i'm dr orion taraban and this is psych hacks better living through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is the position of the adorer so this is a continuation of my previous episode on the balance of attraction remember no two people can like each other exactly the same amount so in any relationship one person likes the other more and one person likes the other less in this episode i'll be talking about the person who likes the other more i.e the person who occupies the position of the adorer now there are pros and cons to
this position basically if you're more romantically inclined or you prefer to live in your emotions then this is the position for you think about the lovey-dovey stereotype of infatuated couples where each one is arguing with the other i love you more no no i love you more no no silly pants i love you more etc neither partner wants to be the adored because occupying that position would prevent them from being the adorer now this stereotype is comic hyperbole but some vestiges of it remain in even more mature relationships make no mistake such individuals want to
be the adorer and why might that be because adorers get to be with the one they love and they get to experience all of the emotional consequences associated with that opportunity they look forward to seeing the adored with positive anticipation they feel elated when things are going well and devastated when things are going poorly they may feel worried or insecure or confident and reassured adorers whether they're conscious in it or not enter into relationships to feel both the dizzying highs and the terrifying lows to be sure they may complain about the lows however for many
people relationships that stimulate negative emotions are preferable to relations that elicit no emotion at all this isn't an unpleasant truth but a truth nonetheless and the frequency and intensity of the emotional experience is always greater when they occupy the position of the adorer and the intensity of that experience is directly related to the size of the gap in the balance of attraction bigger gaps like between a movie star and a devoted fan bigger emotions for the adorer smaller gaps like between two peers smaller emotions for the adorer but always more emotions for the adorer than
the adored and this can be either a pro or a con like i mentioned previously the two positions are actually value neutral it really depends on your preference for emotional experience the feeling of loving the feeling of being in love indeed those who prefer to live in their emotions can become bored or uncomfortable if they're placed in the position of the adored for an extended period of time or to a significant degree they may even create unnecessary conflict in an attempt to redistribute the balance of attraction to preferred levels what do you think drop a
comment below and if you'd like to schedule a consultation you can reach me at psychxpodcast gmail.com thanks for listening
