[Upbeat Music] Hey, Psych2Goers! What was your childhood like? The way you were raised can have a very big impact on who you are now.
Your relationship with your parents and the environment you were in can shape your personality, interests, and ideals much more than what most people may realize. Harmful behaviors and phrases used by your parents when you were growing up can impact your mental wellbeing and affect how you view your other relationships when you’re older. It may even strain your relationship with them down the line.
So whether you’re already a caregiver looking for phrases to avoid or a child seeking information, here are 8 hurtful things parents tell children. Before we get started, this is a disclaimer that this video isn’t meant to diagnose, treat, or cure anyone. It is for informative purposes only, so if you or someone you know may be struggling, we urge you to seek professional help from a therapist or another trusted professional.
Number One: You’re so dramatic, grow up Have you ever been told you’re too dramatic? As a child, you may have been upset about something that wasn’t objectively a big deal. However, while the problem might not have been that bad rationally speaking, the emotions you felt were still important.
When parents dismiss how their child is feeling, it can make them feel as if their emotions aren’t valid and that they don’t deserve to be expressed. Telling them to grow up can also cause them to perceive adults as unfeeling, which may cause future problems with communication and being vulnerable. The bottom line is that all emotions are important, valid, and deserve to be expressed in a healthy way.
Number Two: Why are you like this Have you ever been asked this? How did you respond? Questions like why are you like this or what’s wrong with you tend to be used rhetorically when someone is frustrated.
However, they can have many psychological impacts, especially for children. A child could start believing they’re inadequate, broken, or that there’s something wrong with them. Children are extremely impressionable, so a parent saying this out of spite can affect them for years.
Parents should try to avoid this phrase no matter how frustrated they get. Phrases like, “Talk to me about what’s wrong, “or, “I’m listening. Let’s talk this out,” are much better alternatives that promote healthy communication and understanding.
Number Three: You belong to me and no one else Are your parents protective? Many caretakers feel the natural instinct to protect their children; however, being too possessive may end up harming their emotional growth. When parents don’t let their children explore the world and experience new things, they can become over-reliant on the guidance that won’t always be there.
Telling them this can also suggest the idea that love is about control and ownership. In reality, people aren’t objects, and they deserve to grow and mature at their own pace. Number Four: As long as I’m feeding and clothing you, you’ll follow my rules Have your parents ever guilt-tripped you by using this phrase?
While many parents use it to motivate children to do simple chores like cooking and cleaning, it can have some unintended consequences. For example, it could make a kid feel like a burden or that they always have to live the way their parents want them to, which may lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. Moreover, they may feel as if they’re in debt to their parents and make important decisions based upon family expectations, and not upon their own wants and needs.
While children should acknowledge everything their parents do for them, it’s also important to realize that parental love and support isn’t something to hold over their heads. Number Five: You’re too thin or overweight Do your parents make small comments about your weight whenever you eat? While it may not sound like a big deal, it perpetuates body-shaming ideas and our society’s fixation on fitting and following a certain beauty standard.
Always mentioning someone’s weight may also promote an unhealthy relationship with food as they may feel they’re eating too much or that eating is a chore. While it’s important to ensure your child is eating healthy, making comments about their weight or body shape may only drag them down. Instead, you may want to focus on promoting a balanced diet with everything in moderation.
Number Six: I wish you were more like… Do your parents compare you with siblings, cousins, and seemingly anyone even semi-close to your age? When parents constantly wish their children were different, it can become detrimental to their children’s self-esteem and cause them to constantly overexert themselves. Their children may always feel as if they have to compete with everyone, which may lead to burnout, exhaustion, and jealousy.
Number Seven: That’s the way I was raised, and I turned out fine Have you ever objected to a decision your parents made, only to be shut down by this response? Many caretakers both subconsciously and consciously mimic the way they were raised. But this can become a problem when they’re unwilling to listen to their children’s problems and ideas.
This close-minded mentality closes communication lines and makes children feel as if their emotions and ideas aren’t important. Instead, caretakers may want to try to recognize that parenting isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. It’s ever-changing, so what may have worked for them may not apply to everyone.
Number Eight: You were an accident While it’s true some parents have unplanned children, telling a child this can leave them with long-term emotional scars. This is especially the case if they are at a young age. A child could feel unwanted or like a burden, which could affect them throughout their entire life.
Adding, “I love you anyway,” tends to not help either. Kids want to be loved unconditionally, so if you’re a parent wanting to tell your child about their conception, you may want to try to wait until they’re older or to phrase it differently. Have you heard any of these phrases before?
If so, which ones? How did it affect you? Let us know in the comments below.
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