hello everyone we're here in barley I'm hosting the trip for my audience the TR trip can't believe it's been in the works for like a year already anyways today we're going to be talking about how to do Shadow work why you need it it's so important and I don't think there are a lot of good guides on it and people make it seem very very complicated but it's actually incredibly simple so basically what is Shadow work it is trying to figure out the repressed parts of yourself the shadow side of yourself and through understanding that
we get to know ourselves on a deeper level and also we're able to accept ourselves so if you've watched a lot of my videos on my main Channel and even this second Channel you would Norm a psychology graduate and I always say if you want to understand other people more you need to understand yourself more because the only way to be able to understand why other people do certain things is through your own experience and through understanding yourself and Shadow work is one aspect of that but say hypothetically you just go and you watch these
psychology videos and you don't apply anything to yourself it is actually very hard for you to then understand others now this video is not about others it is about you but that's just one of the benefits of Shadow work okay and in life it is very important that we are able to understand other people it will get you further in your career it will get you more friends it will make you a more well-rounded and empathetic individual and many many other things I want to start with a quote by K Yung if you don't know
who he is he is a psychologist or psychotherapist rather and he came up with this personality theory believe that the human psyche consists of three parts so we have the ego the personal unconscious and the collective unconscious I'm going to give you a really quick lesson on this I'm just opening my my notes up guys it's so funny I'm on the trip right now and this girl said to me um s when I like started psychology I kind of realized I learned all of this from your videos already and I'm like here I am telling
my whole degree yeah so the personal unconscious involves all experiences and factors relating to the individual and the collective unconscious refers the deeply rooted archaic and instinctual responses based on human genetics yeah so the collective is basically like your intuition your fight or fly the deeply rooted unconscious Primal instincts in us then the ego is the concept that we are constantly trying to balance the personal unconscious and the collective unconscious and that's our ego so the quote is until you can make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate
which basically means you have no control over yourself you think you have this illusion of control but if you don't even know yourself you're not even directing your life Shadow work disclaimer is very very confronting and we need to hold a lot of Grace for ourselves I still do Shadow work to this day it blurs my mind how much more and more and more things just come come out over time the more you get to know yourself there is a point where I think people can go true deep and then they just end up depressed
because they don't know what to do with this heavy Shadow Self and they feel like oh my God I'm I'm such a burden I'm so broken inside like what do I do about this it is really really challenging but you know without pain we don't get any any gain I've talked about this in other videos especially my depression videos this year but the people who try to avoid uncomfortable feelings thoughts memories they try to avoid getting to know those deeper parts of themselves they are so empty and it's always those people who have so much
to say about the way others live their life the way others behave because to them they are perfect but guess what sorry nobody is perfect we are all deeply flawed human beings ancestral DNA trauma we have Trauma from our parents which is literally unavoidable because hey it's it's your parents first time on Earth too imagine how hard it is raising a child how can we be truly authentic if we don't know these parts of ourselves and if we don't love and accept them getting to know my darker side it had put me honestly through a
lot of depression anxiety I'm like why am I so broken why do I have all this pain like I just want this pain to be taken from me over time I have learned to accept that work through that integrate it and has made me a better individual sorry guys I'm digressing that is um very lengthy introduction for you but okay so where does the Shadow Self come from okay our Shadow Self is our wounded self and this can actually link to attachment Theory later on which I'll make another video on but everything we get hurt
by and we don't shake off or process it then gets integrated into our Shadow Self and then drives how we act in life now guys if you need a little bit of help with this I do therapy I'm currently seeing a trauma therapist for my cptsd if you guys need a therapist go check out my sponsor today better help thank you better help for being my number one sponsor my number one long-term partner I love you guys better helper's biggest online Therapy Network they have over 30,000 licensed therapists in the network ready to help you
with whatever you want whenever you need all you need to do is fill out a questionnaire and usually within 48 hours better help will have paired you with therapist for you now if you don't like your therapist you can actually go and switch your therapist afterwards you just need to scroll through and they'll give you a whole list and you can read their bio maybe one is more spiritual lgbtq friendly whatever you will find the great therapist and it's free of charge to change they also have group therapy sessions which I love to on specific
topics so once you be match to your therapist you can then schedule a video call a call or you can even message them anytime within the app which is a feature I absolutely love sometimes you're going through it and you can't wait till your appointment and you need to talk to them right now so guys go use my link right here to get 10% off your first month of therapy with better help what are the ways to Shadow your self manifest jealousy addiction depression promiscuity anxiety codependency creating or being a lot of drama in your
life self-sabotage power struggles lies procrastination resentment passive aggressiveness bitterness comparison anger aggression rage violent behaviors abuse substance abuse abuse of others abuse of self victimization heavy on that guilt and shame reactive discontentment and if you don't get control of it it will continue to control your life the shadow is prone to psychological projection in which a perceived personal inferiority is recognized as a perceived moral deficiency in someone else I'm reading my notes but essentially this means whatever you find annoying in yourself you're actually going to project that onto someone else and find annoying in them
and that is the first step to get to know your Shadow more think about this have you ever met someone and you're just so like irritated by them and you don't know why sometimes you're just like why don't I like this person why are they irritating they remind you of yourself there is something in them that reminds you of yourself I'll give you an example I've recently talked in my story about how love and to want love as a woman is is almost frowned upon nowadays because sorry it's so loud because suddenly women we have
autonomy we have a sense of power and freedom and rights which we didn't have before and we're in this era of like you know man we don't need man we're a strong independent women who can do things ourselves so if you're a woman and you say you know what I want a man or I want love people will frown upon you for that that girl is so obsessed with love She's So boy crazy of course we don't want to be like that and yeah we want to on ourselves blah blah blah but it is not
a crime to want love love is what drives the world Listen to every song in the world okay 98% of songs they are about love because we want love we're humans We crave it we want love there is nothing wrong with that okay but I noticed in my friends and even sometimes if I'm with a girl and she's so like crazy about boys I am shunning her in my head I'm like why are you like this and you know why it's because I have been like this I totally relate and that part of myself I
don't accept maybe you feel similarly I know like yeah there's one of my friends and she absolutely cannot hear about another girl talk about boys cuz she's like ew like why like you're a strong independent woman just like deal with it like just leave men alone and it's because she is the most boy crazy girl I know she can't accept that part of herself and there's nothing wrong with that but what whatever we don't accept in ourselves we're simply going to project that on others and that's why people have so much to say about how
other people live their life and so little to say about their own okay because we are just we're perfect we're not other areas you can notice your Shadow Self come out is in in triggering situations okay if you're in a situation and you just notice yourself getting riled up or you feel jealousy reactive whatever why do you feel that way an example when I was 19 I remember I was with my ex-boyfriend and a couple of his friends and I remember just feeling like so sad that I left the interaction and this was actually the
first time I ever noticed my shadow self and did Shadow work I felt sad because that guy reminded me because my boyfriend who meant to be the closest person to me was making me feel alone in a group setting and in my past I have always felt that way I always felt like an outsider so my shadow self was like really riled up that day like oh why do I feel this way why is the person who meant to love me the most and I love him the most making me feel this way and then
I was like wow this what trauma I have is still here and I need to work through this that was the first time when I was 19 I listen to The Shadow Self since then I don't really feel that way as much because once you can acknowledge that part you will notice it coming out in other situations what do you lack self-confidence in and like why do you lack self-confidence maybe your parents they were very critical of you they always made you feel like you needed to be perfect you needed to do so much so
if you failed at school or you fail at something in life you feel like you are not worthy of something good that's an example that is your Shadow Self Your Shadow Self is say you I don't feel worthy right now because you're conditioning yourself oh I got to be perfect because my parents said I had to be perfect so now I don't deserve that blah blah blah it manifests in a number of ways weak boundaries as well I had very very weak boundaries majority of my life even into my early 20s bro why do I
talk like I'm 30 I'm literally 24 early 20s being like 21 even yeah 21 like I had no boundaries and my therapist was like yo you need to go some boundaries because there was that people pleasing mentality in me look I came from YouTube doing YouTube at an early age you got to make everyone happy came from wanting to make my parents happy all the time wanting to always be perfect at school perfect at everything through that yeah I had no boundaries people wanted me for anything hey I'm here even though it's making me depressed
I'm here for you your Shadow Self is like okay you feel Unworthy of love you feel Unworthy of um even friendship go and do excessive things for others and have no boundaries for ourselves guys I'm being so vulnerable telling you about my past right now this is a big one and I want to make a whole video on this but self-love a lot of people think they have self- Lov but they absolutely don't and one way that manifests is actually through not doing what's good for you self- sabotage you know what you're meant to do
but you just can't do it for whatever reason and it's because you feel Unworthy of it you feel Unworthy of receiving that good so you hold yourself at this level where you don't really need to improve and then you feel bad because you're not improving and it's such a cycle another example maybe you judge a woman's masculine appearance or you judge her masculine Behavior it's because you don't accept your own masculine Shadow within yourself or perhaps you wish you were a little bit more like her they are a part of you whether or not you
like it and now I notice when someone's triggering me I actually just try to send them love instead of listening to my ego project and be like I don't like this or I don't like I don't like you cuz I'm saying I don't like myself then I kind of try to accept it and neutrality over the situation also we can look at what triggers us out of proportion like maybe you have a trigger and you know that hey this is like kind of unreasonable why why that's all guys all you need to do in this
process why just ask yourself why okay a write the situation out okay what happened oh my boyfriend let me walk behind him today and it made me feel alone and now I hate him why because everyone in my life makes me feel alone and I thought I found someone who didn't make me feel alone and he did okay why you go another layer deeper in my childhood this happened now we can go to specific situations who did this to me and then you can come up with a healing plan for yourself okay in that moment
you need to learn to self-regulate we cannot shun out Shadow Self sometimes we're like oh my God why am I like this right like oh why am my boy crazy why do I want love so much why why do I want that person to be my friend why do I want that why do I want even male validation this is a big one for women whether we like it or not it so deeply ingrained in us that we want Mal Mangal validation and I think so many of us we just shun that and we should
right but it's there it's hard to not want that when we being raised in a society which just primes us for the male gays other situations your par parents didn't value what you had to say so you just don't speak up anymore you think people don't want to hear what you have to say you think you're unimportant the reason why you might have big dreams and a lot of people don't believe believe in you it's not like they don't believe in you they don't believe in themselves and in you they probably see a version of
them that's actually going out and doing things and they wish that they were doing that but they can't do it in my opinion Your Shadow Self comes out the most when you're in love or you're in a relationship because because that is when you are vulnerable at your most vulnerable and intimate and you need to really overcome yourself in order to like give love receive love and show yourself toose someone else just ask yourself why okay also watch that video okay I made like a step by step one on that ask yourself why why do
you want love ask yourself why why does this thing bother me why do I hate that person why why why why why thank you for watching guys I hope to see you very very soon and I love you we're all this together
