible to Christ and his truth yeah do you know what I'm saying and in doing that you're being a good friend yeah and I feel like friendship is like protecting your people right so to me how you move on social media if I can get ahead of that cuz I'm also thinking of how other people will come for you in light of how you came for them right so it's like I don't even want you to
go through that so let's let's just not let's let's Deb it now don't post that so sometimes being a good friend y'all is telling your friends don't post that don't do that get off the internet for sure just go away go away yeah just get down okay I have a few uh some ice Breer questions for you because we didn't do this at the last one did we do ice bregers no I I feel like we went straight to I don't remember I tried to put break necks that's what we went we went straight for
the guts of the false teachers go ahead come on you going to ask me my favorite ice cream they they about to be mad like we want that one no us the angry cuz that that's why people was at the Coliseum you understand that's that same en literally the Gladiators was popping because people like to see violence that's a very deep philosophical idea if you really think about it it go okay um what I'm not going to ask you some goofy stuff I want to ask you some Icebreaker questions I feel like would be edifying
to the people but you what okay few things what are what is one thing that you feel like you are learning the most right now with god that's literally not Icebreaker sorry have you ever been to like a group team meeting well it's my type of Icebreaker you know who I am that's not an ice that's why we on in to say it again it was so deep go ahead what is God teaching me cuz ice breakers are like what's your favorite Bible verse you know what's your middle name what's your favorite color this Negro
said what is God teaching you in this season of your life come on now go ahead say it again that's what you she said okay Jackie what's your favorite ice cream peon butter pean butter pecan is your favorite ice cream okay what's my favorite color what is your favorite color black black what is um okay do you believe as a parent this is still kind of deep but it is do you believe as a parent that you go through Seasons where you have a favorite child no you don't cuz I okay not a favorite but
I do have seasons where I feel like one is closer to me than the others I do have seasons where one or two of them are easier you got a lot of kids so it's a lot that's a lot so I might have a easier one and I do have to guard myself from being more attentive to them just because of the ease um so I wouldn't say that it's an affectionate kind of favoritism but I think it could be a practical favoritism you know where I'm I remember that you ever watched this is us
I did I I only got through one I I cried I couldn't take it I could see that it's not enough set and spray in the world to keep you megga be at church where makeup dripping off bro it's like my God anyway um there was this episode no because y'all I was at church boo hoing tissues FL lying Jackie said Jackie text me oh no she came over after church one day and she was like bro I was 2 seconds away from being like cuz the the the ushers be walking around with the tissue
she was like I was so tempted to be like just leave it give her the Box bro just give her the whole box cuz you you grabbing to you being modest no you're weeping you're lamenting give her the Box anyway anyway there was an episode where the mother that like the the all the kids got the mother to the side and one of them was basically feeling a way that he didn't get the attention that the other brother got and she like yell and she was like he was just easier and I was like I
feel that like some kids are just easier but at the same time you just got to guard your heart because you end up abandoning one child in favor of another which is traumatic do you find it cuz you I have three you have four and I can only like even though it's one more one more is a lot more it's not just one more it's a whole lot more yeah and um do you feel that it's I mean I know it's challenging but this is why I don't understand how people parent without the Lord because
they're so different yes and they need different things and you are just one person I mean obviously you have your husband help um and to be who he's called to be to your kids too but sometimes I find it as a parent that I'm just trying to to figure myself out I'm trying to hear the Lord for me you know what I'm saying and now I have these kids who I need to also hear the Lord for and they're all different yeah do you feel like that's a hard or how do you navigate through that
because we know you as this amazing teacher and you're also a mother I am you know like you a whole mom to four kids I I think for me so the way I've looked at the strategy of mothering these different beings is one each of them is made in the image of God and so there is a particular personality that the Lord has designed them to have right and so it's like how do I Steward how God has made you and what he wants you to be then there's different potential gifts associated with the personality
type yeah right so it's like Eden for example my old Eden is very intellectual very communicative so she's a talker really intelligent but also really controlling all of those are traits of a potential preacher and leader so in my mind it's your different personality requires me to show up and train you how to be a good humble leader and a very clear thoughtful communicator but then you have shoot autumn autumn is she's not necess necessarily a communicator she's more creative she can be Spacey which I think if you're a judgmental or nonth thoughtful parent it's
like just be quicker but it's like no she's just taking longer to process and when she feels comfortable to say how she feels she going to say it but so I think I think Autumn will be the person who sees you in pain hurts like see you hurting and all that type of stuff and she shows up for you just with her body she might not say anything but she going to be there for I don't know to me I I look at it like I look at their differences as a challenge but also a
joyful one because I'm releasing these four different individuals back into the world eventually yeah do you see cuz I I feel like I I said a lot unnecessarily I really could have summarized that why do you I hate that you feel like you have to be just like not ever long-winded I hate that what does that mean one of my parents I won't say who um even though you did I didn't say it I was about to say it when I would talk there was a urgency to how long they would listen to me and
so I'm always struggling with feeling like I need to get it out quickly or the person will stop caring really yeah so it it makes me a very concise communicator but I think in relationships Prest often has to say like no I care about all of your sentences like I'm like I feel like by the fifth one it's like I don't care like that but he does care so that's it I think he cares and I think we all do I I don't think everybody does well maybe not everybody okay but I I care about
cuz a lot of times in conversations with Jackie she' be like that's it and I'm like no that's not it keep going there's more in there tell me more I want to know but um fear of Abandonment and rejection Jackie is in therapy y'all and we're here for it because I can hear time I'm had a therapist every couple years cuz listen I think it's important though listen I was negro got new traumas bro you know I got I got post-pandemic trauma that I need to I get it you know when I fell off a
bike let's work through that but let's work through what happened last year literally yesterday like because I think I heard somebody say that like therapist and stuff like unhealthy clinicians are some of some of the most dangerous people you could work with so having an unhealed therapist is actually damaging for the patient I think the same applies to leaders and Ministry people if you are not working on your stuff it is going to spill out into how you care for people so for me if I have all of these relational wounds and these relational traumas
and these these new experiences that I've had I need to work with that so that when I'm ministering to people it's coming from like a place of wholeness yeah and not broken do you feel like you have to be cuz I feel like we're always in this cycle of healing like we're always healing from something maybe um but do you feel like you cuz I think there's a misconception of that you need to be completely healed right and I just think that we're always kind of in this process of healing right so how do you
find the tension and the balance between healing from something you know what I'm saying cuz we talk about being whole what is the what is the balance in that you don't want to be unhealed giving out it might be how you frame healing so to me healthy healing is discovering the parts of yourself that are broken by sin and learning that so you can surrender it to the Lord so he can not only heal you but make you holy in light of it right so to me healing is a function of sanctification right so we
all know sanctification is a process therefore healing is a process and so I also think the Bible says like work out your salvation with fear and trembling and that's a part of the work is because of the wounds I have I've developed particular coping mechanisms and these coping mechanisms are subtle forms of idolatry I've discovered ways to protect myself right and God is over here like no I want you to trust me to be your protector so to me I don't look at healing as healing for healing sake I look at healing as as me
opening myself up to actually trust God more so it's very simple but I think that's what I think that's what we should yeah it's a simple concept but it's extremely hard oh yeah it's very painful it's pain I mean it takes work and it takes it takes a level of and I'm just going to be honest with you because ever since our conversation um the other night what we talk about when we went out to eat and we were talking about just suffering I cannot shake it like I have been it's been on my mind
I feel like it's the only thing that I can talk about it's the only thing that I can um Express because I feel like this is the the literal opponent to the Prosperity Gospel message that's being preached is that this idea of enduring suffering yes and what's produced when we're suffering do you know what I mean and why that's not preached and not taught more of yeah and it's I was talking to um to Preston Morrison about the Pilgrims Progress and um that part where they get stuck in the mud I feel like that's what
American Christianity is setting us up for right now yes is oh come with us like come it's going to the street are going to be paid with gold it's going to be amazing it's going to be beautiful you're going to get a crown and all these things and then like people were like okay yeah I'll start I'll start this Faith walk and then they they get in the mud and it's not what they expected and then this is what turns people away from the faith because they were setting them up for failure failure yeah literally
like and I think that's where we are yeah it's like um one is I think this idea of an easy life is very American mhm because I think when you go outside of America and you go into certain Nations you you realize that that's just not even possible in some places for life to be easy so to even claim or make the claim that life with Jesus should look like this if it cannot apply to a single mother in in Rwanda then it should not be preached like cuz it's it's actually not a general Transcendent
truth it's a very culturally specific truth um but I think I think until we learn or have some type of theological awareness of the beauty and worthwhile nature of suffering we're we just going to have a hard time and by hard I don't even mean like we going to be out here you know worshiping Satan I just mean we're not going to see God we're not going to see him that part because if you got people like Paul over here having the audacity to say like I want to know Christ and the fellowship of his
sufferings so you're telling me I know him in the book I know him through his people and I know him by finding him when life is difficult right so you shortcut your ability to have a more comprehensive knowledge of Jesus when you don't allow him to show you himself when life is hard and um and so I feel like it's just interesting to me that people fall away for the just smallest things literally light stuff oh God don't want me to stop sleeping with my boyfriend forget him you know what I'm saying like light stuff
but like I told you the other day you got Christians who were enslaved yep didn't even have the whole Bible yep but they were more enduring than we're able to be W with with all the re we have more resources we got commentaries we got Bible uh what's these called study Bibles we got cross references we we got a lot at our disposal and that's part of the problem we're used to too much so we're spoiled yeah I feel like um when we were talking about the suffering and what it's like to endure the suffering
um not only do we know Christ more but I feel like I wouldn't not have like I don't know if my relationship would be real with him do you know what I mean like I feel like I have a real relationship with him because at My Darkest Hour compare it to like a friendship right the friends that you are like I know you are my friend because when I was down bad yeah you were right there with me yeah I I think you didn't run I feel like that'd be God's whole point is he's trying
to get experience of him um into the deepest recesses of our heart because when I think about my life with the Lord in the earlier days of my walk I was suffering I mean it was it was hard to stop smoking weed that was a form of suffering okay I need peace I'm not used to finding you in you know so that was difficult I think in recent years the suffering has intensified but it's also because the small sufferings along the way has increased my capacity to endure and through each trial I get to see
that he's faithful the next generation of influential black voices can be found on NPR's new collection black stories black truth black stories black truth is a celebration of Blackness from NPR each of NPR's black voices are as distinct varied and nuanced as the black experience itself in the black stories black truth collections you'll hear stories of joy resilience empowerment and creating World shifting things out of struggle each and every episode is a living account about what it means to be black today told from unique black perspectives from Bobby Schmurda to the wire Michelle Obama to
reparations there's no limit to the range of black stories black truth black perspectives haven't always been centered in telling the American story now they are the story in NPR's black stories black truth you'll find a colle ction of some of NPR's best podcast episodes celebrating the black experience he a feed of episodes from across NPR's podcast that Center black voices it's NPR newr turn on NPR today and hear a range of voices as very nuanced and black as the country we reflect stories should never be about us without us listen now to Black stories black
truth from NPR wherever you get Podcast all right guys back to the episode it's deep because in I think it's Psalm cuz I read this morning Psalm 37 David or whoever wrote it I don't know one of them they said I was young ridiculous cuz it could have been ASAP I don't know for sure I was young now I'm old and I have never seen the righteous forsaken and I'm starting to get that now because it's like when you when you keep seeing him come through my God then you start to really believe that he's
going to come through and so it gives you a hope hope that even when it gets hard again he's going to come through like he and by come through let's be clear it doesn't mean that Deliverance will come in the form that you expected it to that part right so when I say come through I don't necessarily even mean like that he'll heal your mother from cancer he may not right but if she sees Jesus on the other side he still came through okay right because like now she over here she got something like better
than what you got so yeah and that I talked about that earlier um but Romans 8 where it talks about the present suffering doesn't compare to the glory that will be revealed like and when I was reading the commentary in the Tony Evans Bible it's like he said that once we get on the other side yeah we're going to be like what suffering for sure we better okay cuz life is it's life it's life yeah and I think um I think that and I I've talked to you about this before I've received a lot of
criticism for don't don't pause like that you about to fight I mean I felt the way go ahead say again I received a lot of criticism um for my boldness and it's the O and for um just I guess doing the standard being Christian I guess um but it feels it feels for a lot of people that it's too much it's too everything ain't that deep it's not that serious where is the joy where are you enjoying like you know and um but I feel like I'm not trying to lean into it to in like
a prideful way or arant way and I'm always praying cuz I naturally have that energy to be like okay Bet like I'm now I'm going to be even more because it irritates you so I'm going to be even more and and so I have to always pray over my heart and pray that the Lord remove pride and arrogance in me because I don't want to be I don't want to approach it that way but it definitely makes me want to lean into the boldness of living for him fully because I want to be an example
that you don't have to compromise that you there is actually a standard that the Lord is requiring yeah so you want me to say what I said on Instagram that's what you setting this up for Yes because I thought that that was really necessary good that was a good P was a good P okay um I just appreciated that real let me just say that and let's be clear uh oh I think what I said is is true is that the the standard of this nation as as as it regards to the Christian faith and
discipleship is very low and so hypocrisy is normative um being lukewarm is the standard it's natural you know I mean you how many of us know a lot of real Christians think about it you know what I'm saying like narrow is the way to life narrow few will find it broad like so that broad includes people who will say Lord did I I prophesied I I casted out demons like yeah you walked in in gifts but your character you didn't actually know him God so you had a form of godliness but you denied its power
and I think because we have so many public personalities and private examples of people who walk in a form of godliness we're literally comparing what the Christian faith should look like we're com like we're drawing it from people who aren't actually Christians you get what I'm saying let me say that again so we're around all of these people who aren't actually Christian and if they are the Baseline for what we think Christianity should be then even our articulation of what Christianity should be is rooted in a lie so for them to say you're doing the
most means they don't actually know what Christianity is does this make sense I hope so and so it's like if we just open the book Bible then I I feel like it's really hard to read this and come to the conclusion that we shouldn't be doing the most now I do think we should be clear that we're not advocating for self-righteousness and legalism okay so I think some people are trying to bend themselves away from the legal legalism and self-righteousness they might have seen growing up and so any type of expressions of faith that kind
of mirrors that is scary so I think that's fair but we're not talking about legalism we're talking about love yeah when you love God you talk about him you advocate for him you care about him you obey him that's what that that's what you know say yeah and and I feel like just in our natural in our natural flesh like in as a person when we love something yeah we talk about it yeah out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks like anytime that I when when I was married right my ex his
favorite football team was Notre Dame or his you know or his favorite basketball team was the tar Hills I could care less before I met him could care less about those teams but because I was in love with him those became my teams and I liked what he liked and I wanted to do what he wanted to do and everything that I did I was thinking about him and how it would affect like you know what I mean that's what happens when you're in love and I feel it it Grieves me that when it comes
to our relationship with the Lord we don't match that we don't have that energy it's almost like the this thing where we have to keep our relationship a secret yeah which says something about the relationship because I I really think a lot of people just don't know him yeah and I think they haven't they haven't seen him nor have they really experienc them and by experience I don't mean having emotional experiences at church by experience I don't mean uh coming in contact with somebody who prophesied that you was born in so- and so Hospital in
1988 that's not Experiencing God God a person a being right like to experience him I think does something to your sense of reality it changes where it's like oh you're you're the preeminent one you're good you're worthy you're valuable where it isn't even just obedience for obedience sake it's obedience out of a out of appreciation and like thank you for giving me life health everything like you gave me you he died megga BR he he died on the cross yeah listen when she starts pointing and sitting up I I just God mhm died yeah for
your raggedy self Jesus died for my raggedy self raggedy and then gave me the Holy Ghost and then I just it's just it's it's bef to me and and this is the thing this is why we need Easter preached every Su every Sunday every every Sunday oh God because I I think the thing the thing that I also like you said it's not coming the this boldness that I have it really isn't coming from a self-righteous place it really isn't I know yeah what saved me from yeah I don't think people understand I like you
know what I'm saying like I don't think people understand I was obsessed with death like you know what I'm saying thinking about dying all the time thinking about taking my life thinking about not being obsessed plagued with these thoughts the severity of what he saved me from it deserves the severity of my life period and it's not even about trying to be anything it's what you said appreciating this love and what he did on the cross he did that cuz cuz literally he could have left me to my out here with your tuning Forks just
making noise just making s just vibrating my brain yes just sounded like a spa cuz you ever walk in the spot it be sound like oh y'all want my chakras to open immediately turn Shakra opening sounds down and rub my back why do we have to have that music why we can't have Loi like holy Loi you know what I'm saying it's the it's the sage it's the the Rocks I had I did it all yes and he could have turned me over he could have but on this porch to your point it wasn't in
a service and I'm not saying that you can't encounter God in service I hope you do encounter the Lord cuz he should be there thank you for saying that you know what I'm saying like I I I hope you are encountering the Lord at church but I'm saying this encounter and and a lot of times when I talk to people who really have encountered the Lord I'm sorry I just want put on my lips oh Lord I just ruined your clip go ahead didn't ruin my clip it's could have been a clip the the the
common um some for me a lot of the common denominators that I hear in people who really had an encounter with the Lord was in random places they were at home they were at the grocery store they were in this so when I was on this porch thinking that my life was about to be just a mess yes I encountered the love of God and and it wasn't like he was like everything's going to be all right and d d he was like no it's going to require something yeah but I'll be with you yeah
yeah and I think what I've seen is you know how like how do I explain this like I feel like God increases our experience of him and therefore our affection because I think sometimes you just have to pursue him even when you don't feel like it so like I feel like at the early stages of my walk I knew God was real I knew he changed me and saved me but there was still so many mixed emotions about that because I still love so many other things so many things other than him but I kept
trying to just by his grace and discipleship stuff I just kept pushing towards him just fighting to have him and the more I pushed against my own passions and my own desires that capacity grew so I say that because people can be listening to you and say but I don't have I don't feel that and it's like at some point you do it by faith not feeling and I think God in his kindness then will sometimes because you because you trusted him he then FS you with the affection that you didn't have you like I've
seen him I've seen him do that yeah and I think that's why I I try to be very mindful to encourage people to pray yeah specifically to have a heart that wants to love him she has Bible all right cuz I was like that sound like an opinion and it's not no it's not I think I I think like when people say well I don't feel this and I don't feel this and I'm like okay even when you don't that's an invitation for you to pray specifically for what you don't feel because like you said
Faith doesn't come by feelings because that's a sign of maturity I'm going to love him even when I don't feel like I love him they do that on Tik Tok I'm gonna I'm going to pursue him even when I don't feel like pursuing him I'm going to worship him even when I feel like I don't feel like wor because especially even if you've been married there are ESB and flows in the affection Rel because might being at I'm be around him why because I'm in Covenant I've made the decision that for better or worse I'm
going to choose choice to love you and I think I think we have to see that our life with God cannot be governed primarily by our affections but our faith Ephesians Paul prays I think it's three the these big words are three growing me here's one of the prayers uh Paul prayers this Ephesians 1 verse 18 he says I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened so that you may know what is the hope of his calling what is the wealth of his glorious inheritance in the Saint what is the immeasurable greatness
of his power to towards those who believe so it's like he's praying for an awareness of who God is ain't none of this emotional mhm ain't none of this wrapped in affection you know what I'm saying and so sometimes it's like pray the prayers that Paul prayed in Ephesians for yourself I pray that the eyes of my heart will be enlightened so that I might know what is the hope of his calling what is the wealth of his glorious andher and Saints and then in Ephesians 3 I'm I'm turning like I still know where it's
at but I don't I'm just trusting that the Lord is going to he's just going to take me there yes he did look at him I pray that he may Grant you according to the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power in your inner being now we're dealing with internal right in your inner being um through his spirit that Christ May dwell in your hearts through faith I pray that you being rooted and firmly established in love may be able to comprehend okay that's mental with all the saints whether the length and width
and height and depth of God's love and to know Christ love that surpasses knowledge okay so I'm praying that you would know A love that isn't intellectual so where is it it's an experience and so I think we just said all that to say pray that you would know him and experience him but even when there is not a present affection for him don't stop seeking yes we're not seeking him just for the experience we're seeking him so we can know him yeah and I think that was one thing that yes it does and I
and um that was one thing that when we first met we didn't even tell these people how we met they have no idea why I'm here I know how we did this before Megan Ashley this is the remix how did I get on Megan Ashley's couch uh why do why why am I here okay so before we get into that before we get into that I want the the thing that when we first met yes you told me cuz I was I was going through right yeah and and one thing that you said that really
encouraged me you were like cuz I'm like man like I I'm struggling I feel like I felt like the Lord was kind of just beating me just beating me up and I'm like I Surrender bro like d right like why you keep like swinging on me and you were like the the encouragement that you gave me was that I kept engaging you were like but you keep engaging you keep seeking him you keep reading his word even when you don't feel like it even when you're not when the circumstances aren't changing like you're still engaging
with the Lord and that's one thing that I feel like I just want to encourage other people to do is that even though you may not feel it come on even though it the the outer things may not feel like they're changing you know you still are struggling in this area you're still maybe even having affections toward things that you know the Lord doesn't want you to have affections for even though those things are still those are still the facts right we still have to be reminded of the truth of God's word right and still
engaging with him even though we don't feel and I think that that is so contrary to what we're being taught in today's culture and Society is everything everything is governed by our feelings you know what it is too we have been inculcated I just felt like saying that word def what is that we have been discipled lived in cultivated inated yeah right I might not even used it correctly but it felt right in my spirit we've we are impatient mhm we are lazy mhm and we give up too easy on everything yep we give up
on friendships we give on we don't even want to have difficult conversations ever like we don't it's like ah I'mma Cut Her Off oh that that was that that's you call it a boundary I call it impatience you don't feel like doing the work that is required to keep a relationship going right and so we can't think that that type of thing doesn't show up even in our life with God yep is that we just keep giving up ah I read the Bible I ain't get nothing out of it I prayed and he didn't answer
why do you think the psalmist are always saying wait yeah because we have to grow in our ability to be patient here's the encouragement which is a fruit of the spirit Galatians 5 how did you know I was there how did you know I don't know that was right there but the fruit of the spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gent and so that that's to say that in your flesh you can't endure you won't endure and so that's even more motivation to keep leaning into to God's word and to be filled
with his Spirit you know because I think some of us some of your listeners some of your Watchers have probably grown up in church and been around church but are are not in relationship with Christ yeah and so you're trying to do spiritual things by the Flesh and that's why it's not working my God so some of it is maybe maybe the starting point isn't just practicing the spiritual disciplines and expecting something to happen maybe the starting point is examining if I'm even in the faith and repenting turning to the Lord so I can be
filled with the Holy Spirit for real and then experience power because some of it my I kind of feel this some of it might be you just don't have power my God so you are getting tired easier you are weary because you're doing works it's like the Old Testament you're living according to the law because you haven't been set free yet my God so you know we need the Holy Spirit okay so I want to get because there's something that you said that I want to talk about but I want to go back because I
being so gentle I I really hope you noticed it PR I'm very proud of you you haven't affirmed me in like 30 minutes you are being so gentle thank you I was just waiting but you know I I like R Rowdy energy you know me I like I like the Jackie that's I know it's coming heavy when we get to second Timothy 4 itching gears it's going to come out so before we get into more things how did Jackie and Megan get here [Music]
